THE TRUTH OF US
by Tribeca
Summary: The truths about themselves and their lives can either bring them together or tear them apart.
1. Chapter 1

**THE TRUTH OF US**

"Reality leaves a lot to the imagination." John Lennon

This is my Shenny reality. Be gentle.

***I own no part of The Big Bang Theory or characters from the series***

CHAPTER ONE

He watched her from across the room, looking away only when her own eyes hinted towards his. The years past flooded his mind, his heart, his very soul. The time they had wasted, he had wasted, washed over him as if to remind him that yet again he stood at a crossroad of his life. His wealth, his knowledge, his position, none of that mattered. None of those things that he so valued could make up for lost time. None of those things could turn back the hands of time, purchase him, or her, their lost youth. He felt the familiar ache in his chest that never left him. It was a part of him, just as she had always been, always would be, a part of him.

He wondered if it would be best to just leave. He could slip through the doors, out into the cold Manhattan night air and be back to his newly rented apartment before she could cross the room and get to him. If, he reminded himself, she would even care to get to him. She had seen him, make no mistake. She had been laughing with a fellow cast member when her head had jerked up, almost like an involuntary gravitational pull, leading her eyes straight to his. He observed her take her bottom lip between her teeth and inhale deeply. She had turned slowly back to the person she was speaking with, trying to reabsorb herself into the conversation, back into the life she had made for herself, away from him. He had forced his eyes down, to look at the plate of food on the table in front of him, to study his now perspiring hands, to exam the glossy shine of the shoes he wore.

She had felt his presence during the show before she even stepped on stage. She wondered if he would sit out in the dark of the audience and then quickly, and quietly, leave before the curtain dropped for the final time. He had done it before, several times over the past two years that she had been working in New York. The first time she had sent him a text, just to confirm that he was indeed there.

His simple reply: "Yes."

Her response: "Can I see you?"

Him: "No, I can't stay. You looked beautiful tonight."

Her: "Sheldon, please."

Him: "I'm sorry. Goodnight, Penny."

She was unable to focus now. At least not on the things she needed to focus on; her friends, her cast mates, her employers, not even the waiter that stood ready to take her dinner order. She had never been able to process the fact that she could actually feel him…_feel him_…when he was near her. She, no they, needed no words, no touch, no sight. The energy that passed through the air when they were in close proximity to one another was something neither of them could deny. And all of his fancy smancy science and physics, and laws and theories, and hypotheses could never, would never, be able to solve it. It was real, it was fact, and like it or not, there wasn't a damn thing Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper had ever been able to do about it. Except try to escape it.

But now, here at Sardi's surrounded by so many people that made up her new life, her life away from California and all the craziness she had left behind, he wasn't sneaking away from her. He was instead sitting at a small table in a dimly lit corner of the restaurant. She knew he would never approach her, not with all of these strangers surrounding her. And a part of her wondered if she made the walk across the room to him if he would welcome her or bolt from his chair before she could reach him, leaving her looking and feeling like a fool. She almost laughed at the thought that just moments before, she had been bombarded by fans at the stage door wanting pictures and autographs on their Playbills. Yet here she was (_again_, she reminded herself), heart pounding in her chest, trying to decide if she could approach this solitary man, sitting stoically in the corner, his face softly lit by the dripping candle that rested lazily in the center of the table.

Sheldon knew she would come to him…she always did…Penny knew she would go to him…she always would. He placed his drink on the table and stood as she approached. She leaned in to hug him, letting her lips softly brush his cheek. His arms gently enclosed her midsection, his hands splayed across her back awkwardly as he pulled her into his body.

"Hey," he whispered in her ear.

She smiled at him, "Hey stranger," her words as soft as her kiss had been. She secretly wished she could be mad at him, but hell, she had tired and could never muster an ounce of anger towards him. He released her, reluctantly, and pulled the other chair out and motioned for her to sit.

"You were great tonight, Penny."

"I knew you were here. I felt you."

He rolled his eyes but smiled. He knew she would feel him there. It was their thing…something he shared with no one else in the world, nor she.

She feigned anger towards him and tried to sound sarcastic, or at least snarky.

"So how is it I have the honor of the company of Dr. Sheldon Cooper? Did the Head Honcho or the President of the United States or God Himself give you time off to lower yourself to the masses, to little old me?"

"Penny…"

Her voice grew serious, "Sheldon, I can't do this. I'm happy. I'm trying to move on. It's what you wanted. It's what we agreed on."

"I never agreed that I would not see you…want you…need you…love you."

She laughed bitterly, the truth of them, of their relationship, rushing over her like ice water. Her body shivered, her heart thumped.

"Don't, just don't. We could have had it all. We could have had it all Sheldon, and you, you chose your precious science over me. Over us."

Her eyes were stinging with tears and she glanced over her shoulder to make sure no one from her group was watching them.

"I won't argue with you."

"So what are you doing in New York?" she asked, trying to calm herself, trying desperately not to punch him or kiss him or tackle him to the floor and knee him in the groin or mount him or, or, or…_she just tried to control herself_.

"I live here now," he said as if he had just informed her that the sky was blue.

**Three Years Earlier**

The knock at her door startled her out of a restless sleep. She rubbed her eyes and looked over at the clock on her bedside table. 2:14am. What the hell? And then she heard the old familiar three knocks, followed by her name, pronounced as only he could, times three.

She stumbled to the door, yanking it open, mouth ready to torch him and his blatant audacity. He spoke before she could fire at him.

"Are you going to marry him?"

"What the hell? What are you…"

He pushed past her, grabbing her wrist as he entered the apartment, using his foot to back kick the door shut. It slammed so hard that Penny was sure it had woken the entire building.

He yanked her to the front of his pajama clad body, and then released her arm.

"Are. You. Going. To. Marry. HIM?"

He ran his hand through his already tousled hair, causing it, she giggled to herself, to make him look wackier than his usual whack-a doodle self. Well, she would have giggled to herself if she were not so annoyed by his bluntness at such an early, or was it late, hour of the night…or was it morning?

She could feel the warmth of his breath, and the heat from his body and this caused her to take a few steps backwards, which he met with one long glide of his lanky legs, making up the distance she had tried to put between them. She realized she had never seen him like this, so intense, so focused on something non-sciencey.

"Sheldon…"

"Answer me."

"I'm not going to discuss…"

"Yes you are. We are. Now."

She backed away again, this time backing into her bedroom, almost tripping over the comforter that had landed in the floor beside her bed when she was jerked out of her slumber by this man who was now standing over her demanding an answer. For every few steps she took, he took one long one, denying her the chance to escape his presence, his glare.

"Are you going to say yes to him? Are you going to agree to marry him?"

"No. I can't," she looked down, stepped back, feeling the back of her knees butting up against the side of her bed.

His step met hers. His hand cupped her chin, forcing her now damp eyes to meet his icy, intense blue ones.

"And why not?"

"Sheldon, that's none of your business," she stammered.

"Do you love him?"

She didn't answer. She tried to move away but there was no escaping him.

"Do you love him?"

He waited as the clock silently passed another minute.

"Penny, do you love him?"

"No." She said it so softly it was barely audible. But he had heard it.

"Why not," he pressed on.

"Sheldon," she was almost hissing at him now, "get out of here and leave me alone. I am not discussing this with you. Leave."

"No. Why don't you love him?"

"Because," she forced out, as she let her body stop fighting him and chose instead to meet him glare for glare. If he wanted a challenge, if he wanted the damn truth, he was going to damn well get it.

"Because isn't an adequate answer Penny. Tell me. Say it."

"Because," her voice rose an octave, "because of you Sheldon. I can't get past you. I can't make what I feel for you go away. Are you happy now?" She realized her voice was shaky, almost as shaky as her legs were.

"That's what I've been waiting for."

One gentle shove from him and she fell backwards onto her bed, the weight of him coming down on top of her, his mouth meeting hers, searching, exploring her with his tongue.

"Wait," she breathed out, stunned by his reaction. She had long ago acknowledged her feelings for him to herself, but not once had she ever spoken them aloud to anyone. This was a secret she had intended to take to her grave.

"Wait," she repeated, turning her face sideways and gently pushing his mouth away from hers as it trailed down her cheek on its way to her pulsing neck.

He pulled back and looked at her. He smiled as much as he could, but his need, his want, his desire, were controlling everything now. She had told him what he had long suspected, he had confirmed that whatever those crazy feelings he had been fighting for almost five years were real. Because she felt them too. _She felt them too._ And now he wanted her. He wanted all of her.

"I want you. Now."

"Sheldon…wait…you." She didn't know how to say it, how to ask him if he had ever been with anyone, if he knew what to do, if he was sure he really wanted this, wanted her.

"Penny, don't." He kissed her hard.

"But, I…"

"Do you want me?

"I've always wanted you."

His hand crept up her thigh, grazed her sweet spot, passed over her stomach and eased towards her breasts. She shook with desire and lust. She saw the want in his eyes, the need on his face. She felt his manhood pressing firmly into her leg. God she was ready for him, to feel him inside of her. She wanted him to hold her, to kiss her, to fuck her. But she wanted to know that he was ready for her. She had been ready for him for five years.

Sheldon supported his weight with one hand, daring to let his free hand roam her body, the body he had longed for since he had first laid eyes on her. Since his roommate had first laid claim on her. Screw the Bro Code, he thought. She was his and he was here at this moment laying claim to her. Since Leonard had told him just a few hours earlier that he had asked Penny to marry him, a fire had raged throughout his entire being. The only thing he had been able to doodle on his white board was her name, the only thing he could Google was how a fellow could win the woman he longed for. And now he would stake his claim, make his stand, live or die, he would go for it all. And she had just said she wanted him too.

His hand froze on her smooth skin, inches away from its fingers target. He slid it out from under her skimpy top and reached to brush a lock of gold from her face. He sighed and rolled over onto his side, balancing on his elbow. He lowered his head and brought his lips to her cheek, working his way down her neck, taking in the scent that was Penny. His eyes were closed, trying to catalogue every touch, every kiss, and every word. He marveled to himself that of all the facts and theories and laws and formulas that were permanently etched in his brain, none of them were as significant as this moment, these facts, this figure (ha!) that rested below him.

"What do you need to know Penny?" his words muffled by his lips grazing her skin.

"Have you ever…I mean…I'm worried…" she stammered, unable to form the sentence, both because she wasn't sure how to phrase it, but more importantly because of what his hands and lips were doing to her body.

He brought his head up and met her eyes with his.

"I want you. I'm a man, Penny. I need you," his voice deep, his words certain, written in stone, unchangeable. He was not stating an opinion or a thought. Dr. Sheldon Cooper was stating a fact equal to any other fact in all of physics. "I can assure you I am quite capable, I have done this before, and you need not be worried about anything."

"Well," she grinned at him as she rolled over on top of him, pushing him flush with the mattress, "then fuck me hard Dr. Cooper."

A low, primal growl escaped his lips as he reached to yank her top over her head. His long arms made fast work of removing the short shorts she wore, though her hip action gyrating into him forced him to do a quick calculation of exactly when to push and when to pull to properly tug them down. He enveloped her in his arms and lifted her over and to the side, putting himself back on top. He paused only long enough to pull his plaid pajama top open, causing navy blue buttons to fly through the room and tinkle across the floor. She, and he still doesn't know how, managed to take care of his pants. They were somewhere that didn't matter to him.

Penny reached for his cock, pleased to find that its size and beauty matched the rest of him. She had always known it would, but had never thought in a million years she would ever know first hand, instead settling for night time fantasies and masturbation scenes in the privacy of her shower. But on this night, their first night, she would hold it in her hands, taste it in her mouth, and feel it inside the deepest part of her.

After she had gone down on him, he returned the favor. Neither of them allowed themselves to orgasm. It was unspoken that they would share that moment together. He moved his lips and body upwards, leaving a trail of wet licks and hot kisses up her stomach to her lips. He kissed her deeply as his passion rose. He lifted his torso just enough for her to reach between their bodies and guide him into her. He lowered himself slowly, sliding deeper and deeper into her warmth.

"Oh my God," he moaned into her ear as he sucked her earlobe.

She was meeting him stroke for stroke. Slow at first, then increasing with intensity and speed.

"Fuck…oh…Sheldon," she cooed.

He drove deeper and deeper into her. She accommodated every inch of him.

"Penny…damn…," he groaned as he exploded, filling her with his seed.

Her body jerked as her orgasm surged through her. She felt the heat of his release spread, coating her insides.

No words were spoken. He rolled off of her and deep and comforting sleep came quickly for both of them. They re-entered the world at the sound of Leonard's banging on her door. For the second time that morning she lifted her sleepy head to check the time. 7:30am. Shit.

She was wrapped in his arms. She smiled at the sight of him curled naked beside her.

"Hey," she said softly as she turned to kiss him.

He stirred, tried to pull her in closer and popped his eyes open when she resisted.

"Leonard's at the door, Sweetie."

"Tell him to go away."

"Sheldon, it's a work day. He's probably looking for you."

"Oh," he attempted to rub the sleep out of his eyes as he sat up.

"Sheldon, I can't let him find us like this. I need to talk to him, to end it with him. This can't be the way he finds out."

Sheldon grimaced. It occurred to him that he did not give a tinker's damn about Leonard and his feelings. He leaned over and kissed Penny, trying to pull her into his advances, feeling the bulge growing between his legs. He hated that she pushed him away, laughing and instructing him to go to the bathroom and clean up. She would handle Leonard for now. He had eased out of the bed, suddenly very conscious of his nakedness. He'd never been exposed like this before. He thought he actually liked it, but it would take some getting used to. He padded into her bathroom and pushed the door closed.

Penny put on her robe and knotted it around her waist as she made her way to the door. She winced when she felt Sheldon's semen run down her leg. They had fallen asleep in exhaustion hours earlier and she had not bothered to clean herself before sleeping. She grabbed her shirt and used the soft cotton fabric to wipe it away for now. She would take a shower soon. But for now, a part of her liked this kind of gross, but intimate reminder of her time with Sheldon. She stretched and let out a long and loud yawn before pulling the door open. She was surprised that she felt no remorse, not even an ounce of guilt, as she stared into Leonard's eyes.

"Hey Leonard," she said sleepily.

"Hey Penny," he said as he leaned in for a kiss. She pulled back before he could make contact with her lips.

She laughed, covered her mouth with her hand and pointed with her other hand and mumbled, "Ewww…I've got morning breath. Sorry, I need to brush."

She knew then and there that she would never kiss him again.

He stepped back and studied her. He thought something looked off, but he was too concerned about being late to work to worry about it now.

"Have you seen Sheldon? We've got to leave in a few minutes and I haven't seen him all morning. It's kind of weird. I thought he was in his room, but when I knocked to tell him we needed to leave, I realized he wasn't there."

She tossed a look over her shoulder, "He's here. He came over late last night and said he couldn't sleep. I guess he was afraid he'd wake you so he just stayed over here. He's in the bathroom right now. I didn't have an alarm set, so I guess we overslept. You go ahead and I'll drive him in when he gets dressed."

"Why would he come over here? He didn't want to wake me up, but he was okay with waking you up?"

"God, Leonard, I don't know. Who knows why Sheldon does anything that he does?"

Leonard looked down at the floor, shoving the toe of his shoe into the carpet as he spoke, "So what did you guys do? Where did he sleep?"

Before Penny could respond, Sheldon walked into the room. He wore his blue and green pajama bottoms and one of Penny's Hello Kitty bathrobes. Penny could not hold her laughter in at the sight of him.

"Uh, you want to catch me up here Sheldon?" Leonard stammered.

"Good morning Leonard. Catch you up on what? I think Penny gave you a sufficient explanation for my presence here in her apartment this morning."

He turned to Penny, "Thank you for your offer to drive me to work this morning Penny. That will be sufficient. Leonard you may go on ahead without me. I will see you there later."

"Wait a minute. Does one of you want to explain to me why my roommate is wearing my girlfriend's bathrobe?"

Sheldon sighed, "I spilled grape juice on my shirt." He didn't dare mention that he would be collecting the buttons from his shirt from Penny's bedroom floor and sewing them back on later, and _that_, in fact, was why he was wearing her bathrobe.

Leonard looked from Penny to Sheldon. He dug his toe deeper into the carpet and twisted it hard. He checked his watch and saw that if he didn't leave now he would never make it in time.

"I guess we'll talk about this later," he said to Penny. "See you tonight?"

"Sure. Have a good day at work Leonard. Bye." She scooted past Sheldon and headed for the bathroom.

Leonard pushed the door open further and looked at Sheldon, "Are you going back to our apartment now? You are already going to be late."

"Leonard, I am quite capable of getting myself ready, I don't need instructions from you. I'll see you later." And with that, he waved Leonard off, closing the door and remaining in Penny's apartment.

Leonard scratched his head, turned, and stomped down the stairs. He'd have to talk to Sheldon later about the inappropriateness of his actions concerning Penny.

Sheldon yanked the ridiculous pink bathrobe off and tossed it on the bed. He tapped on the bathroom door and called her name. Penny stepped out and slipped her arms around his neck. He stooped down and kissed her softly at first, slowly working his tongue into the deeper recesses of her sweet mouth. He was pleased that she tasted of toothpaste and mouthwash. Penny's fingers worked their way lazily through his short hair and then made their way to his firm, slender chest. She felt him grow hard against her.

"Come on." She led him to the shower and they both stripped and climbed in.

"Have you always been such a horn dog Sheldon?" She giggled as he ran his long, luscious fingers between her upper thighs.

"No," he said softly, "just with you. I thought I was above it all. I guess I was wrong."

He slid his fingers, first one and then two, into her as she worked his cock with her hand.

"Oh Sheldon…that's so good."

"Mmmmm…yes…oh yes."

She released him as he pulled his fingers out. He took her around the waist and turned her towards the wall of the shower, hot water splashing down on them. Her hands positioned to support their weight as he moved in behind her. He inched in closer as she bent lower, bumping him with her ass. He forced her legs further apart as he used his tip to feel for her opening. He grunted deeply as he entered her. They quickly found their rhythm and he rocked her back and forth, trailing kisses down her back with his mouth and reaching around to pleasure her. She came quickly, moaning louder than she meant to. He continued pumping, so close to his own release.

"Come on baby," she purred. "Give it to me. I want it all Sheldon, all of you. Give it to me good."

The sound of her words got him off so hard. He pumped and jerked and came, filling her full of himself.

"Damn."

"I know."

After they had both bathed, he dried off and made his way across the hall to get dressed for work. Penny twisted her hair up into a knot on the top of her head, threw on a pair of jeans and t-shirt and grabbed her keys. He was locking his door as she stepped into the hallway. He waited while she pulled her door to and locked up.

"Hey."

"Hey, you ready?"

He went to her and wrapped his arms around her.

"Thank you," he said shyly.

She smiled up at him, "For what?"

"For this. For giving yourself to me. For understanding. For feeling the same way I do. For not rolling your eyes or laughing at me. For not rejecting me. For never letting me down through all of these years."

She squeezed his arm and pulled him toward the stairs.

"Come on, you are already so late. We can talk later. There is so much to say."

He nodded and followed her to the stairway. Yes, he thought, there was still so much he wanted to say to her. But there would be time for that.

The ride to the university was quiet except for the music from the car radio. He glanced over at her, and finally rested his hand on her knee. She wound her fingers around his at each red light, and begrudgingly removed them when the light turned green, signaling that she needed to grip the steering wheel.

She pulled into the faculty parking lot and eased to a stop near the entrance to the building. As he leaned over to kiss her goodbye, she saw Leonard push through the door, walking towards the car.

"Here comes Leonard," she hissed, causing Sheldon to jerk away, bumping his head on her rearview mirror.

"Ouch," he mumbled, reaching to feel for the pain.

Leonard approached the passenger side. Sheldon cursed before slinging the door open, almost hitting Leonard in the shins with the heavy hunk of metal.

"Watch it Sheldon, you almost hit me."

Sheldon ignored him and stooped down, leaning into the car towards Penny.

"I'll see you tonight."

She noted to herself that he stated it, as if it were a fact. Leonard had said the exact same words to her earlier, only with a question, with absolutely no confidence behind his words. Sheldon said it to her like he meant it. He would see her tonight, no question about it. Damn, that Texas boy got to her.

Sheldon stood, adjusted his messenger bag and walked towards the door. Leonard leaned down and Penny felt her entire body stiffen.

"Hey, I'm sorry about his crazy ass. I know he can be such a pain. I'm going to talk to him later and tell him to stop bothering you."

Penny fought to keep a calm and steady voice.

"He's fine, and he doesn't bother me. No need to apologize. I gotta go, see you later Leonard."

She gunned the gas and he had no option but to stand and slam the door shut and watch as she roared out of the parking lot. She looked back at him. Feelings of sadness, dread and maybe even a little guilt began to spread through her mind. She didn't want to hurt him, she did care for him, but they were over…O.V.E.R….over.

She reached up and grabbed the rearview mirror and tilted it down to examine her face.

"Man, I am so fucked."

And then she giggled at the irony of her own words.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Lots of discussions here just to set the stage for coming chapters.

Mahalo.

CHAPTER TWO

Leonard stood before her, the words she had just spoken echoed in his head and pounded in his heart. His mind whirled with rebuttals, thoughts of ways he could convince her to stay with him. He opened his mouth to speak but no words would come. He instead stared at her, waiting for some part of his brain to take over, to work, to save him, to save them.

Penny felt blood surging to her face, sure that her cheeks were a bright, hot red. She wondered how much longer he would be there. She was done, they were finished. She knew that Sheldon would be coming around soon and they needed time to talk, to sort out what had gone on between them. She hadn't seen him or spoken with him since she had dropped him off at his work earlier that morning. There was so much to say to him, and yet so little left to say to Leonard.

"Penny, I'm so sorry I proposed to you while we were having sex. I just got caught up in the moment. It's what you do to me. Besides, we had already discussed this. I thought we were past it."

She took in, and then blew out, a long deep breath, "Leonard, we _are_ past it. And I realized that instead of me being upset or mad that you ask me to marry to you, I was actually glad that you did. It made me examine our relationship, and look towards my future. And I realized that I do not want to marry you. Not now, not ever."

Her words took the wind out of him and he grabbed the arm of her sofa and lowered his body onto it. He adjusted his glasses and looked up at her. He wondered how they had been on complete opposite ends of the spectrum of their relationship. He, thinking of marriage, her, bailing on him. He wanted to ask this but his mind and mouth refused to sync together.

Instead, ever the optimist, he thought about Howard and Bernadette's upcoming wedding. He knew they would be thrown together for all of the activities surrounding the big day and the last thing he wanted was to be a killjoy for Howard. He knew they needed to get through it and to save face and maybe, if he could, convince Penny to fake their relationship in front of their friends. This might buy him enough time for her to change her mind and stay with him. He had become a pro at projecting his self-pity onto others.

"Can we at least wait until after the wedding?"

"What? That's over a week away Leonard."

"I know, but I don't want to ruin their day. They have been planning for so long and if we are in the process of breaking up, it will be a distraction. That's not fair to Howard. Or to Bernadette."

He shot her his best puppy dog eyes, hoping she would succumb to his request. If nothing else, it would buy him some time to try and fix this.

She hated to admit it, but she knew that he was right. Them breaking up at this particular time was not good and would add stress to their tight knit group of friends. She and Sheldon had not yet had time to discuss where they stood or how they would define their relationship. Besides, her breaking up with Leonard really had absolutely nothing to do with Sheldon. She wasn't lying when she had told Leonard that his proposal of marriage had forced her to take a much needed closer look at where she was going with him and with her life in general. This was why she had refused his advances in the bedroom since the night he had asked her to marry him. He had forced her hand. And she had not been intimate with him since then. And now she knew she never would be intimate with him again.

One thing that kept spinning around in her head, one thing she could no longer deny or hide from, was that she did not love Leonard. He was a safe and steady option but she was not the kind of woman to ever live her life with a damn safety net. And that, she finally concluded, was what he had represented to her all of these years. _Safety. Security. Practicality._

She needed, no, she would demand, sizzle and sparkle and shine. And passion. Yes, passion, in her work and in her relationship with a permanent mate. And she would refuse to accept anything less than what she wanted.

Penny flopped down beside Leonard on the couch, careful not to let any part of her body touch his. She was sure he was horny as hell, and she didn't want to give him even a tiny bit of hope that she would change her mind about them or that he would ever bed her again. Never again, of that she was sure.

"Okay, Leonard. We won't say anything about this to anyone until after the wedding. But you need to know, we are through. There is no us anymore. I'll still come over and hang out with you and the others, and we can still be friends. But please don't try anything with me. I care about you but we are over for good. Understood?"

"Yeah, got it," he said, his mind already plotting to make her realize the error of her ways.

Sheldon was in his room, sprawled across his bed, newest comic book in his hands, when he heard Leonard come into the apartment and slam the door behind him. He got up and walked into the kitchen for a bottle of water, but mostly to gage Leonard's mood.

"Hello Leonard."

"Hi Sheldon," Leonard eyed him, wondering if he should seek advice about Penny from Sheldon, his asexual roommate who knew next to nothing about women.

"Have you been visiting Penny? Will she be joining us for dinner? I suspect Wolowitz and Koothrappali will be here any moment now."

"Yeah, I've been over there. And I don't know if she will be here for dinner or not. We kind of had a…well…a disagreement."

Sheldon raised his eyebrows, but didn't question him. Instead he used it as an excuse to go to her apartment. All's fair in love and war, he reasoned.

"Well, we need to phone an order in, so I'm going to go over there and see if she will be joining us tonight. You know how I hate a disproportionate distribution of food."

"Sheldon, wait. I'm not sure she will be up to seeing you. She's…"

"Nonsense Leonard. What's so important that she can't answer a simple dinner invitation? Besides, it's Halo night. Be right back." And he was out the door before Leonard could respond.

Knock, knock, knock.

"Penny."

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Penny."

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Penny."

She grinned as she moseyed to the door, pulling it open and dragging him inside, closing it quickly. He bent to kiss her, to devour her. She returned the sentiment stopping only when they both needed oxygen.

"Hey you," she breathed into his hero-clad chest.

"I thought about you all day," he said quietly.

She smiled, pulling back a bit to meet his eyes.

"And?"

"And I wanted you to know it," he whispered, as he buried his mouth in her hair, taking in her scent, planting tiny kisses.

"What did you tell Leonard?"

He released her as he spoke, "I told him I was checking with you concerning our dinner order. Will you be joining us? For dinner and for Halo?"

She rocked back on her heels and said, "Of course, where else would I be?"

"Alone with me? In your bed?"

"Sheldon! You are so bad," she laughed as she landed a soft punch to his upper arm.

"So what went on between you and Leonard? He said you two had a disagreement."

She rolled her eyes up at him and said quietly, "I ended it with him. He was very upset. He convinced me to hold off until after the wedding. He doesn't want to spoil these days for Howard and Bernadette. I told him we could keep our breakup to ourselves until after the wedding but that as far as we were concerned, it is over."

"I see."

"Yeah."

"I suppose I need to have a similar conversation with Amy."

"Sheldon, last night was great…God…incredible…but we were both caught up in the heat of the moment. I understand if you need to take some time. I don't want you to hurt Amy unnecessarily. I don't want you to feel that you owe me anything."

"Penny, while I was, as you said, caught up in the heat of the moment, I meant every word I spoke. Every move I made, every move _we_ made, meant something to me. What we shared last night was so personal and intimate, and I can assure you that I do not take that lightly."

"I feel the same. But I want you to know, and I want Leonard to eventually know, when this," she pointed to him and then to herself, "comes out, that I didn't break up with him because I wanted to be with you. I was going break up with him anyway. It took his proposal to make me see that I don't want him _in that way._ Not now. Not ever. But I had every intention of keeping my feelings for you buried forever."

"I know."

"And Sheldon, about these feelings we have, one day soon, maybe after the wedding when all ties with Leonard are broken, you and I need to have a serious conversation about what we are, what we want, where we want to take this."

"Penny, I don't need time. I look at the almost five years we've wasted. I don't want to waste more time. My work requires me to study, to analyze, and to hypothesize. I don't want to do that with you. You are deeper than any equation I could hope to solve. I don't like this delay. I want you now."

"Sheldon…"

He stepped forward and placed his hands on her shoulders.

"I want you to be mine now," he firmly stated.

"I promised Leonard. And I owe this much to Bernadette. She's already worried sick about Howard going into space. She sent me a text earlier and said he may have to go even sooner than he was originally scheduled. Sometimes Sheldon, we have to do things for other people."

He removed his hands from her and crossed his arms over the Flash. He studied her for a moment before he spoke his next words.

"Promise me, Penny. Promise me you won't let him touch you again. Ever."

"I promise. I am yours completely. I want you to know that. I want you to be sure of that in the same way that you are sure about pi, the same way you know Newton's laws, the same way you know Star Wars and Spock and Superman. I belong to you, Doctor Sheldon Lee Cooper. Completely."

He pulled her into his body, wishing he could bring her closer, wishing he were inside of her, wishing they had more time. Instead, he heard Raj and Howard knocking on his door across the hall.

She looked up at him as she spoke, "Go. Order the food. I will be over in a few minutes."

He bent to kiss her one last time, wondering when he would be able to do it again.

"Bye Penny."

And he was gone.

Later in 4A, the five of them gathered for food and gaming. Sheldon sat in his spot with Penny occupying the seat beside him. It went unspoken, but everyone knew it was hers. That spot, the one next to Sheldon, had always been Penny's. Leonard had tried to address it for years. Mostly during the times he and Penny were together, not so much when they were broken up. But everyone knew that Sheldon was a force to be reckoned with and there was no battle Leonard could wage, much less win, against his brilliant roommate. What went unnoticed on this night was the extra few inches closer that Sheldon and Penny sat to one another. Or the times he brushed his arm against hers. Or the way, when the lights were out during that one episode of Dr. Who that he had insisted they watch to settle an argument between him and Howard, he slid his hand under her leg and gently squeezed, causing her skin to tingle with desire for him. She had cut her eyes up towards him, but he had kept his face forward, with only a small smile playing across his lips, too small for anyone but his lover to pick up on.

The rest of their night had been spent in deep discussion about Howard's trip to space. He informed them that it had indeed been moved to the upcoming weekend and that was why he and Bernadette were having a rush wedding. Howard hinted at his nervousness about the trip, and they had tried to calm him. Sheldon had offered the best advice of the evening to him, saying, "No regrets, Wolowitz, no regrets!" Raj had simply whispered sweet nothings in his ear until Howard noticed the other three staring at them and he yelled for Raj to stop.

It was fast approaching 10pm and Penny shifted in her seat and announced that she needed to head on over to her apartment since she had the early shift at the Cheesecake Factory the next day. Leonard took this as he cue to jump up and let everyone know that he was walking his "girlfriend" home. Sheldon was having none of this. He took the opportunity to say that he would go with them so that he could take a look at Penny's laptop that he had promised to help her update. Leonard had insisted he could handle it and even went so far as to hiss in Sheldon's ear to stop being a cockblock.

Sheldon had embarrassed him by asking loudly, "What's a cockblock, Leonard?"

Leonard had turned three shades of red, Penny suppressed a laugh and Raj and Howard howled with laugher and rolled around on the floor.

Penny, Sheldon and Leonard walked out into the hallway leaving Howard and Raj alone in the apartment. When they heard Penny's door slam shut, Raj turned to Howard.

"So how long do you think before she's with Sheldon?"

Howard smirked and grabbed at his crotch, "Damned if I know but if he gets that far he's a lucky, lucky bastard." And after a moments thought, added, "Poor Leonard. Another one bites the dust and he doesn't even see it coming."

Raj said it was time for him to go and stood, reaching down to clear his plate and soda bottle away. When he returned, Howard was still sitting in the floor, leaning against the bottom of the leather sofa. He reached his hand out to Howard, offering to help him up. He pulled a little too forcefully and the momentum of Howard's body upon rising to his feet propelled him straight into Raj. Raj stared at him momentarily, a look of confusion on his face, the same look that Howard wore. Without a single word, Raj backed Howard across the entryway, and landed him against the door, their faces mere inches apart.

"What are you doing Raj"?

Raj smiled at him and said, "No regrets Wolowitz, no regrets," as he leaned in and kissed his best friend square on the mouth, pressing in hard to push his tongue past Howard's lips.

Howard fought it at first but figured, 'what the hell, I may die next week. No regrets, indeed,' and eased his mouth open, allowing Raj full access. As both men felt the others erections building against each other, they jerked apart. Raj ran for the bathroom and Howard yelled to him, "We shall never speak of this again." Raj nodded and then disappeared into the bathroom. When he came out, both guys grunted at each other and left the apartment, muttering about loose women, Star Trek, The Hulk and even football, which really, neither of them knew a damn thing about. But it just sounded so manly. No one could ever accuse them of not being dudes or even better, bros.

Over in 4B the dance was on, Leonard trying to outdo Sheldon by rushing into Penny's apartment and grabbing up her laptop before Sheldon could get to it. He had placed it on her kitchen island and sat on a stool with his back to Penny and Sheldon. Sheldon had quietly and cautiously leaned in and brushed his lips against her cheek, moving upwards to her ear and whispering, "I want you so damn bad right now." Leonard, in is quest to be Penny's laptop hero, was clueless.

Penny slipped her hand behind Sheldon and pinched his ass hard. Then rubbed the mark she was sure she had left on it, in slow, circular motions, causing Sheldon to quickly drop his large hands in front of himself to cover his growing desire. She giggled softly and he snarled at her, and stifled a breathy laugh. He excused himself to the bathroom, leaving her alone with Leonard.

Sheldon waited exactly fourteen seconds before sticking his head out of her bathroom door and yelling for her to come help him find cleaning supplies, stating emphatically that he must then and there clean her bacteria ridden sink. Leonard huffed, angry that not only had Sheldon followed them to Penny's apartment, but now was dragging her into the bathroom with him. Yep, he was going to make sure Sheldon knew the definition of a cockblock without a doubt when they got back to 4A, away from Penny's ears.

In the bathroom, which of course was spotless since he had already scrubbed it clean that very morning, Sheldon pulled her into his waiting arms, snuggling against the warmth of her body.

"You, my dear, are one very sneaky Texan," she said, as she rose up on her tiptoes and kissed him softly.

He laughed, "It was the only way I could think of to bid you a proper goodnight."

He drew her into a deep, smoldering kiss. They knew better, but their passion got the best of them and it only took seconds for him to have her pressed against the cool tiles of the wall. His hand under her shirt, her hands on his ass, their hips slowly grinding into each other.

"Hey, you two okay in there?" Leonard called. They could hear his voice getting closer.

Penny pulled away from Sheldon and popped her head out the door, "yeah, we are fine. Sheldon is just in here driving me nuts. Be out in a second."

Sheldon inhaled deeply, yet again trying to contain his manhood, "Damn, he's such a fucking cockblock."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: This chapter is heavy on the final episode of season 5. If you haven't viewed it yet read at your own risk!

Carry on, shall we?

CHAPTER THREE

After receiving word that his flight into space was a go, and would be happening much sooner than he had anticipated, Howard and Bernadette rushed to plan a quick wedding before he was to be launched into space. In a hurried discussion with their friends, and after an unsuccessful attempt to marry at the courthouse (a choice everyone loathed), it was decided that they would marry on the roof of the apartment building. Raj had quickly taken over all of the decorations and planning, and Penny had helped everyone become ordained (on the internet, no less) to perform the ceremony.

The wedding, though hurried, had gone off without a hitch. A few minor almost flare-ups, but nothing major. Raj had soared in the planning of everything, down to the music, the flowers, the food and even the photo images taken from space. The night before, as they all stood on the roof practicing for the ceremony the next day, Sheldon had pulled Raj aside and insisted that he get to stand beside Penny during the ceremony. Raj told him that it was too late, he had already planned out where everyone would stand and that since there were three guys and two girls they would alternate between the two genders, and that Leonard had already made him put Penny beside him. Sheldon swore to Raj that if he didn't honor his request to be placed beside Penny, that he would not only greet all of the guests in Klingon, but would also perform his entire portion of the program in Klingon as well. Raj knew Sheldon well enough to know that he would not hesitate to follow through with his threats, and not wanting to ruin Howard's big day, he shuffled everyone around so that Sheldon's demand was met. Leonard had questioned Raj, pointing out that the change threw everything off balance, but Raj had walked away, mumbling something about Sheldon and crazy and Klingon.

Sheldon did manage to insert a little bit of Klingon into his speech before Bernadette shut him down. He heard Penny giggle beside him, but he honored the bride's request and quickly switched back to English. He did take note that in true Leonard fashion, instead of speaking kind words to the newlyweds, Leonard had instead directed his comments at Penny and her unwillingness to commit to him. 'Yet another example of Leonard's whiney, self-serving nature,' Sheldon thought to himself.

Raj had arranged to have the reception in Sheldon and Leonard's apartment and after the ceremony; everyone made their way downstairs to the food and drinks. Penny sipped on a glass of champagne while Sheldon, not conforming to the social protocol as usual, plucked a bottle of Fiji water from the refrigerator. Penny watched him from a distance, thinking how stunning he looked in his tuxedo. She sighed as she leaned against a bookcase and attempted to have a conversation with Howard's mother.

Sheldon, on the other hand, didn't hesitate to locate Penny in the room and go to her. He had quit caring about what others thought of him and his actions long ago. He waited until she finished her awkward conversation with Mrs. Wolowitz and then brushed against her side, whispering to her how beautiful she looked.

"You," she said as she turned to face him, "look good enough to eat."

"Penny, don't do that to me here in front of everyone. I'm attempting to present myself as the evolved human being I am, and not the Neanderthal that tends to overtake my mind and body when we are alone."

She gave him a breathy laugh and said, "I wonder if anyone else noticed that you didn't find time to get your pants hemmed."

"I know. I think when they look back at the video and photographs, they will forever wonder why I was the only one with the length of my tuxedo pants bunching up at the tops of my shoes."

"Well," she lowered her voice, "if you would have met the guys at the tailors last week like you were supposed to…"

"As opposed to hanging out in your bedroom with you instead," he finished her sentence for her.

Penny blushed, thinking back to what they had done with each other while they had a few hours alone, knowing Leonard and the other guys were completing their tuxedo fittings.

"Leonard at twelve o'clock," Sheldon warned, as his short, frustrated roommate approached them.

"Hey guys. What's going on?" His voice was laced with frustration.

"Well Leonard, I would venture to say, by the evidence before us, what with the food and the flowers and Bernadette in her wedding gown, that Howard and Bernadette's wedding reception is what is going on."

Leonard rolled his eyes.

"Sheldon, could you please leave Penny and me alone for a few minutes? I'd like to spend a little time with her."

Penny simmered inside, thinking that only Leonard would be so cheesy as to think that he could scam her into wanting to get back with him because they were in the romantic setting of their friends' wedding party.

"Penny, do you wish to be left alone with Leonard?" He deferred to her, knowing without a doubt that all it would take was one word from her and he would have Leonard backed up against the wall with his forearm at this throat advising him to stay the hell away from Penny.

"It's fine, Sheldon. I need to talk to him anyway." She threw a look at Leonard and continued, "The wedding is over now and we have a few things to discuss."

Sheldon nodded and strolled away from them. He spotted Amy standing at the bar and approached just as she was loading her plate with food.

" Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler, you look lovely today, I must say."

She smiled up at him, "As do you, Dr. Cooper." Amy looked around, taking note that they were alone, the music in the room loud enough to mask any conversation they had.

"So," she proceeded, "did you tell her yet?"

"No," he glanced around, checking for eavesdroppers, "soon. When the time is right."

"As we have learned from our colleagues, there never seems to be a right time. You either tell her or you don't. Your choice. But keep in mind the ramifications of your choice. Everything will change once you tell her."

Sheldon surveyed the room, his eyes landing on Penny and Leonard in the corner, deep in heated conversation.

"It's time for things to change, Amy."

She nodded, reached to pat him gently on his cheek, then grabbed up the plate of food she had been fixing for herself and left him standing over the buffet alone. He snatched up a handful of grapes and tossed them in his mouth, his eyes never leaving Penny.

xxxxxxxxxx

Howard's flight was later in the evening on the same day as his wedding. He and Bernadette had left the reception early to spend a few hours alone before he would have to leave for the airport. Raj had offered to drive him there, with Bernadette and Mrs. Wolowitz along with them. The four of them stood in the concourse of LAX and shed many tears and hugs before Howard finally had to pull away from them and pass through the security checkpoint.

After dropping Mrs. Wolowitz off at her house, both of them going in with her to help calm her down from the thought of her little boy heading off into space, Raj and Bernadette hopped back in his car and headed to Bernadette's apartment. He would drop her off there, and then he planned to go back to Sheldon and Leonard's apartment to help with the clean-up from the reception.

"You spoke to Howard's mom and me without the aid of alcohol, Raj," Bernadette said sternly as Raj pointed the car in the direction of her street.

"Eh, don't worry about it. Mrs. Wolowitz is too upset to have noticed. Besides, even if she did pick up on it, who's she going to tell?"

"I don't care. We can't afford any mistakes. And now with Sheldon going off his rocker over Penny…," she trailed off. And then a moment later added, "Something is going to have to give or everything could blow up in our faces."

He shot her a quick look before refocusing on the road in front of them.

"Yeah, it's about to hit the fan, that's for sure. But we will be okay. She's been checked out, she's legit, and she loves him. It's only a matter of time now."

Bernadette leaned back into the soft leather of the seat, "yeah, I hope you are right. It's only our nation's security at risk that depends on everything working out okay."

"And the really scary thing is," Raj said, "Leonard Hofstadter is the one variable. He and his shallow, contemptible pride could blow everything out of the water in a blink of an eye if he ever learns any of this. He can never know the truth. He had his chance and he blew it."

xxxxxxxxxx

Two days later, Raj, Bernadette, Amy, Sheldon and Leonard sat in front of the television awaiting the liftoff of the Soyuz spaceship. Hearts were pounding, feet were shifting and mouths were agape as they tuned into NASA TV. Penny arrived moments before the final countdown began. Since Amy was in Penny's spot, the only open seat was the chair next to Leonard. The apartment was still and quite, the sole sound coming from the flat screen that all eyes were fixed on. Raj chugged on his customary beer.

Bernadette, _and Raj_, declared their love for Howard and locked hands as the countdown rapidly approached zero. Penny was surprised at how intense the moment was and looking around, with no one else next to her, she reached and grabbed Leonard's hand. While Sheldon did understand her emotional reaction, it wasn't lost on him that Penny's hand was snuggly tucked into Leonard's. His response was to grasp Amy's hand and squeeze it as their friend was launched into space.

"Boldly go, Howard Wolowitz," Sheldon commented, genuinely proud of his friend.

Minutes passed, the rockets burned off, and the live coverage was finished. The six friends let out a collective breath and everyone released hands. Everyone except Leonard and Penny. Penny had tried to tug her hand away from him, but he had latched on to it and grinned up at her, thinking to himself that surely if the wedding hadn't been enough to make her come around, that the launching of their friend into space might would do the trick. She gave a stronger jerk away from his hand but his grasp was so tight, she couldn't pull away from it without causing a scene.

Sheldon had not missed a moment of this, but he too, out of respect for Bernadette's emotional state, _(not to mention Raj's state)_ silently chose not to cause a scene. Instead, he looked to Amy and mouthed, "Help her."

"Hey Bestie," Amy spoke up, "can we go over to your apartment and take a look at that outfit you were telling me about? Come on Bernadette, you can go with us. Girl time!"

Grateful to have an escape, Penny hoped out of the chair, causing Leonard to release her hand. She turned and glared at him before leaving the apartment with the other two women. Sheldon closed his eyes and massaged his temples, forcing himself not to confront Leonard.

Penny gave Leonard the cold shoulder the rest of the evening, making sure not to sit or stand anywhere near him.

"Hey, let's go out for dinner," Raj suggested as they all gathered in the kitchen searching through take out menus.

"Sounds great," Leonard chimed in, looking hopefully at Penny.

"I'm in," Bernadette said.

"Me too," Amy grinned, "how about you, Bestie?"

Penny sighed, "Not me. I'm too tired. Work was long and hard today and I just want to go take a shower and get in bed. I've got the early shift in the morning."

She hugged her girlfriends and assured Bernadette that Howard would be fine and would be back in California, _back on Earth_, soon. She gave a quick wave and was out the door.

Everyone else headed for the stairs except Sheldon. He went to his bedroom.

Leonard tapped on his door, opening it only when Sheldon gave the go ahead.

"Hey, you coming with us?"

"No, I'm not up to it Leonard. I think I will retire early this evening. Watching Wolowitz rocket into space seems to have exhausted me."

"Okay, well bye."

Leonard pulled the door closed, but paused momentarily in the hallway. He closed his eyes tightly and shook his head hard.

"No, surely to God he won't go over there," he whispered to himself.

Ten minutes later Sheldon was knocking on the door of 4B.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Penny."

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Penny."

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Penny."

She had showered and changed and wore only her hot pink robe. She jerked the door open, relieved that he had stayed behind too.

"Hey, you," she said softly as she opened the door and motioned him in. She was surprised when he didn't immediately reach for her. She pushed the door closed and turned to him.

"What the hell was that?" he said, eyes blazing, face red.

"Sheldon, what are you talking about?"

"You. Holding Leonard's hand. You swore to me you would never let him touch you again. Ever."

"Really? Sheldon, I tried to pull away. He wouldn't let go."

"Yes, I'm aware of that. I saw everything. I also saw that it was you, not him, that initiated it. You reached for his hand."

"Oh my God. What are you, in eighth grade, Sheldon? I was scared and nervous for Howard, our friend, and I don't know, I just reached out to the person closest to me. For God's sake, Sheldon. Oh, and by the way it was YOU who reached out to Amy. YOU, Mister Perfect, initiated THAT."

She stomped past him and headed for the refrigerator. She jerked out a soda and spun around to face him, slamming the can down on her kitchen island.

"Yeah, well I only did that because _you_ were holding _his_ hand," Sheldon mumbled, sounding like a little boy.

"Like I said, Sheldon. Eighth grade. God!"

In two long strides he was standing in front of her glaring down into her stormy green eyes.

"Penny, you just don't understand. I can't chance this. I can't have any cracks in my amour. I gave in to my feelings for you and by doing so, I put my life's work and so much more on the line. I can not afford one slip up from the woman in my life. Not one."

She laughed, "Crack in your amour? What the hell does that even mean? Really Sheldon, maybe you need to stop reading so many comic books and watching all that crazy stuff you watch."

He inhaled deeply, and reached for her hands as he spoke. He laced his fingers with hers and exhaled, "Penny, I don't want to fight. I just need to be sure. About you. About us. I need to know this is real. I need to know that this is permanent. I need to know that you aren't going to get mad at me, or get drunk, or get caught up in some ridiculous emotional situation and betray me or betray us. If you are going to be with me, you have to accept certain things. You have to be in control of yourself and your emotions at all times. Anything less than that could be disastrous."

Her eyes were wide, droplets of sweat dotted her forehead, and her mouth was almost too dry to speak. Almost.

"Sheldon, honey," she spoke as if speaking to a child, "I'm going to say this very slowly and I need for you to listen. What the fuckety fuck fuck are you talking about? You sound like a crazy person." She leaned in close to him, "and you are starting to scare me. Do you need help? Do you need for me to take you to a doctor, a real doctor, a medical doctor, or shrink or something?"

He sighed, "Penny. I assure you I am fine. And believe me, I've been tested, many times, more than any man or woman should be, and not by my mother's doctors. There are things about me, Penny, which you do not know. Things I hope to share with you but I can only do so if I am sure about…about…us."

"What things, Sheldon? Are you an alien? Are you a member of the Justice League? Is Darth Vader really YOUR father?"

She wanted to laugh, but the look in his eyes, on his face, wouldn't stop pulling at her heart. Instead, she reached up and ran her fingers through his hair, causing him to bow his head towards her comforting hands. She smoothed his hair and glided her fingers softly across his face. She looked deeply into his shining blue eyes, filled to the brim, but not overflowing. She realized that not only was she going to have to trust him, but she was going to have to trust herself too. And her gut told her to trust him. And so she did.

"Penny," her name rolled over his lips with a tinge of sadness.

She tilted his face towards hers, "Tell me."

"I can't. Not here. Not now."

"But Sheldon…"

He covered her lips with his index finger, "Shhh…please, just trust me on this. If you really care for me…if you love me," the word escaped his mouth before he was able to stop it.

"I…do…," his mouth was on hers before she could finish her sentence.

It only took him a moment to drop the robe from her body. Seconds later his shoes were kicked off, pants and boxers somewhere on the floor, and he was on her. They didn't make it to the bedroom, or even take the time to drop to the carpet. He had lifted her onto the countertop and mounted her with his lanky body on the center of her kitchen island. With one sweep of his long arm, he had sent soda cans and condiments and mail and cups flying, to make room for their desperate bodies. She sent his Batman shirt sailing through the air.

He was inside of her quickly, not waiting for foreplay. She had begged him to enter her then and there and he wasn't going to deny her. He pounded strong and hard and fast, and Penny met him over and over again with each thrust until they both were spent, their earlier tension now abated. He collapsed on top of her, both heaving for air.

His mouth no long obstructing her words, she finished her sentence, "love you."


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

Sheldon had reluctantly left Penny's apartment not long after they both got dressed. He had lingered in her doorway much longer than necessary, whispering silly little nothings in her ear, kissing her, wishing like hell he didn't have to leave her. But they both were cognizant of the fact that Leonard would be returning from dinner soon. Not that Sheldon gave one flying fuck what Leonard thought or how he felt, but he knew for the sake of peace in their little bubble of friends and jobs and lovers, it was best advised, for now anyway, not to upset the balance of things. But the time was nearing, of that he was sure.

Though Leonard had continued to pursue Penny, she had reminded him multiple times that they were no longer together and that _this time_ there would be no _next time._ Regrettably, it was a pattern they had set years ago, get together, break up, and get back together again, over and over. And he acted as if this was just a continuation of their usual routine. He had no idea how final they really were now. Something was going to have to give and Sheldon was beginning to lose patience. He was on the verge of setting his roommate straight. All it would take would be the wrong words or the wrong actions and Sheldon would be on him like Batman on the Joker.

But for now, Sheldon had something much more important on his mind. He rumbled around in the drawer of his nightstand until his fingers felt the cold hard metal of the lockbox. He checked to make sure his bedroom door was locked and secured and then he placed the box in the center of his bed and rolled in the code numbers. The lock clicked and the lid popped up.

"Childs play," he laughed.

He lifted the lid and rumbled around under papers and file folders until his hand felt the coolness of the shiny steel plated device. He removed it from the box and examined it before pressing the power button. He waited for it to load and then dialed in the familiar numbers.

It buzzed only one time before it was answered on the other end.

"Yes?"

"Dallas Cowboys," he drawled, identifying himself by his password as he had done so many times before. He had chosen the password himself, a nod to his MeeMaw's favorite Texas football team.

"One moment, Doctor Cooper."

Mere seconds passed before he heard the familiar and always comforting voice of Doctor Samuel Patton Stone.

"Ah, my dear friend, Doctor Sheldon Cooper. And to what do I owe the pleasure of this unexpected surprise?"

Sheldon smiled at his old friend and mentor's attempt at humor, "Why Doctor Stone, I am quite sure there are no unexpected happenings in any area of your life, personal or business."

The older man on the other end of the high tech communications device cackled, "Ah, this is true, but I find I must seek ways to entertain myself or I will bore quite easily. It's a hazard of aging, young man. Something you will experience some day yourself when your youth dries up and you are left with nothing but wisdom and creaky old bones."

Sheldon laughed, "So you were expecting my call."

"I knew you would be calling tonight, yes. Really, Doctor Cooper, is there anything at all that I, or for that matter that you yourself, do not know? You've been at this business of ours for almost seven years now, when are you going to finally believe that you are part of an elite team with which it is imperative that we don't miss anything. We must see all, hear all and know all. Your youthful giddiness still perplexes me after all these years."

Sheldon laughed, "Then shall I continue or should I just sit in silence and let you answer my questions without me speaking them aloud?"

"Well," the older man sighed, "your insufferable roommate is leaving that fast food joint at this very moment, and considering he will be home in approximately twenty-three minutes, I suggest that you, as they say, get on with the program."

He took in a deep, weary breath and spoke, "Doctor Stone…Sam…I need to tell her, it's time for her to know the truth. I would like to arrange a trip. I'll need a plane and a location. I was thinking about Aspen. It needs to be, well…," an unexpected and unwelcome gulp escaped from his lungs, "…romantic."

"Aha, so Miss Penelope Amelia Jasko has won the heart of young Doctor Cooper. We've completed her background as you requested. She is cleared. For now. Are you sure about this Sheldon?" he dropped the formalities, exposing his concern for this young, brilliant scientist that he had known since Sheldon had been a boy growing up in a small house on a dirt road in Texas. Doctor Stone, at that time, had been the agent assigned to pay a visit to the family whom had an eleven year old son trying to purchase and store yellowcake uranium. His relationship with Sheldon and his family had begun then, with him promising Mary Cooper that he would "look out for," as she said, "her smarty britches little boy."

"I am," he stated boldly. "There is absolutely no doubt."

"And I am sure this has brought about thoughts of Olivia?"

"Yes."

"I need you strong, my boy. You, nor we, can afford any mishaps or misjudgments of character. We almost made that mistake once."

Sheldon cleared his throat, "Penny is not a mistake, Sam. I will put my reputation on the line for her."

"Must I remind you that you were willing to put your reputation on the line at one time for Doctor Hofstadter as well? And we all remember how that turned out."

Sheldon shuddered at the memory of that near disaster.

"This is different. I wasn't in love with Hofstadter. I'm in love with Penny."

"Yes, I understand Sheldon. I want happiness for you, son."

"Thank you, Sam."

"I wish happiness for all of my charges, but you people sometimes make it difficult for me. I've got you in love, another trying to get married in a state that won't allow it, and now I have one in space, on a damn Russian ship for God's sake."

Sheldon smiled at the thought of Howard up in space at that very moment, "So you watched Wolowitz's launch?"

"Of course I did. He's one of mine, just like you. I'm worried sick. I put my ass on the line for him to live out his childhood dream. Those Russians better land him back on this Earth gently or there will be hell to pay."

"Sir, need I remind you that the Cold War ended long ago? And Sam, every boy dreams of going into space."

"Yes, but not every boy gets to live out his dream. You, Dr. Wolowitz, Dr. Fowler and the other two, are blessed with intellect and talent that far exceeds almost every other human on this planet. And that, dear boy, is what affords each of you access to privileges that most never know. Not to be preachy, but count your blessings Sheldon."

"I do everyday, Sam."

"Ah, yes, we are the Few, the Proud…," his voice drifted off.

Sheldon laughed, "Sam, that's the Marines. And while our group is certainly few, and somewhat proud, I dare say none of us have the courage of those young men and women. The nation would be in a state of anarchy were it dependant on us to protect and defend."

"While that may be true, Doctor Cooper, don't underestimate your and your colleagues contributions to this wonderful country of ours."

"I never do, Sam. Now back to my situation concerning Penny. I'd like to take this trip as soon as you can arrange it Sir."

"I understand. Very well, I will have one of my men work out the details. We have a nice little cabin in Aspen, high up on a mountain. I think it will meet your requirements. I will check its availability; have it swept clean for listening devices and such. I will do my best to make it perfect for you."

Sheldon sighed and leaned back on his bed, "Thank you."

"Son, after what you went through with Olivia, you deserve to find contentment. I have wished this for you for many years to the point of believing it would never happen. You are very discriminating; therefore if you tell me Miss Jasko is the one, I will take your word for it and wish you well. Just please be sure that she is willing to change her life for you, for yours is not an ordinary life. And if she chooses to be with you…"

"I am well aware. This is why I need time with her. Away from here. Alone."

"Ah, well, sadly we must end our conversation. Your roommate will be inserting his key in the lock in five, four, three, two, one…"

Sheldon heard the click of the doorknob and grinned. It still amazed him.

Sheldon laughed, "Sam, may I remind you that the United States government is not at your disposal to show off."

"This is true, but I enjoy doing it none the less. Have a good evening, Doctor Cooper. I shall be in contact with you soon regarding your plans with Miss Jasko."

"Thanks Sam…Doctor Stone. Good Evening, Sir."

Leonard slammed the door shut and stalked through the living room towards Sheldon's bedroom door. He tapped and waited for Sheldon to respond. He heard his roommate's footsteps walking across the floor and then heard the lock on Sheldon's door snap as he pulled the door open.

"Hey I'm back," Leonard said glumly, "And Sheldon, for the love of God, why do you have your door locked? You were here alone, weren't you?" Leonard asked, as he tried to peer around Sheldon, praying that Penny wasn't in there with him.

Sheldon stepped back, giving Leonard full view of the room. He had returned his secret box to its resting place at the bottom of the drawer.

"What are you looking for Leonard?" he asked sounding almost too sarcastically innocent.

"Nothing."

"So how was dinner?" Sheldon inquired as he moved past Leonard and walked towards the kitchen.

"It was okay. But I couldn't help but notice that both you and Penny chose not to come. I have to wonder if that was intentional."

Sheldon reached up to retrieve a glass from the cabinet. He put it on the counter and turned to get the milk carton from the refrigerator.

"And why is that, Leonard?"

"Well," Leonard shuffled his feet, "it seems to me that you and Penny have been spending more time together and when she is here in the apartment, the two of you are pretty chummy. I'm just wondering what's up with that."

Sheldon sighed and rolled his eyes as he poured the milk into his glass, "What is with the urban vernacular, Leonard? _'What is up with that?'_ Really Leonard, I thought you were above that. What do you really want to know?"

Leonard stepped closer to his roommate and lifted his chin, "I want to know what the hell you are doing with my girlfriend. And THAT, Sheldon, is what's up."

Sheldon squared his shoulders and stood taller, causing Leonard to have to aim his gaze upwards to meet his steely blue eyes.

"Well Leonard, according to the 'gossip' of our social circle, Penny is no longer your girlfriend and plans never to be so again. Therefore, my friendship with her is of none of your concern."

"Come on Sheldon, you know the deal with Penny and me. We break up, we get back together…we've done it for years. And you've pulled some shit in the past, hanging out with Penny, fighting with Penny, making her take care of you when you are sick, even making her sing that stupid song to you when you feel bad. But this time it is just too much. I can't even get a second in with her without you being right in the middle of us. I need you to back off."

Sheldon felt his anger building and rested his hand on the counter top to steady himself, to have something other than his roommate to grab hold of. He leveled his voice and looked down at Leonard as he spoke, "First of all, Soft Kitty is not stupid, and you have just insulted three generations of Coopers. And second, I will not, under any circumstances BACK OFF. You blew your chance with Penny a long time ago. Leonard, you have blown so many chances because of your shallowness, your lack of loyalty and your lack of self control."

Sheldon took in a breath and continued, a slight tremor in his voice, "And furthermore, perhaps it is you, sir, that needs to BACK OFF of Penny. And THAT, Doctor Hofstadter, is WHAT IS UP."

Leonard's eyes widened and he stepped back from the look of rage in Sheldon's eyes. He opened his mouth to speak, but decided it would be in his best interest to walk away. As he stepped up on the landing leading to his bedroom, Sheldon called his name and he turned to face him.

"Leonard," Sheldon said, sounding calmer, "you are my friend. And when I first met you, I recognized great potential in you. And yet as time has passed, I have seen you squander your talent and various opportunities over and over again. And usually it is all to elevate your own perceived level of popularity or to up the odds of your chance at coitus with any number of women with no concern to any emotional attachment to them. I believe it would be in your best interest to try and ascertain why that is. And while you are doing so, I would suggest it best not to try and drag some poor, unsuspecting woman along for your self evaluation."

Sheldon continued, "Penny is off limits to you, make no mistake about that. But there are plenty of other unsuspecting women roaming the streets of Pasadena. Do yourself and them a favor and try to figure out who you are and what you want before you plunge headfirst into your next relationship."

Leonard glared at him, "Who gave you the right to tell me Penny if off limits?"

"Well," Sheldon said, after pausing to take a long drink of milk, "Penny did."

And with that, Sheldon breezed past him, leaving Leonard in the hallway trying to make sense of his new reality.

xxxxxxxxxx

Once in his bedroom, in the cocoon of his covers, Sheldon reached for his phone and tapped out a text message.

Across the hallway, Penny's phoned vibrated.

She was sitting on the side of her bed painting her toenails and preparing for bedtime.

'Hey, are you still up?'

'Hi sweet Moon Pie. Just about ready to get in bed.'

Not one to mince words, Sheldon forged ahead with his next text.

'I informed Leonard to stay away from you.'

'O I C'

Penny felt a warmth of safety rush over her. It felt good to have someone stand up to Leonard for her, though she could handle him herself, it was nice to have someone else deal with him for a change.

'I hope that is acceptable to you. It seems my anger got the best of me. Well, that and I prefer no other man to refer to you as his girlfriend.'

She giggled, imagining the look on his face. Mmmm, not to mention the length and softness of the fingers he was using to text her.

'It is acceptable to me. I wish you were here.'

'As do I.'

'I miss you.'

'And I, you.'

'I miss your hands.'

Sheldon read her text and shifted in his bed, very much aware of the tent expanding below his sheets.

'Don't do this to me woman.'

'Do what?'

'I've already had my shower. I do not wish to take another.'

'I would take another shower for you.'

'For me or with me?'

'Either. What are you fingers doing?'

'Texting you.'

'What would they be doing if they were here with me?'

He closed his eyes tightly, imagining her on her pink sheets, himself on top of her.

'Touching you.'

'Where?'

'Everywhere.'

She lay back on her bed, one hand creeping between her thighs.

'And?'

'Feeling your wetness.'

'And mine would be wrapped about your hardness.'

"I would slide them inside of you and work them in and out.'

Penny's hand slid under her panties, clutching her mound and pressing down, seeking out just the right angle.

"I'd squeeze you tight and glide up and down your shaft.'

Sheldon's hand, almost involuntarily, moved below the covers of his bed and beneath his pajama pants.

'I would remove my fingers and replace them with my tongue.'

Both their hands were moving fast and hard now, working them into states of impending pleasure. Their respective text alerts were quite for a few moments before Penny's buzzed softly beside her, as she lazily dangled her feet off the edge of her bed, a big, contented, Sheldon-induced smile spread across her face.

'Penny, I have to go take another shower. There goes my comic book time.'

'Good night, sweet Moon Pie.'


	5. Chapter 5

It's a long one…enjoy.

CHAPTER 5

Sheldon stood in the hallway beside his apartment door. It was 10:15 pm and Penny would be trudging up the stairs momentarily, tired from a ten hour shift at the Cheesecake Factory. His long body leaned against the wall, arms folded across the Green Lantern that rested on his chest. His thin legs, covered with loosely fitted plaid fabric, were angled out in front of him with his ankles crossed comfortably below. He decided to wait there for her because things had been tense with Leonard since their confrontation concerning Penny. He didn't feel like sitting in the apartment with an angry roommate.

"Hey sweetie," she mumbled as she reached the top of the stairs.

He went to her, taking the large canvas bag she carried, relieving her of its weight. His lips brushed her cheek.

"Hi," he spoke softly, smiling down at her, "I was waiting for you."

She grinned, in spite of her aching feet.

"I'm glad. Can you come in for a few minutes? I'll fix you a hot beverage."

He smiled as he took her keys from her bag and leaned in to unlock and open the door, pushing it forward and motioning for her to go ahead of him.

"You sit. I will fix _you_ the beverage."

She plopped down on her sofa, glad to be in the quietness of her tiny apartment. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes, listening to the water from her kitchen faucet. She heard the cups gently clink together as he removed them from her cupboard. She drifted off to sleep, only to be woken by the sharp whistle of the kettle. He slipped a teabag in each cup, poured steaming water over them and carried the steeping tea to the small table in front of where she rested. He sat down softly beside her.

"Here, put your feet in my lap Penny."

She slipped her shoes off and did as he asked. He gently began to massage her feet and calves. She sighed and snuggled deeper into the cushions.

"Sheldon, you are so good to me. Why did it take us so long to get to each other? I was looking everywhere, and I'm so ashamed of my past behavior with other guys. You were right under my nose the whole time."

His face twitched at the mere thought of her with any other man now. But he couldn't allow his thoughts to go there. He believed in leaving the past in the past and moving forward.

"You are mine now, Penny. That is all that matters," he looked down at her, "Does this feel better?"

"Yes. Thank you. Once again you are my hero," she batted her eyes up at him.

He laughed a breathy laugh and slid his hand upwards and under her denim skirt. He squeezed her upper thigh tightly and replied, "Yes, and you know the hero always peeks."

She giggled and pulled her body up. She leaned in to kiss him and he pulled her close, exchanging a long, tender kiss.

As they broke from their kiss, he pushed the hair away from her face and spoke, "Penny, I have arranged a trip for us. It will take place in two weeks. I hope you will find this acceptable."

"What? Where are we going? Wait, I don't know if I can get off work, I'll have to talk to my manager tomorrow."

"I've already spoken with her; you are excused from those days. We will leave Friday and return Monday."

"Sheldon, don't you think you should have discussed this with me first? I think I should have been the one to handle my work schedule."

"I guess Penny. I discussed this with Bernadette and she informed me of my violation of proper protocol. By then it was too late. I apologize."

His body squirmed with anticipation for the upcoming trip, but his face betrayed him, wincing at the social faux pas he had unknowingly committed.

"I wondered why my boss was acting so weird towards me tonight. But she didn't mention anything to me about it."

"That's because I ask her not to. And I gave her a twenty dollar bill."

Penny laughed, "Sheldon! You gave her money?"

"Why yes Penny, I thought it was the proper thing to do, as you all work for tips and I was asking a favor of her."

She giggled, and reached up to run her fingers through his soft brown hair, "So tell me about this trip Sheldon."

xxxxxxxxxx

Penny was stunned into silence by the limousine that had driven them to the quite landing strip where a lone private jet awaited them. She shot a look at Sheldon, wondering why he was taking this all in stride as if this was his life, as if he were accustomed to the lavish treatment they were receiving. She did not ask a question or even speak a word until they were in the air, securely belted into side by side luxurious leather seats.

"Sheldon," she spoke cautiously, "care to explain any of this to me? Can you _afford_ this?"

He arched his eyebrows as he looked down at her and answered, "I got this Penny."

"Wait. What…why?"

He took her hand in his and smoothed his lips across it before answering her, "Because I want to give you the best."

She sighed and leaned into him, "I already have the best. I have you."

He landed a kiss to the top of her head and said, "Yes, you do."

She smirked at his confidence, but loved that he displayed it with no abandon.

As she began to settle into the fact that she, little Penny Jasko from Nebraska, was on a private plane, jetting her way to Aspen of all places, she relaxed. She was however still confused and wanted answers from Sheldon about how all of this was possible. He had made her promise before they left the apartment that she was to expect no answers from him yet, assuring her that once they were in the cabin for the evening he would explain everything and answer any questions she had.

When he first said these things to her, she had rolled her eyes and thought it was just another time when he was caught in the hyped up fantasy world of his comic book heroes. Never in a million years had she suspected that Sheldon, her sweet, innocent (well, except in the bedroom) often times awkward boyfriend, had this mysterious side to him. How had she not known this part of the boy…the man…who had lived across the hall from her for five years?

They had been in flight for almost an hour, barely any words exchanged, as they both rested their heads back, enjoying the soft jazz that the pilot pumped through the plane's speaker system. Penny, in her usual playful way, decided she had to stir things up a bit.

"Hey Sheldon," she cooed, as she unbuckled her seatbelt and climbed into his lap, straddling him and causing his body to jump at the sensation of this soft feminine being resting on his thighs. "Let's join the mile-high club, want to?" She kissed his face and tugged at his belt. She felt him stiffen as she slowly ground her hips against his.

His face flush, he grasp her around her waist, "Penny, no."

It was the first time he had ever rejected her advances and this added to her confusion. She quickly climbed off of him, slumped back into her seat and turned her head away, embarrassed by his lack of interest.

"Penny…you know I want you…I always do…but," he swallowed hard.

"But what Sheldon? You go to all of this trouble and I'm trying to make it special for you and you stop me? I don't understand. You always want…,"

He interrupted her before she could finish. "…sex. I know." He unbuckled his seatbelt and twisted his body towards her. "Look at me," he demanded.

She rolled her eyes toward him.

"Penny, I have enjoyed every private moment we have shared. I have loved them all. But it was just sex; we both had needs to be satisfied. We both accomplished our goals. And it's been good. We've learned one another's bodies," his face revealed his shyness of the topic as he continued. "I think we both know how the other feels now, and I believe…I insist…that we deserve more. I expect more."

"Sheldon," she spoke quietly, "I'm not sure what you want…I've given myself to you completely, and I've held nothing back."

He reached to take her face in his hands, "Penny, I want to make love to you. I want to give you romance and real emotional depth. There's a difference, you know. I've given you a part of me, but now I want to give you all of me."

She sniffed and said, "Okay."

She could think of no other words, except 'holy crap on a cracker' but she kept that comment to herself.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When the plane reached its destination, they felt the bump of the wheels unfolding beneath them, and then the smoothness of the landing. They both had dozed on and off for the rest of the flight but the touchdown of the plane had gently shaken them awake. When given the clear signal from the pilot, they unbuckled and stood, both reaching high to stretch their bodies. Upon disembarking, they stood at the bottom of the narrow stairs. Two black vehicles drove slowly towards them. One, a large sedan, the other a rugged but shiny jeep with big, deep tires.

Sheldon grinned and nudged Penny, "That's for the mud and snow."

Penny squinted up at him, the sun shining down brightly in her face. God, he looked just like a little boy with a new truck, she thought to herself.

A man got out of the jeep and approached them.

"Good afternoon, Doctor Cooper. Welcome to Aspen."

He tossed the keys to Sheldon who snatched them midair.

"Thanks Wayne. Am I correct to believe the cabin is ready? It's been swept? We're good?"

Penny smiled. Even here in this beautiful location he was concerned about dirt. Really, who asks if their vacation cabin has been swept? Was he going to ask if they had disinfected the toilets too? And why had that man given the keys to Sheldon?

"Yes sir. Everything has been taken care of. Have a nice time and you know what to do if you should need anything."

As they were speaking with this man, their luggage was loaded into the jeep.

"Are you ready, Penny?"

"Yeah," she looked around, wondering why Wayne, or _whoever_, wasn't getting in the driver's seat. Was Sheldon really going to make her drive after all the fancy transportation they had used up to this point?

He walked to the passenger door and opened it, motioning for her to get in. She scrunched her face up, not liking the idea of her having to sit in the front seat with whoever would be driving them. She wanted to sit in the back with Sheldon.

He held his hand out and helped her climb into the tall vehicle.

He slammed the door shut and bounded around to the other side. He climbed in beside her and jammed the keys into the ignition, a wide grin plastered across his face.

"Wait…wait, Sheldon," she shook her head, "you drive?"

He gunned the motor, "Yeah, I do."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Penny was breathless when they arrived at the cabin. There were no words spoken as they drove up the steep, narrow roads leading up the mountain. She wondered if they had entered some alternate universe that she thought existed only in the shows and movies she had watched with Sheldon and the guys over the years. Was that even possible, she thought to herself.

They had pulled off the asphalt road about half a mile back, and were bumping along on a muddy, snow sloshed gravel path. When the cabin came into view, she inhaled deeply at the sight of it. It was like ones she had only seen in magazines and movies. There was lots of glass and cedar and stacked stone columns attached to the house. Sheldon turned the jeep and aimed it towards the concrete drive that led to a large garage. He reached down and pressed a button, causing the hydraulic metal door to glide up. He pulled into the opening and dropped the door behind them.

It was quiet and still when he shut the jeep's motor off.

"Penny, it's much colder here than in California. But the garage is heated so you won't need a coat right now."

She turned to look at him, eyes wide, "Really, Sheldon? All of…._THIS_," she spread her arms wide, "and all you can say to me is the garage is heated?"

He winked at her, opened his door and hopped out. He quickly went to her side and held the door for her, helping her down.

"Let's get the bags, okay?" he said.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They were on the expansive deck on the backside of the house, a large fire flickering in a nearby fire pit. The smoldering scent of burning wood floated through the thin air. Penny stood at the railing with her hands resting on the weatherworn wood. Sheldon stood behind her, his arms around her waist, his chin propped on her shoulder, wishing this moment would freeze and never end. They had put their luggage away, explored the house, and then found their way outside to look out on the lake and snow capped mountains that floated beyond them. It reminded Penny of a painting, almost too perfect to be real. The sun was setting and they could hear the echoing sounds of wild birds in the distance.

"It's beautiful," she whispered, hating to break the moment, but having no choice but to express her awe of the scene that was spread out before them.

"_You're _beautiful," he breathed into the soft hair that covered her ear.

She turned to him and slid her arms up and around his neck, pulling him to her mouth.

He kissed her slowly with passion and purpose. It was a kiss like none she had ever known before, she realized.

She pulled away and looked up at him, "Okay, we need to talk, Sheldon. We're here. I've tried to be patient, but you've got to talk to me now. I need to know everything."

He sighed, "It's too cold out here."

"Sheldon..."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Holy crap on a cracker," this time she didn't keep the comment inside.

"Penny…"

"Wait, so you are telling me that you work for the government, _our_ government, the freaking United States of America? And…and…Howard and Amy do too? They are your partners?"

"Yes, well I guess that's the simplified version of it, except Howard…"

"Is your boss?"

Sheldon laughed, it occurring to him how absurd this all must sound to Penny, "Well, more like our team leader, I have another 'boss' if that is the word we must use."

"So you have two jobs, you work at CalTech and at, the government whatever?"

He sighed, "I really don't work for CalTech, I have been _placed_ at CalTech…for now."

"So all this time, I thought you were this geeky, nerdy, beautiful mind guy but really, you are some secret agent guy?

Sheldon laughed, "I hope you still think I'm your beautiful mind guy. Because I am. And I'm probably a little geeky and nerdy too, I always have been. I guess that's one reason they recruited me at such a young age. I was eleven when they first approached my parents. Most of us have been groomed for our positions from an early age. Brilliance like ours tends to emerge early on. It's rare, and when they identify it, they move in."

She stepped back, collapsing onto the rattan sectional near the fire pit, seeking the warmth from the glowing embers, as the chill of the evening combined with the chill of his words had rattled her to her very bones.

"So that's why Amy was okay with this…with us? She's really your partner, on your team…and Howard…wait…so I guess Bernadette knows all of this too since she and Howard…"

"They aren't really married, Penny. That was staged. People were watching and so we had to throw some semblance of a wedding for them. She has a husband in another state. Only gets to see him a few times a year. I really don't know how they do it. She's, uh…part of us too….and Raj."

She stood and paced in front of the fire, her voice rising, "No, Sheldon. You can't be right, this is crazy."

"Would you like to see my credentials? I have them available for your review."

She rolled her eyes, amazed that he could make such a typical Sheldon-y comment, and continued on, "So those men today, the plane…this place…"

"All property of the United States government, the CIA to be more precise."

"But I don't get it. Lots of people have government jobs and they don't go around acting all secret-y."

"We are covert, Penny. No one must know any of this," he raised his eyebrows at her; the intensity on his face causing her to shudder.

He continued, "We are, to paraphrase a line from one of those silly 'chick flicks' you've made me watch, 'hiding in plain sight'."

"Then if no one is supposed to know, Sheldon, why are you telling me. Couldn't you get in trouble or something?"

He sighed and sat down beside her, his legs spread wide apart, his elbows resting on his knees, and spoke, "Well, this isn't exactly the way I wanted to say these words to you, but I guess the situation demands it. Penny," he took her hand. "I am telling you this because…I love you…I am _in love with you_. And you have made me believe that you feel the same towards me…and if you are to be with me…be part of my life…your life will change. It will be necessary for my secrets to be your secrets."

The revelation of his truth, and now her truth, was overwhelming her. She needed time to process it, to think of the many, many other questions she needed him to answer. She stood and moved towards the door. He followed, narrowing his eyes at her.

"Are you okay, Penny?"

"I don't know. I think…I think I need to go in and take a long, hot bath…and think. Sheldon, this is so much…I…I don't know what to say."

He reached for the door and pulled it open for her, holding it until she entered. He followed her back into the warmth of the house.

Sheldon hung his head low, studying the wood planks on the floor, not sure where to land his gaze. She turned to look at him and slowly walked back to him. Leaning into the center of his cotton tee shirt, she dropped a kiss on his chest, raised her eyes to his and whispered, "Is there more about you that I need to know?"

"Yes." Barely audible.

"Can we save it till tomorrow? I need to process all of this."

"Yes."

"Are you going to kill me in my sleep tonight?" she laughed, trying to break the much too seriousness of the moment.

He laughed with her, thankful for her sense of humor.

"Not unless I smother you with kisses."

She sighed and pulled him closer, "Thank you for sharing this with me. Your secrets are safe with me, Batman."

Sheldon sighed. He liked that. She called him Batman. It was almost as good as when she called him Doctor Cooper.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

She was rubbing lavender scented lotion onto her legs, propped on the bedside, when he walked in with a towel around his waist, droplets of water pooled on his shoulders. He gasped softly at the sight of her. She was wearing a short, soft silky white gown that plunged in the front, revealing far too much of herself, _she thought_, but not enough of her, _he thought_.

She turned her eyes upwards to him shyly. He ran his hand through his still damp hair, unable to remove his gaze from her body.

He had stacked logs in the small corner fireplace of the bedroom and lit it before taking his shower. The fire now sizzled and popped and emitted smoky scents of trees from the woods that stood in the distance just beyond their cabin. She had turned the bed down and lit candles that she had found on the mantle above the hearth.

"Penny, you are stunning. You are…you are…everything."

He wondered how such a highly educated man as himself was reduced to a stammering idiot in her presence.

She stepped towards him, giving herself over to him.

His voice was deep when he spoke, "I told you I want to make love to you. I want to make love to you like a woman deserves to be loved."

He lifted her up and placed her in the center of the king sized bed. The towel he wore falling to the floor, he lowered his body next to hers. His long fingers stroked the side of her face and drifted down to the thin straps of her garment. He slowly slipped them down her arm.

"You are so precious to me. And I'm sorry if I haven't shown you that in the past. But tonight I want to leave no doubt in your mind. I love you Penny."

She took his hand and brought it to her mouth, kissing each of his fingers softly.

"I love you too, baby. I've never been loved like this Sheldon. I want to be better because of your love. I want to give _you_ the best because you give that to me."

She rose up and let him slip her gown away from her body. His hand trembled as he removed her silk panties.

"I want to make love to you like a man, not like a Neanderthal" he whispered as his lips trailed kisses over her shoulders and neck.

"You _are_ my man, Doctor Cooper," she sighed, "my man and my hero."

He tucked his arm under her and rolled her on top of himself, his hands encircling her waist, her hair tickling his face, his eyes drinking her in. He inhaled deeply, not wanting to miss any part of her.

She eased her body down onto his, letting him penetrate her sweetness. She melted into him and the two lovers became one. He rolled them over, placing himself on top and as he slowly moved in and out of her, he whispered his love to her over and over until they came together. His member remained inside of her as it softened, him not wanting to disconnect from her and her asking him not to. He was in her body and in her heart and in her soul.

"Penny…you are my destiny."

She leaned forward and pressed her lips softly into the pulse of his neck and ghosted her kisses upwards to his ear. She whispered quietly, "Sheldon, people don't really talk like that anymore."

He reached down and tugged her chin up, forcing her eyes to meet his. She got lost in the unwavering look of absolute certainty on his face.

"Well, I do Penny…I still talk like that."


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

Penny had a restless night. While Sheldon had easily drifted off into peaceful sleep after their lovemaking, she had been unable to slow her mind. His words…the secrets…the confusion, had overtaken her brain and plowed through her heart. She had watched him sleep as the night ticked away, torn between loving this man so much that he could tell her anything, do anything, _be_ anything and she would still want him, and yet resisting the urge to shake him awake and scream at him for the deception, the secrecy of his…and now her…life.

As night faded and the sun began to spill over the mountain tops, she eased her way out of bed, hoping not to wake him. She wanted to be alone; she needed to let his truth wash over her. There were still so many unanswered questions that she wondered if this long weekend they had so carefully planned would provide enough time for all of the answers yet to be spoken. She rumbled through her suitcase and pulled out sweatpants and a long sleeve top, guided her feet into a pair of cushy slippers that Sheldon had brought along for her, and eased into the bathroom to dress. He was still deep in sleep as she tiptoed back through the bedroom. She gently pulled the door closed behind her and made her way to the kitchen, thinking that if she didn't have coffee soon, her head would explode for sure.

The aroma of Columbian beans brewing in the air had always provided Penny with a sense, however false it may be, of peace and serenity. Right now she had to admit to herself that she really felt neither of those. False indeed. A part of her, though thank God it was a _very small_ part, almost longed to turn back time and be in her apartment waking up to the very boring, mundane love of Leonard Hofstadter…a world in which Howard and Bernadette were married and Amy was a regular girl…well, as regular as Amy could be…and Raj was still a shy, sweet boy unable to speak to woman…wait, was that part true or not…another question for Sheldon…and Sheldon, her bat shit crazy whack a doodle neighbor who kept her on her toes and made her laugh at his innocence while at the same time pushing her to her limits with his intellect and goofy demands. It was a simple life, so simple and uncomplicated and so taken for granted. And now, with the knowledge of this covert team of his…how in the hell were those words, '_covert team_' even in her vocabulary, she wondered…everything was different…everything was about to change. California would never be the same again.

"I don't like waking up without you next to me," his voice startled her out of deep thought.

"Sheldon…," she turned to him, almost spilling her coffee down the front of her body.

"Why didn't you wake me?"

"I'm…sorry…I just needed time to think. There's still so much to say, this isn't over Sheldon."

"I know."

She drew in a deep breath, blowing out as she spoke, "One thing that has really been bothering me…because I was thinking I've watched enough movies to figure some things out…"

He laughed, "Penny, this is real. It's not the movies."

"I know, but some stuff, well…yesterday when you ask that guy at the airplane if this place had been swept," she shot her eyes up at him, "you…you didn't mean with a broom, did you?"

"No…I…"

"Stop," she held her hand up to him, "You meant for like, bugs…listening devices…mics…that kind of thing, right?"

Deep breath, "Yes."

"So you are telling me that somebody…God only knows who…well, you and God because I am sure _you_ would know…but somebody could be watching or listening to us at any given time? Like, we can never have privacy again, ever?"

"Penny," he walked to her, "it's not that simple, "we are very good at what we do. We just have to take…precautions."

"Sheldon, give me the keys."

"What?"

"Give me the keys to the jeep. I need to get out of here. Give them to me," she demanded.

"Penny, I'm not going to let…"

"Let? Let? Sheldon Cooper, I may be in love with you, and I may live to regret it, but do not ever think you can tell me what to do or not to do."

"But Penny…," he said, eyes wide.

"Give me the damn keys, Sheldon. Now," she demanded, almost screaming at him.

He backed away, reaching behind him to the bowl that rested in the center of the granite covered kitchen island. He plucked out the keys and tossed them at her.

He stood in the garage watching the jeep…and his Penny…growing smaller in the distance. Before he could even drop the garage door down, the buzzing in his pocket began. He stabbed at the button, glancing over his shoulder to get one last look at her leaving.

"Doctor Cooper?"

"Stay with her…if anything happens to her..."

Before the other party could reply, Sheldon flung the phone against the wall and stormed back into the house.

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Penny pulled to the side of the road, her heart racing, her brain buzzing. She took in deep breaths as she fumbled in her purse for her phone. She Googled Aspen, figured out the street she wanted to be on…the one with the most shops and cafes…and then punched the information into her GPS.

Within minutes she was moving slowly down a pedestrian filled drive searching for a parking spot. Finding one rather quickly, she parked, hopped down from the vehicle and trod through the street seeking solace. It occurred to her that she hadn't eaten since the night before and hunger was gnawing at her insides. She spotted a small coffee shop across the street and approached the corner to cross over.

The place was almost empty, barring a few locals, as she had arrived at that odd time of day, somewhere too late for breakfast and too early for lunch…and don't get her started, she _hated_ the word 'brunch'… She took a seat in the corner booth, putting herself as far away from others as possible. A young waitress approached and took her food order, nodding and sensing that this lady did not want or need the small talk that was usually offered to tourist and locals alike.

Penny was having her second cup of coffee; her empty plate pushed away, stomach satisfied. She was staring blankly out the large picture window, oblivious to the beauty of Aspen's pristine streets.

"Hello, Miss Jasko."

Her head jerked up, her eyes meeting those of Doctor Sam Stone.

"Who are you? And how do you know my name?" She tried to sound tough, unafraid, but inside her heart was pounding out of her chest.

He smiled as he lowered himself into the booth across the table from Penny.

"Well, the name is Sam…Sam Stone…Doctor Sam Stone to be precise."

She narrowed her eyes at him, "And?"

"And we have a mutual friend," he raised his eyebrows, his grin grew wide.

"Oh God…Sheldon?"

"That would be the one."

"Are you following us? Does he know you are here? In Aspen?"

"My dear, he knows I am always nearby. If not in body, then certainly in thought."

"What?" She wasn't accustomed to the almost poetic nature of his speech. A habit he had acquired decades ago and had absolutely no desire to change it to meet the pop culture world of today, with its slang and its carnage of his beloved English language.

He laughed, taking in the loveliness of her, this woman his young charge had opened his world to. He had no problem understanding why Sheldon loved her, was willing to risk everything for her.

"Miss Jasko…may I call you Penny? Doctor Cooper," he cleared his throat, "…Sheldon, is as close to a son to me as I'm every going to get. I have watched over him since he was a mere boy, and I shall do so until I take my last breath on this glorious planet of ours."

She relaxed a bit, finding odd comfort in being in the presence of another person that loved Sheldon.

"Yes, call me Penny."

"Very good. Penny, I've been around so long now…there really is nothing new…except new faces…new dates…but the words…they've all been said before. There are no surprises left for me." He cocked his head towards her as he continued, "Your concerns, your emotions, nothing new…new to you…not to me. Do you love him?"

"Well, Doctor Stone…with all due respect…"

"Ahhhh," he cut her off, "none due." He laughed at his own joke, and asked again, "Do you love him?"

She bit the inside of her cheek, releasing it before drawing blood, and whispered, "Yes."

"Aha, I see. Well it seems to me if you love him, a whisper is not enough." His eyes challenged her, "I'll ask you again, Penny, DO YOU LOVE HIM?"

She looked the man square in the eyes and said loudly, not giving a damn who heard her, who turned to stare at her, "Hell yes."

"That's better. Now act like it."

"What? I have given…"

"I know what you have given. Do you know what he has given? Do you know what his friends…your friends…have given?"

"I…"

"Penny," Doctor Stone softened his voice and lowered his volume, "while he has had many accomplishments and has an outstanding record of service to this country as well as to his friends and loved ones, Sheldon has known great pain. He has made great sacrifices."

"But…"

"The choice to love him, to be a part of his life is of course yours. And you must be prudent and arm yourself with the facts and the truth. If you don't feel you can commit yourself to him, to this life, it would be in your…and his…and _my_... best interest if you walk away now. But if you know, and I suspect you do, that you can't live without him, that your next breath would be futile without him beside you, then don't allow his chosen profession to stand in your way."

She glared at him, unaware until that very moment of her deepest feelings, "_Chosen?_ From what he's told me, the government, _or whoever_, _chose him_. 'Groomed' him is what he said. When he was a little boy. When he was only eleven years old," she squared her shoulders, jutting her jaw forward. She stretched her torso across the table, leaning right into the old man's face, "No wonder he is so fucked up in so many ways. YOU stole his childhood. YOU and your _people_ stole his youth."

Doctor Stone sat back, hoping his face didn't betray him. Hoping Penny didn't realize that her perspective was the same perspective he had held for many years. Though she could never, would never know, she was the answer to the prayer he prayed for Sheldon every night. She, he thought, was the balm for Sheldon's heart, for his very soul. But he had his superiors, and his sworn duty, and it was a fight he could not fight. But there at that table, in a little café on a glorious street in Aspen Colorado, sat a woman that could, and he was quite sure, _would,_ step up and fight for this boy…now a man…that he so loved.

He winked at her and shifted in his seat, "I shall leave now, Miss….Penny"

"Wait. What pain? You said he has known great pain. What pain?"

"Ah, that is not my story to tell. I suspect Doctor Cooper will share that with you in his own time."

He stood to leave, wobbling a bit as he came to a full stand. Penny quickly got to her feet, reaching to steady him. He patted her on her arm and leaned in, she thought at first to hug her, but he instead leaned close to her ear and whispered, "Now go love our boy."

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"Ah, my good Doctor Cooper."

Sheldon closed his eyes tightly and squeezed the phone in his hand, glad that it hadn't busted apart when he had thrown it earlier.

"Hi Sam," he said has he peered out the window hoping to see the jeep bringing Penny back to him.

Getting right to the point Doctor Stone said, "She is a feisty one indeed. I like her. Don't try to change her. Just let her love you. She is good for you. That is all."

And like a bubble bursting in the air, he was gone, not waiting for Sheldon's response.

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The rumbling sound of the garage door raising up jarred him from his thoughts. Hours had passed. Dark clouds had moved in and the temperature had dropped all in the time that Penny had been gone. Sheldon had made a large fire in the living room and had spent much of the afternoon slumped on the couch, mesmerized by the dancing yellow and red and blue flames dancing on the logs just beyond the stone hearth of the fireplace. He missed Penny being there with him, but he knew she was safe. It was good just to let his mind rest, to stare into the fire, into nothingness.

"Hey," she said, as she went to him. He could feel the cold breeze from the door as she entered. There was a chill on her body; he could feel the cold on her clothes. He pulled her to the fire.

"Warm yourself. I'll make hot tea," he said quietly, not making eye contact with her.

He was back quickly; she suspected he had boiled the water well before she arrived. She was sunk deep into the cushions of the buttery smooth leather of the sofa. He put the cups on a small side table and eased himself onto the floor in front of her, feeling the warmth of the fire and the softness of the deep, plush rug below him. She bent and kissed the top of his head. He clasped his hand around hers.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"I just had to leave…I needed time to think… I needed to be alone."

"I understand."

He leaned across her lap, resting his head on her upper thighs and wrapped his arms around her waist. She stroked his hair and massaged his neck, both lost in the glowing embers of the fire. As her fingers lightly danced across his skin, he slid his thumb over just enough to push the bottom of her top up, leaving an exposed line of flesh between the top of her pants and the bottom of her shirt. He only had to turn his head slightly to bring his mouth to her skin. He slowly began to kiss and lick and suck in the area of her upper abdomen. The sensation of his tongue running across her sensitive area made her involuntarily tighten her muscles. She breathed in hard, feeling him twist towards her.

He buried his head deeper in her lap, going lower, pressing deeper into her hidden area…damn those pants…he thought…as he used the point of his chin to massage her now dampening opening.

She raised her hips off the couch, not meaning to, but unable to stop, trying to bring herself closer to him, her pressure building.

"Oh…God…Sheldon."

It only took him a second to jerk her pants and panties down and toss them to the side. He slid his hands under her ass, as he positioned himself on his knees, bowing down in front of her. He used his fingers to spread her and then bent his head down to meet her thrusts as he poked his tongue deep into her walls, wet and slippery with desire for him…_for me_…he thought. He plunged deeper until he knew by her moans that he had hit her special spot…the spot he now _owned_, he thought to himself. This was better, he mused, than any other spot he had ever known.

He worked her until she came, his own arousal growing rock hard below him. He continued to apply pressure to her as she rode out every wave from her orgasm. When she began to come down from her euphoria, he rocked back on his knees. Eying his need she took her foot and pressed it into his bulge, smiling as his eyes closed, almost rolling back into his head from the intensity of the moment they shared.

She made quick time of removing his clothing, all of it, and jerked her remaining clothing off as well, before going to work on him. She pushed him back as she slid off the couch. His cock stood at attention before her as she teased every area around it but intentionally not touching what he needed. She grazed her teeth gently down his hairline.

"PPPenny…please…I…"

"What do you want, Sheldon?" she ask, feigning innocence.

"Please."

"Tell me…say it for me baby."

"Please Penny. God...you know what I need."

And with that her mouth and hands took care of him. His hips bucked towards her, so strong and hard he hoped he wouldn't hurt her, but she took him inch after precious inch. As he realized he was close to coming, he tugged at her hair…after all, he thought, he was a gentleman…and didn't want to release into her mouth. She swatted his hands away, ran her tongue over his tip softly and realizing he could no longer hold it, he came, a loud grown escaping as he pulsed over and over until the end.

She excused herself and returned moments later with a clean mouth and a wet, warm cloth for him. She smoothed it across him, cleaning every area, as he relaxed into the warm sensation.

They lay spent and naked in front of the fire, both bodies coming down from the intensity, he on his back, she curled into the crook of his arm, her head resting on him, her fingers lazily brushing the fine thin hair on his chest.

"Penny," he said quietly, "sometimes I find myself behaving like a Neanderthal with you. It seems it is one thing I can't always control. I hope that is acceptable to you."

She giggled, pressing herself closer into his warm body, "It's okay Sheldon, sometimes everybody just needs a good fuck."


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: I loved writing this chapter. Hope you enjoy all the Shenny~ness. It's a long one, sit back, relax, have a Mountain Dew and enjoy!

CHAPTER 7

Outside the house, thunder crashed, the sun disappeared and rain pounded the roof. On the inside, the fire crackled, soft music played and candles burned. Penny and Sheldon rested comfortably on the fluffy rug, sipping wine…_for her_…Mountain Dew…_for him_, and eating pizza that they had made together shortly after feeding their _other_ hunger.

"Sheldon," seriousness crept into her voice.

"Yes?"

"I still have a lot of unanswered questions."

"Penny, they are only unanswered because you have not ask them." He looked deep into her eyes, so deeply that she thought she could physically feel him touch her. He continued, "I professed my love for you and that means no secrets. I expect that to be reciprocated, by the way. I informed you that I would answer any and all questions you have."

She took a deep breath, wanting _and yet not wanting_, to know the answer to something that had nagged in the back of her mind since she had first learned of Sheldon…and their mutual friends…positions.

"What about Leonard?" the word, his name, tasted oddly stale as it rolled off her tongue.

He sighed, knew it was coming, not wanting to discuss it, but being a man of his word, he answered, "He was recruited. We had every intention of bringing him in. Leonard is a very intelligent, though often unimaginative and inconsistent, scientist. With proper training, he could have been a tremendous asset to our team. In a lot of ways he still contributes, unbeknownst to himself. Before someone of Leonard's age is approached to join us, they are put through a series of controlled situations…tests, if you will…to gage what their response will be to a variety of stimuli and environs. Intelligence, skill, and aptitude are not the only qualities sought. Equally…or possibly of more importance…are character and integrity. And THAT is where Leonard failed miserably."

"What? Leonard's a, well a nice _enough_ guy. Most of the time," she cocked her head up at him, "A little annoying and whiney…oh and shallow," she added, beginning to see Sheldon's point.

He raised his eyebrows and picked up with Penny's assessment of Leonard, "He doesn't know the meaning of the word loyalty. He lacks sorely in good judgment and self-control. Bottom line, Penny, he is not of our caliber. We could not trust him."

Sheldon shifted his weight, a trace of sadness…regret…flashing in his eyes.

"Leonard…disappointed me Penny."

The past five years flooded her mind, the look on his face, the memories they both shared. And the words left her brain and flowed out of her mouth before she had time to think, or process or decide if she wanted to say it aloud, "Leonard _hurt_ you, Sheldon."

He stood and began removing plates and used napkins, "No, he _disappointed_ me, Penny. Don't give him power he doesn't deserve," he said, turning towards the kitchen.

Her mind flashed back through the years and slammed to a dead stop at that one moment. She had never been able to erase from her mind the look on Sheldon's face when he came into her apartment that day to confront Leonard. She had seen Sheldon…her friend…hurt before…sadly, she had almost gotten used to some of the ugliness that was thrown at him on an almost daily basis, Kripke, Wheaton, Winkle, Priya…_ultimate bitch_…Penny noted. The list went on. But it was his _friend_, his _best_ friend that had let him down.

Sheldon returned and folded his long legs towards the floor, plopping down beside Penny, leaning his back against the sofa. She inhaled deeply and looked up at him, deciding to continue.

"The Artic?" she breathed out.

His face twitched. He dropped his gaze to her, "Yes, 'the Artic.' That entire ordeal just about shut me down."

"I know, Sweetie."

"No Penny, you don't. It was about more than Leonard."

"Well, I know he ruined your experiment. And all that physics stuff you needed to do to try to win a Nobel…the, uh, experiments and stuff," it occurred to Penny that she really had no idea what they were supposed to be doing while in the Artic.

He sighed, "Penny, we…Howard, Raj and I…were there to evaluate Hofstadter. In all honesty, science was secondary on that trip. We did a few basic experiments, mostly just to pass the time, and to make Leonard believe we were there in the name of science. What we sought to discover was how Leonard would conduct himself in conditions less than perfect, in a confined space for a length of time. What we observed was a man willing to stab his supposed best friend in the back by tampering with results, which had it in fact been a real experiment with precise data, he would have fucked the whole thing up…and thought it _funny._ Were I, and for the record I was _not_, preparing myself for nomination for a Nobel, it meant absolutely nothing to him. And to this day he has displayed absolutely no remorse."

Sheldon continued, his eyes focused on her, "He drew unwanted attention to us, could have gotten us all kicked out of CalTech which would have been disastrous, almost wiped out my reputation in the intelligence community in one fell swoop." He turned to her, shifted his body and rested his hands in his lap, his eyes focused downward. His next words broke her heart.

"And when we returned, after _you_ knew everything, we came back from Texas, you still slept with him. And _that_, Penny, hurt me far worse than anything Leonard Hofstadter could have done to me. Because you were my friend too, and it felt like you didn't care…about me."

The weight of his words, the sheer magnitude, rendered her speechless, took her breath away. She felt tears trickle down her cheeks. He ran his hand through his hair, wondering if he should have exposed his raw emotions to her, shown her his pain and the part she played in causing it. If nothing, he was honest to a fault.

"Penny. Look at me."

He scooted close to her, dropped his long arm around her shoulders and pulled her towards him. She tilted her head up to him, her face stained with trails of tears.

"My God Penny," he whispered, bending to kiss her wet face, "I never wanted to make you cry. I never want to be the source of your tears. Please stop. It's in the past; I just needed you to know."

She placed her hands on his flushed cheeks and in a hushed voice said, "I am sorry Sheldon. Can you forgive me? I knew it was wrong when I did it. I was just…lost. My career, my screwed up family back in Nebraska, _my feelings for you_…I was a mess for a long time. Leonard was just a body to be next to. It could have been anybody."

"Then why wasn't it me? After I left your apartment, you followed me back to mine and came into my bedroom, remember?"

"Yes, I remember it all. I remember sitting on your bed and wanting so badly to just touch you, but I pulled back because I didn't think you wanted me. You were so upset and I didn't want to confuse you. I was hurt for you and I wanted to comfort you. That's why I left Leonard and came to you. But you never let me know that you needed me. I thought I was bothering you."

"I wanted you," he whispered, leaning towards her, burying his face in her hair.

Her throat tightened, "I'm sorry, I didn't know."

"Penny, I didn't tell you this seeking an apology. I just wanted you to know…I just want you to know me…I just…it just feels good that somebody…that _you_…know me. I need somebody to _know me_," he kissed her, "And you do. And all of that other stuff", he waved his hand as if to wave it away, "is in the past. Done and over," he said, so emphatically that as far as they both were concerned, the topic was forever dropped.

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As midnight approached, they made their way to the bedroom, both exhausted from the wear of the day. They showered together, though nothing sexual, just lovers washing one another's body, taking care of each other. They exchanged silly comments and argued about the temperature of the water. It was simple and sweet and elegant, Penny thought. This man that she loved was slowly teaching her that love meant more than sex. While sex was grand, she thought, knowing Sheldon's heart and mind, was grandest of all.

They lay in the bed beside one another, both on their backs, his hand protectively curled around hers. He told her of places he hoped to take her and people he wanted her to meet. She spoke of her family's farm in Nebraska and how she wanted to take him there someday, and she shared with him the call she received from her agent on the morning they had left to go to Aspen. He had landed her a promising audition in New York for a part in an off Broadway play. If she got it, and if it garnered enough interest, they had already lined up the financial backers to take it to Broadway.

Before they drifted off into peaceful sleep, he asked her if her mind was settled, if all her questions were answered.

"No, I guess just one more," she said in a sleepy tone.

"Go ahead," the sleep in his voice meeting hers.

"What exactly are you and Amy and the others doing at CalTech anyway?"

Thankfully, Sheldon thought, sleep came to Penny before he could answer. But her question had sent a jarring bolt through the very core of him. Reality had been suspended while he had been in Aspen, far removed from his life in California. Dear God, he thought, did he really want to drag this woman that he loved, that was sleeping peacefully beside him, into his chaos?

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They woke together, stretching and nudging and laughing, each accusing the other of snoring and sheet stealing. Sheldon told Penny that since he was a gentleman, he would allow her use of the bathroom first, 'for her morning urination,' but to hurry, because he really needed to go. She threw her pillow at him, hitting him square in the jaw, as she crawled out of their cozy bed.

After dressing for the day, Penny promised him she would make pancakes for breakfast. Sheldon sipped coffee outside on the deck, the aroma of hotcakes and syrup floating out the door and drifting beneath his nostrils. He still didn't like coffee, and he had to be sure not to drink too much, but he always drank a tiny bit of it for her, because _she_ liked it. She liked, as she had said to him, 'the _feel _of coffee in the morning.' And he liked to make her happy, so he drank the damn coffee.

The rain had stopped during the night and the clouds had moved out, allowing warm yellow sunshine to glow down on them. She had insisted that even with a slight chill in the air, they have breakfast outside because it was just too beautiful not to. He agreed, not because he really cared, but because it mattered to her, so that made it important to him. When did this happen, he pondered, racking his brain for the proper data and finding none.

"You're pretty," he said to her simply.

"And your handsome," she replied, her grin so huge she was sure her face would run out of space for it.

He smeared butter on his pancakes and dumped thick gooey syrup over the top. She had brought them each a large glass of milk and he now wore a thin little milk mustache. She thought to tell him, but decided not to because she liked looking at it.

Instead, she said, "So tell me about Amy."

He cocked his eyes up at her, a crisp slice of bacon inches from his mouth.

"What about her?" he asked quickly, choosing the bacon over the discussion.

"Well…what's her deal?"

He chewed and swallowed, then propped both his elbows on the table and looked across at Penny.

"I don't understand that question, Penny."

"You know, _her deal_. I mean, I've been thinking about it and well, for awhile, before I knew…the truth…I thought you and her were…well, a thing….that _you_ were her deal. But I also keep thinking about how she, well…kind of flirted with me…a lot. I don't know, it's probably stupid, but I just thought you would know."

He laughed, "Well, for starters, I consider Amy one of my closest friends. She is beautiful in the truest sense of the word, on the inside as well as on the outside. And I would never discuss her 'deal' as you call it, with anyone…anyone except you…because, well, because you are…my deal..."

"Yes I am…your deal…I mean," she giggled, extending her leg over to run her foot up and down his long, lanky limb.

"Amy has a beautiful fiancée in North Carolina. Her name is Melody. They've been together for a few years, but their state won't let them marry and they refuse to go anywhere else, because as Amy told me, they both were born and raised there, neither of them wants to go anywhere else."

"I knew it! Yes! Go Amy!" Penny giggled and Sheldon wondered what the fuss was about. He would never understand why girls were so odd sometimes.

"Yes, I imagine when we return to Pasadena, Amy will be quite pleased to have you to discuss these matters with."

"Okay, so you told me about Bernadette and now Amy. So what about Howard and Raj?"

He sighed, "Penny, I'm really not the best one to ask. You know personal relationships are not my forte. All I know is Raj, well he's still trying to figure out what his, to use your word, 'deal' is. And Howard, I think he likes…well…likes a lot of stuff. I don't ask mostly because I don't want to know."

"Okay, well so you and I are…together…I love saying that…and Bernadette and Amy have someone, so how does that affect their relationships? I mean, I guess they had to tell them you guys secrets, just like you told me."

He closed his eyes and put his fork down, "Penny, it's a bit different because both of their partners live in other states. They leave two or three times a year for a…vacation…to see their significant others….it doesn't really draw much attention. You live right across the hall from me. You are a known entity. You are on the radar."

"On what radar?" she laughed, until she saw the stern look on his face.

"Penny…"

She pushed her chair back, "Sheldon, what aren't you telling me? What radar am I on? What the hell does that even mean?"

"Penny, you don't think I brought you up here just to whisper this secret in your ear, bring you in the loop and then we go back to California and everything is normal do you?"

"I don't know what I thought, Sheldon. It's not everyday that my boyfriend tells me he is a spy or _whatever_." She stood and looked down at him.

"I'm not a spy."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, you're a covert thingy."

"Penny."

"Sheldon, we've been down this road before. Just. Tell. Me."

Deep breath, "Penny, the way we watch people, the way we know their plans, their moves, hopefully their very thoughts…we can predict what they are going to do before they even do it. Well, don't think that…the bad guys…don't have some of the same capabilities."

Eyes wide, "What bad guys? There are bad guys?"

"Penny, what did you think we were doing? Why would we need to be in place if not for a purpose?"

"But…I thought the purpose was…well…because you guys are really super smart and were creating new stuff to help America. Like inventors or something, and you had to do it in secret so nobody else would steal the ideas."

Sheldon stifled a laugh, trying hard not to let her sense his amusement.

"Are you laughing at me, Sheldon Cooper?"

"No," he said, as he doubled over in his chair, laughing so hard tears stung his eyes.

Penny stomped off, turning around to face him before going back into the house, "We will talk about this later when you think you can stop making fun of your girlfriend. And I am so sorry I am not James Bond or…or…or whatever the name of some other spy is. Excuse me!"

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Sheldon was glad that their breakfast conversation had ended on a humorous note. And Penny had learned by now that if it was something this serious…and weren't bad guys pretty serious business?…that unless she wanted to ruin the whole day by getting upset, to just wait until the time was right and then discuss it. But for now, this was their last full day in Aspen, as they would be leaving the following morning and neither of them wanted to spend their last day in conversation too serious to enjoy.

They had decided to pack a picnic lunch and hike down to the river that was spread out below the cabin. They made sandwiches and cookies and packed chips and water bottles. And Sheldon had insisted on bringing a big, thick blanket for them to sit on because he absolutely, positively could not sit on the dirt or something so thin that dirt could penetrate it and get on them. So while Sheldon's backpack carried the food and drinks (because it was heaviest, and he was a gentleman, he insisted) Penny's was stuffed full of a giant comforter.

They meandered through the winding path that others before them had carved out. The air was quiet and peaceful and for a moment Penny wished they could just move into the cabin and never leave, never have to go back and deal with CalTech and auditions and Leonard and the Cheesecake Factory and government stuff and bad guys and…and…then she figured she just needed to enjoy the surrounding nature and quit thinking so damn much.

After walking for almost an hour, the path they followed took a sharp turn and as it began to straighten, they saw the river laid out before them. It took their breath away.

"It's majestic," Sheldon's awe seeping through, along with his Texas drawl.

"Wow," it was the only word that came to her mind.

They gawked in wonder and Sheldon's next words surprised her almost as much as any of the other things he had said to her over the weekend.

"This leaves no doubt that God does indeed exist."

"What?"

He cleared his throat and shook his head, forcing his thoughts back into reality.

"Nothing."

"I heard you Sheldon. And I know what kind of home you grew up in, because I grew up with the same kind of momma you did. I had to go to Sunday School and learn the Bible, same as you. And for the record, I do believe God exists. I just never told you because it seems like all of you super smart people don't believe in Him. But I do."

Sheldon exhaled and closed his eyes, letting the sound of the rushing water cascading over the river rocks wash over him with its soothing tranquility. He thought that of all he and Penny had ever done, the sex, the lovemaking, the laughing, the secret sharing, that he never had felt closer to her than this very moment.

He shrugged his backpack off, letting it slide down his body to the ground. He stepped to Penny and removed her backpack and leaned it against his. He took her in his arms and kissed her. When they pulled apart, his blue eyes, made bluer against the Colorado sky, pierced into her very soul.

"I love that you know me like this Penny."

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After wandering along the rivers edge a few minutes, they finally came upon a clearing that met Sheldon's approval to spread their comforter and have lunch. It had, as he pointed out, the right ratio of shade to sunshine, so they would neither be too warm, nor too cool, and would have a perfect view of the river without having to turn their heads. Sheldon always chose the perfect spot, Penny laughed to herself, even out in the freaking wilderness.

With the thick fluffy red fabric spread open, they tossed their backpacks onto it. Penny ripped off her shoes with abandon. There was no way she was not going to stick her toes in the crystal clear water. She was surprised at how cold, really cold, the water was. And of course Sheldon was instantly able to give her the exact cause and calculations as to why it was so chilly. Penny tuned the scientific mumbo jumbo out and chose instead to splash around the water's edge, with him casting warnings to her to be careful because 'there's no telling what's in that water.'

He was finally able to persuade her to get away from it by telling her he was hungry. She hopped and skipped her way towards the comforter, complaining how cold her feet were and that the rocks were hurting her. She convinced Sheldon to give her a piggyback ride the last few yards, and though he huffed and insisted that doing so may break his back, he couldn't help but love the feeling of her jumping on him and wrapping her legs around his waist, his arms tucked securely under her bent knees and her arms looped around his neck. He could get used to giving piggyback rides to Penny.

Once they had reached the comforter, she slid her body down the back of him, probably slower and tighter than necessary, and sat down on the sun warmed fabric. They both stretched their bodies out, flat on their backs, gazing up at the high trees and listening to the music the birds and other creatures in the distance made. Penny sat up and looked down at him.

"Hey I thought you said you were hungry?"

He grabbed her wrists and pulled her down on top of himself, "I'm hungry for you."

And with that they made out there on the riverbank. He kissed her long and hard and ran his hands under her shirt, over the denim that covered her tight ass, and anywhere else he could reach. She straddled him and dry humped him, slowly at first, and moving her hips faster as she felt him growing beneath her. His huge bulge positioned perfectly to hit just the right spot for her, combined with her tight jeans, helped Penny explode in pleasure. It was one of the many great things about being a girl; she could come anytime, anywhere and not have to worry about the cleanup.

She licked and sucked at his neck and then moved lower to his shoulder blade, not stopping until she was quite sure she would leave her mark there on him, a mark he would later discover, that lasted for days, going from shades of purple and blue to greenish to finally fading into an ugly yellow, eventually disappearing altogether. But it felt so good, he didn't even care.

He moaned under her, thankful that all of his sexual activity with Penny had helped him build up the ability to control himself, to hold off on his own pleasure until a more…appropriate time. Especially, he found, if he thought about the periodic table and recited it over and over in his head. Just a few months ago, he thought, he would have had to jump up and get away from her real fast until his erection went down. Now, however, he was a man that knew what the hell he was doing and could satisfy his woman and not ruin his pants. He wanted nothing more than to rip his, and more importantly _her_, clothes off and plunge himself into her, giving it to her so good she would beg him for more. Instead he said, "You owe me later."

"Let's do it right here," she whispered, caught in her passion and her need to satisfy his desire, "I don't care who sees us."

He was tempted. God, he was tempted. He wanted her so damn badly.

"Anybody could be watching, Penny. I…we…can't."

"Please Sheldon," she knew it turned him on even more when she begged him.

He heard his phone buzz, muffled deep in his backpack. He knew who it was from the ring tone.

"Damit, I have to get that, Penny."

Just for good measure, she ground into him hard and fast a couple more times before climbing off.

"Hello? Okay…I know," he face burning as he spoke.

"What?" she looked at him.

"They told us to stop it."

"What?" she sat up, glad now that she was fully clothed. "Who?" She shot her head around, eyes searching.

"Penny, come on. After all I've told you."

"Who, Sheldon?"

"People keeping us safe, Doctor Wolowitz up in space, the Russians up there with him, NASA, any number of people."

"What the hell…HOWARD can see us? Wait…did you say _Doctor_?"

"Penny, what part of 'we are the best' do you not understand? We know everything, we see everything. We have to," he sighed, "yes, I said Doctor."

"God Sheldon, what else do I not know?"

She grumbled and, much to his chagrin, she threw both her hands up in the air and shooting the middle finger of each hand straight up, sent them all a big ole Nebraska 'FUCK YOU.' She figured it was a universal signal that each and every one of them would understand. It was a warning shot to them all not to mess with her and Sheldon. Ever.

And up in space, Doctor Howard Wolowitz, watching it all, grinned and said, "Damn, she's gonna be some kind of trouble. What a lucky bastard you are, Doctor Cooper."

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It was late in the afternoon when they arrived back at the cabin, tired and dirty, and Sheldon still pretended to be mad at her for, as he called it, 'uncouth behavior.' He wasn't really; he just tried to make her think he was. But she knew he could no more be mad at her than she could be at him.

She laid claim to the bathtub and he took a shower in the smaller bathroom. They would meet in the living room later for a mutually agreed upon movie. She really didn't care what the movie was, as long as she could snuggle against him and breathe him in and kiss him. And in all honesty, he didn't care either. He just wanted to sit beside Penny.

As she relaxed in a hot bubble bath, sipping a glass of sweet red wine, she knew she still had to ask him the most difficult question of all. She would ask him before she let him press play on the Blu-ray.

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"Sheldon?"

"Hmmm?" He was flipping through the channels on the television, ready to discuss their movie selection.

"Did you know I met your friend, Doctor Stone, that day I went into town?"

"Yes."

Of course you did, she thought.

"He said something to me," she dropped her eyes to her hands which were jumping around in her lap, "something I need to ask you about."

"Okay."

"Hold my hands," she told him, "put that down and hold my hands."

He did as she ask, beginning to squirm in his seat next to her.

She brought her eyes up and looked into his…oh, she thought…those incredibly blue, blue eyes that would kill her to see an ounce of pain in.

"Sheldon," she said softly, choosing her words carefully, "he said you had known great pain in your life. I asked him what he meant and he said you would have to share it with me in your own time. I…"

He jerked his hands away and stood, staring at her, "What else did he say?" Tears stung his eyes.

She gulped, "That's all. I promise. Well, his exact words were great pain and great sacrifice."

"Penny…I can't do this…I can't talk about this…not now…please."

She stood, pushing herself up onto her tiptoes, reaching for him, "Baby, it's okay. You know you can tell me anything. I need to know. I have to know."

"Not this Penny, not now."

She sighed, "Then when?"

"I don't know."

He walked away, out the door, onto the deck, down the stairs, and was gone for over an hour. Penny decided to give him his space, he had given her hers a few days ago, she could do the same. She went to the kitchen and made spaghetti with cut up hotdogs for dinner. She would keep it warm for however long it took him to come back to her.

When he did return, she was standing at the kitchen sink cleaning dishes from their breakfast. He nuzzled in close behind her, his arms around her waist, chin on her shoulder, and mouth to her ear.

"I want to tell you and I will. Just not tonight, okay?" he whispered, "I want to be with you tonight and if I have to talk about that…well…the night will be shot."

She turned to face him, "Done."

They filled their plates with spaghetti and hotdogs and poured big cups of Mountain Dew. They carried it all into the living room and piled up on the sofa and watched Meg Ryan in Sleepless in Seattle because it was one of Penny's favorite movies and, he figured, if he could drink coffee for her, he could certainly watch a chick flick with her. And everything would be okay. And for that night, it was.

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They boarded the private plane, somewhat subdued, neither of them wanting their trip to end. But California was calling them home. Sheldon had checked to confirm that the door to the hallway that led to the cockpit was locked and secured. He only had a few more hours of alone time with Penny before they would be hit in the face with reality, and he wanted to make the most of it, with no interruptions from the pilot or crew. He contained himself until they were in the air. Once the plane leveled out, his seatbelt was off and his lips and hands were on her.

"What's wrong, Doctor Cooper?" she teased, "Can't control your primitive biological urges?"

He sighed as he smoothed his hands up and under her shirt, thrilled to find that she was braless.

"Damn, Penny…," he moaned low and deep in her ear.

"Hey, it's a time saver. I so knew you would be going there," she giggled as she reached for the tightness building in his pants.

"Are you still interested in joining the Mile High Club with me?" he breathed out, finding himself yet again under her spell.

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	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

They had been back in Pasadena for almost four weeks. Though everyone in their social circle was aware they had been seeing one another before the trip to Aspen, Leonard had secretly hoped that one weekend alone with Sheldon would be enough for Penny to realize how crazy he was, that it was just a fluke and she would come to her senses and ask him to take her back. What he found however, was a roommate and an ex-girlfriend who were in love. The fact that Penny was spending time with Sheldon _of all people,_ he thought, was bad enough. But the true and harsh reality hit him in the face when he discovered they loved each other, they actually loved each other. The way Sheldon couldn't take his eyes off of Penny whenever they were together almost killed him. But it was the way Penny looked at Sheldon, hung on his every word, and touched his arm or leg or shoulders when they were just having a simple conversation, was worst of all. She had never looked at _him_ the way she looked at Sheldon.

Sheldon bringing Penny into the inner circle had resulted in her creating deeper bonds with Bernadette and Amy. She had also discovered that Raj could in fact converse without the aid of alcohol; it was merely a part of the ruse they had established to 'hide in plain sight' as Sheldon had called it.

Howard had returned to earth and was going through the usual medial evaluations and post-flight reports before being allowed to leave Russia and fly back to California. Penny looked forward to seeing him so that she could give him a piece of her mind for watching her and Sheldon that day at the river. On the other hand, she was so proud of him, she knew she would probably just hug him instead, welcoming him back to planet Earth. Really, how many people can say they have a friend that went into space?

Sheldon was happy. He would catch himself humming or worse, wearing a big, goofy Penny-induced grin. He was in love. In love _again_, he reminded himself, as if he could ever forget. And the thought would always cause the grin to fade. And then guilt would begin to flood his mind and body, and would slowly erode his new happiness, eventually washing that happiness away. Those were the times when the only comfort he could find was to remind himself, as he had for years, that his position within the United States Central Intelligence Agency was going to afford him the revenge he had sought since…since that day that his world came crashing down around him.

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Sometimes, Penny thought, when he made love to her like he had just done, she couldn't even remember her own name. While they had pretty much established that they both were big horn dogs, and they certainly had their moments of just down and dirty sex, it was the quite times, when they were really making love, connecting on levels most people never know, that she was sure she could die in his arms and it would be okay. She had always thought that the kind of love she and Sheldon shared was something from movies or cheesy romance novels. She had never known that she could love a man so deeply, so completely that it actually hurt her to be away from him. He was her oxygen and her food; Sheldon was the very beating of her heart.

He loved her, God how he loved her. So much, in fact, that it scared him. He had loved before and in the end, he was devastated because he had allowed himself to love, something he had promised himself since he was a boy that he would never do. And now he was here again, doing the same thing. Except this time it was different. He was older, wiser, more experienced, he reasoned with himself. This time, he was stronger, smarter, and would kill if he had to, to protect his Penny.

"Hey, where'd you go?" she reached over, stroking his face with the backside of her hand. They were lying face to face on her bed.

He exhaled deeply, "I'm right here," he smiled at her, smoothing the hair away from her face, wondering what he had done in his life to deserve her.

"I love it when you love me like that," she said shyly.

"And I, you," he tipped his head down, kissed her bare shoulder.

"Okay, Mister Proper," she laughed.

"I love you Penny," he stated it as fact, as if he were saying water is wet or candy is yummy.

"I love you too, Sweet Moon Pie."

He never bothered to correct her about that anymore. She could call him whatever she wanted.

"Hey, don't forget that I'm going to New York on Thursday for my audition."

Penny was excited. She had been anguishing over her saved monologues, putting in extra time with her drama coach and debating what to wear.

"Penny, please, I never forget anything. I shall miss you terribly and will sit in my apartment and stare at the television until someone turns it on, or try and ready my comic books until someone turns the page for me, because I am absolutely certain I will not be capable of functioning without you."

She giggled, "Sheldon, don't be such a drama queen. I'll miss you too. But I'll only be gone for two days. You will hardly have time to miss me. And all _I'll_ have to do is have someone remind me to breathe because sometimes I think that without you, I might forget to. Just like totally forget to breathe."

He tugged at her waist and she rolled towards him, the back of her naked body pressing in close to the naked front of him. He held her as tightly as he could without hurting her, brushing his lips against her neck, tasting the salty stickiness from the sweat they had both worked up just moments earlier.

"Like _totally_," he laughed, nipping at her ear.

"Hey! Are you making fun of me?"

"Never," he said, rolling his eyes.

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Penny pressed her face against the window, watching California grow smaller as the plane pulled away, going higher and higher. She should have been nervous, realizing that this could possibly be her make or break moment…that one moment in every would-be actor's life that defines or denies their career. She had been in California for almost seven years and other than a few small…very small, she corrected herself…gigs and one commercial, she had gotten nowhere. Though she was still in her mid-twenties, she knew by entertainment standards, time was growing short. The up and coming future stars were nipping at her heels and she was barreling headfirst towards thirty. Sure, she had a few more years, but it seemed like only yesterday when she had arrived in Hollywood as a fresh faced eighteen year old, she and Kurt together, just months out of high school. She shook her head, thinking back to how truly ignorant of the business, and more importantly, _of life_, that they really had been.

These thoughts however, just a few months ago would have scared the hell out of her. But now…now there was Sheldon…Penny and Sheldon…and she had a confidence and a determination that she had never experienced. She marveled to herself on an almost daily basis that this, this relationship with Sheldon, had been an awakening for her, almost a rebirth of sorts. She knew on the most basic of levels that she had never loved or been loved like this, but it was so much deeper, this love of theirs. They made each other stronger. Apart, she was just a small town girl who came to Hollywood searching for a dream that probably wouldn't come true, working crap shifts at the Cheesecake Factory and praying she brought in enough money every month to pay her bills. And he was a lonely, lankly, brilliant man who had few social skills and even fewer friends. But together, they were perfection.

Penny acknowledged to herself, and sometimes to Amy and Bernadette, that there was still so much about Sheldon that she didn't know. She wondered how she could feel so incredibly close to a man and yet at the same time feel there was a deep and painful distance. He still had not opened up to her, had not shared with her this burden of pain that Doctor Stone had alluded to while in Aspen. Sheldon had told her he would share it with her when he was ready, but weeks had past and there had been no further mention of it. Sometimes, especially when it was just the two of them, she would see that faraway look in his eyes, as if his body was there with her, but his thoughts were so distant that she couldn't reach him at all. She had decided that she would not ask him again, instead choosing to let him tell her in his own time. She knew she could force it out of him, demand that he reveal this secret to her, but she didn't want it that way. That was the old Penny. Now she could wait for him, wait until he was ready to open up to her.

Penny silently went over her monologue during the almost four hour flight. She knew it so well she could do it backwards if it were ask of her. She had carefully chosen a deeply personal piece, one that was not just committed to rote memory as so many she had done in the past; this one was coming straight from her heart. This was another unexpected gift that had come from her love affair with Sheldon; a maturity in herself that she didn't even know was there. It spilled over into her pursuit of her acting career. In the past, she had chosen material for auditions that cast a sexy light on her, she would deliver her monologues in a voice that she had been sure would verbally seduce casting directors to choose her. And of course it had never worked, because there was always someone sexier, younger, blonder, hotter, and willing to do far more than Penny was to get the part. This time…this city…would be different she assured herself.

"Are you following me?" Penny was never one to back down, her Midwestern roots not allowing it, no matter how much courage she sometimes had to muster.

"Excuse me?" the man in the dark suit looked at her as if she were crazy.

"You were on the same flight as me and now you are here checking into the same hotel as me," she informed him, "AND," she emphasized, "you keep looking at me."

She was standing her ground in the lobby of a cheap hotel in midtown Manhattan, just a few blocks from Times Square. This stranger looked as if he could afford a much nicer hotel than the one Penny was staying in.

"I'm sorry Miss, I don't know what you are talking about. Guess it's just a coincidence."

"Yeah, right," she glared at him, wondering if it was just a coincidence. Maybe it was, maybe she was making a huge ass of herself, maybe the pressure of the audition was getting to her more than she realized. Maybe, she thought, she should have listened to Sheldon and invited Amy or Bernadette to come with her so that she wouldn't be a woman alone in freaking New York City.

She tossed what she hoped was a confident, leave-me-the-hell-alone look at him as she took her keycard from desk attendant and turned to get on the elevator and head up to her room on the twelfth floor. After she had unpacked her most necessary items, make-up, hair products and assorted scents, she sent Sheldon a text message to let him know she had arrived safely. He didn't immediately respond, she assumed, because of the three hour time difference and he was just busy with work.

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"So what you are telling me is they are going to attempt to bring the uranium in and irradiate it? Hit it with the electrons…" Howard's eyes were blurry and he strained to focus on his team that was assembled before him in the small, sparsely furnished room.

"Damn," Raj said in a hushed voice, "they are attempting plutonium fission. Dude, there is nothing worse than homegrown terrorists…born and bred right here in the good ole U. S. of A."

"Yes," Sheldon continued, annoyance in his voice at being interrupted, "Yes, Raj. The big one, a highly fissionable isotope. And they plan to do it right on our campus, right here at CalTech." He slammed his laptop shut and glared up at the others, "And we have to stop them."

"What? We?" Bernadette's eyes were wide. "Sheldon, we are not the military, we are just gatherers of information. We will create our report, send it to Doctor Stone, and he will send it to whomever he sends it to and let them do the dirty work. We've devoted years to this project, looks like it's coming to a head. Now we stand back and let the military do what they do best. We've done our part."

"Yes," Amy concurred, "_we_, Doctor Cooper, do nothing." She sent a harsh look at Sheldon, hoping it was enough to back him down.

He pushed his chair back and stood, "We do nothing? So we wait, let Sam send it in, wait on the damn politicians in DC to argue about it, positioning themselves in the best light based on whatever political climate the election in their states happen to be, and then, if they aren't breaking for some vacation time, because let's face it, fall is almost here and Christmas is just around the corner. They will be on break for weeks. We may not have that kind of time."

"Doctor Cooper," Howard spoke calmly, "while we all here share your enthusiasm and desire to rid ourselves of these monsters that want to destroy our country, we do have protocol to follow. That, and the fact that we are not trained to do anything further than gather intelligence and turn it over to Doctor Stone. That is our mission, that is where we excel and that is how we will proceed."

"Yea," Raj laughed, "that and the fact that they could snap our necks at any moment if they find out we've been watching them."

"Oh, I see. Well I am thrilled to know that you find this so entertaining Raj." He shot his eyes at Howard, "And Doctor Wolowitz, I am disappointed in you, sir. I thought the courage you had to muster to fly into space would have forced your body to finally grow some damn balls." He leveled his voice, "I say we have to do more that write a report. We have to act."

Howard stood and moved towards Sheldon, "You, Doctor Cooper, are out of line. I have the final say on this. We do nothing but give the data to Doctor Stone and he will know how to proceed from there. I will expect your report next week. That is all."

Sheldon was the last to leave the room, slowly packing his messenger bag, not making eye contact with any of the others. Amy was waiting for him when he stepped into the hallway.

"Need a ride?" She said, pushing her body off the wall she had been leaning against.

"No, I'll walk." He said, wishing he could just get past her with no further conversation but knowing his friend would not let him off that easily.

She gently lifted her hand to his shoulder and spoke softly, "Sheldon, you can't fight battles that you can't win. I know you are still angry and hurt, but you need to let the experts handle this."

"Amy," he inhaled deeply, "I committed my life to being a scientist and I signed on very early in my life to not only dedicate myself to physics, but to the betterment of my country. You know, when I did that, when my parents had to sign as well because of my young age, it really didn't mean that much to me. I think I agreed with it because my mom and dad said it was the right thing to do. But when I got older, when I studied history, when I was able to comprehend the vast amount of damage people could do to each other…what they took from _me_..." he dropped his head, fought back the moisture that stung his eyes.

"I know, Sheldon," she tried to comfort him, knowing that there were no words to ease the hurt. "But you are also a logical, intelligent, brilliant man. And you have to know in your heart of hearts that Doctor Wolowitz is right. We can't just walk into their labs and start throwing around accusations and let them know we are on to them. It would eradicate all of the years of groundwork we've laid. This is what we signed on to do; we are doing it, ours is a great contribution to the overall equation."

"It's not enough," he whispered, "We…I…need to do more."

She stopped and grabbed him, forcing him to look down at her, "It will never be enough, Sheldon. Don't you get that? No matter what we or what _you _do, it will never be enough. It will never bring _her_ back. Never."

He pulled away from her, ran his hands through his hair and then adjusted his messenger bag before speaking, "I know. I just don't want anyone else to have to go through that. We have to stop it. And I'm scared because…of Penny," the feel of her name passing over his lips caused his body to tighten, "I just can't…"

"I know Sheldon, but you can't be Superman, you can't control the world or the actions of bad people in the world. And you can't live your life in a bubble and never care for anyone again only because you are scared to lose them. What kind of life is that?"

He squared his jaw, revealing to her, saying aloud what he had been thinking for weeks, "My life, Amy. It may have to be _my life_."

"What are you saying? That you would stop loving Penny just so you don't chance losing her?"

"I could never stop loving her, Amy…never. But I might have to walk away from her," he closed his eyes tightly, the thought making him dizzy.

"Well, then, Sheldon…Doctor Cooper…that would make you a complete and utter idiot. And I thought you were so much better than that."

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Penny's phone buzzed gently beside her. She was sitting on the bed in her hotel room flipping through television channels.

The picture she had assigned to Sheldon's name flashed on the screen of her phone. She smiled at the memory; it was of him standing in front of _their_ river in Aspen.

"Hey Sweetie."

"Hello Penny. I'm sorry I missed your text earlier. I had a busy day at work and then a meeting afterwards."

"It's okay. I've just been hanging out going over my monologues and getting ready for my audition tomorrow. I need to go get something to eat but there is this really weird man that is creeping me out and I'm kind of scared to leave the room."

Sheldon swallowed hard, "What's he doing? What does he look like?"

She laughed, remembering how protective he could be, "Oh I'm sure he's fine. Don't worry."

"What does he look like, Penny?" he repeated.

Sighing, "I don't know Sheldon. Tallish, probably in his thirties, kind of balding. Oh, and he's wearing a suit, like dark blue or maybe black."

"Okay."

Thinking that was an odd reply she questioned, "Okay? What does that mean? Should I be worried? Should I call the police?"

"He's Okay. He's…following orders."

"What orders?"

"My orders."

"Sheldon, what the hell are you talking about?"

"I couldn't be there to protect you. So…I sent someone else. Just leave him alone, you will be fine."

Eyes wide, "Sheldon Lee Cooper! What the hell? Protection from what?"

"Penny please."

"Listen, I love you Sheldon. And I love that you want to always keep me safe, but baby sometimes you just have to let go and have faith. I will be fine."

"I don't want to talk about this."

"Fine, we won't. I have an audition to get ready for, but when I get back, we need to have a serious talk. This is crazy."

He was quiet for a moment before saying softly, "Maybe I'm too crazy for you Penny."

"Sheldon, don't be ridiculous. You _are_ a little on the crazy side, but that's one of the many qualities I love about you. Don't stop being crazy, Sweet Moon Pie."

He laughed, glad the tension was broken, "I don't think you ever need to worry about that."

She smiled into the phone, "I miss you."

"I miss you too. But don't think about us right now. I want you to put all your energy and focus into your audition, that's what is important. That's why you are in New York."

"Hey, I'm always thinking about us, don't tell me not to," she laughed. "But you are right; I do need to focus on why I'm here."

"Yes you do. I think we are both going to be busy tomorrow, so just call me later tomorrow evening. Oh, and break a leg…isn't that proper social convention for what I should say to you?"

She giggled, "Yes, I suppose. That or 'I love you more than the universe, Penny, you sweet, beautiful, gorgeous, next big star of Broadway.' That might be nice to hear."

He smirked, "You already know _that_. Must I repeat it?"

"I love you Doctor Cooper."

"I love you too, Broadway Star."

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Penny aced the audition. She just knew it. The casting director had maintained eye contact with her the entire time. It was the first time in a long time that a director kept his eyes on her face and not on her bust. After she had completed her monologue they had asked for yet another and she was ready. His assistant had assured her on the way out that she should be expecting a call from them in a week or two.

She knew she wouldn't be talking to Sheldon until later in the evening, but she couldn't resist sending him a quick text:

NAILED IT!

And in Pasadena, sitting alone in his office, he did a quick and awkward fist pump.

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"We need to talk." Howard said as he entered Sheldon's office, closing the door softly behind himself. "We have a problem," he said steadily, hoping Sheldon wouldn't detect the fear and urgency in his voice.

"What?" he waited, sensing Howard's distress.

"Suitcase. They have a suitcase loaded, ready to transport. We don't know the destination yet. But Sam is working on it. He will be calling any time now."

Sheldon stood, his body shaking, "Not New York? God don't let it be New York." He looked down at his calendar making a mental note that Penny would be flying home the following day.

Howard sighed, "I doubt it. We think it's local, within the state. Too hard for them to transport across state lines, much less across the country."

"Damit," Sheldon breathed out, "what does this mean for us?"

"Well, Doctor Cooper, it means that you may just get your wish after all. We may be called upon to intervene. And if we are, then God help us all."

Sheldon felt a chill through his body. He sat back down, processing what Howard had said, wishing for something, but not sure what that something was. He cocked his eyes up to Howard, "Just brief me please."

"Well, Doctor Henri and Doctor Barclay, along with their new assistant Richard Sloan seem to have been working overtime. Seems the university door scans, along with the cameras of course, show them entering the building late at night sometimes, two, three AM. Lab records show entrance as well, and a couple of times, they received late night deliveries at the loading dock. Basically, they were doing exactly what we knew they were doing, exactly as we have been reporting, materials as we've reported, so thank God our asses are covered. But they are doing so at an accelerated pace. That's the unknown data here, not that they are doing it, but why so fast? What's the hurry?"

"Dear God," Sheldon whispered.

"Yea, so now they have, sitting one building over at this moment, a case full of plutonium. The only good news is, we suspect they still haven't figured out how to create the fission needed to detonate it. However, we can't wait and hope it fails. Somebody has to take them out and at the same time make sure the damn thing doesn't detonate. It could take out a big hunk of California. So basically it doesn't really matter that our asses are covered, because if they set that thing off, we won't have any asses _to cover_."

"Do the others know?"

"Yeah, Raj is on his way here now. I told Amy and Bernadette to stand by, wait and see what Sam says. What we may need to do."

The knock at the door startled both of them. They relaxed when they heard Raj's voice on the other side.

"Come," Sheldon said, Howard rolling his eyes at Sheldon's attempt to sound official. He leaned across the desk to Sheldon as Raj entered the room and closed the door, "Doctor Cooper, may I remind you that we are first and foremost scientists. We are neither the Secret Service nor the military. We are geeky morons whose only combat training has been on the paintball field or the Xbox."

Sheldon stared him down as Raj spoke, "You guys knock it off. I brought my communicator, Sam should be calling anytime."

As if on cue, the device sounded and Raj touched the screen giving his password quietly, "Carrie Bradshaw" he said and Howard stifled a laugh. Raj rolled his eyes and mouthed, "So, I like Sex and the City, what?" Sheldon glared at both of them.

"Good evening Doctor Koothrappali. Please put your ears on and have the other two do so as well, no need to take unnecessary chances."

He looked up, "Ears on fellows."

Howard already had his plugs out, snapped one end into the device on the desk and then popped the soft end into his left ear. Sheldon dug around in his messenger bag, produced them and followed as Raj did the same.

"We're all hooked up, Doctor Stone."

"Very well. Good evening gentlemen. Seems we have a situation on our hands. I've spoken with my superiors, though why they are referred to as superiors I'll never understand. I am old enough to be their grandfather, and I have _forgotten_ more data than they have yet to even learn," he breathed out a raspy deep breath and continued, "We have people in place to handle this situation; however we are hoping to avert this thing leaving the building it already occupies, and therein lies our problem. The operatives on the outside cannot go undetected within the university walls. If Henri or one of the others feels we are on to them, they won't hesitate to take anyone out, including themselves," he cleared his throat, "and including the three of you. We also have to think of the students as well. Too many possibilities of something going wrong."

"What do we need to do Doctor Stone?" Sheldon spoke up, "Anything. Just tell me."

"Sheldon, dear boy, the first thing you can do is relax. I don't need any heroes. I need all three of you to come out on the other side of this mess. I know, son that your emotions are kicking in but I have confidence in you. You are a professional, you've received proper training and you will act in accordance with procedures."

"Yes, sir," he sighed, leaning back in his chair.

"Now, Doctor Wolowitz, the three of you have established and maintained a relationship with Doctors Henri and Barclay. It would not be unusual for any of you to enter their lab. It's still early in the evening. You and Doctor Koothrappali are known to, shall we say, hang out together after hours," he cleared his throat again as Raj shrugged his shoulders at Howard.

"I would like for you two to distract them. Tell them of some great experiment you are conducting in the engineering lab, get them out of there. After they vacate the room, Doctor Cooper, that is when you will enter in order to remove the case. And Sheldon, don't try to work with it, don't open it. Just take it to the rear door and someone will be waiting there to receive it. We must act quickly, as we have learned they plan to transport it to a local sporting event this very evening. You boys must be hasty."

Raj gulped, "Wait, right now? We are really doing this right now? Can I call my parents first?"

"Doctor Koothrappali," Howard said, gently touching Raj's arm, "you will be fine. We'll be together. Sheldon will get the case; it will be over in the blink of an eye."

"Yeah," Raj mumbled, "if we have any eyes left to blink."

"Remember, boys, you are covered on the outside. We have men positioned around the campus that you would never suspect. Just follow my instructions and you will be fine. If you run into any problems, you know what to do, abort, send the signal and," he coughed, long and hard, so hard they all had to remove their plugs to keep from blowing their eardrums out, "get the hell out of there."

"Yes sir," Howard spoke up.

"I expect a call when it is over." And with that, Doctor Sam Stone signed off, saying a silent prayer for protection over his young charges. What I wouldn't give, he thought, to himself, to be there with them.

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Penny had just returned to her hotel room and began packing her bags. She had an afternoon flight back to California the next day, but would have to take an early cab to get through the traffic and back out to JFK. She had stopped at a corner diner on the way back to grab dinner. Halfway through her meal, she had begun to feel queasy. The excitement of the day, coupled with the hope and possibility that she may actually get this part, was beginning to catch up with her.

She couldn't help but notice Sheldon's 'guy' staying close on her trail. She had seen him earlier on the way to her audition and around every place she had stopped throughout the day. She had even nodded to him a couple of times, just acknowledging his presence. He had remained steely eyed, never bending. She thought to herself she should go ask him if he wanted to share a cab to the airport, but she figured it would just give Sheldon one more thing to whine about and decided against it.

She felt the vibration of her phone that was still jammed into the front pocket of her jeans. She smiled; it was a text from Sheldon:

'I love you Penny.'

His message was short, simple and got right to the point. She loved that about him.

She replied:

'I love you too Sweet Moon Pie. Can you talk now? I can call you.'

He:

"No, in the middle of something, I'll phone you later. I miss you and I love you.'

Her:

'Miss you too. Call when you can. Love U'

She giggled, knowing he hated when she didn't type her words out properly.

Penny had no idea that the man she was so in love with was moments away from putting his life on the line. But she did wonder why her heart started pounding for no apparent reason.

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Howard tapped on the closed lab door, a big, fake smile plastered across his face. He looked to Raj, leaned into him a bit and whispered, "We'll be okay."

Raj nodded as Doctor Oliver Henri cracked the door open and poked his head out.

"Hello Doctor Koothrappali, Mister Wolowitz, what do I owe this honor?"

"Hi Doctor Henri," Howard said smoothly, "I was wondering if you might have a few moments to help settle a dispute Doctor Koothrappali and I seem to be having over in my lab?"

"Well, I'm quite busy at the moment with Doctor Barclay and Mister Sloan here. We are working on our own experiment."

It amazed Howard at how cool Doctor Oliver Henri could be while just steps behind where he stood he held the power to kill hundreds, if not thousands of people with one push of a button.

"Oh, come on Oliver, you are a freaking genius, it won't take but a second. You can bring Barclay and Sloan with you. Koothrappali and I are about to come to blows, we need all the input we can get."

Doctor Henri glance back over his shoulder, made a face at his comrades, and turned back to Howard and Raj. They could hear movement behind Doctor Henri, shuffling, sliding, and bumping of equipment.

Doctor Raymond Barclay inched up behind Doctor Henri, trying to maintain civility to the two, in his mind_, imbeciles_, at the door, "Gentlemen, we are sorry, but we are very busy. We wish to finish our current experiment so that we may leave soon."

"Oh," Raj said, using his shoulder to nudge the door open a bit more, "what are you working on? Maybe we could come in and watch your experiment instead of arguing over our own."

Howard's heart pumped harder, not believing Raj's assertiveness.

"Very well," Doctor Barclay said between clenched teeth, turning to nod to the younger man standing behind him, indicating he needed to put away what they had been working on before they were discovered. "Make it quick, Wolowitz. We have our own work to do."

"Will do, and thank you for taking the time, gentlemen."

The three evil men exited the lab, with Mister Sloan turning to snap the lock into place as they did so. He jiggled the door to confirm its security. They followed Raj and Howard through the dimly lit hallway.

In another part of the building, Sheldon's phone buzzed with a text. One word:

GO

He stepped out and made his way towards the lab the other men had just evacuated. His long legs carried him smoothly down the hallway. He felt calm about the mission he was on: locate the package, transport it quickly yet gently down the hallways to the rear exit, hand it over to the waiting operative, and then be done with the whole thing. No problem, he thought. But while his body worked like finely tuned machinery, his mind was whirling with data, flashbacks of his past and pictures of his present. And two names crashed and did battle at the forefront of his mind: Penny and…Olivia.

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Penny stood at the sink, rinsing traces of vomit from her mouth. She looked up at the mirror in front of her and observed the pale white skin and purple tinged lips reflecting back at her.

"Great. Just great," she muttered as she brought a wet cloth to her forehead.

"How the hell am I going to fly back to Pasadena tomorrow?"

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Sheldon had no problem popping the lock on the door, "Child's play," he whispered as he pushed it open.

He snapped on the lights and moved to the center of the room, surveying his surroundings, eyes scanning for anything resembling the item he was there to remove. He had only seen pictures on the internet, mostly consisting of very rudimentary attempts by wannabe scientists thinking they would be the one to master the compact human-portable nuclear weapon. His natural curiosity had made him almost giddy to locate and observe what Henri and Barclay had come up with. While they were his enemy, working against his country, he still had to acknowledge that they were two very intelligent and skilled men of science. And, he thought, that was the scariest thing of all. The enemy now possessed the greatest weapon of all: _knowledge_.

He spotted a large mass in the corner, covered with thick plastic and a heavy tarp. He quickly uncovered it and stepped away. The almost flawlessness of it took his breath away. A quick observation revealed the advances the scientists had made since the first suitcase sized weapons had been attempted by Russia and the United States back in the 1950s and 60s.

"My God," he breathed out, reaching to push the covers back for a better view.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Raj nudged Howard and whispered, "Where the hell is Sloan?"

Howard's eyes shot up. He saw Henri and Barclay in the corner debating the mechanical properties of his latest project. A quick scan around the room and no Mister Sloan. He looked to the door and it was ajar. He was sure he had closed it when they had entered a few minutes earlier.

"Frack. Damit Raj, you go, I'll stay with them. Go."

Raj eased toward the door and shot quickly down the hallway, retracing the steps he had taken earlier.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He heard the clearing of a throat and spun around, eyes landing on one Richard Sloan, new intern to Doctor Oliver Henri and Doctor Raymond Barclay.

"May I help you with something, Doctor Cooper?" Sloan said, wickedness soaking his voice.

"Oh, hello. Mister Sloan, correct?" Sheldon said, his voice surprisingly level.

"Yes," Sloan took a step towards Sheldon. His eyes dropping down to the device he had seen Sheldon studying when he entered the room.

Sheldon straightened his body, glad to have a few inches of height on this beady-eyed, very stout man.

"Oh, I was looking for Doctor Henri. He and I have been working on a project together and I needed his opinion on a matter that has me stumped."

"Well, that's a first for me. The great Doctor Sheldon Cooper, future Nobel recipient seeking advice from another. Just doesn't add up for me," he said as he took yet another step towards Sheldon.

Surprising his own self, Sheldon took a step towards Sloan, as if to infer he was not going to fucking back down. No fucking way. He felt hot blood rise to his face. His fist clinched so tightly his fingernails dug into his palms. And he felt no pain at all.

It happened quickly. Sloan had the gun in his hand and pointed at Sheldon so fast, that Sheldon wasn't even sure where on his body Sloan had drawn if from.

"What do you think you're doing?" Sheldon ask, not deterred from the cold steel aimed at his midsection.

Sloan laughed a cold, miserable laugh, "Ah, you Americans are all the same. False sense of superiority…this is why we will defeat you all. The Brotherhood will rule this country of yours in no time. Once we proved we could in fact launch a successful attack on you, we knew it was just a matter of time. Now step away from the weapon."

Sheldon gritted his teeth, growling out his next words, "A successful attack? You mean a sucker punch? It's been over ten years. You have had no other successes. You fooled us once, but never again," he took another step towards Sloan and said, "And how fucked up are you? We Americans? You, Sir, are an American. You are homegrown, born and bred here. All you are is a tool for the real terrorists. You are a pathetic loser and I'm here to stop you before you help them kill anyone else."

They both heard the creak of the door at the same time, and as Sloan turned to glance over his shoulder, Sheldon made his move. He lowered his head and charged, slamming his shoulder into Sloan, sending both their bodies through the air and crashing onto the floor with a harsh thump. The force of contact sent the gun sailing through the air, coming to a loud crash as the metal made contact with the hard tile floor.

"Raj, grab the gun," Sheldon yelled as he drove his fists into the torso and face of Richard Sloan. His arms, flailing through the air, the speed of a machine gun, nonstop, gaining strength with each pump. His adrenaline, like fresh electricity flashing high voltage through his body, surged nonstop, an endless power supply. He thought in the heat of the moment, that it was the first fight he had ever been in where he actually fought back. He'd been beaten by bullies in his youth, but he never delivered or returned a punch. He wasn't sure he even knew how to throw a punch. But now, here, at this moment, his punches, most of them anyway, were making solid connections with this bastard on the floor beneath him.

Raj bent to retrieve the gun, feeling the weight of it, realizing he wasn't on a paintball field, not sure what to do with it. His hands shook, he stood with mouth agape watching his friend in front of him beating the hell out of Richard Sloan. All that Sloan could do at this point was try to shield his face from the punches Sheldon was landing randomly about the man's now blood stained body. And all the years of being bullied, all the years of holding it together, holding everything in, being perfect, the years he had ached over his first love, the fear he felt for his and Penny's future, all of it, came pouring out of him and landed squarely on the body of Richard Sloan. And it felt pretty fucking good to him.

"Doctor Cooper! That's enough!" Howard's voice, the most comforting sound to Raj's ears, boomed through the room and bounced off the walls. He came into the room followed by three other men, all dressed from head to toe in black clothing, guns up, faces hidden. One of them, and he still doesn't know which one it was, bent and easily lifted him off of Sloan and set him aside as if he were the weight of a child.

"Take it easy, man, we got 'em now," the man grunted at Sheldon as he scooped Sloan up off the floor.

It was then that Sheldon felt the stinging of tears, his sight blurred to the extent that he could barely see his own bloody fists in front of his face. He was gasping for air, feeling like each breath was his last and surprised when his body allowed him intake of more oxygen. He fell to the floor, exhausted from the moment…from his _life._ Raj handed the gun to one of the men and quietly went to Sheldon. Howard spoke in hushed tones. Someone put handcuffs on Sloan and others stood in the hallway with Doctor Henri and Doctor Barclay, both already wearing the shiny metal bracelets.

"Hey," Raj spoke as he eased down onto the floor next to Sheldon, "it's over. You were great dude. Are you okay?"

Sheldon raised his head, his eyes meeting Raj. It was only then that Raj saw the true state of his friend, "Sheldon," he said softly, "I think I need to take you to a doctor, just to get checked out, okay?"

Sheldon nodded, it was all he could do. Raj helped him to his feet and kept his arm around him, "Just lean on me Sheldon." He motioned to Howard. As Howard turned towards Sheldon and Raj, evil cut through the room in the sound of Sloan's last words as he was dragged out by the military.

"Doctor Sheldon Cooper, you better watch your damn back. Revenge will be mine."

With that, Sloan, Henri and Barclay were escorted out and taken away. Another team came in to deal with the still active portable weapon resting in the corner of the room.

Howard approached and took the other side of Sheldon and together he and Raj walked Sheldon to the car and from there drove him to a nearby government facility.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Hey Sheldon," the voice was soft and comforting to him. But he couldn't place it. He attempted to open his eyes to put a face with the voice but his eyes felt glued shut.

"It's me, Amy. I know you can hear me. They gave you some meds to relax you. You are okay, they just wanted you to get some rest. You had a pretty big night and you saved the world." She laughed softly and continued, "Okay, maybe you didn't save the world, but you probably save a lot of Pasadena citizens."

He stirred, felt the soreness in his hands, tried to make a fist and discovered they were bandaged and wrapped, preventing him from closing them. He tried to sit up and then blacked out.

"Damn," Raj said as he stood outside of the room with Howard and Bernadette, "I didn't know Sheldon had all that rage in him. It was kind of hot."

Howard shook his head and Bernadette tried to suppress a giggle.

"In a masculine sort of way," Raj corrected himself, blushing.

"So what exactly happened with you guys?" Bernadette asked, sorry she had missed it.

"Well," Howard started, "the short version is, those assholes moved up their timetable on us, we didn't have much time to do anything but stop them. Raj and I were with the two doctors and Sloan was able to sneak past us and get back to the lab where Sheldon was trying to get rid of the case. Then he pulled a gun on Sheldon."

"Hey guys," Amy said as she approached them, coming out of Sheldon's room, "they are going to make him stay here overnight. He's fine; they just gave him some pretty powerful narcotics and want them to wear off before they allow him to leave. Do you think I should call Penny? She's still in New York."

"No way," Howard said, "she may be pissed off later, but she's coming home tomorrow. I doubt she could get here much sooner than already scheduled anyway. No need to upset her."

"I don't know," Bernadette interjected, "if it were me, I'd want to know."

Howard would never understand the female mind. Why the hell did they need a hysterical Penny there after what they…what Sheldon…had just gone through?

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Penny stretched out on the bed. It was getting late and she still felt sick and on top of that, she hadn't heard a word out of Sheldon. She knew there was a three hour time difference but shouldn't he have called her by now? She had sent him a couple of texts but received no response. Now, not only did she feel like she was going to puke her guts out, but she was worried sick about Sheldon. He was always so prompt and he would never go this long without replying to her text. Something was wrong, no doubt about it.

She jumped up, guzzled the cola she had placed on the bedside table, as it seemed to be the only thing to calm her stomach. She yanked her door open and stepped into the hall and banged on the door adjacent to hers.

"I'm sorry Miss…" the man said when he opened the door.

"Don't I'm sorry me, I know you are Sheldon's guy. I'm just telling you this so you won't get in trouble, I'm flying home tonight. I'm going to pack my stuff, grab a taxi and be on the next flight out of New York. You coming or not?"

She had to admit that even though this man was a stranger, it felt kind of good to have someone to talk to. He nodded, "Give me five minutes. Oh, and the name's Kyle. I've known Doctor Cooper for years, he's a good man."

She smiled, "Okay Kyle, knock on my door when you are packed. And hurry."

Penny was putting the last of her things in her suitcase when Kyle knocked. They quickly checked out of the hotel, flagged a cab and were at JFK in under an hour due to the late hour and low traffic leaving the city. The earliest flight out wasn't until almost one AM. They would be on that flight.

Penny was beginning to get scared. She had now sent unanswered texts to Sheldon, Amy, Raj and Howard. She had even ask Kyle to text Sheldon and Howard and he had the same result, no reply. The only two people left were Bernadette and Leonard. Leonard would definitely be her last resort, she thought to herself as she banged out a text to Bernadette. She had almost thirty minutes left before boarding the flight out of New York.

She was downing yet another soda when her phone buzzed. Incoming call, Bernadette, a cute picture of her popping onto Penny's cell phone screen.

She didn't bother with niceties, "Bernadette, where the hell is Sheldon?"

Bernadette sighed into the phone, "First, he's okay Penny. He's okay. He just got into…well…a little scuffle earlier and Raj and Howard took him to a doctor to get checked out."

Penny felt the tears welling in her eyes, "What? Where is he? Oh my God."

"I promise he is okay Penny, really, I wouldn't lie to you. They just gave him some strong meds and wanted him to sleep it off, that's all."

"Why," Penny hissed, "didn't someone call me?"

"I don't know. Howard said not to. He's got final say. I told him we should but he said not to upset you. I…"

Penny interrupted her, "Where is he, Bernadette? Where the hell is he? Wait, don't tell me yet. I'm going to put Kyle on and you tell him. I'll talk to you later."

With that, she handed the phone to Kyle, told him to write it down, and then proceeded to run to the nearest garbage can and throw up.

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"Oh my God. Amy," Penny ran down the hallway. Amy was sitting in a chair outside the doorway of Sheldon's room.

"Penny? How did you…"

"Bernadette told me…is he okay?"

"He's sleeping. Maybe you should wait…"

Penny glared at her, turned and pushed the door open, resulting in bright florescent light flooding into the darkened room.

"Penny?" He knew it was her, he felt her. He knew she would be there.

She went to him, stopped, gasping at the bandages around both his hands then reached to smooth her hand across his face.

"I'm here Sweet Moon Pie."

"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice deep and raspy, eyes still shut.

She smiled, "Of course I'm okay. You're the one in a hospital bed. Are you okay baby?"

She waited, no answer.

"Sheldon, can you look at me?" she leaned down and planted a soft kiss on each eyelid.

"My eyes are stuck Penny, they won't open."

She stood back, hands on hips, "Don't worry, we'll get them opened."

She went quickly to the sink and turned the water on, letting it run freely, waiting for it to heat up. She ran a cloth under it then moved to his side and told him what she was doing.

"Just relax, this heat will help." She remembered her mom doing this for her sometimes when she was a kid and couldn't open her eyes. It's funny how she thought she was the only one whose eyes got stuck sometimes.

She applied gentle pressure, dabbing the corners of his eyes, kissing his eyelids.

She felt the heat of the cloth cooling, and turned to run it under the hot water again. When she turned back to him, his beautiful blue eyes were staring up at her.

"Hey," he said softly.

"Hey you," she leaned in and brushed her lips against his.

He held his hands up to his eyes, "Damn."

"Yea, she said, "I heard you got the best of that jerk. You're a hero, Sheldon."

"No, I'm just sore. No hero here," he attempted to shift his body and felt the pain shoot through him, "Oh, my ribs."

"Yeah, I think you bruised a few of them."

He looked up at her, "I'm sorry I couldn't call you back."

She laughed, "Sheldon, I think you have a legitimate reason for not calling. Now, I don't care how sore you are, scoot your sexy ass over. I'm coming in."

She kissed his face and chest and arms while singing Soft Kitty to him until he drifted off to sleep. They slept together in his hospital bed that night, curled close, breathing in rhythm. She was the best medicine he had ever had.

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Sheldon was released as promised the following day, Penny right by his side. She insisted he stay in her apartment for a few days so that she could care for him. She phoned the Cheesecake Factory to tell them she was back from New York but would need more time off to care for her boyfriend. She never told Sheldon that they fired her that same day.

He slept for two days straight, only waking when Penny forced him to eat and take medicine. He was suffering from the exhaustion a lifetime of seclusion, being different, the odd man out, pain, hurt…his body and mind had given it all for thirty-three years, with a huge push at the end, and then it had totally shut down on him.

On the third day of him staying with her, Penny came in from a trip to the grocery store to find him sitting on her sofa, staring blankly at the television screen. He didn't turn to look at her or get up to help with the bags she carried.

"Hey, Sweetie," she said, dropping the bags onto the island.

No response.

She kept her eyes on him as she put away the groceries….finally going to him, unsure what to do or say. She sat down beside him and reached for his hand. He pulled away and looked down at her. It was then that she saw the tears rolling down his face.

"Penny…I need to tell you about Olivia."

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	9. Chapter 9

A/N: This one was very hard to write, it's a heartbreaker, so if you are sensitive to sad, intense tragedy, be forewarned. Some of it I drew from my own personal experience, the incredibly empty feeling of loss. Maybe writing this was some kind of therapy for me. It does get better after you get past the sad stuff, such is life I guess.

I don't own any part of The Big Bang Theory.

Onward.

CHAPTER 9

The room was silent, Penny waiting for Sheldon to speak and Sheldon, attempting to find the words to say, hoping to control his emotions, trying not to feel the stabbing in his chest when he talked about Olivia.

"Tell me. Just say what you need to say."

"I loved her."

"Okay."

"She was so young. We both were. I didn't even know what I was doing. Olivia was my first…my first…_everything_."

"I see. I knew there was someone else; you told me the first night we were intimate that you had done that before. It's okay, sweetie, everyone has a past. You are in your thirties; I would expect you to have someone special from years ago. It's normal."

Penny could feel his body trembling next to her. She tried to reach out for him but he pulled away.

Minutes passed before he spoke again. Penny sat with her back pressed into the sofa.

"Baby…" she whispered.

"She was selected for an internship at the Pentagon. I was still in Germany finishing up my studies. That's where we met, in Germany. She was two years older than me. She was smart and quick. And the government had recruited her at an early age. Just as they did me. Only I wanted to work in academia but she wanted the military. Her dad was lifetime Air Force and she wanted to follow in his footsteps. She loved this country."

Penny sat motionless, knees hugged tightly into her chest, unsure what to say or do.

"I…we…were together for almost a year before she left to come back to the states. I had even moved in with her. It just about killed my mom, but I didn't care. I loved her. It was September when she left Germany. I was going to stay until December, finish my last semester abroad and then join her in DC."

He shifted his position, studied his still sore hands and then leveled his eyes with hers.

"Her start date at the Pentagon was on a Monday. September 10th. She called me that night…so excited…her career was just taking off."

The air in the room was thick, Sheldon's heavy breathing dominated her ears, and her brain whirled. His words bouncing off the interior of her mind, replaying, rewinding, repeating, 'start date at the Pentagon…Monday September 10th…' His eyes, full of tears she could not wipe away, his voice heavy with anguish. _And then she got it_.

"Sheldon," she whispered, her throat so tight she could barley push the words out, "what year was it?"

He dropped his head and croaked out, "Two thousand one."

"And the next day," Penny tried to finish for him so he didn't have to say it, "was Tuesday, September eleventh, two thousand one…the terrorist attacks…oh my God."

The sounds that came from Sheldon startled Penny. His uncontrollable sobbing broke her heart. She would have done anything to take the pain for him, for her to hurt like he did so that he didn't have to. But there was no way to fix what was broken, no way to transfer his pain to her. And she knew he wouldn't let her have it anyway. It was his heartache, his burden to carry. All she could do was offer to help him carry it.

"Baby, I'm here. I'm here. I got you," she said, wishing for better words to say but knowing there were none.

With his head down, trying to regain his composure, he drew in a deep breath and pushed on, "I had purchased a diamond for her just a few days after she left Germany. It was only when she was gone that I realized I didn't want to live without her. So I got this ring and intended to ask her to marry me when I returned to the United States. I…I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Olivia."

Penny shut her eyes tightly and continued to stroke his hair, tears overflowing her eyes, slipping down her cheeks, splashing onto Sheldon, her tears blending with his. The devastation felt as raw at that moment as it had been when it had actually happened.

"We buried her at Arlington," Penny was surprised when he continued, "her parents and I. And then I went with them to her apartment after the service to help pack her things. There were still boxes everywhere because she had only been there about a week. She hadn't even had time to unpack," he sniffed, wiped his eyes, looked at Penny, "We found her journal beside her bed. Her mom read it first and then she broke down. Olivia's dad went to help her and he took the journal, didn't even look at it, and handed it to me. Her dad already knew, she had confided in him. Olivia's last entry revealed that she had just discovered she was pregnant. With my…with our…child."

This time when she reached for him, he didn't pull away. Instead he collapsed into her, the weight of his body crashing into hers. She turned towards him, encircling him with her arms, pressing her face to his head. She held him until he fell asleep, the mental trauma along with the violent sobbing finally getting the best of him.

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Sheldon was in her bed experiencing a fitful sleep. She had finally helped him off the couch, fed him and then led him to her bedroom. He sat on the side of the bed, staring at her walls and let her bathe him with a small tub of soap and water. He didn't cooperate, but he didn't resist. She had put a fresh t-shirt and boxers on him and then tucked him under the covers, kissing him sweetly about his face, whispering her love to him, instructing him to just say her name if he needed her.

She sat in the darkness of her living room, the only light coming from the television that played but was not being watched. Since Sheldon had finally told her of the wreckage and anguish he had carried in his heart all of these years, she had been trying to process it, trying to figure out how he had held it all inside, never sharing the horrific experience with her. The knock at her door shook her out of her thoughts. She glanced at the clock, it felt so late to her, but it was only nine o'clock.

She went to the door, stood on her tiptoes and found herself peering into the face of Doctor Sam Stone through the peephole in the door. She hesitated, unsure if she even wanted to deal with him or let him see Sheldon. But she was scared for Sheldon and didn't know what to do and if there was _anyone_ who knew what to do it would be Doctor Stone.

She stepped back, unlocked her door and greeted him, noticing a smaller man standing behind him.

Sam extended his arms to Penny, wrapping her in a bear hug, as if they had been friends for a lifetime when in fact she had only met him that one time in Aspen.

"Hello fair Penny," he said, eyes sparkling.

"Hi Doctor Stone…please come in. Sheldon is sleeping," she said, leaning her head around to get a look at the man with Doctor Stone.

"Thank you Penny," he said as he entered her small apartment, the other man following him in. Penny closed the door and turned to them.

"Penny, this is my personal physician, Doctor Stan Douglas. I would like for him to check Doctor Cooper out if that is acceptable."

"I don't know Sam. He told me about Olivia a few hours ago. He's barely functioning, mostly just shut down. He's sleeping on and off."

"I see. He told you everything?"

"Yes, they were in love. He was going to purpose to her. God…it doesn't even seem real…she was killed at the Pentagon in the terrorist attacks on September eleventh…," her voice trailed off, the pain she felt for Sheldon breaking her heart as she spoke the words.

Doctor Stone raised his eyebrows, "And?"

Penny dropped her head, not wanting to finish, "He found out after her burial that she was pregnant with his child." She felt the tears returning to her eyes, brimming over the edge, dropping down onto her cheeks.

Doctor Stone sighed, "Yes. Those heartless bastards, they took two lives from Sheldon that day. For awhile I was concerned that he wouldn't pull out of the destruction. My God how that poor boy has suffered." The old man cleared his throat, "May I see him?"

"Let me go talk to him. You both can have a seat, give me a few minutes to wake him and see if he is up to talking."

"Very well, dear."

Penny cracked the door to the bedroom open just enough to squeeze in and then pushed it closed quietly. She was surprised to see Sheldon sitting up in bed. He fixed his gaze on her. She went to him, crawling onto the bed, scooting next to him. She placed her hand on his forehead and then smoothed it down across his cheek.

He spoke before she could, "Penny, thank you for taking care of me."

She smiled at him, "Always, Sweet Moon Pie," she dropped her hand down and entwined her fingers with his, "Sam's here. He wants to see you."

"I know. I heard you talking. He's always there for me."

"I guess you know he has a doctor with him…like a medical doctor I mean."

He squeezed her hand, "Yes, I heard. I knew he would bring one. He's like that."

"He loves you Sheldon," she offered him a small smile, "Do you want to see them? I can get rid of them if you want."

"I'll always see Sam," he sighed, continuing, "he's the closest thing I have to a…to a father."

"Okay ," she whispered, bringing his hand to her mouth, kissing it softly, "I'll get him."

She started to get up from the bed and he tightened his grip on her hand, "Wait."

"What Sweetie?"

"I'm glad you know about Olivia. I'm sorry I lost control like that. I will not let it happen again. I must be stronger than that, I _am_ stronger than that. I apologize."

"Sheldon…oh God… anybody would be upset. You have every right. You didn't lose control, you have normal feelings and emotions just like any other person would. You have got to stop being so hard on yourself. Just stop. You are not that weird robot man you portray to everyone. You are human, with human feelings, human emotions, and human needs. And you certainly don't need to apologize to me or anyone else," her heart ached for this man who was so lost, that was smart in so many ways and yet so unaware and underdeveloped in the most basic of ways.

"I know," he said softy, "I know…you keep teaching me that Penny. Thank you. I…I need you." Not only did he love her, he needed her. _Clarity_.

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"Sheldon, son…," his voice boomed as he entered the bedroom, pushing the door closed behind him.

Sheldon sat on the side of the bed, "Hi Sam. I knew you would come."

"Ah yes, you do know me too well. The pupil has mastered the teacher," he laughed.

"I'm glad you're here. Come, sit."

The older man sat beside Sheldon, turning to look at him, picking up and studying Sheldon's banged up hands, examining the cuts on his knuckles.

"So my boy, which pain is worse, the one on the outside or the one on the inside?"

Sheldon studied Sam's face before answering, taking in the lines and crinkles, all marks of a life of wisdom, experience and giving of himself.

"Inside. Definitely inside. The outside will heal, I'm afraid my heart will never heal, the ache of Olivia…of my unborn child…there is no remedy."

"I can tell you Sheldon, from my own personal life experience, you are correct, there is no cure. Loss is forever, the stone cold finality of loss never leaves. But alas, my boy, there are two remedies that can help soothe that ache, that lessen it, more than anything else. Time and love. And son," he placed his hand on Sheldon's shoulder, "you have both of those on your side."

"I know."

"Don't forget I knew Olivia also. She would be furious at you if she knew you weren't moving on, weren't carrying the torch for our team, as it were. She would be the first to tell you not to let those bastards win. If you give up and stop living, they win. What you did the other night, taking out those cretins. My heart burst with pride when I received the report from Doctor Wolowitz. Olivia would be proud as well."

Doctor Stone stood and looked down at Sheldon, "Son, most people are lucky to find one person in their life that loves them unconditionally, which will fight _with_ them and _for_ them, that will be there in the trenches with them when things are good or when things are not so good. You, my boy, have been blessed to find two women like that. Don't let your grief or your pride or your smarts keep you from what you deserve. Stop trying to be perfect and just be happy."

Sam bent and kissed the top of Sheldon's head, "I shall send Doctor Douglas in to settle my mind that you are indeed going to be fine, and then we shall be on our way."

"Yes sir," Sheldon stood and embraced him in a hug.

After Sam left the room, and before Doctor Douglas came in to check on him, Sheldon pulled a notebook out and wrote the words Sam had just spoken, '_Stop trying to be perfect and just be happy._'

Maybe, Sheldon thought, Sam was on to something.

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Penny sat with Doctor Stone in the living room while Doctor Douglas was in with Sheldon.

"Thespian," Doctor Stone grinned at her and handed her a card with a phone number on it but no other writing.

"Yes, I'm an actor," she said, not knowing where he was going with this.

He chuckled, "No, _thespian_…it shall be your password. The young man in there that has your heart chose it just for you. I've completed the necessary procedures to activate you into the system. Should you need anything," he looked at her pointedly, "_anything at all,_ you dial in this number and give your password. You will be put through directly to me. Understand?"

"Thespian," she repeated the word, letting it roll around in her mouth. Sheldon had chosen it just for her and she liked it…it was delicious, she decided.

"Thank you, Doctor Stone."

"My dear, must I remind you, please…you are in the family now. Call me Sam."

"Yes Sam," she smiled.

"Penny, that boy in there has suffered more, sacrificed more than any man should have to in a lifetime. And you have loved him, and for that I will forever be grateful. I've known him better than anyone and I know he can be difficult…difficult to deal with…difficult to communicate with…difficult to love."

"He's worth it," she stated, with not an ounce of doubt or regret in her voice.

"Yes, dear he most certainly is. The two of you," he glanced down at her, "have great things ahead. It is written, it is in motion. You will just need to be patient. And strong."

"What…what are you talking about? What is in motion?"

He laughed, "Ah, patience Penny, patience. All will be well."

He inhaled deeply, and then coughed a long, loud cough before continuing.

"The things you said to me in Aspen Penny, I could not say to you then, but I will say now. I agree with your assessment of Sheldon being recruited far too young. It was as if his brilliance was more of a negative than a positive, should never have been tampered with or utilized until he had time to go through all of the developmental stages of a normal childhood. He needs to get out of the CIA, he has served, he has given, and he has saved lives. Now he needs to walk away. And you, dear, will be the only one that can convince him of this. He will listen to you."

"I don't understand."

"Ah, but you will. In time. And Penny, his eyes fell to her midsection. I am quite aware of the…shall we say, _package_ you are carrying. Very good, very good indeed."

"What…," she instinctively wrapped her arms around her midsection and hugged herself tightly.

He held up his hand for her to stop He smiled, "Remember, we know all, we see all. And your secret was rather easy to detect. A used test in the trashcan of your New York hotel room, running for the garbage can at the airport…" He cackled, "Ah, such is youth."

"Additionally, I am aware of your employment situation. Please do not be distressed. If you will check your account on a monthly basis, you will see that you will have adequate funds to take care of yourself…and the future generation of Coopers."

"But…," she attempted to protest, stunned that he was aware of every aspect of every single thing in her life. She wasn't sure she liked this, but for right now, at this moment when she had been so scared for Sheldon and for herself, she was damn glad to have Doctor Sam Stone in her corner.

He reached to rest his hand on hers and said, "Love our boy, just keep loving him."

"I always will," she assured him.

He stood, bellowed for Doctor Douglas and as quickly as they had appeared, they were gone, Doctor Douglas pausing only long enough to inform her that Sheldon would be fine, he was suffering from a severe case of exhaustion. Sleep, food, water, and he winked at her, _love,_ would work wonders for him. All the basic human needs would heal him. As if she didn't already know that.

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The next few days passed quietly. Sheldon was slowly coming around, the knowledge that he was in fact a regular, normal human being with needs, emotions, desires, sadness and happiness…the human condition, he pondered, the great equalizer.

Penny did not miss her job at the Cheesecake Factory _at all_. While she wasn't really comfortable with her very healthy bank account, she felt blessed that for now, she didn't have to worry about money. What worried her most, what kept her from sleeping almost every night, was how and when she would tell Sheldon the news that would bring further changes into his…into their…lives. She was feeling a little better, the nausea subsiding for the most part, only making rare appearances from time to time.

All of their friends had come by to visit. Even Leonard had come across the hall to check on Sheldon. While Sheldon didn't feel like talking much, he would say hello to them, and then excuse himself, escaping into the bedroom and closing the door, leaving Penny to entertain them, or get rid of them, or whatever it was she did with them. He didn't really know or care at the moment. He was healing both his physical self _and_ his mental self. He had shared his deep, painful, dark past with Penny and had let his guard down with her. She had seen him in a way that few others ever had. And she still loved him. She still wanted to be with him. She didn't try to leave him. Maybe, he thought, there was a special place for him after all. It was right beside Penny.

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The call came at noon. The casting director had phoned to offer the part to Penny. She had been superb in her audition and she was the one he wanted for this part. He reminded her it was still very much a startup play. They would have to workshop the play for months, if not a year, and then it would begin Off Broadway and if things worked out, they would move it to The Great White Way. She thanked him profusely and he told her he would be in touch with her agent regarding scheduling, reminding her that it looked like she would be making a big move across the country. She didn't have the heart to tell him that she would be as big at the largest billboard in Times Square in a matter of months. Nope, she wanted time to relish in her good news before she called her agent and let _him_ sort out the details. Penny was feeling very, very happy.

And very, very horny.

She and Sheldon had not made love since before she had gone to New York for the audition. She knew that he was working through things and she understood, but she had long ago discovered him to be an incredibly passionate man, with an almost insatiable desire. He _had_ to be wanting her as badly as she wanted him. She missed the intimacy, the closeness, his hands, and his lips, his…all consuming _everything_. She felt herself tighten and release, knowing that if she thought about him too much she would get off right then and there. And as great as it would feel, she wanted to share it with him, not just keep it to herself. And, she reminded herself, it _was_ in fact, doctor's orders, right? Doctor Douglas had said Sheldon needed food, water, sleep and _love_…she still remembered him winking at her as he said it…part of Sheldon's recovery was love, right? And she was going to give it to him, and good.

He had taken a shower earlier and not even bothered to dry off. He'd just gotten out, turned the water off, stumbled to the bed and collapsed naked into the center of the bed. When Penny pushed the door open, she couldn't help but laugh to herself at the sight of him. He was sprawled out, feet hanging off the bottom of the bed, hands hanging off the side, and that oh so perfectly formed ass of his looking like it was smiling up at her, just daring her to grab it.

She stood at the foot of the bed and removed her clothes, letting them fall where they may. She studied him for awhile; the beauty of Doctor Sheldon Lee Cooper left her breathless. Slowly she lowered herself onto the bed, crawling catlike up his body. She drug her fingers along the backs of his legs as she moved. She paused momentarily at the cheeks of his ass to smooth her lips and teeth over each of them, then dropped her tongue onto his lower back and swirled it upwards, climbing higher onto him, draping her body over the top of his, her mouth coming to rest at the back of his neck. He stirred, moaning involuntarily, as he felt the sensation of the soft fuzziness of her well manicured bush tickling its way across his backside.

She swished her tongue along his hairline, moving upwards to his neck where she bit him gently and then worked her wet tongue into his ear and then sent a puff of air behind it, causing him to tighten his limbs, curl his toes and harden his manhood that was pressing painfully into the mattress with nowhere to go. He felt her hardened nipples pushing into his shoulder blades. She slid her arms under his armpits and curled them back towards herself, locking herself in, locking him down.

Her legs were lying parallel with his but she let them slip off when she spread them further apart and straddled him.

"Penny…," he breathed out heavily.

He could barely stand his erection pressing into the mattress, a medley of pain and pleasure all at once.

"I've missed you," she whispered seductively into his ear.

"I've missed _you_," he said, bucking his ass up at her, suppressing a yelp when she pushed down hard with her pelvis and swirled her sweetness deep and hard against him. She dropped an arm down his side and when he bucked up again, she slid her hand beneath him, taking his cock into her palm and teased him with her hand beating in one rhythm and her hips beating on the back of him in a slightly different key.

"I…I…can't stand this…God…Penny…let me turn over."

"Does it feel good?"

"Fuuuuuck…," he rolled the u out longer than necessary.

She turned her head and ran her tongue in his other ear, not to neglect any part of him, again releasing a gentle puff of air into it and sending him almost out of his skin.

"I'll take that as a yes?"

"Yes," he moaned, "God, yes. What are you doing to me?"

"Do you want me to stop?"

Silence, then, "God no."

She dropped her head and began to land gentle at first, but increasing hard bites onto his shoulders and back, lowering herself down his body, retracing the path she had made moments earlier. She scratched her nails down his side and licked and bit her way down his ass, dipping her tongue between his thighs, hitting his now full erect penis that was poking out slightly between his legs, wedged between his body and the mattress. She licked at its pearly drops, lowering her head just enough that he calculated he could twist around quickly and swing his leg high enough to flip over onto his back without hurting her.

Placing himself on his back allowed her full access to his now throbbing member. She took in the tip, and then drew more of him in. She had so missed this private time with Sheldon. He tugged at her hair.

"Come here," he rasped and she obeyed.

She slithered up his lanky frame and came to rest, chest to chest with her gorgeous man.

"I'm sorry for the distance," he said softly, rubbing gentle circles on her back.

"It's okay."

"I want this, I want you. I never want to go this long again."

"I know. I need you Sheldon. I need you to come back to me. I'll be here with you the whole way, just don't get lost in yourself. Get lost in me. Get lost with me."

He closed his eyes tightly, overcome by his need to be inside of her, to consume her, to have her and to give her every damn thing. _Every damn thing…_

Sensing his need, and feeling her own need rising, she raised her torso up enough to grasp his length and guide it into her core, inhaling deeply as he thrust upwards, gaining momentum with each rise of his hips.

She came first, riding the waves of ecstasy, then spreading herself wider, allowing him in deeper, stronger, and faster until he groaned with sweet release and pleasure, his pumping slowing as his own waves began to cease.

"Penny?"

"What Sweet Moon Pie?" she snuggled into his warmth.

"I know you got the part in New York. I'm proud of you."

"Damit Sam Stone," she rolled her eyes, wondering what else Sam had told him.

"Yeah," Sheldon pulled her in tight.

"So, does Sam have to know every single thing about us, like forever?"

"Yeah, he does."

"Oh."

"Penny?"

"Yes?"

"I'm hungry."

"Then tell Sam to fix you something. I'm sure he's listening, he's probably already in the kitchen."

He raised his eyebrows at her, "You're sure you want a life with me? With all of this madness? Howard watching from space, Sam knowing our every move? Lord knows what lurking around the next corner?"

"Yeah, I'm sure."

"Penny?"

The way he pronounced her name got her every time. _Damn_.

"Yes?"

"I love you."

"I love you too Sweet Moon Pie."

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	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER TEN

Sheldon stood in his apartment, locked in the bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror above the sink. He'd moved back across the hall the day before, assuring Penny that he was fine now and wanted to get out of her space. He hadn't really wanted to leave her apartment, no matter how small or how messy it was. He knew without a doubt in his mind that he wanted to be with her for the rest of his life. But he wanted to do this the right way, the honorable way. She had told him not to worry about moving out; he could stay…_she wanted him to stay_. But he had insisted, telling her that it was more orderly at his place, all of his things fit there and were in their assigned places. It had killed him to sleep that first night in his own bed, after having slept in her bed, _with her by his side_, for almost two weeks. He felt alone and empty without her. But he knew it was temporary. He knew now where his life…_their lives_…were going and he wanted his future with Penny to start right now. But he would have to be patient, do it the right way, and make it special for her, for both of them.

He smiled and leaned in, his face white and fluffy with shaving cream, razor in hand. He looked into the eyes of the man he had become. He no longer saw or felt the precocious little boy that had dominated his mind and choices for the past years. His relationship with Penny, his experience with the terrorists at CalTech, his encounter with Richard Sloan-and the way he handled himself, like a man, a real man. His bearing of his soul to Penny about Olivia…the way he loved Penny and was loved by Penny…it was as if the transformation of Sheldon Lee Cooper had been set into motion by the universe and was now completed. He was, by God, a man. The good, the bad and the ugly of it, he was a man-correction-he was _Penny's man_. And he liked it.

Sure, he still liked his comic books and video games and kites. He liked his days with structure and consistency. He still thought going to Comic Con with the fellows was the best vacation he could ever think of, but all of that was tempered with the new maturity he was experiencing. _The Coming of Age of Sheldon Lee Cooper_. And Penny had helped him get there. She had taken care of him, she had let him say and do what he needed, she had put him in his place when he needed it, and she had done as he asked when it was fair and reasonable. He laughed, acknowledging that he couldn't get anything past her. She was a challenge for sure; she could go toe to toe with any of the craziness he threw at her. But at the end of the day they were, well, perfect together. His life, he reflected, had come full circle. God, or the universe, or whatever else was in charge, had given him a second chance at happiness, at normalcy. And all he had to do was reach out and grab it. She had told him she felt the same, they would be together forever. He was ready for their forever to begin.

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Penny smiled as she slid her hand across her belly, gently caressing the current resting place of the ever growing, tiny Cooper who lived inside her. She hadn't told Sheldon yet because she wanted to wait for when the time was right. She had only learned of her pregnancy in New York, and then Sheldon had been hurt, she had rushed back to be by his side, and then for the past two weeks she had nursed him back to health. It had been an exhausting process for them, both physically and emotionally. But so worth it, she thought as she climbed out of bed. And while he had come so far, she didn't feel it was the right time to tell him about the baby, to add yet another huge deal to his plate. He had needed to heal himself before learning of the new life that was growing in her. _Their child_.

She would tell him over the upcoming weekend. He and Howard and the rest of the team were having meetings all this week, plotting, planning, and figuring out how to proceed forward. There was even talk that they would have to dissipate, each one moving to a new location, a new assignment, as their work had been somewhat exposed as a result of the arrests of Henri, Barclay and Sloan. Their cover had been blown and they all would probably have to leave CalTech. She thought back on what Sam had told her, that she may be the only person that could get Sheldon to leave the CIA. And after what had taken place at CalTech, with Sheldon having a gun pulled on him…_a freaking gun, what universe was she living in?_..., she wanted him out. Sam had told her that even if Sheldon did leave the CIA, he would still belong to the government in some capacity. They had too much invested in him and he knew too many of their secrets. It was a lifetime commitment, a bond never to be broken between Sheldon and his country. She knew their discussion about her new job in New York was pending, but they both seemed to be avoiding it for now. But with the possibility of him having to leave CalTech, maybe it would be the perfect time for him to move to the east coast with her…for them to begin their lives together in New York City.

She padded to the bathroom, and then went back into her bedroom to find her purse. Sam had given her the name and phone number of a prenatal doctor in Pasadena that was, as he put it, "the best, and you know Penny, only the best for _us_." She laughed thinking back to his words…_US_…as if naturally, this baby was part of him, his family. Well, she guessed it was just one big family now. At least her baby would be born into lots of love and lots of people to look out for him or her. Yes, she sighed to herself as she picked up the phone to make her first appointment with the doctor, her life with Sheldon was good and getting better. She was happy. For the first time in her life, she was truly happy.

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The walls were gray and dull and almost as ugly at the stone cold matching bars that were coated with layers of chipping paint. Occupying the room were two twin beds, a United States Central Intelligence Agent informant and Richard Sloan.

"Someday, I'll get my revenge on that damn Doctor Sheldon Cooper. He thinks he can mess with me, with my plans?" Sloan's words echoed off the empty cement block walls of the jail cell the two men shared.

"What are you talking about? Is he a cop?" the young rookie agent said, doing his best to keep up the act of cellmate to Richard Sloan, the man who just weeks earlier had held a gun to Sheldon. And whom Sheldon had proceeded to beat the hell out of. Sloan's ribs, chest and head were still feeling the vengeance Sheldon had unleashed on him.

"I had big plans, buddy, big plans. Plans so big, had that damn Cooper not interfered, you would have heard about them on the news."

"What kind of plans?"

"That doesn't matter now. All that matters now is revenge. I'll get that asshole if it's the last thing I do."

"Well, from what I hear, you won't be out of this joint until you are an old, old man."

"Yeah, that may be true, but I have boatloads of money out there, money I got from another job I did. Cops had no clue. All I have to do is find the right guy, pay him the big bucks, and Cooper and anybody he cares about will pay for what he did to me."

The rookie agent felt the hairs stand on the back of his neck, "Wait. You sayin' you gonna hire a hit man to take out this Doctor Cooper?"

"Yep, that's what I'm saying. I got a connection coming in next week, I'm gonna set it in motion. Take that son of a bitch out. His days are numbered."

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"Sheldon, son, I need to speak with you. Everyone else is excused. We will continue this Monday morning. Enjoy your weekend."

They had spent the entire week completing reports, watching and identifying photographs and videos and preparing legal documents. Sam and his team of lawyers had hammered out most of the details, with Howard, Sheldon, Raj, Amy and Bernadette filling in the blanks.

When they were left alone in the room, Sam moved around to the other side of the table and took the seat beside Sheldon. When the week began, he had been thrilled to see the smile on the young man's face, the sparkle in his eyes and the look that a man wore only when he was in love. But on Thursday, he had received the call that would cause Sheldon's world to come crashing down around him. He dreaded the news he was about to have to tell the man who sat fidgeting in his chair beside him; the young man that he thought of as his own son.

"Sam, can you make it quick? I'm having dinner with Penny tonight," Sheldon said, his face lighting up. "She's waiting for me." He loved saying that…he loved that she was waiting for him. They had spent every evening together this week, him rushing home from his daily meetings with Sam and the others, taking a quick shower and then leaving Leonard alone and befuddled in the apartment while he raced across the hall to Penny. He would stay until late in the evening, just hanging out, having dinner, making love to her-God how he loved being in her arms-watching movies and old television series. Sometimes they would just be in the same room together, her giggling away on the phone with her mom or a friend, him tapping away on his laptop. Or they would sit quietly next to one another, her reading her script, memorizing her lines, him reading some huge, thick textbook that made no sense to her. But they were together, beside one another and that was what mattered. All was good in the universe.

Penny had simply told him that she didn't work at the Cheesecake Factory anymore, because she wanted to spend the next few weeks preparing for her new job. He suspected otherwise, but didn't question her. But he acknowledged to himself that she had taken a lot of time off because of him. He was just glad she didn't work there anymore because if she did, it would mean time away from her. So he didn't challenge her on it, he was just thankful for the time with her. It was all he wanted anyway. She never told him she had been fired because she chose to stay with him and help him heal.

Penny also hadn't told him about the baby…_his baby_…that was growing inside her. She would tell him over the weekend, she had decided. She knew it would bring about a torrent of emotions for him and she wanted him to have time to work through his feelings, to talk, to plan, and in the end to celebrate. They planned to spend the entire weekend together, no meetings to attend, no interruptions, and no friends popping in, as Penny had sent out a text warning everyone in their social circle to not bother them for the weekend. It hadn't taken much to convince him to stay the nights as well. No way was she going to let him leave her or her bed this weekend. He was hers completely until Monday. This would be a life changing weekend for both of them.

Sam sighed, "My boy, I have some rather distressing news to discuss with you."

Deep breath, "Just tell me Sam."

"Well, the operative that we have planted in the pen with Richard Sloan has reported that Sloan has taken a hit out on you. It is his idea of revenge for you stopping him and his cohorts from completing their mission."

Sheldon sighed, "That's it? So, he's in prison for many, many years right? Is this even an issue Sam?"

The old man cleared his throat and brought his tired eyes up to meet Sheldon's, "It's an issue, Sheldon. Sloan has money and connections on the outside. He feels he has nothing to lose; he's not going to see the outside of those bars for a long time. He's determined to, in his warped mind, seek revenge on you," he paused before he said the words that he know would disturb Sheldon more than any others, "revenge on you and on anyone you are close to."

Sheldon's eyes grew wide, face twitched, brain processed, "Penny." The name that was at the forefront of his every waking moment.

"Yes," Doctor Stone said, placing his hand on Sheldon's shoulder in an attempt to comfort him. _And your unborn child, Stone thought to himself, but did not say it aloud_. To his knowledge Penny had not told Sheldon this piece of news yet. And at the moment, Sam Stone was beginning to think that was for the best.

Sheldon took in a deep breath, steadied himself and spoke, looking Doctor Stone square in the eyes, "Okay, so what do we do? I'll do whatever it takes to keep Penny and me safe," he looked down, studied his hands and said timidly, "I want to marry her, Sam. She is my future."

Sam ran his hand through his thinning white hair and chose his words carefully, knowing what he was about to say would shake Sheldon's world to its very core, "You must leave the country."

"What?" Sheldon said, standing up and pacing the room, "We have to leave the country? Sam, I don't know, Penny just got that job in New York. We still need to talk about her doing that. I was thinking," he stopped and looked at his mentor, "that since this thing at CalTech is coming to a close, well, that I might could move to New York with her."

"Son, this is hard for me to say to you, and I swear to God I wish there was another way. But there is no Penny in this scenario. In order to protect her, you must leave her. If she is anywhere near you, if she comes on to Sloan's radar, she will become a target."

"What?" he could feel his blood rising, burning his face, his brain hardly able to intake the data, sort it, and produce a reasonable or acceptable conclusion.

Sam stood and faced him, speaking softly, fatherly, "Sheldon, I know this is hard. It's the damn last thing I wanted to do. But it's my responsibility to keep you safe. It's the only way son, to keep you and Penny safe. Maybe it will change later, maybe circumstances will change, but for now, this is the best we can do. We will always have a tail on Penny, so do not worry there, she will be safe."

Sheldon collapsed in the closest chair, dropping his elbows onto the table, his head into his hands, "No Sam, this can't be happening. I've already lost one woman I loved. Now you are asking me to walk away from another one?"

"Son, I'm not asking you. I'm telling you."

Sheldon clenched his jaw to the point of pain, then slammed his fists down onto the table, he turned and glared at Sam, "No, I won't leave her. I will walk away from everything, she means more to me than this," he spread his arms wide, "more to me than you, more to me than this country. I will take her and we will go somewhere, we will change our names, we will never look back. You can't expect me to do this," he broke down, gasping for air, face red and burning hot.

Sam sighed but kept his distance. It killed him to see Sheldon this way. He had been with Sheldon when he went through the loss of Olivia, having flown to Germany to fetch him and escort him back to the states. He had thought that was the worst of it, but now, Sheldon was no longer the boy, the inexperienced young man from all those years ago. Now he was a grown, mature man, a powerful man, a man with a mind of his own and the guts to protest, to resist what was demanded of him by his government.

Sam switched back to formalities quickly, his attempt to protect Sheldon, "Doctor Cooper I have arranged for a professorship at ETH Zurich. It is, as I am sure you are aware, where one Albert Einstein began his career. It is one of the top universities in the world with a top notch Physics Department. You will be free to conduct the research of your choosing. You will be free from your Intelligence duties and therefore able to pursue string theory to your heart's desire."

Sheldon, still stunned, spoke, his voice cracking, "Switzerland, Sam? Really? You expect me to go to Switzerland for God knows how long? And," he stood, towering over Doctor Stone, "to go _without Penny_? What do I tell her? I don't even know how to say this to her. It will devastate her."

"You must not tell her the truth. This is not information she needs to be privy to. Tell her you are accepting an outstanding, once in a life time position at a university that is world renowned. Doctor Wolowitz will be the only individual in your social group that will know the truth." The older man dropped his head, squinted at the floor and spoke, "It is done. No further discussion. You will be leaving on Monday. I'll have a net of men around your apartment building for security during the weekend. Pack your things, say your goodbyes, don't leave the building alone or with Penny. A car will be there at eight hundred hours to transport you. I will be in touch."

Sam turned to leave the room, he reached for the doorknob and turned, looking back at a now distraught Sheldon, "I love you, Sheldon, and this pains me deeply. It is for your own good," he lowered his voice, "I will make it right."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Three days. He had three days left before he would be on a plane to fucking Switzerland. Three days left with Penny. He didn't even know if he would every see her again. Hell, he didn't know if he would ever even get to speak to her again. His heart was broken and his head was spinning. He lay on the bed in his room, listening to Leonard bumbling around in the kitchen.

Penny was expecting him for dinner. He had not stopped by her door on this night, instead slamming into his own apartment, stomping through the living room and storming into his bedroom. Leonard had tried to talk to him and he had brushed past him. A few minutes later he heard Penny in the living room asking Leonard what was going on. He'd heard Penny say she was going to talk to him, but thank God Leonard had advised her to give him a few minutes to cool down. It was one of the few things Leonard had done lately that was pleasing to Sheldon.

So, he thought, this was it, this was his life. He body shook with pain, with loss, with anger. He had given everything, always done the right thing, made the right choices, sacrificed when called upon…and now, they were asking him to give up his Penny. His first instinct was to charge out of his room, grab her by the arm, get in her car and just drive, and just keep going until they got away from everyone and everything. But Sam's words echoed in his mind, '_In order to protect her, you must leave her_.'

He stalked around his room, looking for something, anything, to relieve his anger. Finding nothing, he clenched his fist and drove it hard into the door of his closet. Drops of blood dotted the white door, pain rose from his knuckles, the knuckles that were still healing from his encounter with Richard Sloan. He sunk to the floor, grasping his head, banging his back against the wall, the sound escaping him so mournful and loud that Penny and Leonard, chatting in the kitchen, froze.

"Oh God," Penny whispered, "I have to go to him, Leonard."

Leonard, not wanting any part of it, shook his head, grabbed his coat and headed for the door. "I'm out of here. Call me if you need me," he shot over his shoulder as he jerked the door open and escaped the apartment.

Penny took a deep breath, walked slowly to Sheldon's bedroom door and tapped gently, calling his name. When he didn't answer she turned the doorknob, surprised to find it unlocked. What she saw when she opened the door caused her heart to jump and her blood to chill. Sheldon was crumpled in the corner, head hanging low, knees to his chest.

"Hey Sweetie," she said as she approached him, "what's wrong?" She slid down the wall with her back, landing close beside him. She put her arm around him and brought her hand to his neck, massaging it lightly.

He closed his eyes, willing her presence to wash over him. Her scent-uniquely Penny, her voice-soft and beautiful, her touch-his lifeline.

He didn't say a word, he just reached for her. He pushed her back and came down on top of her, his mouth falling hard onto hers. His frustration, his desire, his pain, his passion, all crashing into one harmonious symphony as he straddled her. He reached below himself and jerked off the Hello Kitty shorts that she wore and then stared down at her as he leaned back on his heels and unbuckled his belt and began removing his pants while forcing off his shoes. She didn't offer resistance or protest. His face, red and stained with tears, his hand throbbing and bleeding, his body, aching for her touch, all of it, melted into her. She was his home, his safe place.

"Penny," he pushed out, his throat tight, "is this okay?"

"Yes," she breathed in. She would always give him what he needed.

Not wanting to hurt her, he stretched to the top drawer of his bedside table and grabbed a small tube of lubricant. He squeezed its contents into his trembling hand and coated himself with it, then stared down at her. She nodded to him and then he desperately drove himself into her. She wrapped her legs around his waist, stretching herself open further for him. She complied with the demands of his body. He was a complex and complicated man and he was hurting. She needed him to feel her love and she gave herself over to him completely.

His body calmed almost immediately as he lay on top of her, now connected to her. He buried his face in her neck and tried not to cry, embarrassed by his lack of control and the weakness she was seeing in him. She reached for him, running her hands through his soft, short cropped hair, then took his face, a hand on each cheek, and forced him to look at her. It scared him that she saw him as someone better than he was.

"Whatever it is, it's okay. I love you. Slow down and look at me Sheldon."

Her words, like ointment to his soul, settled him. For the first time since she had been in the room he brought his gaze to hers. The depth of her love for him spilled from her eyes. She made him feel loved and wanted. He rocked in and out of her slowly, very slowly, a display of togetherness more than of sex.

"I love you too," he whispered, barely able to form the words.

She lay still, giving him the control he seemed to desperately need. She had never had a man move so deliberately and so incredibly slow inside of her. It was a level of intimacy she had never experienced, to have a man cry on top of her, to bare his heart and soul like this. She tightened her muscles around his shaft, welcoming him in, the only movement she offered, signaling to him that she was his and whatever happened was up to him.

He dropped his head down, then his weight, as he brought his mouth to hers, offering long, lingering kisses. She still wore her shirt; they both did, naked only from the waist down. He worked her shirt up and easily pushed it over her head, then snapped her bra off quicker than she thought he was capable of. He circled her right nipple with his thumb while his tongue licked and sucked her left one.

"Penny," he breathed out, "you are everything to me. Don't ever forget that. No matter what happens, just know that."

"I do know that Sheldon," she said, so turned on now with a battle raging inside between her mind-_wanting_ _her to be still and let him make love to her_-and her body-_willing her to buck her hips into him and beg him to fuck her_.

He sensed her desire; his own physical needs beginning to trump his emotional needs.

"God," he moaned, jerking his shirts over his head, sending them flying through the air, in a desperate measure to have his skin touching hers.

He moved his mouth to her right nipple and gave it the same treatment, slowly licking, circling and sucking it until her heard her groaning beneath him.

"Fuck me, Sheldon. Please. Go faster," she begged him, unable to control her biological cravings.

He pulled out and then pushed back in, steadily increasing his pace with each thrust. He didn't speed up as rapidly as she wanted because he wanted to fuck her so good that she would have no doubt in her mind that no other man on earth could ever satisfy her the way he could. He had to make sure he left his mark on her this weekend, his last weekend with her for a very long time. But damn, he swore to himself, he would come back to her. If she would only wait for him. And he was going to do her so good she would wait until the end of time if that was what it took.

"Sheldon, my God. Please, I need it now," she begged, anger slurping at the edges of her words.

"Do you love me Penny?"

"Yes. Damit, yes. Please," she said as she raised her hips as hard as she could, meeting his when he pushed down.

"Will you ever let another man touch you?"

"No," her voice quivered, "please, baby. Only you."

"Say it. I need to hear it Penny."

She took her hand and pushed his face away from her and drilled her eyes into his, "No other man will ever touch me. No man but you Doctor Cooper."

Her words brought out the ferocity of his passion. He plunged so deeply into her, so hard he was afraid he would hurt one or both of them, but she took everything he gave her. They pumped and ground and heaved until they both exploded with pleasure. He filled her deeply with his seed and his very lifeblood.

They stayed in the floor beside each other for what seemed like hours. He inhaled her; he traced her body with his fingers and commanded her to never let anyone else touch her. She didn't know where all of this was coming from, but she assured him over and over again that she was his. She knew before he had even started this that no other man would ever do for her. She had known that the very first time they had been intimate.

"Sheldon," her voice breaking the quietness of the room, "Leonard will probably be back soon. I think we need to head on over to my place. I don't want to share you with anyone tonight."

The sound of her voice shook him out of his state of restfulness.

"Okay," he sighed, standing and then reaching down to help her to her feet.

She noted to herself that he didn't head for the shower and drag her along with him as usual. Instead, he gathered both their clothing that was strewn about the floor. They dressed in silence. Germs be damned.

He reached to pick up the bag he had packed the night before, wincing in pain as his now swollen hand graced against the thick canvas of the overnight duffle.

She took his hand in hers.

"What's this about Sheldon? What's going on?"

He dropped the bag at his feet and pulled her into him.

"Penny, I just need you to get me through this night." His eyes glistened, his face softened.

She didn't ask any further questions. They left his apartment and went to hers and spent the rest of the night on her sofa watching Star Trek videos and eating pizza. She drifted in and out of sleep in the crook of his arm as the late hour finally overtook her. He used the remote to turn the television off and sat in the dark feeling the now familiar weight of her body pressing against his. He dropped kisses and tears on her head, wondering how he could possibly tell her he would be leaving for Switzerland on Monday for God knows how long.

And in her semiconscious state of sleep, her thoughts drifted to her…_their_…baby that she would tell him about the next day. She smiled thinking of his reaction, of the plans they would make. She knew it wasn't a perfect situation, but they would make it perfect. They would move to New York where she would act on Broadway, he could teach at one of the universities and they would raise their child as a New Yorker. She had no way of knowing that she had just over forty-eight hours left with Sheldon before he would be whisked away from her…and from their future that grew inside of her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

She thought she was dreaming, having some horrible nightmare and she wanted to wake up. She knew he would never leave her, this was not happening.

He stood before her, head dropped, fists clinched and spoke, "It's true Penny. I have been offered this great professorship in Zurich and it's a once in a lifetime research opportunity. I will be leaving early Monday morning."

"Sheldon is this what yesterday was about? Is this why you put your fist through your closet door and made love to me like a madman? Because you knew you would be leaving me?"

"Yes," his entire body twitched and he was rendered incapable of standing still. He wanted to tell her the truth, he in fact had almost blurted it out but didn't because he was making this move to keep her safe. If she knew about Richard Sloan's threats to his life and to those he loved, she might try to handle the situation herself. She was, as Sam had pointed out, 'a feisty one.'

"Get out," she screamed at him, as she stormed around the room picking his clothes up and flinging them at him. "If you are going to leave me, you do not have to wait until Monday, you can leave now."

"Penny, don't," he said, catching his belt buckle mid-flight just before it whacked him in the head. "Please, I don't want our last few hours to be like this. I just want to be with you before I have to leave."

"Before you have to leave?" she yelled. "You don't _have_ to leave, you are _choosing_ to leave. It's always science isn't it? Science always has been and always will be your first love. Not me! What's so great about this school anyway?"

"Well, Albert Einstein got his start there, and I thought…" her words cut him off.

"Rhetorical, Sheldon, it was a freaking rhetorical question. God! Does this mean you don't love me anymore? You professed your love to me, said you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me. YOU SAID I WAS YOUR DESTINY, remember? God, what a fool I am. You're just another guy that said the right words to me, fucked me until you were done with me and now you are moving on. I hear there are some hot women in Switzerland. I've taught you well, you will have a blast with them," she felt the hot tears brimming over her eyelids and she turned and ran to the bathroom.

He followed but she slammed the door before he reached it. He banged on it, insisting she open it.

"Penny, I will stay outside this door all day and all night if I have to. Come out and talk me."

"Go away. Just go away."

"Penny, please. You know I can get this door open."

She knew he probably could figure out some science-y way to get it open. After all, she reminded herself, if you know physics anything is possible. _Fucking physics_…

She reluctantly picked herself up off the floor, wet cloth against her face, and unlocked the door. She glared at him, he who stood there in his goofy plaid pants and Superman shirt.

"I'm not just some guy," he said, voice angry, eyes wide, "I do love you. I just need to do this Penny. And I meant it when I said you are my destiny," he moved towards her, attempted to touch her but she ducked down and scooted past him.

"Whatever, Sheldon. I really don't give a damn. I just wish you would go. I have my own plans I need to make now," she stared at him, her expression cold as stone, "Alone."

"Penny, don't give up on me. I need to do this. Please. I…I need you to wait for me. Let me do this."

She paused and turned her body to face him. "Wait for you? Wait for what Sheldon? For you to go over there for however long it suits you and then me just stop my life here, just stand still and not move forward until you decide you are done with Switzerland, kind of like right now you are done with me? Is this why you kept telling me not to be with any other man? You don't want me but you don't want anyone else to have me either, just in case you do decide to change your mind and come back to me? So what? Do you want me to go to New York or stay here in Pasadena? You realize neither of us is getting any younger, right?"

"Penny, I'm just asking you to trust me. Let me go. Wait for me." He moved towards her but kept his hands at his sides.

She glared at him. Nothing was adding up, none of this made any sense. She knew him well enough to know he wasn't some player like most of the guys from her past. There had to be more to it. Was it some kind of secret government thing he just couldn't tell her about? And why would he be asking her, pleading with her to wait for him…and the way he had made love to her last night…that was not the actions of somebody who wanted to dump her. She had been dumped plenty of times, she knew dumping when she saw it. _What the fuck_?

She leveled her eyes and calmed her voice, "Sheldon is there more to this? Is there something you aren't…or can't…tell me?"

"No…," he lied, his twitching face betraying him.

Penny was quite, their eyes locked in a silent battle. She studied his body language, his face…God, his sweet, innocent, beautiful face…his hands, twisting, still swollen from his rage the night before. Yep, no doubt about it, she thought, Sheldon Cooper was lying to her.

She drew in a deep breath before she spoke, "Sheldon, I need you to go. I need some time alone."

"I don't want to go Penny."

She reached to put her hand on his arm, "Sheldon, I need to be alone. Just for a few minutes. Go to your apartment. I'll come get you later."

He reached for her arm and pulled her into his chest, "Don't be mad."

She sighed, burying her face in the big S shield on his shirt, "I'm not mad, Sheldon. I'm hurt."

He grasp her chin and tilted it up to him, "I am too," he said simply before releasing her and turning to walk away, leaving her standing in her apartment alone.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Thespian," Penny said through clinched teeth, as she crumpled up the card with the secret phone number Doctor Sam Stone had given her weeks ago. She never in a million years thought she'd ever use it. Now, she realized what it must be like for Sheldon, to have to sneak around, make secret phone calls, not being able to share and be open with even the person you were closest to. She hated it.

"Hello, Penny my dear," Sam said as he came on the line, "I expected a call from you."

"Good," she growled, "then I didn't disappoint you. You are so brilliant, Sam. You, you with your 'know everything' and 'see everything' bullshit. So do you _know_ how I feel? Do you _see_ how hurt I am? What the hell is going on? Where is Sheldon going, why are you doing this?"

The older man rubbed his face, wishing like hell he could just fix this, but knowing that for now, it was out of his hands. The only thing that mattered, the first item on his extensive list, was to keep Sheldon and Penny…and the Cooper progeny…safe. Everything else was secondary.

"As I am sure he informed you, he has been offered a fantastic opportunity in Zurich. It is the opportunity of a lifetime."

"Okay, fine, then I'll go with him."

"That is not an option, Penny," he sighed into the phone.

"And why not? Sam…think…what about our baby?"

"Yes, what indeed? Am I correct in believing that you have not shared this news with Doctor Cooper?"

She inhaled deeply, rubbed her stomach, "No. I was planning on telling him today until he laid this crap on me. Kind of blew the moment, you know?" She felt the anger building in her.

"Well, Penny, I have absolutely no authority over you at all, but I would highly recommend that you keep that to yourself for now. I assure you it will be in the best interest for you all…_the best interest for all of us_."

"Sam," she raised her voice, "do you know what you are asking me to do? This isn't fair to Sheldon. He has a right to know. It's as much his child as it is mine. I have to tell him before he leaves."

"I don't disagree with you. However, there are issues below the surface that you, my dear, are unaware of…things I am not at liberty to share with you…I can only give you my best advice and ask you to trust me. I want the best for Sheldon…for his family of which you are and of which you carry. I would not steer you wrong."

"Damit Sam, stop talking in riddles. What the hell is going on? Is it some new assignment? How long is this going to last? When will I see him again?"

"Ah, Penny…you are indeed a plucky one aren't you?"

"I don't even know what that means Sam. Come on. Sheldon deserves better than this. He lost Olivia and their baby, now he has me and," she choked, "our baby. I just can't buy that he would leave if he knew about the baby."

"You are correct, my dear. He would not leave, of that I am sure. However, if he does not know, and he does leave, it will be best for everyone concerned. You telling him, giving him a choice, will cause far more harm than not telling him. For now."

She was at a loss for words, shaken to her very core.

"Penny, the burden of truth is a heavy load to carry. But carry it you must. You were warned early on of this unordinary life with Doctor Cooper. Sometimes, Penny, there are areas where fairness and logic do not apply. This is one of those areas."

"When will I see him again?" she sniffed, losing all fight that was left in her.

"When his research is complete."

"Research, right. Good ole Science wins again."

"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, to quote one of Doctor Cooper's heroes," Sam interjected.

"Or the one," Penny concluded.

"Goodbye dear Penny. I shall be in touch."

"Of course you will, Sam."

She hit the power button and dropped the phone, her heart shattering into a million pieces as it fell to the floor.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"What? You are leaving Pasadena? For Switzerland?" Leonard sat down in the chair next to Sheldon, who was slumped in his spot on the sofa.

"Yes Leonard, I have been offered a fascinating position at ETH Zurich. I shall be leaving on Monday and will make arrangements later to have my belongings removed from this apartment. I will meet all requirements of our roommate agreement; do not concern yourself with that."

"Sheldon," Leonard stood and looked down at him, "when did this happen? It's the first I've heard of it. Why are you just now telling me? I know we've been a bit distance since you and Penny," he winced, "started seeing each other, but we are still friends. I had no idea you were thinking of moving. And especially not to Switzerland for God's sake."

"Well, Leonard, the opportunity presented itself and I was required to make a hasty decision."

"So…what about Penny," Leonard asked sheepishly, "is she going with you?"

"Ah, so even in the end your true colors are showing, aren't they Leonard? I leave the country and you are already plotting your moves to get back with Penny. Is that how you plan to proceed?" Sheldon felt the blood boil in his veins and fear rise in his heart.

"No…I just thought you guys were moving along so fast. And I know Penny got that job in New York. I just can't imagine that she would give that up to go to Switzerland. She couldn't even find Zurich on a map if her life depended on it," he laughed, trying to conceal his curiosity concerning the status of their relationship.

Sheldon stood slowly and took a long stride towards Leonard, "Do not think, sir, for a single moment that you will go near her while I am away."

Leonard stepped back and laughed, "Well, Sheldon, turn about is fair play. If you guys break up because you aren't here anymore to, uh, _meet her needs_, she may just come knocking on my door and…"

Sheldon had a handful of Leonard's shirt before the shorter man even saw him raise his arm. He resisted landing a punch to his gut, instead choosing to speak in a slow, southern Texas drawl, "You have proven time and again to be, to use urban vernacular, a little punk, Leonard Hofstadter. You are a tiny little man who primarily thinks with his penis more than his brain. You have bed hopped from woman to woman with no regard for anything more than she have a place to house your cock for the night. But I can assure you, whether I am in Zurich, California or on the damn moon, Penny will never have anything further to do with you."

Leonard shook but refused to back down; months of frustration and bitterness from Penny choosing Sheldon over him were rushing to his surface.

"Yeah, let's see how long it take before she has a little too much to drink, or can't pay her cable bill or buy her own food…she'll be putting out to me just to survive."

"Leonard?" Penny's voice broke the two men apart, Sheldon releasing his grip and stepping towards her. "Is that really what you think of me? Is that how you have felt all this time?"

"Penny," Leonard stammered, "I…I was just…," he hung his head.

She stepped towards him and spoke quietly, "That, Leonard, is why I am with Sheldon. He respects me and our relationship. And if we were to break up today, it would be a long, long time before he would ever even consider another woman. Unlike you who would bed the first female that brushed up against you. He," she said as she reached for Sheldon's hand, "is more of a man than you will ever be."

Leonard stood nailed to the floor as Sheldon followed Penny to the door, his hand placed firmly in hers. She pulled the door open and motioned for Sheldon to go ahead and then turned back to look at Leonard and deliver the final blow, "And, _for the record_, he is a much better lover than you," she kissed the air and blew it towards the stunned little man, "_much, much better_, bitch."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Wow," Sheldon said as they closed the door to Penny's apartment, "that had to hurt him far more than any damage I wanted to do to him."

She grabbed his soft cotton shirt and pulled him to her, "Hey, nobody talks shit to my man," she laughed.

"Thank you Penny," he dropped his head, touching his forehead to hers.

"For what?" she mumbled, her lips grazing his.

"For letting me be your man," he replied, tasting her mouth.

She pulled back and squared her eyes at him; he smirked, not wanting to give her mouth up.

"Sheldon," she spoke slowly and softly, letting her resolve wash over her, "we have to make the most of these last few hours we have together. I still don't understand why or how you could leave me, but I trust you. If you believe it is something you have to do, whether it is some secret-y CIA thing or if you really just want to go to that Einstein college whatever and study string theory," she reached up and smoothed her hand over his face, "Then go. I'll never stop loving you, but I have to let you go. I don't want you here if you don't want to be here. I'll go to New York and start a new life there. That's where I'll be if you ever decide to come back to me."

"Penny," he started, stopping when she reached to put her index finger over his lips.

"No, I don't want to discuss it anymore. You are going, I am accepting it. We are both moving on. I just want the rest of this weekend to be about us. We need to say a proper goodbye."

They spent their final hours, hours that felt more like minutes, reflecting on their time together, trying to laugh and not to cry because Penny forbade it, making love like it was their last time and sleeping, snuggled close together because it was their only escape from their new reality. And because there were no words left to be said.

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They woke early Monday morning and she went with him to his room to pack his luggage. She promised him she would box his most important things like his comic books, videos, games, text books and collectables and take them to New York with her. Leonard had vacated the apartment and they were glad. Their waning moments were spent on the old leather couch, Sheldon in his spot, Penny in hers, right beside him.

He broke away from their kiss when his phone buzzed informing him his car was at the curb. She stood, strong and steady and sure.

"This is it," she said quietly, "How do I tell the love of my life goodbye?"

"Penny," he said softly, "I'll…"

She stopped him, "Don't, Sheldon. Don't make any promises you can't keep. You go do what you need to do, my sweet Moon Pie."

"I love you Penny," he said as he bent to kiss her one last time and then reached for his luggage.

"And I love you, Doctor Cooper."

She stood at the top of the stairs listening to his footsteps until they faded.

"I'll wait for you, Moon Pie," she whispered into the still of the air, "I'll wait for you."

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	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER ELEVEN

She stood in his room surrounded by the ugly brown moving boxes; their only decoration was the pretty pink boxing tape she had found at the drug store. She had taped them up securely, these boxes, filled to the brim with his things. Sheldon's things…his valuables…she laughed bitterly…did he value her as much as he did these silly, boyish possessions of his? Would it suit him to just box her up too, keep her dust free, out of sight and mind but always available if he chose to take her out and play with her until he got bored or another, better opportunity came along?

It had been three months since she had last seen or spoken to him. She ached for him. Sometimes late at night she would cry. She would bang her fist into her pillow and scream out to God or whoever might be listening to her solitude and ask why? Simply, innocently, beautifully why? Why was he gone? She loved him more than her next breath. And what they shared was so intensely ingrained in her, that to be without him was to be without all other basic human necessities. She may as well have been without food and water and air and sleep. She missed his touch, his laugh, his craziness, his brilliance, his face. And then she would graze her hands across her ever expanding abdomen and cry for her baby. They both needed Sheldon.

Her baby. _Their baby_. It was really the only thing that had kept her sane, kept her from going nuts and becoming just another crazy person on the streets of Pasadena, wandering around in nothingness, no where to go, no meaning to life, no home. Sheldon was her home and now she was homeless. She rolled her eyes, if he were there he would correct her, saying she wasn't literally homeless, just figuratively speaking homeless. He was so deep inside her she even thought as he did…she knew what he would say if he were there. And in some small way, that kept her grounded, knowing he had penetrated her life so deeply that there would never be a time when his presence wasn't with her. He could walk out on her physically, but there was a part of him that would dwell in her forever.

"Hey Penny," Leonard said, creeping up behind her, standing far too close for her liking.

She stepped forward to put some distance between them. She had stayed away from him as much as possible since Sheldon had left, but she had been in the apartment the last few days packing his things for her move to New York. Leonard was clueless as usual, only thinking of ways to benefit himself, oblivious to everything else around him. He still didn't know what was up with Sheldon and Penny, if they were broken up for good or if she planned to join him later in Switzerland. He also didn't know Penny's biggest secret, that she carried Sheldon's child. It was far too intimate of a detail to share with this person that she used to think she knew. She was wearing looser fitting tops that fortunately concealed her tiny bump, but she knew it was just a matter of time before she could no longer hide the truth.

After what she had overheard him saying about her before Sheldon left, she realized that all her suspicions that she had tried to tuck into the back of her mind, were in fact true. She shook her head, thinking that she should always, _always_, listen to her gut feelings about people. She still didn't know why she had pushed that basic instinct away when it came to Leonard.

"Hi Leonard," she said coolly, turning to look at him.

He sighed, "Penny, I don't want to end things like this. Sheldon's gone, you are moving, can't we at least be friends?"

"Leonard, after what you said about me, I don't have any desire to be friends with you. When I leave here next week, you will never see me again."

"Come on Penny," he said, moving towards her, "we had some pretty good times, right? Things just got kind of crazy between us and then Sheldon got in the way. If it weren't for him, we'd still be together," he cocked his head up at her, squinting his eyes, angling his face to peer at her in that unattractive way he always did.

Penny shuddered, wondering what the hell she ever, _ever_, saw in him.

"Don't you even mention his name. I love him. Don't. You. Dare."

He laughed, mean and ugly, "Yeah, right. And he obviously loves you too. I mean, seeing as how he just took off and left you like he did. That's real love."

Her first instinct was to defend Sheldon and their relationship, but then she reminded herself that this little troll that stood before her was so not worth it. _Not even a little bit_.

"Whatever," she huffed, "just leave me alone Leonard. I'm almost finished packing his things. Howard and Raj are coming over in a few minutes to move them into my apartment and then I'll give you the key and you won't have to be bothered by me anymore.

"Ummm," he breathed out, stepping towards her, close enough to brush her arm with his hand, "I'm always bothered by you Penny. Sometimes when I'm in the shower…"

"Oh my God, Leonard. That's disgusting," she jerked her arm away, feeling uneasy and just wanting to get out of there.

"Come on Penny," he sneered, "you know you can't go this long without sex. Sheldon's not here, but I am. Remember how you used to ride me like a cowgirl? You can be as loud as you want now since he's not here to complain about the noise."

Penny's face went hot, her first thought was to knee him hard right in his sad little groin, but she knew she had to think of her baby now. Her urge to bring Leonard to his knees was abated by her instinct to protect the life that grew inside of her.

"Get your damn hands off of me or I swear," she hissed, then was cut off by his words.

"You'll what?" he said, "you'll tell Sheldon? You'll slap me? What? I wouldn't mind you slapping me actually; I think it would spice things up a bit. You know you want it Penny. You always have. Pretend like I'm someone else, I don't care. You can even call me Sheldon, or what is your nickname for him? Oh, Moon Pie, call me Moon Pie if that's what turns you on."

He had backed her against the wall, leaving her nowhere to turn, no escape.

"Leonard, please, don't," she pleaded, dropping her hands down to her stomach, shielding Sheldon's unborn child.

"Come on, you know you want it," his breath was hot on her face as he leaned in.

"What the fuck, dude?" Raj's voice cut through the room as he grabbed Leonard from behind and flung him away from Penny.

Penny exhaled, realized how weak her legs were, and sank slowly to the floor, "Thank God," she whispered as her body came to a rest.

Howard stood over Leonard who had banged against Sheldon's dresser and fallen to the ground. He glared down at him and looked to Penny, "Are you okay Penny?"

"I…yeah…I'm okay, just a little shaken. Thank God you guys got here," she said, looking to Raj who had squatted down beside her.

"Leonard, what the hell?" Howard said as he reached to pull the curly haired man to his feet. "Were you about to attack Penny? Come on."

"I…I'm sorry, Penny," Leonard said as he looked to her, and then took a step towards her. Penny flinched and pulled back. The fear in her eyes shot through Raj and he pushed his body up and spun around, coming face to face with Leonard.

"Don't you dare get near her," Raj said, taking his fist and ramming it hard into Leonard's gut. "That's for what you just did to Penny," he pulled back, cocked and reloaded and pumped his fist again, firing it a second time into Leonard, "and that's for Sheldon. He'd kill you if he were here. Now get the fuck out."

"You can't…it's my apartment," he winced, doubled over with pain.

"That's enough Raj," Howard interjected, holding his hand out. "Leonard, get out of here. We need a few minutes to take Sheldon's things over to Penny's apartment and then you can come back."

Leonard straightened his body and looked at each of them, realizing what he had just done, shocked and embarrassed by his own actions. He hung his head, apologized to Penny one last time, and then left the apartment dejected. He wondered how things had gotten this out of control.

"Come on Penny," Howard said, "you go relax in your apartment. We'll get the rest of this stuff and bring it over."

Neither man knew Penny's secret, but she was grateful that they were gentlemen and had offered to do the heavy lifting. She thanked them and stepped out of the room. She walked around the apartment one final time to make sure she had everything that belonged to Sheldon. Raj and Howard made quick work of lugging the heavy boxes across the hall. It seemed odd to be leaving, packing his things, as she reflected back through the years she had spent in this place. Her first memory was when she came into the apartment and saw Sheldon's white board. Some intrinsic force inside of her, and she still couldn't identify it, had drawn her to it…to _him_. She grinned, thinking back to how he had stood beside it and smiled shyly at her. The electricity in the room between the two of them was palpable, interrupted only by Leonard trying to show off his own white board to her.

"God," she whispered to no one, "if I could only turn back time."

She poked her head out the door to make sure Leonard wasn't lurking around, and then checked to be sure Raj and Howard were not paying attention to her, and slowly crept down the hall to Leonard's bedroom. She popped the door open and eased in, shutting it behind her. She went to the bottom of the bed and slid the trunk out, finding it secured with a combination lock. She smiled; she knew all of his stupid secrets and hiding places. She went to the top drawer of his bedside table and dug around until she found the small, shiny key. Returning to the trunk, she inserted the key and snapped the lock apart. She lifted the top and peered inside. Spotting the small felt box, she snatched it up and opened it, removing the sparkling gold piece of jewelry.

"Ah," she laughed, "the Lord of the Rings ring. Leonard thought he was so smart…I believe this belongs to Sheldon," she kissed the ring, and then dropped it into her pocket. "This one's for you sweet Moon Pie."

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Sheldon paced around the room, knowing for sure that he was going out of his mind. The clarity and confidence he had always possessed was slowly vanishing. He had surprised himself by starting out with some fascinating research when he first arrived in Zurich, but each day that passed without his Penny, seemed to slowly invade his brain cells and stomp them to bits. His logic was becoming all but nonexistent and he could barely do basic math equations, much less the formulas required for the research he was attempting. All he could do was gaze out the window and get lost in the view of the Swiss countryside.

His thoughts, as always, were on Penny. His hands begged to touch her, his mind hurt to talk and laugh and tease her, his body ached to love her. He prayed, _actually prayed_, to God every night to bring them back together. He hadn't really prayed much since he'd left his mother's home and gone out into the world on his own. He didn't have her with him to reinforce the existence of this deity and having been surrounded by intellects that waved the belief away as hokum for the less educated, he had basically put it out of his mind. It wasn't that he didn't believe, just that he didn't need it or think about it that much. But it struck him that now, in his deepest despair, it was not books or the internet or science he clung to. It was his mother's…_his_…God that he turned to. He thought back to the trip he and Penny had taken to Aspen and how she had confided in him that she too believed. Maybe there was something to it after all. And so he prayed to this…_this God of his_…that He would somehow, someway reunite him and Penny. It was, in the end, all he had left to turn to. _And he wondered if Penny was doing the same._

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Penny had been in New York for over two months now. She was thankful for the money Sam Stone had funneled into her account. There was no way she could survive this city without it. And he had been generous, very, very generous with his funds. She often wondered if it was to help her or to soothe the guilt he had to be feeling at keeping her and Sheldon apart. While she still didn't know the details, she couldn't help but wonder if there was something, anything, Sam could do to fix this. He had established a pattern of phoning her at least weekly, sometimes more, to check in with her. And occasionally she would see guys in dark suits around her and she felt sure they were assigned to her by Sam. Or by Sheldon. She didn't know and really didn't care. She knew it was futile to question it anyway.

She had found a small apartment in midtown, made a few new friends, and was happy with the Manhattan obstetrician Sam had procured for her. She would be having an ultrasound on her next visit and was excited to learn if she carried a…well…a little Sheldon or a little Penny inside her. She knew that having this part of Sheldon inside her was what kept her going, kept her putting one foot in front of the other. Sheldon still didn't know about the baby and so Penny often wondered what kept him going, what made him get out of bed each morning and get through each day before having to get up and do it all over again the next day. She missed him so badly it hurt. And she prayed every night that somehow, someway they would find their way back to each other.

She had begun the long and tedious process of work-shopping the play she had been cast in. The director, Mark Hansen, had not been very happy to learn of her pregnancy, but after lengthy negotiations…and pleas…with Penny and her agent, he had agreed to let her stay on since there was a long road ahead before the play would even go into previews. The script was still being worked out, changed, rearranged, reorganized, and ordered. It could be a year or more before it ever even saw the spotlights of a stage. Mark was reminded of what he had first liked about Penny, and then when he spent more time around her and discovered the kindness, the uniqueness of Penny and her Midwestern work ethic, he decided there was plenty of time, as he told his assistant, for her to pop that kid out and get back in shape. Penny was just glad it was a straight play and not a musical, as there was no way she could dance with her big, protruding belly. Her part was relatively small and she wasn't being paid much, but she was just happy to be working…to have a real acting job. She just wished Sheldon was there to share it with her.

_Sheldon_. Sometimes just thinking his name felt like a dagger going straight through her heart. It was now over five months and she had not seen or heard from him. Not a call, not a text, not an email. Nothing. She had called his number a few times, but each time she got a recording saying the number had been dropped. She would plead with Sam to tell her anything, but all he would say was that Sheldon was doing fine. She begged him to let Sheldon call her, just talk to her, but Sam had refused, fearing, unbeknownst to Penny, that Richard Sloan could get lucky and discover the existence of this woman Sheldon so loved. Sam felt like he himself was the bad guy, but he didn't care, so be it as long as Sheldon and Penny and their child were protected.

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Penny sat on the table alone. Alone. There was nothing except the thin little backless cotton gown shielding her from the icy cold air that blew from the vent near the ceiling. She fidgeted with her hands, straightened the gown, fisted it, straightened it again and swung her dangling feet back and forth at the bottom of the shiny metal slab. She was angry, scared, sad, happy, nervous, excited, baffled and most of all _alone_. The word echoed through her brain, bounced around inside her mind, striking images of her and Sheldon. In her apartment. In her bed. In his apartment. In his bed. In Aspen. Making love in front of the fireplace. After some help from her doctor, doing the math, the math that Sheldon should have been there to do, she thought bitterly, she deducted that her…_their_…child had been conceived in Aspen. She loved that fact; she had to admit, smiling despite herself, despite her growing anger at Sheldon.

"Sheldon," she said aloud to no one, "Doctor Sheldon Lee Cooper. Come back to me. Please come back to me."

The shiny wooden door swung open, stopping her dead in her thoughts as her OBGYN doctor strolled in, followed closely by his nurse. He held a computerized tablet that contained all of her medical information. He nodded and smiled at her as the nurse went about checking her vitals and making notes on her own tablet.

Looking up, Doctor Craig finally spoke, "Hello Penny. How are you today? Still feeling strong?"

She smiled at him, almost embarrassed, though she didn't know why, "Yes Doctor Craig. I still feel pretty good. Just kind of huge and uncomfortable." And alone, she thought, but she didn't say that out loud.

She didn't have to say the words aloud, as they were written all over her face, and her posture, and her hands that were still wringing the now crumpled gown that draped her body. Doctor Craig-_and the rest of the world_-could see it plain as day. This was a scared, lonely, single, soon-to-be-mom. The sadness and burden in her eyes spoke in ways no words ever could.

Penny was soothed by the warmth of the nurse's hands as the woman moved about checking her blood pressure, temperature and pulse. She was tempted to say how good it felt just to have human contact, any human contact, just someone, anyone, touching her. But she figured it would sound weird and she thought that they already must feel pity for her, for she who came in this same room every two weeks alone, with no man, no 'baby daddy'…God, she hated that term…just some other stupid woman who found herself pregnant with no man left standing by her side.

Doctor Craig, sensing her discomfort, because really, he had seen it in so many other women, pushed on, hoping to lessen her sadness a bit, "Okay, well, today is the big day, you are having your ultrasound. I understand you want to know the sex of your baby?"

He didn't tell her of his suspicions. He wanted to wait for confirmation from the tests he was about to run on her.

"Yes," she smiled, "I am really excited. I want to start decorating the nursery and I need to know what colors to use." She tried her best to sound confident and steady, but all she really felt was tired and scared.

"OK, well Mary here," he nodded towards the nurse, "is going to walk you down the hall. The techs will do a few other tests and then I'll meet you down there shortly. I want to be there for the ultrasound, to discuss it with you..." his voice trailed off. She wondered if he went to the ultrasound with all his patients or if he was just taking pity on her since there was no other man with her. She concluded that he was a nice man who just felt sorry for her. God, she thought, I'm really pathetic.

"Okay," her words came out in a whisper. Sheldon should be here, she thought. It's just not right. If he only knew, he would be here; she comforted herself with this thought.

After a battery of tests that she didn't understand…and really her brain and emotions were too shot to ask…she was moved to a long table and a technician began to hook sticky connectors to her stomach that stretched across to the ultrasound machine. She lay on the table looking around at all of the medical _stuff_…stuff Sheldon would know the name of and function of each instrument in the room…and imagined him there with her. He would be questioning everything, bothering the hell out of the doctor, the nurses and the technicians and she would be rolling her eyes and telling him to sit down and shut up.

"Hey," she spoke up to the girl that was pressing buttons and adjusting Penny's position on the table, "can you turn the monitor a little bit? I can't see it."

Before the young girl could answer, Doctor Craig strolled in, the light from the hallway flooding the dim room.

"We'll turn it in a moment, Penny. I want to get a good look and some measurements first from this angle. I know you are anxious to see, I am too." He smiled kindly, hoping his words settled her.

"Okay," she laid back, too tired to put up an argument. She would see it when she saw it. The technician squirted gel onto her stomach and Penny jumped at the unexpected coldness of it.

The machine began to hum and beep and Penny closed her eyes. As always, Sheldon's face was the first thing her mind's eye focused on. A tear seeped out and rolled down her face. She was surprised and lifted her hand to wipe it away, hoping no one saw it.

"Penny," Doctor Craig said softly, not sure how the news he was about to relay to her would affect her. "Is there a pattern of twins in your family? Or in the father of your child's family?"

She raised her head up, still foggy from thoughts of Sheldon, still wondering why she couldn't just look at the damn monitor.

"What?" Her voice sounded sleepy and confused.

"Twins…is there a history of twins in your or the father's family?"

"Well, Sheldon…the father…has a twin sister. Why?"

Doctor Craig lifted his body from the stool he'd been resting on and stood, slowly turning the monitor towards Penny.

"Well, I wanted to confirm this, and have evidence to actually show you before I said anything…you, Penny are having twins. A boy. And a girl."

"Holy crap on a cracker," Penny squawked before collapsing back onto the pillow.

And in Switzerland, at that exact same moment, Sheldon's heart skipped a beat, and then it proceeded to thump rapidly. He had no way of knowing that he would soon be the father of a boy and a girl that were the result of his and Penny's love.

He stood and ruffled through the papers on his desk, grabbing the biggest, thickest book he could find and flung it against the wall.

"Fuck this," he moaned, "I'm going home."

_If only it were that easy, he thought, turning back to his research, his chest heaving deeply._

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Penny sat in the back of the smelly yellow cab. She was eight months pregnant now. _With twins_. She had been waddling around Manhattan for awhile, but Doctor Craig had finally put a stop to it. He had just told her she was going on complete bed rest. No work, no running around the city, nothing.

"Just stay inside, lie on the sofa, catch up on day time TV and eat and drink plenty of everything. Stay off your feet," he couldn't help but wonder as he said these words if she had anyone to take care of her. But that wasn't his job, if he worried about the private lives of all his patients, he'd drive himself mad. All he could do was give his best medical advice and leave the rest to them. But he would be placing a call later to Sam Stone. Sam was the one who had sent Penny to him. He had seen a few of Sam's "special cases" over the years he'd practiced in Manhattan. He never questioned, just did his job and was rewarded handsomely for it. He'd never even spoken to Sam, only communicated through electronic methods, but this time, he would make an exception. He was worried for Penny.

Penny was worried for her job. She had promised Doctor Craig that she would go straight home, but really, she had planned to make a detour by the rehearsal hall. She needed to let Mark Hansen know that she wouldn't be able to work for at least three months, maybe more. Sure, she already knew she would have to go on maternity leave, but now that it was actually here, she was scared. While her role was only a very small one, she felt part of something so big, so much bigger than her tiny contribution, and she dreaded the very thought of being away from it. She was excited about her babies…_plural, imagine that_…but she finally had the job of her dreams, small as it was, and didn't want to give it up. But surprisingly, Mark had been kind to her, assuring her that her place would be there when she got back. He did raise his eyebrows and tell her to make it quick, but in the next breath he hugged her and told her not to worry.

It was funny, she thought as she unlocked the door to her apartment. Everyone kept telling her not to worry. But none of the people that told her that were there with her every evening when she got home. When she would sit for hours on her sofa and watch movies and series she took from Sheldon's boxes. Sometimes, she would take out his comic books and read them aloud to the children that occupied her womb. While other expecting mothers would read fairytales to their unborn, Penny read Flash and Batman and Superman to hers. It made her feel close to Sheldon, it was a part of him that she could give his children, if nothing else. She knew it would please him.

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"Hello Doctor Craig. I received your message that you wished to speak with me in reference to our friend, one Penelope Amelia Jasko," Sam Stone said, concern coating his words.

"Hi Doctor Stone," Penny's OBGYN spoke softly, as not to alarm the older man, "yes, I wanted to update you on her status. I trust this conversation is just between the two of us, as I am breaking every HIPPA law on the books."

"Of course, Doctor Craig, you may trust the confidentiality of this conversation. Now, please, I was alarmed at your message, as you have never, in all of our dealings, reached out to me in this manner. Is there a problem with her or the babies?"

"Well, Doctor Stone, I may be overstepping my boundaries, but I felt I must speak up. As you know, Miss Jasko…Penny…is alone. I have just ordered complete bed rest for her as she is carrying twins and is well into her third trimester."

"Go on," Sam said, coughing harshly into the receiver.

"I have been led to believe that she lives alone and doesn't have any close relatives or friends…or even the father of her children….around to help her. It is my opinion that she does not need to be alone right now. Mentally, emotionally and physically, she needs someone. No woman should have to go through this alone."

"I see," Sam wheezed into the phone, "do not worry, Doctor Craig. I shall see that she is well taken care of. Thank you for bringing this to my attention."

And before Doctor Craig could say goodbye, the illusive Sam Stone was gone.

After disconnecting from Doctor Craig, Sam decided it was time to rally the troops, so to speak. After the incident at CalTech, the team had been granted some much needed time off. Well, he thought, everyone but Sheldon, who, according to his sources was struggling through each day, barely focused, struggling to conform to his new life.

He first dialed Doctor Amy Farrah Fowler, reaching her at her cabin by the North Carolina seashore that she shared with her friend Melody. Amy had been stunned by Sam's news of Penny. She and Penny had communicated via texts and email, but Penny had never mentioned to her that she was pregnant. And while Sam didn't give her the details, she had no doubt in her mind that Sheldon was the father. And, not privy to all of the confidential information, she wondered why the hell he would take a job in Switzerland and leave Penny pregnant and alone. She was furious and told Sam she would settle things at home and could be in New York in two days. She would be there for Penny. She would stand in for Sheldon, and boy when she finally did see him again, whenever that would be, she would give him a piece of her mind.

He had decided to not involve Bernadette, as she was spending some much needed time with her husband and had recently discovered that she too was with child. He smiled, happy to see his young charges growing, changing and getting stronger.

Sam debated on phoning Doctor Howard Wolowitz. While Howard has proven to be an effective leader, he had his own personal demons he was struggling with, not to mention the heaviest being with his very own team member, one Doctor Rajesh Koothrappali. The two men had grown closer as the years passed, Howard in and out of relationships with woman after woman, Rajesh…waiting…desperately trying to solve the mystery of his own libido. After they had wrapped up at CalTech they had quietly taken leave to Grace Bay Beach on the Turks and Caicos Islands. Initially claiming to go for the surf, the alcohol and the women. But Sam knew better…he knew the truth…and it perplexed him in more ways that one.

He knew that Wolowitz and Koothrappali were very aware of how far reaching his authority was. There was nothing Doctor Sam Stone didn't know. Why, if he so chose, he could know every time the President of the United States had a bowel movement. He didn't care to know, but if he wanted to, he could. And so for two of his best and brightest to think he didn't know about their…_situation_…was quite humorous to him. Now he didn't really understand it, as he was from a different time, a different generation, a rapidly fading world in which everything was either black or white with no middle ground. Times, he laughed to himself, giving a nod to Bob Dylan, they were indeed a-changin'.

In the end, he decided to bring in Wolowitz and Koothrappali. The decision based strictly on the fact that he knew Penny cared deeply for both men. While they had fought on and off through the years, at the end of the day, he knew Penny loved and respected them. And at one of the most frightening moments of her life, they had been the ones to save her. They had handled that bastard Leonard Hofstadter handily. How he dreaded the day, _and he knew it would come_, when Sheldon found out what Hofstadter had tried to do to Penny. And so he placed the call.

They were in Boston. Sam did not give them any information about Penny's condition, instead just informed them that they needed to go to her. It was a test of sorts, really. He knew his time, both in his professional position, and dreadfully in his life, was coming to an end, and he was charged with the task of finding his successor. Years ago he had been certain that that person would be Doctor Sheldon Cooper, but as the years had unfolded and he realized the toll this job, this country, had taken on Sheldon he knew the man deserved a better and a different life. And so he had turned his attention to Howard Wolowitz, who had impressed him continuously. He was never one to back down, always putting his team ahead of his own needs, and graciously taking the hits to avoid hurting the others. Now, his plan was in place, he would sit back and observe Doctor Howard Wolowitz. He needed to be sure that Howard had what it would take to be given the reigns.

Without hesitation, Howard and Raj were on their way to New York for Penny. While Amy needed days to make arrangements, the boys needed mere hours. Raj had been confused and disappointed that Sheldon had taken off to Switzerland and left Penny after he had worked so hard to win her love. But Howard had known the truth all along. Sam had filled him in on the threat of Richard Sloan, but had insisted he keep it to himself, not wanting anyone, even the other team members, to be made aware of the threats against Sheldon and those he loved. Sam had not informed Howard of Penny's pregnancy, suspecting that Howard would have protested his decision to send Sheldon away. Howard understood Sam's desire to protect Sheldon and Penny. He didn't like it, but he understood it. It bothered him that Sheldon and Penny had finally found each other, and in this world of instant gratification and selfishness, he thought it such a waste of time to spend one moment apart. But he respected Doctor Sam Stone and decided it wasn't his place to handle Penny and Sheldon's love affair. He would follow orders as directed.

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Neither Raj nor Howard were prepared for what they found when they got to Penny's apartment. They stood outside her door knocking, making small talk about the city as they waited for her to answer. When she pulled the door open they were confronted with her condition…her massive belly, her puffy face, and her swollen hands and feet.

"What the frack?" It rolled off Howard's lips before he could stop it.

Penny offered a weak smile, "Hey guys. I'm looking pretty sexy, huh?" Tears of happiness stung her eyes, glad to see the familiar faces of her old friends. She hadn't seen them since Pasadena all those months ago.

"Penny," Raj whispered, stepping forward to hug her, "we…we didn't know." His eyes were huge and confusion played on his face.

She pulled the door wider, welcoming them into her apartment. They both felt comforted at the familiar sight of her old furniture from her Pasadena apartment. Howard commented that it was almost like coming home, it looked just as he remembered, only in a different city, with a much better view out her window.

"Sit," she instructed them, "I'll get tea."

Raj reached for her, "No, you sit. I'll get the tea. Penny…why…why didn't you tell us?"

She looked down, blushing, "Well, Sheldon doesn't know and I guess I felt like he should know before anyone else…even his friends…but then he left and I thought I could just handle it on my own. I've made a pretty good life for myself here in New York and…"

Howard cut her off, "Wait. Sheldon doesn't know? What the…"

"No," she whispered, finally seeing the insanity of it all as she spoke the truth aloud to her friends.

Howard felt the blood boiling in his veins. How the hell had this happened? His mind immediately went to Sheldon, how unfair, how utterly wrong this whole thing was. Penny dealing with all of this alone in New York, Sheldon shipped off to Switzerland, not even knowing he was going to be a father. No way, not on his watch, was this happening.

"Penny," he moved to her, showing her for the very first time his caring nature, not hidden behind the layers of smarminess he'd worn in California, "Sheldon…do you want him? Are you still in love with him?"

Raj, entering the room with tea and sugar and big, heavy mugs, stopped in his tracks. They both waited for her answer.

"Yes," was all she could push out before breaking down, sobbing from the weight of all she carried and the relief that she now felt. She finally had someone in her corner. When she was too tired to fight anymore, these two friends would pick it up for her.

"Then I'll get him for you." Howard was as sure of this statement as of anything else he'd ever said in his life.

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Raj would stay with Penny, of that Howard was sure. He smiled to himself as he watched from across the room. Raj was in his element, taking care of Penny, preparing her food, fluffing her pillows, watching those crazy chick flicks with her…_and liking them_…as they sat on her bright blue sofa gorging themselves with ice cream.

Howard excused himself and stepped into the tiny nursery with its bright yellow walls, closing the door behind him. He pressed in the old familiar numbers and waited for an answer.

"Hot Women," he said into the receiver, rolling his eyes at the absurdity of the password he had chosen so many years ago. _How he so needed to change that, he thought._

He didn't have to wait long before he heard Sam on the other end of the phone.

"Doctor Wolowitz, I trust you and Doctor Koothrappali have arrived at Miss Jasko's apartment?"

"Sam," Howard tried to push down the anger in his tone, "yes, we are here. And you neglected to tell me of her condition. With all due respect, Doctor Stone, this is just wrong." His voice quivered, but he stood his ground.

"I see," Sam Stone smiled to himself, pleased to hear Howard taking a stand, not backing down. Just one of the many qualities he sought in the man who would one day soon replace him. "And?"

Howard paused for a moment, collecting his words, organizing them in his mind, "I'm going to get Sheldon. I need a plane." His held his breath as he pushed out his last word, a command, "Now."

Doctor Stone cleared his throat, attempted to hide his amusement at Howard's emerging boldness and spoke, "Do you feel that is the right thing to do, Doctor Wolowitz?"

Without hesitation, without fear of the consequences of standing up to his superior, the man who had taken him under his wing and taught him so much, Howard answered, "Yes sir. I'm going to Switzerland to get Sheldon. And no one is going to stop me."

Sam fought back a laugh, "As you wish, Doctor Wolowitz. I will have a plane waiting for you at LaGuardia." He took a deep breath, "And Howard, remember, with this newfound power comes great responsibility."

Eyes wide, body shaking nervously, "Yes sir," Howard forced out of his mouth.

"And Doctor Wolowitz, you have just taken on a great responsibility. The care and safety of Doctor Sheldon Cooper, Miss Penelope Jasko and their progeny. Chose wisely. It is now in your hands. I relinquish this assignment to you, my boy."

"Thank you sir. I will handle it."

"That remains to be seen, son. Have a nice flight to Switzerland."

And in the flash of a nanosecond, Sam's voice was gone, leaving Howard standing in a cramped room in a tiny Manhattan apartment containing two baby cribs and the burden of protecting the lives that would soon occupy said cribs.

"Two?" he murmured, "What the frack?"

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	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

"Damn," he moaned as she took him in her hands while using her lips to smother his face with kisses. He tried to lift his body up and roll her over, he had to be on top of her, he had to own her, consume her, but he felt glued to the bed beneath him. He tried to wrap his arms around her but they too would not lift.

"Penny," he growled, trying to kiss her but his lips wouldn't land on her face. He was so hot and hard and ready for her and his hips thrashed wildly upwards.

She smiled down at him, he could feel warmth but wasn't sure if it was hers or his own. He was drenched in sweat, of that he was sure. The sheet beneath him was a damp mess and he scrambled around trying to move away from it. She squeezed him tighter and he grunted, his mind being overtaken by his body.

"Please, I need to be inside of you," he mumbled, trying unsuccessfully to find her lips.

He felt her hand go lower and brush softly against him, then glide back up and regain its grip on his swollen manhood. He couldn't catch his breath and he wondered if it was her presence causing him to lose the ability to inhale or if he were just dying from the huge, massive weight pressing down on his chest.

"Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur…"

Why the hell is she singing that now, he wondered, as he tried desperately to enter her.

"Happy kitty, sleepy kitty," her voice was sweet and soft.

"I'm not sick," he groaned, trying to pull her closer but feeling her move further away.

"…purr, purr, purr," and then she giggled, "Being away from me is a kind of sick."

What the hell, he thought, his body finally allowing him to roll over, thus relieving him of the weight on his chest. But now he couldn't find Penny.

"Penny?" he cried in a strangled voice.

"Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur," why is she still singing that song that isn't remotely applicable to this situation, he wondered, and why is she singing it even louder than the first time?

He squeezed he eyes together, then reached up to rub them, finally popping them open as his mind began to clear. He felt the vibration of his phone that was directly beside him on the bed. He discovered the weight on his chest had been a rather large textbook he had been reading before drifting off to sleep hours earlier. Now the sharp corners of the book's cover were jabbing into his side.

"Damit," he mumbled, attempting to push his erection down as he reached to slide the alarm off.

Penny had made the recording of herself singing Soft Kitty before he left Pasadena. She told him to close his eyes and imagine her there with him if he ever got sick while he was in Zurich. Instead, by his second day there, he had changed it to his alarm sound on his phone, reasoning with himself that he **was **sick…homesick…_Pennysick. _Each and every damn day.

He swung his feet around to the cold hardwood floor, extending them to feel for his slippers. On his way to the loo, he reached his hand into the shower to turn it on, allowing the water to heat up as he emptied his bladder. He moved to the sink to wash his hands, and studied himself in the mirror. He observed his short hair poking up and running crazily in all directions and his cheeks flush from the erotic dream of Penny he'd just had. He ran his hand across the early morning shadow of his beard that he should have shaven the night before.

He unbuttoned his pajama top and slipped it off, then stepped out of his slippers and pajama bottoms and folded both pieces of clothing neatly, placing them on the shelf that stood beyond the sink. He used his toe to nudge his slippers into their proper place, just below the shelf. He reached up and stretched his slender, naked body, releasing a deep, noisy yawn before finally stepping into the now steaming shower.

He relaxed under the pressure of the water, letting it beat down on his lean, glistening back and shoulders. He squeezed a blob of shampoo into his hand and smeared it around his hair with his long elegant fingers. He grabbed a bar of soap and smoothed it up the length of his arms, across his chest and moved lower to his abdomen and hips. He placed the soap back in its resting place, and then used his hand to rub the soap residue around his skin, acutely aware of his still throbbing member. He lowered his hand, gently tugging at his rising need. He inhaled deeply, images of Penny playing in his mind…of him making love to Penny…of him tasting Penny…of Penny riding him so hard he couldn't recite pi if his life depended on it…of him fucking her so deeply and sweetly she could hardly speak a syllable. He gasped as the pressure built, knowing he was so near, wishing she was with him to bring him to the edge and then push him over it, him taking her with him, over her own edge…_together_. He jerked a few more times, stroking his length, groaning as he came in his own hand, the water beating down on him, swirling his seed down the drain. He sighed and then quickly finished washing his body before completing his morning routine, then dressing and leaving to head to his on campus office.

He looked forward to going to work. He had finally trained his brain to divide itself into two compartments. One, the biggest one, was labeled Penny and the other; still pretty large itself, was labeled String Theory. And when he was in the lab, surrounded by his research, he could almost…_almost_…flip the Penny switch off and then let the light shine solely on string theory. This compartmentalizing of the important things in his life was a necessary coping mechanism that kept him sane.

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Howard laid his head back, settling in for the eight hour flight to Zurich. He hated flying but what he hated even more was flying over water. He liked to look out and see land or some form of life below, instead all that was below him was the Atlantic Ocean as he zoomed towards Europe. He shook his head, thinking of the irony of him hating to fly, yet he had made the ultimate flight…the flight into glorious, mysterious outer space.

He began to force himself to focus on the task at hand, getting Sheldon back to the States to Penny and their unborn children. He felt a surge of fear and trepidation jolt through his mind and body as he replayed Sam's words in his head. Sam had told him he was turning the safety of Sheldon, Penny and their children over to him. Howard had tired to figure out what the big deal was. He knew he'd have to solve the problem of Richard Sloan, and he had an idea floating around in his brain as to how to deal with that bastard. But he had felt that Sam had laid a much broader assignment on him…and possibly on the team…than merely protecting them from what amounted to a petty little thug. In fact, it could have already been handled if they didn't have to go through all the proper and legal protocol…in other words, they had to cover their asses before they solved the problem of one Richard Sloan. No, he thought, there was more to this than what Sam had told him. He sighed, determined to put it out of his thoughts for awhile. Because for now, all he really wanted to do was get to Sheldon, get his crazy ass on the plane, and get back to New York. For now, that was all that mattered.

Howard laughed to himself, reflecting back through the years of all he and his friends had done for Sheldon. Even though most of it was for appearances so that anyone at the University that happened to be watching would just see a group of nerdy geeks. Howard shook his head, smiling at the way even Leonard who didn't have a clue as to their true identities, fell right into the game of driving Sheldon around. So they had taken turns carting his ass all over Pasadena, and catering to his every whim. Sheldon joked when no one else was around, that he sure enjoyed being waited on. Howard always rolled his eyes, believing that Sam had arranged it that way just so Sheldon had extra protection so that he wouldn't get distracted thinking about string theory or some other mystery of the universe and end up crashing dead into something.

He remembered his first few encounters with Sheldon. He'd been so baffled by him…by this man-child…this blowhard…this braggart…this freak of nature. Sheldon didn't care about women or the pursuit of them (not that he himself cared anymore either; he smiled, thinking of Raj back in New York). He only expressed an interest in science, super heroes and comic books and had an odd affection for trains. Howard had even gone so far as to confide in Sam his concerns about Sheldon. Sam had advised him to get Sheldon alone and ask him to tell him about Olivia. He had followed Sam's advice, having no idea the emotions it would bring up in Sheldon. The topic had resulted in Sheldon lowering all the walls he had securely built around himself. Howard had watched, in an instant, Sheldon's face go from an arrogant know-it-all to a sad, angry man out for revenge. But Sheldon had opened up to Howard, seemingly relieved to be able to talk to someone about Olivia and the life they had and the future he had planned with her. That moment had giving Howard the insight and appreciation for Sheldon that carried over to this day. And his admiration for Sheldon had grown as he observed how he had stepped up and handled Richard Sloan at CalTech.

And now here he was, on his own accord, flying to the European continent, to Zurich Switzerland of all places, to fetch his friend and bring him home to his pregnant…with twins…girlfriend. His _very_ pregnant…_with twins_…girlfriend. It was quite a bit more than just driving the whack-a-doodle to the comic book store. He could never quite figure out what it was about Sheldon that allowed him to get away with so much. Most people that acted the way Sheldon did…superior, over-confident, stubborn, assuming, cocky…he could go on…most people, would be outcasts, with no one, not even one person in their lives that would put up with that crazy shit. But Sheldon, Sheldon was different. He commanded and received respect. And while Howard had never really discussed it with anyone but Raj, he…they…knew there was something…_something special?_...about Sheldon. And obviously Sam saw it too. And more importantly, Penny did too. He was in a class all his own…he was indeed peerless…and Howard had absolutely no doubt in his mind that Sheldon was destined for great things. While he was proud of the fact that he himself had flown in space, and that was a crowning achievement in his career, he knew that it paled in comparison to whatever it was the universe had in store for Doctor Sheldon Cooper. And he couldn't wait to just sit back and watch. And maybe, maybe in some small way, play a part in it. He was just thankful that he…_and Raj_…got it, that they could see the greatness of Sheldon Cooper.

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"Good morning, Doctor Cooper. I've prepared the lab; all equipment you requested is present, along with the results from our trip last week to the Large Hadron Collider in Geneva."

"Thank you Juergen," Sheldon forced a smile at his research assistant. The young man had proven to be competent and willing to do anything to acquire the approval and acceptance of the famous Doctor Sheldon Cooper. Sheldon had actually found it quite humorous that Juergen and some of the other grad students treated him almost like a rock star. It was as if Einstein himself had returned to the campus and was walking amongst them. It still overwhelmed him that he was conducting research on the exact same soil that one of his science heroes had studied. Of course, Sheldon thought to himself, he was no Einstein. No, he was going to do what Einstein had tried and failed to do…he would be the physicist to prove string theory…he'd get to the root of those damn particles if it was the last thing he did. _And then he would accept his Noble_. He could, unlike his years spent at CalTech, finally focus solely on his scientific studies, unfettered by the demanding duties of the CIA.

"Yes sir, my pleasure," the young man breathed out, still not believing his good fortune at being chosen as Sheldon's number one assistant.

"Juergen," Sheldon sighed, trying to not let his frustration with his personal life bleed into his words, "you are doing a fine job. I appreciate all you have done thus far to assist with the particle acceleration." Sheldon laughed a breathy laugh, attempting to lighten his own mood, "Now all we have to do is prove String Theory, right?"

Juergen laughed, "Yeah, nothing too difficult. Just smash the high energy protons and sort through the debris."

Sheldon shook his head, pleased to have an apt assistant who could not only understand the quantum physics behind string theory, but could also make a fairly intelligent joke about it as well.

"Okay, well I'm going to begin sorting and categorizing my findings, and I would like for you to begin entering the data into the computer," he said, handing a folder to Juergen. "I completed some initial equations last evening."

"I'll get started on that right away. Just buzz me if you need me."

"Thank you Juergen. Please see that I am not disturbed."

"Yes sir," Juergen fawned.

Sheldon entered the lab, pushing the door closed behind him. The cool air caused him to pause momentarily. He shook his head as he approached the long marble slab that held all he would need to conduct and review his research. He sighed, trying to think about particles and not about Penny…trying to flip his Penny switch to the off position. But he couldn't help but wonder how her acting job was going, if she was happy, and most importantly of all, if she ached for him the way he ached for her. '_Is she waiting for me?_' he wondered, as he slumped into the nearest chair and dropped his head into his hands. He knew Sloan would eventually be handled and become a non-issue…but he still had to complete the mission before him…the mission he had been on since childhood…to quantify string theory. How long would that take and would she be willing to wait? Would she ever be able to understand that he wasn't a complete man, a complete scientist, until he achieved that goal?

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Howard stopped at the administrative office on campus and inquired about Sheldon's location. Upon receiving directions, along with a roll of the eyes from the young undergrad at the receptionist desk, he decided he was close enough to walk the rest of the way. He was inspired by the stunningly beautiful campus. And he couldn't help but inhale the air deeply into his lungs, the same air that Albert Einstein had once breathed so many years ago. He figured if Sheldon just had to be banished from the States, this was a fine place to be.

He located the science building and pushed the heavy doors open, stopping to read the directory that was posted beside the elevators. He found the floor he was seeking and punched the button to call for the lift.

Howard stood in the hallway, peering into the room for a few minutes before he walked in. He observed what he assumed was a student, perhaps a grad student, working furiously on a computer, bent over the machine banging in letters and numbers with a purpose. The young man looked up as Howard entered the room.

"Hi," Juergen said, annoyance at the disturbance registering in his tone, "may I help you?"

"I hope so," Howard smiled, "I'm looking for Doctor Sheldon Cooper."

Juergen furrowed his brow, "I'm sorry, uh, I didn't get your name?"

"Doctor Wolowitz," Howard cleared his throat.

"Doctor Wolowitz, yes," he continued, finally making eye contact with Howard, "Doctor Cooper is involved in very important research at the moment and he's given me orders not to disturb him."

Howard chuckled, "I'm sure he'd make an exception for me. I'm an old friend from the States. Could you please let him know I'm here?"

Juergen sighed loudly, reached for a tablet and pen and looked up at Howard, "Name again?"

"Doctor Howard Wolowitz," he rolled his eyes.

"Doctor Howard Wolo…" Juergen's eyes shot up, "wait, the Doctor Wolowitz that went to the space station with the Russians?"

"That would be the one," Howard laughed.

"Wow…wow…what an honor," Juergen stammered, stumbling as he tried to stand, extending his hand to Howard, "a real astronaut. Wow. What was it like up there? I hope to go someday myself."

"It was great, and if you will take me to Doctor Cooper, I promise to tell you all about it one day."

"This is amazing. I should have known Doctor Cooper would know you."

"And…you are on your way to tell him I'm here…right?"

"Yes sir. Wait, just come with me, I'm sure he will be as happy to see you as I am."

Howard smiled and followed Juergen down the hallway leading to the lab. Even now he was still trying to figure out how to tell Sheldon that Penny needed him without telling him why she needed him. She had grabbed a handful of Howard's shirt and ordered him not to tell Sheldon she was pregnant. Her reasoning being she had gone this long, she wanted to be the one to give him the news. She had carried this secret for eight long months and she'd be damned if anyone else would have the pleasure of telling him. She had earned the right. And judging from the look in her eyes, he wasn't going to mess with her. Even this far along in her pregnancy, Howard had no doubt she'd go all junior rodeo on his ass if he blew this.

Juergen stopped at the laboratory door, and tapped lightly with his knuckles, saying a silent prayer that Doctor Cooper would indeed appreciate a visit from Doctor Wolowitz.

Sheldon's mind was buzzing like no other time he could remember. The data was stacked around him, results, reviews, old journals, new journals…he could feel it, and he could almost…_almost_…see it. With the particles properly smashed and Newton's gravitational laws factored in…why…it was right there, clear but yet illusive at the same time…so close yet so far out of reach. Just a little push, just a little more clarity, just a little more input and…what the hell? He could not believe someone was knocking at the door.

"Go away," he yelled, jolted by the harshness of his own voice.

The door creaked open slightly, and Juergen poked his head in, his long curly locks drooping down over his eyes. He used his hand to push them back, squinting to find Sheldon in the dimly lit room. The glow from Sheldon's laptop revealed his location.

"Doctor Cooper, I'm sorry to bother…" Juergen started, only to be cut off by Sheldon.

"I told you I did not want to be disturbed," he hissed through gritted teeth.

"But Doctor Cooper," the youth's voice trembled, trying to explain.

"That is all. Leave please," Sheldon ordered.

Howard, feeling a bit guilty for putting Juergen in this position, place his hand lightly on the young man's shoulder, leading him away from the door, "Thank you, I'll take it from here," he smiled, adding, "Don't worry, I'll make sure he knows I forced you to do it."

Juergen faked a smile and nodded at Howard, then made his way quickly back to his desk, having no desire to be confronted by Sheldon.

"Ah, Sheldon, I see you didn't leave your endearing set of social skills back in Pasadena, as they are on full display here in Zurich," Howard said, pushing the door wider and stepping into the room.

Sheldon's head darted up, his eyes landing on the familiar face. He stood; shutting off his mind to the work he was so deep into just seconds earlier. He reached to run his hand through his hair and then stepped towards Howard, a smile playing across his face. The two old friends met each other half way, and for the first time in their lives, embraced in a warm hug. Sheldon felt overwhelmed by Howard's presence and it was a reminder of just how much he missed his home and his friends. They were emotions he wasn't sure he had ever felt, emotions he didn't know he even had the capacity to feel, yet here he stood, so far from home, brought almost to tears by the visiting Howard Wolowitz.

"Howard," Sheldon breathed out, "I'm…I'm so happy to see you." He was as surprised by his words as Howard was.

Howard pulled back, breaking their embrace, and examined Sheldon's face, "Wait, what have you done with the stoic, unemotional Doctor Sheldon Cooper that I have known and loved all these years?"

Sheldon released a little laugh and said, "I think he's grown up a bit. You know, life and all, just kind of happens to everyone I guess."

Howard met Sheldon's laugh with his own, "Yeah, you got that right. Life…funny thing, huh?"

"So are you alone?" Sheldon inquired, looking around behind Howard, expecting to see Raj nearby.

"Yep, just me."

"So what are you doing here? Will you be joining me here at the university? It's a great research facility; I've made fascinating strides with my experiments."

Howard smiled up at his friend, "Well, no. Actually I've come…_for you_…it's time Sheldon. It's time for you to go home, back to America. You are needed at home."

His eyes widened, fear shot through his body. These words, he had learned from past experience, were never good. "What…what's wrong? Is it Penny? Is it my MeMaw? My Mom?" He held his breath and braced himself.

Howard reached up, placing a hand on each of Sheldon's shoulders to steady him. He leveled his eyes with Sheldon's and grinned, "It's okay, Sheldon, there is nothing wrong. No one is ill…or worse…" he added, thinking of all the horrible scenarios that must be racing through Sheldon's mind. "It's Penny…she needs you…but I swear to you she is okay…she's not sick."

Sheldon stepped back, studying Howard's face, searching for the questions that needed answers.

"You're not making any sense, Howard. Penny needs me but she's okay? What the hell does that even mean?"

"I…can't say…I'm under orders," he added, hoping Sheldon would think it was some big secret of Sam's and would understand why he couldn't tell him.

"Wait. I'm here so that Richard Sloan can't bring harm to me or more importantly to Penny. Why would I go back? Has Sloan been handled?"

Howard sighed, stepped back and leaned against a table that was behind him, "No, Sloan is still an issue…he will be handled, of that I can assure you. This has nothing to do with Sloan. You will be well guarded once we land. But you have to go to Penny. I've got to get you to New York. Our plane is waiting, we need to go now." Howard watched Sheldon, noticing how easy it was for him to revert back to the behavior of a child in a grown man's body when he was faced with incalculable data.

"But…but what about my research?" Sheldon stammered, looking back at his stack of books and file folders.

"Wait," Howard crossed his arms, "I come here and tell you Penny needs you and you are worried about your research? I'm offering you a way back to Penny, the woman you proclaim to love, and you are hesitating?"

"Howard," Sheldon sighed, moving to take a seat across from the smaller man, who by now had plopped down in a chair, exasperated by Sheldon's response. "You are getting this all wrong; you know if Penny needs me, I'll be there. I love her. And God knows how badly I miss her. I'm just not ready to walk away from this…I'm…I'm so close to…_to something_."

Howard was flabbergasted, "Sheldon," he leaned forward, "I'm leaving for the airport in about fifteen minutes. Are you going to be on the plane with me or not?"

The thought of Penny needing him, for whatever reason, began to seep into Sheldon's core. 'What the hell and I doing?' he thought, 'She needs me. And God knows I need her.'

He stood, looked back at his precious research one more time, chose Penny over string theory…_for now_…and said, "Take me to Penny."

Sheldon stopped long enough to instruct his wide eyed assistant to box up the things he'd left in the lab and to inform him of his plans to fly back to the States.

"But Doctor Cooper," Juergen protested, "are you seeing the patterns I'm seeing? We…you…need to keep going."

Sheldon leaned down and spoke, "I'll be back. I don't know when but I'll be back. I'll remain in touch with you. Box it up for now, Juergen."

Howard stood back, taking it all in. Sheldon's love of science. Sheldon's love of Penny. And soon, Sheldon would have two new loves in his life. He wasn't sure if he should envy him or pity him.

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Howard had the driver pull to the curb two blocks from Penny's apartment building. He leaned across the seat towards Sheldon and pressed the keys into his friend's shaky palm before he spoke.

"Put that ball cap on. And the glasses," he instructed Sheldon, "it's up ahead about two blocks. You'll see the address on the outside of the building. Use the larger key to enter the lobby, take the elevator up and then use the smaller one to let yourself into her apartment. Raj just left, she's alone."

"Howard," Sheldon's voice trembled, "what am I walking in to? I don't even know what to expect."

"Sheldon," Howard put his hand on Sheldon's shoulder, "you're just going to have to trust me on this one, okay? Just…call me tomorrow."

Sheldon didn't really like trusting people, as he much preferred cold hard facts and proven data. He grinned however, giddy at the thought of seeing Penny again. He felt like he could run through the streets of Manhattan to get to her. He'd have to contain the urge and walk like an adult instead so as not to draw unnecessary attention to himself.

"Okay, Doctor Wolowitz," he said, shooting Howard a lopsided smile. He reached over to grab his duffle bag, his emergency evacuation pre-packed bag, because Howard had told him he didn't have time to pack before they departed Switzerland. He figured he'd be in New York anyway and could purchase whatever he may need. Besides, he reasoned, he was going to see his Penny, and really, what more could he need than her?

He made his way down the crowded Manhattan sidewalk, dodging and sidestepping people as he went. His heart pounded faster the closer he got to the address Howard had given him. He counted down the numbers as quickly as he could, anticipation building inside him the closer he got because at the moment, that was the only number in the universe that mattered.

He steadied his hand as he poked the key into the knob of the large door that led into the lobby of Penny's building. It gave a loud buzz, followed by a low click and then popped open, allowing him to gain access. He stepped in, removed the dark glasses Howard had insisted he wear and took off the baseball cap that represented some sports team that he knew absolutely nothing about. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust from the late evening sunlight, before they darted around, surveying the interior until they landed on the elevator. His long legs covered the distance quickly and he settled into the elevator, reaching to punch the button to her floor, then straightening his body, and breathing deeply, overcome with emotion that he hadn't prepared for.

The elevator dinged, the doors slid open and he picked up his bag and stepped out. He moved to the right and quickly located her door. He gently placed the canvas bag on the floor and reached to touch the door, to catch his breath, to regain control over his body, to calm his now spinning mind. He attempted to sort his feelings and then it occurred to him that just like everything else about Penny…_about him and Penny_…there was no sorting, no real sorting…it was just about being and doing…and he reminded himself as he had done since the first time he laid eyes on her all those years ago…that his feelings for Penny were not data, were not measurable, were not numbers he could write on a white board and reach a solution to. No, this thing with him and Penny, this love, this deep abiding love was infinite and consuming and indefinable. His and Penny's love was more fascinating and mysterious than string theory itself.

His eyes followed his fingers as he drug them slowly across the dark stained door, letting the cooling sensation of the rough wood soothe him. He leaned his forehead against the door, took a deep breath and then pushed the key into the lock. He stepped inside and smiled, feeling comforted by the blue sofa sitting near the window that held so many great memories of them. He quietly pushed the door closed and placed his bag beside it. The room was quiet and still but he could hear music coming from somewhere down the hall. He removed his jacket and moved to the kitchen that was just steps away and turned the water on to a slow stream and washed his hands, the germs from the city beginning to permeate his mind. _Some things never change…_

Penny had just finished her shower and collapsed on her bed, too tired to even put clothes on. She was exhausted and hot, so hot that she kicked the covers back and decided she would not wear clothes for the rest of the day because she didn't even want to feel the weight of them touching her body. Raj had kissed her on the forehead before he left and told her he'd see her first thing in the morning and so she really had no need to get dressed, as she was alone for the remainder of the evening. She grinned, thinking that her plans for the night would include eating ice cream in the nude and then watching some cheesy ridiculous old movie. The kind of movie Sheldon would hate but would have watched with her anyway because, well, because it was her. She was huge and puffy and uncomfortable and, she thought, ugly (in her own mind, though Raj had assured her she was still beautiful)…and incredibly horny…the internet forums and the pregnancy books were certainly right about _that_. And she had no man, no father of her children to take care of that problem for her. And it was one of the few things she couldn't ask Raj or Howard for help with either...ewww, she giggled to herself. _Damit, Sheldon_. She rolled her eyes and tried to reach her sweet spot, but to no avail. Great, she thought, pregnant, hot and horny…and alone…just great. Well, she reasoned, she'd just have to make the best of the situation she had been dealt. She was used to that anyway; she was getting good at doing _lonely_.

She lay on her side and stuffed a pillow between her legs to help support some of the weight from her womb, as it was one of the few comfortable positions she could find. Her back to the door, she hummed softly with the music that drifted from her stereo speakers. She thought about her babies and about Sheldon. Howard had told her he was going to Switzerland to get him, but somewhere deep inside her she wondered if he would come. If he could leave his beloved science. _His fucking science, _she thought, if she were honest with herself. She half expected Howard to return to New York without Sheldon. After all, she had demanded that Howard not mention the babies to Sheldon. She wanted to be the one to share the news with him, but more importantly, she didn't want him to come because of the babies. No, if he was going to come back to her it would have to be a choice he made because he _wanted_ to be with her, not because he _had_ to be with her.

Sheldon dried his hands and then walked in the direction the music. He was nervous and even a little bit scared as to what he was going to encounter when he found her, but when he heard Penny humming, his face, along with his worries, relaxed a bit. He stepped in the doorway and was met with her naked backside. He inhaled deeply, but quietly, as not to startle her. His eyes traced her body, her smooth back, the dip before her ass…God, he thought, his blue eyes piercing into her form, that incredible ass that he dreamed about every night in Switzerland…he forced his eyes down further to her legs, soft and smooth. He wondered why she had a pillow tucked between them. He felt himself beginning to grow hard and he blushed, even though she was not yet aware of his presence. He lifted his hand and tapped gently on the doorframe.

"Raj!" she yelped, as she tried to reach for the sheet to cover herself. It was an unsuccessful attempt as she wasn't quite able to lift and roll her body towards the discombobulated covers. "You said you were leaving for the night," she huffed.

"Don't come in here, I'm not dressed." She tried to swing her legs back and catch the sheet with her foot as she continued, "I was so hot and fat and gross when I got out of the shower I didn't even want to feel clothes touching me. Don't come in, I look…"

She finally managed to roll over, giving him full view of her entire body. He took in the front of her, the huge protruding belly…his beautiful mind involuntarily began the calculations…and for the first time since his arrival, their eyes met.

"Exquisite," he whispered, the only word that existed at the moment.

"What?" her whisper meeting his, their words colliding midair.

"You look," he stepped towards her, pausing as he slowly pulled his double layer of shirts over his head.

"exquisite." He completed his sentence as he stepped out of his shoes, bent to slide his socks away and removed his pants and boxers, his eyes never leaving hers.

"Oh God," she breathed as he climbed onto the bed.

His fingers grazed her tingling skin, and he bent, allowing his lips access to her neck as if they had never been there before. He spooned his body into hers from behind and she felt his erection pressing into the backside of her thighs. He moved his hands to her belly and rubbed it slowly, almost painstakingly gentle.

"Sheldon," she pushed out, reaching behind her, bringing her hand to the back of his neck, forcing his mouth to hers. The kiss started slow and soft, but quickly their passion took control and the kiss became deep and hard and erotic. She could barely stop herself from orgasm at the very touch of him. She felt the wetness that had accumulated on his tip as he slid his body against hers from behind.

"Do you want…" he started, her body already answering his question.

"Yes," she moaned into his mouth, "yes. You'll just have to…"

His kiss cut her off and it was a moment before he pulled back and finished for her, "enter from behind, I know." His body shuddered with desire for her.

She smiled up at him, "And how, _Doctor Cooper_, do you know that?" She emphasized his name because she knew it would excite him even more. She was correct.

He smirked at her and whispered, "Penny, I'm a physicist, I have a working knowledge of the entire universe."

She met his smirk with her own, "God I've missed your arrogance."

He sunk his teeth lightly into her shoulder blade and mumbled into her skin, "And I've missed _your_ sarcasm."

"Do me now, Cooper; I am hornier than I've ever been. You chose a great time to come back into my life."

"I understand," his lips still pressing into her back, "third trimester. Horniness is a known side affect. What I didn't know," he pulled back, "was that the symptom would extend to the father as well."

She giggled, and pushed her ass hard into his groin, causing him to moan and bite her a bit harder. He eased one arm under her and draped the other arm across her and gently lifted her up as he came to a stop, balancing himself on his knees. He pulled her in closer and reached for his swollen cock. He used the tip of it to locate and then guide himself into her opening as she sighed contentedly. She released her weight, the weight of her own body and that of their children, into his arms, trusting him to support the weight of all four of them. He exhaled and grasped her tighter, careful not to put pressure on her. His arms were strong and he felt like he was holding the most delicate thing in the universe.

He began to rock gently, smoothing himself into and almost out of her very slowly. He was surprised by her gasp and the clenching of her vaginal muscles as they tightened around him, fluttering sweetly around his member.

"Did you just…" he spoke softly into her ear.

"Yes. But I need more," she forced out, her voice deep and filled with lust, "don't stop."

He complied with her needs, sliding in and almost out, reaching to massage her swollen clit. His own passion rising with each deep moan that escaped her lips.

"Faster," she finally began to pant, "go faster baby. Oh God that's so good."

Thankful for her demand that he speed up, he did as she asked and this time, they came together, in a messy, sweaty heap. Between his groans, he told her she was "so beautiful, so fucking beautiful."

As they both began to come down from their shared euphoria, he pulled his now softening member out and gently lowered her down to the bed. He brushed kisses across her neck and back before he finally spoke.

"So, now that we've satisfied our basal needs, I guess we need to talk. Is there something you wanted to tell me?" he raised his eyebrows and looked down at her.

She smiled up at him, as she reached for his hand and placed it gently on her stomach.

"You're going to be a father."

"I see."

"Are you okay with that?" she held her breath, realizing it was about to get serious.

He sighed and reached to push a stray lock of hair from her face, "Why am I just now learning of this Penny?"

"I…I couldn't get in touch with you. And Sam wouldn't tell you to call me."

"Did you know before I left for Switzerland?"

She raised her eyes to his, her own moment of truth slamming into her soul.

"Yes," she admitted.

"And why didn't you tell me before I left?"

"Because Sheldon," she attempted to turn towards him (unsuccessfully), "I knew you wouldn't have gone. And I'm not the kind of girl that keeps a man with her by getting pregnant….and I know you would have stayed."

"I would have, yes."

"So there," she huffed, too tired to argue.

He released her and slowly got off the bed. She held her breath, wondering if he would actually walk out on her. He saw the fear in her eyes and he bent to kiss her, telling her he was just going to the bathroom to clean himself. Moments later he was back with a warm cloth for her. No words passed between them as he reached to clean her. He didn't want to talk, he just needed to think, and Penny knew him well enough to know that at that very moment his massive brain was working overtime. She remained silent. He mulled it over; he could either argue with her or accept the situation as it was. He chose not to argue, instead climbing back in bed and snuggling close to her and smoothing his lips against her neck.

"I'll take care of you…I'll take care of our family," he whispered into her ear.

"It's twins," she pushed out, wanting to make sure he had all the facts.

"I know."

"How do you know?"

"Do you want the scientific answer, Penny?" he breathed out, tracing her ear with his tounge.

"Noooo," she sighed, melting into him, "I know…you are a physicist, you have a working knowledge…," her voice trailed off, losing all ability to speak because of what his mouth was doing to her.

"Of the entire universe," he finished reciting for her, as he lowered his body, leaving a trail of wet kisses that led lower and lower until she squealed with delight. Yes, she thought to herself as she came for the third time since he had been there, you do indeed have a working knowledge of every fucking thing in the universe. And she liked it.

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	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

Sheldon stayed beside Penny for hours watching her sleep before finally kissing her softly and then silently leaving the room. He had been calm long enough, not wanting to upset her. He wanted to be strong for her. But standing alone now, in the nursery of his soon to be born children, he began to panic. What did he know about being a father? He'd had a less than perfect childhood, let's be honest, he reminded himself, he'd had a _horrible_ childhood and part of the reason was due to his awful father. And now, faced with fatherhood himself, it occurred to him that he had never been taught to be a good father. Sure, he could research and read and figure it out, but as he had learned, issues with humans could never be fully resolved with research. His relationship with Penny had taught him that. Matters of the heart did not fit well under a microscope or on a slab in a campus laboratory.

He moved from the nursery to the small living room and his eyes fell on the boxes in the corner of the room. They were marked with his name and slathered with bright pink boxing tape. He couldn't help but laugh, it was so Penny. He plopped down in front of them and began to pry them open. He looked through his comic books and video games and bluray and dvd collections. He smiled, able to tell that Penny had obviously been watching some of his movies and looking through his comic books. He only hoped she had used protective gloves, but of course he knew she would not have. He sighed and reached for an envelope that he didn't recognize. It was sealed but it had his name on it. It wasn't flat, there was something in it other than paper, but he couldn't think of anything in his collection that it could be. He glanced over his shoulder, wondering if he should open it or if he was supposed to wait until she was with him to open it. Of course his curiosity got the best of him, he had the same feeling he had the time he opened his Star Trek transporter Penny had given him, and he made the quick decision to rip it open. A flash of gold caught his eye as it fell out of the envelope and dropped down between his legs. There was also a note inside that he pulled out to read as he reached to feel around for the object.

_Sheldon,_

_Leonard had this hidden in his bedroom. I took it from him on the day we moved your things out. He's such a cheat…this belongs to you…I believe you guys called it the "precious" if I am not mistaken. And so I figured I'd give this precious to MY precious…you are and always will be my precious. _

_Live long and prosper (it's a Spock ring, right?),_

_Penny_

He laughed as he fingers came in contact with the Lord of the Rings ring that he and Leonard and Howard and Raj had fought over. He thought back to how self-righteous Leonard had been, claiming he would send it back to the rightful owner, but instead hiding it under his bed. He had even used Penny to keep it from him. And in the end, he and Leonard had actually come to blows…actually rolled around in the floor of Leonard's bedroom until they both were breathless. Sheldon had come to his senses, gotten up and told Leonard to keep the damn ring. And now he possessed it, his Penny had taken it for him. He dropped it into his pocket. He shook his head thinking about her Spock reference in the note. How the hell could she, after all the movies she'd watched with him, think the ring was from Star Trek? He didn't care, he just loved that she thought to get it for him. He loved how she loved him.

He stacked the boxes and then stood, straightening his legs as they were beginning to cramp. He went to her old blue sofa and sank down into it. He was comforted by the memories it held for him. It was the middle of the night and he wanted to talk to someone but there was no one he could think of to call. Penny had told him Amy would be there soon, and of course he had Howard and Raj, but really, what did any of them know about being parents? He thought about calling his mom, he'd need to let her know she was going to be a grandmother soon. But he decided against calling her now. He knew her first reaction would be to call an emergency meeting of her prayer group to pray for her wayward son who had gotten his girlfriend pregnant out of wedlock. Dear God. No, he'd wait on that conversation for while.

"Hey," her voice startled him from his thoughts.

"Penny. I'm sorry. I hope I didn't wake you."

She laughed, "No, it was actually one of your children sitting on my bladder that woke me." He could see on her face that she was overjoyed at the prospect of being a mother. She was glowing.

He smiled at her and stood, "Come sit with me. Do you want me to get you anything? Food? A beverage?"

She took his hand and stepped to the couch, him helping her lower her body to sit. She grinned up at him, "No, I'm good, don't need anything right now." She batted her eyes at him, "Except you."

He grinned, "You've already got that."

He sat beside her as close as possible and dropped his arm around her shoulders. She shifted her body towards him and rested her head on his chest. He pressed his lips into the top her head and pulled her close. She had missed the comfort of his arms.

"Why can't you sleep Moon Pie?"

"I don't know…jetlag maybe."

She dropped her hand onto his knee and gave him a gentle squeeze.

"I know you better than that. You're worried," she moved her hand up his thigh, "And scared."

He sighed; she did know him too well to let him get away with such a shallow little lie.

"You're right," his inherent honesty betraying his effort to hide his feelings from her. He never could get away with anything with her. She wouldn't let him.

"Can we talk about it? Because…I'm scared too," she didn't realize until she said the words how good it was to speak them aloud…to finally admit it.

"I don't know how to be a father, Penny," he felt almost ashamed to confess this to her. She always looked at him like he was…_everything_. She had told him as much. And he wasn't sure he could ever be the man, the father, she thought he could be.

She smoothed her hand along his leg and spoke slowly, "Sweetie, nobody that has their first child really knows how to be a parent. I don't know how to be a mother. But we'll get through this together, okay? We can learn together and we have people that love us and will help us. We have friends and family, we'll have plenty of help."

He shifted his weight and softened his voice, "I didn't have a good dad to learn from. My only experience with fathers is they drink too much and they get mad if you don't fit into their idea of what a son should be. In my case, that would be a football loving, beer drinking, and woman chasing good 'ole boy. I never was the kind of son my father wanted."

"Sheldon, look at me." She moved her hand up and cupped his chin, forcing him to look at her, "You are kind and loving and smart and you are doing…have done…great things. You are more of a man than your father could have ever been."

"Penny," he breathed out, moved by her words. "I love you for seeing the good in me. I wish I could be the man you think I am."

She pulled his face to hers and brushed her lips across his, "And I wish you could see yourself through my eyes."

His fingers played gently with her hair. He spoke quietly, relaxing into the intimacy of the moment, "Why are you scared?" His voice cracked as the words tumbled past his lips. He'd never told her how much he counted on her strength.

Her voice was quiet and solemn, her hand still rubbing soft circles on his outstretched leg, "Well, I guess my childhood wasn't as painful as yours, but I can tell you it wasn't perfect. My parents didn't have a lot, so they couldn't give us a lot…"

He rolled his eyes and smiled, "Penny that is one thing you will never have to worry about. I will be a good provider." He already felt a little better, just holding her, talking things through with her.

She nudged him with her elbow and returned his goofy grin, "I know that Doctor Cooper."

He released a breathy laugh and reached to stroke her arms as she adjusted her body to fit more snugly with his.

"Also, I know how mean kids can be, so that scares me…you know…ours going to school and having to deal with jerks. And I worry about our careers, you with your science," she tried not to hiss the word, "and me with my acting. I've finally got a real acting job, small as it may be, and I've worked so hard..."

He dropped his chin down, resting it atop her head, "You won't need to work. I've got this. You'll be a great mom to our kids."

She froze, her hand moved away from his leg, and she tried to look at him, and after three attempts was able to turn and face him. She decided not to address the amused look on his face.

"I want to act. I'm not talking about working, anyway, I'm talking about acting. Working is for money, I want to act because I want to act."

He had no clue why she was getting so…_feisty_ (as Sam would have said).

"Penny, please."

"No, Sheldon, you please. What if I said to you I'll provide the money and you don't have to work? Just forget about physics…forget about your precious string theory because we don't need you to work. You just stay home with the babies."

He rolled his eyes, "Really Penny, you are being ridiculous."

"Am I?" Her face puffy and red, along with her high pitched protests and the rest of her swollen parts was just too much for him to argue with or to even have a serious conversation. And when she stood and placed her hands on her hips, she wobbled slightly which caused his eyes to drift down to her very swollen ankles and feet. All he could do was laugh and pull her into his lap. She was a sight like none he had ever seen.

"I love you so much, Penelope Amelia Jasko," he brushed his lips over hers and she tried to glare angrily at him, but instead she giggled and reached to pull him closer and into a deep battle of tongues. They would have to save the career discussion for another day.

"I love you too, my sweet Moon Pie," she breathed into his mouth when they broke for much needed oxygen. After catching his breath, he buried his face in her blond locks, thinking that it felt more like home than any home he'd ever known.

"Marry me," he whispered into her golden strands.

But she wasn't able to respond to him because of the sharp pain that suddenly shot through her body like a fresh bolt of lightening.

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He was standing in the stark hospital room, palms sweating, being yelled at by the staff for the eighth time telling him to stay back and let them do their jobs or he would have to leave the room. He bit his bottom lip and tried to suction himself to the wall and just shut the hell up. He felt his cell phone in his front pocked and he kept fingering it, thinking of all the people he needed to call, but he couldn't force himself to leave Penny for a moment. Even if they wouldn't let him next to her, he had to be in the room. Occasionally she would call out his name and he'd respond with, "I'm right here Penny" and try his best to sound calm. But inside his gut was twisted in a knot and his brain swirled with oh-my-god-Jesus-please-let-her-be-okays…these words were on a loop in his mind playing, rewinding, and repeating over and over and over.

For the first time in a long time, all he really wanted to do was call his mother. The irony of this was not lost on him. He sucked in deep breaths and pushed the thought from his mind. No, he was a man about to be a father himself. He had to stand up, to…what was the vernacular…yes…he had to _man up_.

And so he stood, and he waited, and he…hardest of all…shut up. Because even though he wasn't a medical doctor, he still felt he could do a better job…or at the very least…help the doctor that was working on Penny. Instead, he stayed glued to the wall, taking the threats of banishment from the room seriously. He finally managed to fumble his phone out of his pocket and send a text to Howard:

'Penny is in labor. Can you come?'

Penny lay stretched out on the hard, narrow bed. She was aware of the oxygen working its way up her nostrils but she had no idea what all the other sensations were that she was feeling. She was surrounded by a sea of blue scrubs that the medical team wore. Her legs were propped up, feet in cold metal stirrups and she couldn't see anything below her waist because of the huge tent like formation of sheets draped above her. She was aware of Sheldon's presence in the room because as always, she could _feel_ him there. Of course he would answer when she spoke his name, but really, she thought, that was unnecessary. They never needed any words between them. She felt him, as she always had, in her very bones.

"Penny?" Doctor Craig was standing near her head, looking down at her; his only discernable feature was his eyes.

She peered up at him, "Hi Doctor Craig."

He smiled through his mask, and though she couldn't see his face, she could see the slight crinkle it created around his temples.

"Looks like your twins are ready to make their New York debut. Remember we discussed this. It is quite normal for multiples not to go the full length of pregnancy. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Sometimes certain occurrences can speed up the onset of labor as well," he said, throwing a knowing look over his shoulder at Sheldon. He continued, his voice level, "I understand this is the father?"

Sheldon blushed; he was very much aware that the release of prostaglandins from ejaculation could stimulate the cervix and often lead to contractions. They were busted and he wasn't sure if he was embarrassed or proud. Maybe a little of both. Although he couldn't help but wonder if Doctor Craig thought it shameful that he had never been to an appointment with Penny.

Penny had read so many articles on pregnancy recently that she knew what Doctor Craig was saying…having sex with Sheldon just hours earlier had probably brought on her labor pains. Her face turned pink, but really, she thought it was kind of great to know that making love with Sheldon had started this and was now bringing it to a head.

"Yes, that's Sheldon…_Doctor_ Sheldon Cooper," she added, admiration spilling into her tone.

"I'm glad he's here for you," Doctor Craig said, hoping he didn't sound like he was crossing some professional line into the personal life of his patient.

"Me too," she grinned up at him, and sensing what Doctor Craig's words hinted at, she added, "He just found out about the pregnancy. He didn't know." She felt it her duty to remove any distain the doctor may have harbored towards Sheldon. Sheldon didn't deserve it and she would make sure he was cleared of it. He was a good man and she wanted the world to know it.

Sheldon, hearing this conversation from his spot on the wall, rolled his eyes. It was just like Penny, he thought, to be involved in the emotional aspect of the situation when she…and the damn doctor…needed to focus on the matter at hand. He knew what she was doing, trying to make sure the doctor didn't think badly of him…but really, he didn't give a flying fuck what the doctor thought of him. All he cared about was that this Doctor Craig do his job and take care of Penny and his children. He would never understand Penny and the way her emotions sometimes controlled the prioritizing of issues in her mind. It wasn't logical…Penny, he thought, was sometimes the epitome of illogic…and yet, damn it…he loved this emotional, illogical woman so much he could barely breath.

He cleared his throat and Penny, reading his mind, getting the signal he was sending her, rolled her eyes. She only wished he could see her roll them into the back of her head, but she knew that he knew she was rolling them. _Sigh_…

"Hey, we made it," a big cloud of pink and blue floated into the room, almost covering the two men that were under it. Howard and Raj carried balloons and stuffed bears and flowers and, Sheldon thought, Lord knows what else. Penny could barely see the tops of the helium filled balloons but just hearing their voices made her sigh with happiness.

"Excuse me," a large male nurse stepped towards them, "no one except family is allowed in here."

Sheldon, so relieved to have someone there with him, pushed himself off the wall, "They are…uncles…the twins' uncles," his voice breaking with the lie.

Penny laughed, and then winced at the pain of something someone below her was doing. She shot a look up at Doctor Craig who had turned momentarily to glance at the spectacle.

He reached to pat her hand, "Just a needle Penny. You indicated you wanted plenty of drugs, right?" he laughed, adding, "And I don't blame you."

She smiled up at him, "Yes, as long as it's safe…as long as my babies are okay."

He looked again at Howard and Raj who were now supporting the wall with Sheldon, "Penny, are you okay with these two being in here? It's your call."

She smiled up at him, "Yep, it's like Sheldon said, they are the uncles." The words or maybe it was the drugs, sent a rush of warmth through her body.

"Hey, I came straight from the airport," Amy said as she burst into the room.

"And there's the aunt," Penny laughed.

"As did I," the age soaked voice spoke, and it took her only a moment to recognize Sam's presence.

"And there's the freaking Godfather," she uttered.

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Sheldon tried really hard not to let the others see his tears. It was one thing that Penny had seen him cry, but he had a certain reputation he maintained when around everyone else, even his closest friends. _A future Noble Prize recipient does not cry_. But they all knew. And they loved that this stoic man was wearing his heart on his sleeve on the day that his children were born.

"They're beautiful," Amy said, coming up behind him, rubbing his back softly as they both gazed past the large glass wall of the newborn room.

"Yeah," he agreed, stuffing his hands deeper into his pockets. He hated that Penny was in a room one floor below them. He wanted them all to be together. And no matter how many times the nurses told him that the babies had to be in here for now, and explained the reasons why, he still pleaded with them to bring the babies to Penny's room. He felt such a drastic need to have them all together. He needed to have them all within his sight so that he could protect them and care for them. And so he had spent the last several hours roaming, riding the elevator up and down, going from Penny's room to the newborn room.

"You know Sheldon," Amy spoke quietly, "as soon as they finish checking them out and making sure they can breath on their own, they will put them in her room. You don't have to keep running back and forth."

He turned to her, a mixture of fear and happiness spread across his face, "I just…" His mind couldn't find the words.

"Why did you leave her?" Amy wasn't one to hold back, blunt as usual, "Why did you go to Switzerland when she was pregnant? That was really a shitty thing to do Sheldon. I was coming here to stay with her. Sam called me. She was alone until Howard and Raj got here."

He dropped his head, "I didn't know, no one told me," the words stung his mouth, "I would never have left her," he brought his eyes up to hers, "I thought you knew me better than that, Amy."

She released a long breath, "I'm sorry. I thought I did too. That's why I was surprised when I heard. I'm almost…glad…to learn that you didn't know. I'm really sorry Sheldon. I'm sure it won't matter, but I didn't know either. Neither did Howard and Raj. I think Penny wanted it that way."

"Yes, her ridiculous Nebraska pride," he shook his head, "she told me she knew I wouldn't have gone to Switzerland if she had told me and she didn't want to hold me back."

Amy cleared her throat, finally understanding, "Well, there you go. There's no more to be said. What's done is done. Just enjoy it now. You have a family, Sheldon. I am happy for you."

"Thank you Amy." He watched with amazement as his boy and girl moved in front of him. He wished Penny was with him to see this.

Amy smiled up at him, "You are excited and happy…and probably exhausted. Go to Penny's room. I'll stay here and watch them for you. Howard and Raj are on their way up too. Go, it'll give you time alone with Penny. She was just asking for you."

"Where's Sam?" Sheldon asked. As frustrated as he felt towards Sam, he still felt an unexplainable desire to show his children off to Sam…to have him share in this moment.

"I don't know. He's making himself scarce right now. I talked to him for a few minutes." Her voice dropped, "He's looking really bad Sheldon. I think he's hiding something from us. I…think…he may be having health related problems."

Amy spoke aloud what Sheldon's heart had feared for the past year. He had suspected as much but never dared to address it. He just carried it around inside him, hoping if he didn't speak of it it would go away.

"Watch them for me," Sheldon said as he turned, "I'm going to Penny's room." He didn't feel like talking about Sam's health on such a happy day.

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"Hey," he said as he entered the room, pushing the door closed, hoping no one would disturb them for awhile.

"Hey Moon Pie," she smiled at him, still slightly groggy.

He bent to kiss her then pulled back just a bit so that his face remained next to hers. He studied her eyes, getting lost in the green and golden speckles.

He finally pulled away because she had scrunched her face up and giggled at him.

"Sorry," he mumbled, "I just can't believe how beautiful you are."

"Yeah, I'm a real hottie," she laughed, reaching up to smooth the hair away from her face. "I'm just perfect, huh?"

He smiled at her, "So far I haven't found anything wrong with you."

She blushed, "And I you."

He rolled his eyes and then laughed, "I've been to see the babies. They are almost as beautiful as their mother."

"Doctor Craig said they are very healthy and the nurse said they would be bringing them in here in a few hours. I can't wait."

"Nor can I. So, are we going to just keep referring to them as 'the babies' or should we name them?"

He slid a chair next to the bed and picked her hand up, lacing his fingers through hers.

"Well…I sort of already picked out names…but only if you like them," she said hesitantly, knowing how he hated to give up control.

"If you like them, I'm sure I'll like them," he said softly, still overwhelmed at how this woman had changed his life.

She felt shy, like she was about to reveal the secret to the universe to him as she spoke, "You know they were conceived when we were in Aspen."

He nodded.

"And that's such a beautiful place," she squeezed his hand, "with such sweet memories for us. So I thought we could name the boy Aspen…Aspen Lee…after you."

He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed it gently, "Thank you Penny. Yes, I like it."

She continued, "And the girl…I thought…Olivia…Olivia Penelope…if…if it's okay with you?" She held her breath, unsure of what his reaction to this name would be.

He still held her hand next to his face, pressed warmly against his cheek. She felt the tear as it slid down his face and splashed onto her fingers. His grip tightened around her hand and he lifted his eyes to meet hers.

"Penny," his voice overwhelmed with emotion, happiness tinged with loss spun through his body.

He stood, pushing the chair back and dropped his head to her chest.

"I've never loved you more than I do at this moment," he said, his words muffled by her skin that his lips were pressed against.

She lifted her hand and smoothed his hair and pulled him closer to her. She planted kisses along the top of his head until he shifted and brought his mouth to hers. It occurred to him that she needed her rest and he forced himself to pull away.

He retrieved the chair and pulled it as close to her bed as it would go. He noticed her eyes getting heavy and so he sat back and watched her sleep until he too drifted into his own restful bliss.

They awoke by the sound of their children…Aspen and Olivia…being brought into the room.

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"Oh my God," Penny whispered, coming out the deep sleep she had fallen into. She watched as her newborns were rolled into the room.

Sheldon was already on his feet, helping the nurse with the wheeled basinet that contained, what looked like to him, one pink puff and one blue puff.

"You're the father?" the middle aged woman looked up at Sheldon.

"Yes," his voice was tender, his eyes shining with pride.

"Would you like to hold one of them?"

"I…I've never held a baby before," this fact having never occurred to him until it tumbled out of his mouth.

She laughed, "Honey, believe me, you aren't the first father I've heard that from." She patted him on the shoulder, "It's normal. You'll be fine." She bent to pull the blankets away, and then turned to look back at him, "So which one you want?"

"Which one do I want?" his voice pitched high, "Good Lord, I want them both."

Penny laughed, "Sheldon, really. Stop being so literal." She looked at the nurse and answered for the new father, "I'll take the girl and he'll take the boy. Simple."

The nurse smiled as she reached for Aspen Lee and lifted him out. He wiggled in her arms as she pushed him forward towards Sheldon. Sheldon reached for him awkwardly while Penny took this sight in with an amused grin playing on her face. He adjusted, then readjusted, the re-readjusted his body, his arms, his hands, his fingers.

"Sheldon," Penny said sweetly, her tone letting him know it was okay, "just hold your arms out and she'll put him there."

He did as she instructed and before his brain could process that he was about to hold his son for the first time, Aspen Lee was in his arms, the nurse guiding him, telling him to support the head with one hand, pull him in close to his body.

"Oh," a slight gasp escaped as Sheldon looked down at his son, and then lifted his eyes to Penny. He stood silently, scared to move or speak, as the nurse took Olivia to Penny and placed her in Penny's waiting arms. He watched Penny touch her lips softly to Olivia's head and he took his cue from her, as he then dropped his lips to Aspen's head and replicated her actions. The soft fuzzy feel of his hair stopped Sheldon's lips momentarily. He couldn't think of anything softer he'd ever felt in his life and he gently moved his lips across his son's head, mesmerized by this sensation.

"Aspen Lee Cooper," he sighed, "_Doctor_ Aspen Lee Cooper."

Penny's eyes shot up at him. "Really Sheldon? He's not even a day old yet."

Sheldon grinned at her as he moved closer to her bed, "And how is _Doctor_ Olivia Penelope Cooper doing?"

Penny rolled her eyes, "Tony Award winner Olivia Penelope Cooper and Oscar Award winner Aspen Lee Cooper seem to be doing just fine."

He smirked at her and then laughed at the…truth of them…this family of his. An emotion like none he'd ever experienced washed over him, _contentment_…that was it…he identified and labeled the new feeling, one he'd never known until this moment…it was indeed…_contentment_.

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Howard, Raj and Amy were all crowded into the room cooing over the babies. Sheldon noticed Sam in the hallway and he leaned down to kiss Penny and their babies and then excused himself. The sight of him, this man who he cared so deeply for, took his breath away. He appeared to have aged dramatically, his eyes set deep into his skull, and his weight at least twenty pounds lighter, Sheldon surmised. Sheldon hadn't seen Sam since his final days at CalTech. The last conversation they'd had face to face was the day Sam ordered Sheldon to ZTH Zurich. The trip, Sheldon thought as he moved closer to Sam, had been a blessing and a curse. But none of that mattered now. He was happy, he was with Penny, and he was a new father. He couldn't even muster an ounce of anger towards Sam.

"Sam," Sheldon spoke, his voice reverent, as he reached out, taking the elderly man into his arms.

"Hello, my boy," Sam returned the embrace, "You're a father now. I'm pleased for you. And I'm proud of you Son."

Sheldon felt tears sting his eyes. Sam was the only man to ever speak those words to him. He made a mental note to always express to Aspen and Olivia how proud he was of them. They would never, he swore to himself, _never_ long for praise from a father that would not give it to them.

"Thanks Sam," he said, checking his emotions.

"Sheldon, I have a room reserved for us down the hall. There is an urgent matter I need to discuss with you. I know this is a special day for you and I assure you I won't take much of your time. And as your eyes have already registered my condition, I am sure you are aware that time is of a premium to me."

Sheldon nodded, looking back over his shoulder at the door to Penny's room, and then followed his mentor, his surrogate father, down the hallway.

They sat in the small, quite conference room. Sam studied him for several moments before finally speaking.

"I've learned you are making great strides in your research."

Sheldon nodded, baffled by the notion that String Theory had not even crossed his mind on this day until Sam mentioned it. How odd, he thought, as String Theory and quantifying it was always at the forefront of his brain.

"You'll get there, Sheldon, you will get there. I have no doubt."

"Thanks Sam."

"But I'm not here for the sciences, nor for the government. All of that is behind me now. I must leave those issues for you and your cohorts. I am here for two reasons. One, to meet your beautiful boy and girl. I wish to see them without having to strain past Doctors Wolowitz, Koothrappali and Fowler if you find it in your heart to accommodate my wish."

Sheldon smiled at him, "Of course."

"And," he reached across the table and patted Sheldon's hand, "to regretfully tell you goodbye Son. I do not believe you and I shall have any further encounters. I am a tired, sick old man and my time on this earth is drawing short."

"Sam," Sheldon breathed out in a hushed tone, "don't. We can find you a doctor. We are in New York, I'm sure the best doctor in the world can be located right here in this city. I'll find him for you. Just tell me what the issue is."

Sam laughed, "Ah, my boy, unless there is a recent cure for old age, I don't believe there is a doctor in this universe that can assist me. But do not be upset," he said, his tone softening as he saw the tears forming in Sheldon's eyes, "my hope is that a part of me will live in your heart."

"Sam," he stood and walked around the table, leaning in to embrace him, "you…you are the only father I've ever had."

"And I consider you my son." Sam stood, forcing Sheldon to release him, "Now, no tears. I've worked hard to make you strong. You have a lot on your shoulders Sheldon. And now you have two children and a woman who are depending on you. You will need to find balance between your personal life and your professional life. I trust you will be capable of doing so."

Sheldon stepped back and nodded at him, "Yes."

"Fine. Now take me to meet your children."

They walked back to Penny's room, Sheldon slowing his usual quick strides, to accommodate Sam's slow pace.

The room was still full when they arrived and Sheldon pulled Howard aside and whispered to him to have everyone leave so that Sam could have a few private moments. Howard nodded, he understood as he had, just hours earlier, had his own heartbreaking conversation with Sam. He gave Sheldon a knowing look and cleared the room.

Penny held a child in each arm. She was reclined in the mechanical hospital bed; her golden hair smoothed around her, Amy had taken care of that. She noted the pain in Sheldon's eyes, coupled with Sam's appearance, and she was quickly able to assess the situation with no explanation from Sheldon. He raised his eyebrows at her and nodded towards the children.

"Hey Sam," Penny smiled up at him, "I'm so glad you are here, the babies birthday would not be complete without the opportunity to meet their…grandfather." Her voice choked and Sheldon looked down, trying to hide his emotions.

Sam flashed her a toothy grin, "Thank you Penelope."

"This is Aspen Lee and this is…Olivia….Olivia Penelope," Penny peered down at her newborns with pride.

Sam turned to look at Sheldon, "She's a keeper, Sheldon."

"Yes sir, she is," he cocked his eyes towards Penny, "She is indeed."

Penny offered to let Sam hold the children, but he chose instead to touch each one gently on the head, closing his eyes and saying a silent prayer for each of them. He then kissed Penny softly on her forehead and said, "Take care of Sheldon." She nodded, fighting back tears. She wondered how a man she had often times loathed had touched her so deeply.

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Howard and Raj helped Sheldon drag all of the baby paraphernalia and gifts back to the apartment while Amy helped Penny with the babies. The five of them made their way up to her apartment and after getting the children settled in their cribs, they ordered dinner and spent the next couple of hours reminiscing about California and speaking in hushed tones about Sam, each sharing their story and how he had helped their careers and made them better people.

It was decided that Amy would stay at Howard and Raj's apartment temporarily until they decided what their next move was. It seemed Howard was now completely in charge and he was expected in Washington the following day. He would inform them later of their plans. Penny showed great restraint when she chose not to mention in front of the entire team that she no longer wanted Sheldon to be a part of it.

Her mind drifted back to the night she had gone into labor. He had just asked her to marry him and she had her first contraction before she could answer. And they had not had any real alone time since then to discuss it. Everything from that moment on had been about the babies. Now she was looking forward to their friends leaving and hoping they could talk about it.

When they were finally alone, they sat curled together on the sofa, the TV was on but it was muted. She wondered if it was appropriate for her to bring it up or if she should wait until he did. And really, she thought, if he was going to purpose to her, shouldn't he be on his knee with a big 'ole diamond? Of course, she reminded herself, nothing about them was very conventional, why should his proposal of marriage be any different?

Sheldon was having the same thoughts. He had ask her to marry him…sort of…he had actually said it as an…order…marry me…not will you marry me…he kicked himself…how unromantic could he be? He didn't even have a ring for her. And then he stood, excusing himself, and left her there alone.

When he returned, she was stretched out on the sofa, tv remote in hand, flipping through the stations. She started to sit up so that he could sit beside her, but he motioned for her to stay as she was. He plopped down in the floor and leaned his back against the sofa. She placed her hand on the back of his neck and absentmindedly moved her thumb in gentle circles across his skin, slowly working her way into his hair. He laid his head back towards her and sighed deeply.

"I love you." It was all he could think of to say.

"I love you too Sheldon."

He turned to look at her, almost disappointed that this movement caused her hand to drop from his neck. He bent to kiss her and she returned it hungrily. He caressed her swollen breasts and sighed into her mouth. An electrifying shudder reverberated through her body, as giving birth seemed to have heightened every nerve ending in her body.

"Sheldon," she pulled back, "you know I can't…not right now…in about six to eight weeks."

He smiled at her, "I know…I wasn't going for that…I just needed…wanted to touch you." He angled his body a bit more, rising up on his knees so that he towered just a bit above her. She noticed his hands were trembling and she pulled herself up to a sitting position and reached for them.

"Are you okay Sheldon?" He leaned back as she straightened her position and scooted closer to him, dropping her feet to the floor. He scooted closer to her, placing himself so that his torso was between her legs.

"Yes…I need to ask you something." His throat had become exceeding dry and he swallowed air that was no help at all.

"Okay sweetie, what?"

He lifted his left hand and reached for hers and then dropped his right hand into the pocket of his jeans.

"I'm sorry I'm not very prepared…we've been so focused on the babies…but," he dug around in his pockets while his face went from pink to bright red.

"I love you Penny…and…I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want Aspen and Olivia to have a mom and dad and be proud of us…of our family. I want to take care of them and of you. You are the best thing that ever happened to me and you mean more to me than proving string theory or winning my Noble Prize…I mean, I still want that…but I want you too…I want you more."

"Sheldon…"

His shaking hand finally managed to produce the object he had sought from his pocket. She recognized it immediately…the gold ring…Spock something, she thought…that she had taken from their apartment before she left.

"I…I mean…it's just a Lord of the Rings ring…and I'll get you a better one when we have time…but for now," he pushed his knees deep into the rug beneath him and raised himself at least an inch higher, "will you…marry me?"

"Sheldon…I love you. I want the same things for our family. You make me so happy. Yes, of course I'll marry you."

He had taken the ring off the gold chain it had been on and now he guided it onto her finger. Her fingers were still swollen from pregnancy, which was a good thing, the swelling causing the ring to fit snuggly. She held it up and giggled.

"It's not Spock's ring like your note said Penny. It from Lord of the Rings, that's two totally different enterprises…no pun intended," he rolled his eyes at his own words.

She smiled at him and brought her hands to his face, one on each cheek, "My precious."

He grinned, then thought back to the nightmare he'd had back in California when he thought he'd won the ring from Howard and Raj.

"I will get you a real one as soon as possible." He pushed himself up and then eased in beside her on the sofa. "Oh, and thank you for making me the happiest man in the universe."

She leaned her face towards his and began kissing him, wishing like hell she wasn't too sore and too tired to do more. She wanted him so badly but all she could do for now was kiss him and snuggle next to him. But she whispered to him what she would like to do to him if she could only get some sleep for a few hours. He blushed, then stood and scooped her from the sofa and carried her to the bedroom, placing her in the center of the bed.

"Sleep," he commanded, giving her a wicked grin, "I'll take care of the babies and everything else. Please, for the love of God, sleep woman."

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Three days later, as Sheldon and Penny were settling the twins into their nursery Sheldon received a call from Howard. Sam was dead. Penny held Sheldon, her arms his sanctuary, as he mourned his loss.

Two more days would pass before Sheldon received the box from Doctor Sam Stone's attorney. Sam had left many handwritten journals for Sheldon, along with his massive fortune.

Aspen and Olivia slept in the next room, blissfully unaware of the inherited power and duties that would now befall their father.

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It happened a week after Sam Stone's death. In a damp, dark federal prison cell in Virginia, a sleeping Richard Sloan never felt the cold metal blade slide effortlessly into his gut, taking him out of this world in his sleep. Sam had ordered the hit only hours before he passed. It was the final gift that Doctor Sam Stone gave Doctor Sheldon Cooper and his family.

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	14. Chapter 14

CHAPTER 14

"Mom?" his voice cracked.

Mary Cooper knew instantly that something was wrong and that her son was hurting. She was standing in front of her stove preparing dinner when he called.

"What's wrong Shelly Bean?"

"Sam's dead." She could tell that he was trying not to cry but she imagined him with a blotchy red face and puffy eyes, the same face she had seen so many times through the years as they fought the world together against neighborhood bullies, schoolyard punks and worst of all, his own father.

"Oh Shelly, I'm so sorry," she felt the hair on her neck prick upwards and felt a slight chill rush down her spine, "what happened?"

"He was just sick Mom…old age more than anything else."

"I understand. Are you still in Switzerland?" She shifted the phone to her other ear and squeezed it in place with her shoulder so that she could wash her hands at the sink before settling into a chair at her kitchen table.

He cleared his throat, feeling guilty about the emotional distance with his mother. She usually knew everything that was going on in his life. But the past year had brought about so many new things for him…falling in love with Penny…the operation at CalTech…the threat of Richard Sloan…his move to Switzerland…the birth of his children…he had failed to maintain close contact with her. She had tried to reach out to him, but he had resisted. In the end she chose to pray for him and to believe that it was just a sign that her little boy, albeit in his thirties, was finally becoming a man and didn't need his mother quiet as much.

"No, I'm back in the States." He didn't elaborate.

"Oh," it surprised her, and hurt her a little, that he hadn't notified her of his whereabouts.

"I'm in New York, Mom. Manhattan," he clarified, "I'm in Manhattan."

"Lord Shelly, what are you doing there?"

He sighed, dreading telling her everything, but he knew he could no longer put it off. She was his mother, and the grandmother of his children, and he had no choice but to tell her.

"I'm with Penny, Mom," he confessed.

"Penny? Wait, Penny from Pasadena? Your neighbor?"

He sighed, "Yes ma'am."

"Well what the heck are you doing in New York with her? Did she go there with you to see Sam before he died?"

Penny was sitting beside him on the edge of the bed, her arm around his slumped body, her hand kneading his taut shoulder that it rested on. He had ask her to sit with him…she supposed for support…when he called his mother.

"Mom, we're together. We are," he gulped, "engaged. I love her Mom."

He, along with a now tense Penny, held his breath.

"I see. And how long has this been going on Shelly?"

He was aware of the hurt in her voice.

"Awhile…well, I've loved her for," he brought his eyes up to Penny, "years."

She smiled at him and reached across to softly pat his cheek.

"Oh Shelly," she had suspected this for years, but had never spoken to him about it. She had always known that her sweet son would find someone special someday and a part of her was glad it was Penny. She had liked Penny from the first time she met her.

"There's more," his heart raced in his chest and he struggled for the words and the courage to tell her the rest.

"I'm listening Sheldon Lee," she said softly, bracing for whatever was coming next.

"I'm," he sucked in deeply and then practically blew the words out, "a father. We have twins. A girl and a boy."

Mary felt dizzy, sure she had heard him wrong.

"Wait. Penny's pregnant Sheldon? Oh Lord tell me she's not pregnant out of wedlock."

Penny, hearing this, tried to stifle a giggle. She never was good at this serious stuff. Everything at her house during her childhood, had just been so free and open. Everyone in her family knew everything about each other and there was certainly no room for shame or secrets. Sure, she was raised in a Christian home. But her parents made allowances for…_human nature_. She still remembered her mom declaring, 'We're all sinners, that's what Jesus and the cross are for, so we are forgiven.' And so she and her family had tried to do right, had sought forgiveness when necessary, and gone on with the business of living their lives.

"No, Mom, she's not pregnant," Sheldon nudged Penny and tried to shush her, "she has already given birth. You're a grandmother."

Mary's silence spoke volumes.

"Mom? Are you there?"

"I'm here Shelly."

"I'm sorry Mom. I know I should have told you…there was just so much going on." He had made the decision not to tell her that he too was kept in the dark about Penny's pregnancy until the last minute. He saw no need in trying to explain _that_ to her.

"Shelly…I raised you better than that…"

"Mom, don't."

Penny rolled her eyes and Sheldon closed his, rubbing his temples and just wanting the call to be over with.

"I'm sorry Sheldon, I didn't mean to say that out loud. So…you are getting married?"

"Yes."

"Then that's what matters. Now tell me about my new grandchildren. Twins, huh? Just like you and Missy. When can I see them?"

He looked at Penny and she shrugged her shoulders. Dropping her arm from around him, she stood, bent to kiss the top of his head now that the worst was over, and left the room. She reasoned that he could figure the rest out for himself. She shuddered at the thought of Mary coming to New York to visit them, but she knew from the start that if Sheldon was going to be part of her life, so would Mary. And she could live with that.

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He could barely tell where one body began and the other ended. The four of them were piled in bed together, blissfully happy and unaware of anything else in the universe.

She sighed, "I never thought you could look so sexy with another girl snuggled into your chest like that."

"And I," he grinned back, "would never have believed I'd be so turned on by another fellow with his mouth on your breast."

He lowered his head and brushed his lips across Olivia's wispy dusting of hair. It verged on intoxicating, he thought, the scent of his children, the feel of their skin and mostly the way they resembled both he and Penny.

"Yet more evidence that God exists, huh?" she winked at him.

He smiled at her, "Yes, I must concur."

"Aspen is almost finished; don't dare let Olivia wake up. We'll put them down as soon as he's done. If we get lucky, they'll sleep a few hours."

He nodded. They both were exhausted. It still amazed him how utterly tired and yet exhilarated he felt. He had given up on his precious REM sleep since the babies now dominated the apartment. He and Penny were learning how to function on a few stolen hours of sleep here and there. And he found it remarkable that it didn't bother him at all.

After carefully placing the babies in their room and backing out slowly, only pausing to turn the monitor on, they returned to their bed. It was early in the afternoon, yet their internal clocks were so off kilter that anything short of resting their exhausted bodies was secondary.

They lay on their backs holding hands and talking softly. They had quickly learned that soft low voices were vital if they wanted both children to remain asleep.

"So is your mom coming?" he asked her, almost hoping the answer would be no. His mother was already planning to visit, as she called it, 'the big city' to see them. Mary would be there in just a few days. He figured one grandmother at a time was more than plenty.

"I don't know. She said they can't afford it. It's been seven months since Daddy got laid off," her voice was full of sadness and it always broke his heart a little to hear any sadness from Penny.

"Penny, if money is the issue, we can pay for their flight. Whatever they need, we can take care of it. I know how much it would mean to you to see your mom. You know mine will be here next week," he squeezed her hand, hoping she would find comfort in his words.

She tilted her head to look at him. She would never get over how sweet he was.

"Thanks Sheldon, but I can tell you, my daddy would never accept money or anything else from anyone. Especially from you. He's too proud."

"Well, I do understand that, can't say that I blame him. But the offer stands if needed."

"Anyway, Mom is disappointed in me, I can tell in her voice even though she didn't say it. I was the one that 'made it out' and stood a chance at making something of myself and now here I am with two kids and unmarried," she paused, deep in thought, then added, "I'm the same as every girl I went to high school with. The only difference is I'm in New York City and they are still stuck in Nebraska."

"Penny," he pushed himself up and balanced on his elbow, "you are hardly like those girls. You are an actress, as you keep reminding me, you have…well, you have me…and dare I say I doubt I am like the boys from your hometown that got your friends pregnant. And I'm quite sure that none of them will be the recipient of a Noble Prize any time in their lives."

Penny smirked at him, at his arrogance, "I know Sheldon," she rolled to her side to face him, "I'm really happy. It's just that this is not where I thought I would be at this point in my life."

"So had you rather be back in Pasadena working at the Cheesecake Factory and stuck in a dead end sexual relationship with Leonard?"

She reached to smooth her hand against the side of his face then ran her hand down his bare arm. He was shirtless, wearing only his pajama bottoms.

"God no," she laughed, rolling her eyes at the thought of that particular horror.

"Besides," he reached for her hand and ran his finger across the Lord of the Rings ring that was beginning to loosen on her finger as the swelling from her pregnancy was dissipating, "we are engaged. We'll be married as soon as we can."

"Mmmmm, I can't wait to be Mrs. Sheldon Cooper….Penny Cooper…that sounds so…"

"Sexy," his voice cut her off, "It sounds so incredibly sexy."

He dipped his head down and kissed her ring then slid his mouth to the palm of her hand and spilled a kiss, followed by a lick into the center of her hand. She giggled and reached her hand towards him in an attempt to wipe the saliva he'd deposited in her hand onto his chest. He grabbed her wrist and held it out, preventing her from smearing it on him. She raised her leg and hooked it across his and scooted closer to him where she was then able to stick her tongue out and directly lick his chest, purposely making sure it was nice and wet, leaving a thin film of her spittle on him.

"Really Penny?" Her wrist still in his hand, he pushed it higher and leaned in, licking her neck and moving up to her face.

She pretended to push him away, but it was her sighs which quickly turned to soft moans that gave her away. She was enjoying every touch and every lick of this battle. When he leaned in just close enough, she opened her mouth and bit down gently on his neck, rubbing her tongue roughly against the skin she held between her teeth. Within seconds his arousal was blatantly obvious as it pressed against the fabric of his pants and into her thigh. His actions quickly changed from playfulness to desire.

"Damn," he moaned, his southern drawl making an appearance as it so often did when she turned him on like this.

"Baby, it's been so long. I've got to have you," she breathed into his ear as he released her arm, allowing her to caress his body as she trailed her hand down his side leading to the elastic waistband of his pants, sliding her hand inside. She squeezed him gently and she smiled when a gasp escaped his lips. The lack of time and sleep, along with the demands of parenthood, had only allowed for a few stolen intimate moments over the past few weeks and the pressure was beginning to get to them both.

"Penny, it's only been five weeks, Doctor Craig said to wait six weeks. We can't. I don't want to hurt you."

"It's okay. Five weeks is fine. I've read lots of articles…"

"Oh you've researched this, have you?" he tried to laugh but his desire for her overrode the laugh and instead a low guttural growl vibrated from his throat.

She smiled at him, "Yes, I've learned from the best. You, Doctor Cooper, have taught me the importance of research. I hardly make a move without researching first."

He shouldn't have been surprised that the talk of research, one of his favorite things, _combined with sex_, another of his favorite things, would push him even further towards the edge of just not caring about anything but satisfying both their needs. But Doctor Craig's words echoed in his mind. He had instructed them to wait at lease six weeks.

"But Penny, Doctor Craig said…"

"Sheldon, fuck Doctor Craig…no wait…fuck me…_please_…fuck me."

"Penny…Dear Lord," he moaned into her ear, "What are you doing to me?"

"I'm trying to make love to you."

"Wait, you aren't even on the pill yet, we can't…"

"Lots of good the pill did for us. We've got two babies in there that are proof that the pill is pretty worthless." She pushed his pants down and his only response was to assist her in getting them the rest of the way off. She tugged at his manhood that now stood at full attention, "Your little guys in there are pretty potent. Apparently, you were shooting rockets inside me. And now we have a beautiful family to show for it."

He didn't know why, but those words brought about an intense primal sensation deep inside him. To have a woman, his woman, declare his…_potency_…sent a bolt of electricity throughout his body. He wished for her to yell it from the mountaintops. He was shooting rockets, look what he had made with her. He almost exploded from what he was only able to identify as pride…plain unadulterated…and yes _primitive_…pride in his own manhood.

He pressed into her and pushed her shirt up and off, realizing that while his words were telling her no, his body was screaming yes…hell yes. Her breasts, enlarged from nursing the babies, took his breath away. He believed it was a combination of his sexual attraction to her coupled with the knowledge that this was the source of nutrition for Aspen and Olivia. It produced an unanticipated sense of passion and want unlike any other time they had been intimate. He felt it was the moment his love and desire for this woman crossed some invisible but very real line between youthful lustfulness and mature adult love that was the result of becoming parents in a committed relationship.

He was careful to handle her gently, taking first one, then later the other, nipple into this mouth and gently swirling his tongue around them as she shimmed underneath him.

"Oh God, Sheldon…my God that's good…don't stop…I need this. I need you."

He was surprised to taste the droplets of milk she produced and he paused and looked at her, unsure if this was acceptable.

"It's okay, baby…it's good," she had a hand on each side of his head and gently pushed his mouth back down.

He drug his fingers up her leg and then snaked down between her thighs, landing on her mound that was covered by a thin pair of cotton panties. Her breath hitched as he softly traced her slit.

He rose up to look at her, and seeing that her head was thrown back on the pillow, eyes closed, he took hold of her panties and slid them down her legs. He then worked his way up to her face and whispered her name as he supported his weight with his arms on either side of her.

"Penny?"

She opened her eyes and peered at him, already missing his touch from moments earlier.

"We can do other things," he said, still concerned with harming to her.

She sighed, loving him for caring so much about her wellbeing, yet wishing like hell he wasn't always so literal. She knew it was just how his mind worked, the doctor said six weeks and she was sure that on the calendar in Sheldon's brain he had a big red circle around the exact date that would be six weeks. He was a rule follower and she was a rule breaker and they were going to have to met somewhere in the middle.

"I've got a condom…I picked some up at the store yesterday Sheldon. Please? I need to feel you inside me. Can I just put it on you and, I don't know, maybe you could just put the head in a little? Would you be okay with that? I know you are just being careful and I love you for it, but I need something…just the head and then we'll finish off with whatever you want, okay?"

"You're wish is my command," he smirked at her as he reached for the drawer of the bedside table. She had no idea how difficult it was for him to say no to her.

It only took him a moment to rip the foil package open and roll the condom onto himself. She found it incredibly hot as she watched him doing this for her.

He repositioned himself above her and she gasped when his tip came in contact with her, brushing gently across her entrance. She wanted nothing more than for him to plunge deeply into her, she was hot and wet and ready…but she only wanted from him what he was comfortable giving her.

"God Penny," his voice simmered with barely checked passion, "I don't know if I can…"

She scooted closer, to offer him a better angle, and then lifted her legs, wrapping them around his waist and lifted herself nearer to him.

"I'm yours Sheldon," she whispered, looking intently into his eyes that were filled with a mix of lust and love, "You know what I want…I want all of you…but if you can't then just give me what you can."

Not following doctor's orders to the letter went against every intellectual instinct and every bit of training he'd ever received. He bit his bottom lip and lowered himself to allow the tip of his erection to push into her opening. He paused, closing his eyes tightly, and fought the instinctive urge to push deeper into her. Her sighs from below him played across his ears as he pulled out slowly then pushed back into the same shallow depth of her. She involuntarily thrust her hips upwards causing him to enter her a little more deeply than he meant to. His first thought was to admonish her for this, but his own urges, his own involuntary movements were getting out of control and he felt he hardly had the right to correct her.

"Penny, are you sure it will be okay?" he breathed hotly into her ear, "if we don't stop now, I won't be able to stop."

"Research, Sheldon, I swear to you I did the research," her voice sizzled, strained by need.

Images of Penny hunched over her laptop searching for facts and information about making love to him flashed through his brain, echoed somewhere deep inside, sent a trail of heat from his head, down his torso, straight to his core and settled right in his genitals. And that thought was all it took for him to push his cock…his cock that she was begging him for…all the way into the depths of her wet and waiting core.

"Oh God, yes," she moaned as he pleasured her. She tightened the grasp her legs had around him and reached her hands down to squeeze his ass, pushing for him to go deeper. He gave her everything she wanted and more.

"Oh fuck," he moaned, wondering somewhere in that big brain of his how this had become one of his favorite words. So many words, such a great vocabulary, and yet this was the only appropriate word he could think of. He was in fact, just a man…an extraordinary man for sure…but when it came right down to it…just a man who, like all other men, wanted to satisfy his woman. It doesn't get any more primal than this, he thought as he smoothed in and out of her.

She came so hard she had to sink her teeth into his shoulder to keep from alarming the entire city block. The pain and pleasure he derived from this pushed him into his own orgasmic bliss as he reached his climax. He kissed her deeply as he came, almost hating the fact that his release was caught in the thin layer of rubber encasing him, wishing instead that his seed coated her insides. He sighed as they broke their kiss and he reluctantly pulled himself out of her and rocked back on his knees to remove the condom.

She giggled as he stretched over to grab a handful of tissues off the nightstand. He eyed her as she seductively caressed her own body, running her hands along her hips and abdomen, and then bringing them up to land gently on her breasts.

"Penny, what are you doing?"

"Maybe you should get another condom."

"Really Penny?" he rolled his eyes.

He secured the spent condom in the tissue and placed it on the table, then turned and rolled towards her.

"What can I say? I can't get enough of you Doctor Cooper."

He grinned at her, "You better not tell Doctor Craig."

She pressed her finger over his lips and whispered, "It'll be our secret, Batman."

He released a contented sigh and grabbed for her finger that covered his lips, taking it into his mouth. She in turn lowered her head to his chest and began to swirl her tongue around one of his nipples. He dropped her hand from his mouth and whispered in her ear, sending chills across her body, "You are insatiable woman."

She felt his arousal begin to grow and she lifted her head and fired back, "As are you, Doctor Cooper."

They were granted exactly two hours of sleep before being awakened by the cries of their children.

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Sheldon sifted through his email, skipping the ones from Juergen. There were several and he didn't have time to read or answer them now. But he was anxious to read what his intern had to say. He had already been contacted by the department head who was inquiring about his plans to return. He didn't have an answer to that nagging question, but he knew he'd be expected to make a decision soon. Science, after all, stood still for no man. He missed his work and wondered how it was possible that he could be so happy, _so content_, with his personal life, yet still have this work…this _mystery of the universe_…still tugging at him.

The knock at the door shook him out of his thoughts and he rose to get it.

"Hey dude," Raj grinned, pushing past him looking around for Penny and the kids. Through his encounters with Olivia and Aspen, Raj had developed a strong affection for babies and for the Cooper twins in particular.

"Doctor Cooper," Howard nodded at him and unlike his partner, waited until Sheldon motioned him in.

"Doctor Wolowitz," he returned Howard's greeting as he stepped into the apartment. Sheldon pushed the door closed and looked back at Raj. He shook his head as he saw him disappear down the hallway to find Penny. He found it fascinating that the friendship between his fiancé and his team member had grown so close that Raj and Penny both found it perfectly acceptable for him to just waltz right into her bedroom and start a conversation with no heed for her privacy.

"What is it with those two?" he asked Howard as they moved towards the sofa.

Howard shrugged, "Damned if I know, but all 'Uncle Raj'," he used his fingers to make imaginary quotations in the air, "can talk about is babies…of us," he cleared his throat, "getting one. Whatever the hell that means."

Sheldon laughed, "Lucky you."

"Yeah, I told him you guys would share yours with us. That probably appeased him for about a minute. I know I'm not going to hear the end of it until our apartment looks like," he threw his hands up and gestured around the room, "this."

Sheldon rolled his eyes, "You guys can come over anytime and take care of them. We are happy to share. Penny and I need all the breaks we can get. We never have time to do anything anymore. I appreciate you coming over today." He couldn't hide his grin as he intimated to Howard, "We're going to Tiffany's to get her ring…a _real_ ring."

"I'm really happy for you Sheldon. Who would have thought all those years ago in Pasadena would lead us here?"

"So New York is a permanent thing for you and Raj?"

Howard sighed and lowered his voice, "You know how it goes, Sheldon. Permanent really isn't part of our job, now is it? I've got…_orders_…for all of us. Well, all of us except Bernadette. She's taking a leave for now because of her pregnancy."

"No, Howard. I don't know…"

"Listen Sheldon, it's different now."

Sheldon let out a long breath and brought his eyes up to meet Howard's, "How is it different? Just because Sam is gone?"

"Well, Sam's body may be gone, but his work and his contributions are still very much a part of, well, a part of everything."

"Stop talking in circles Wolowitz. Say what you have to say."

"It's more complicated than that Sheldon. What we…Raj and Amy and I do…is very dependent on the choices _you_ make."

"What?"

"Have you had time to read Sam's journals yet? They were in the box his attorney sent you."

"No," Sheldon dropped his head, "I can't force myself to go through them. It still hurts too much. I still can't believe he's gone. He was such a big part of my life."

"I understand that. I loved him too. But we have to move on. You need to read the journals," he shot a hard look at Sheldon, "ASAP, Doctor Cooper."

Sheldon's eyes widened, but before he could respond, Penny's voice floated into the room.

"Howard," she stepped towards them, cradling a squirming Olivia in her arms, "I don't know what it is you are telling Sheldon to do ASAP, but it's gonna have to wait. He and I have a date today."

Sheldon felt the now familiar sensation of adoration spring through his body at the sight of her carrying his child and hearing the thrill of …well, of their lives…dancing around the tone of her words.

Penny was followed by Raj who was carrying Aspen gently in his arms. He wasn't yet as comfortable and relaxed about it as Penny was. He still worried that he might _break _one of them if he wasn't gentle enough.

"Look Howard," Raj said as he moved towards him, "Aspen is so cute." Howard watched as Raj cooed at the baby in his arms.

"Yeah, they're pretty cute," he looked to Sheldon for help.

Sheldon laughed and stood up. He walked to Penny and bent to kiss Olivia, and then he couldn't stop himself from kissing Olivia's mom on the cheek before he moved towards Raj and dipped down to kiss his son.

"You look good carrying a baby Uncle Raj," Sheldon smiled, shooting a smirk at Howard.

"See, Howard," Raj interjected, "even Sheldon can see we need our own baby."

"Hey," Howard stood and paced in front of the couch, "that's not what he said."

"Amy called, she will be here in a few minutes," Penny said as she bent to put Olivia in Howard's arms.

Sheldon put his hand in the small of Penny's back and guided her to the door. She grabbed her purse from the table beside the door and he held it open for her as they left, looking back only to instruct the two men to call if they needed anything.

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"It's perfect," he smiled down at her hand, the diamond gleaming against the huge overhead lights that hung above the jewelry casings.

"Yeah, but Sheldon, have you seen how much it cost?" she whispered, not wanting the sales lady to hear her concerns about financial issues.

He rolled his eyes, "Penny, have you even looked at our account lately? I could buy you the moon if you wanted it."

"True. I'm just not used to having money and…_stuff_. And, I don't know, I still feel kind of funny about Sam's money. He didn't have family?"

He sighed, his heart stinging a bit at the mention of Sam, he spoke quietly, "I was his only family Penny. He was married to his work."

"I'm sorry sweetie, I didn't mean to make you sad," she squeezed his hand.

"It's okay. I'm not sad…this is supposed to be a happy time," he reached to put his hand on her waist, pulling her closer and planting a kiss on her forehead.

"It is beautiful isn't it? Look how it sparkles when I wave it around."

Sheldon laughed, finding that her radiance projected onto him, causing him to feel her giddiness.

"Is this the one?"

"Yes," she said solemnly, "but I want you to know that even if the Lord of the Rings ring was all we could afford I'd love it just as much. I love that you are going to be my husband more than I love any ring."

"I am aware," he whispered to her as he motioned for the saleslady.

"Yes sir?"

"We'll take it," he told her, surprised at the shot of power that surged through him as he said the words with Penny beside him, clutching his arm.

"Yes sir. Will the lady be wearing it out?"

"Yes," Penny sighed before Sheldon could answer.

He grinned and pushed his credit card across the counter.

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As much as he had dreaded his mother coming to visit, now that she was here, he actually appreciated her being there. She had made peace with the predicament Sheldon had gotten himself into, deciding that her love for him and now for her grandchildren trumped any disappointment she felt in his personal life choices. She was also pleased that she felt the closeness she and her son had maintained for so long…with the exception of the past year…seemed to be coming back around.

Penny had been pleasantly surprised at Mary's easy acceptance of her. She had been a bit nervous as Mary's visit drew closer, but in the end, Mary had embraced her at the airport and whispered to her that she was pleased that she had made her son so happy. And really, isn't that what every mother wants for her child? She had also proven to be great with Olivia and Aspen. It was nice to have an experienced mother around to help them with the day to day duties of being parents. Being with Mary made Penny miss her own mom more than she ever thought she would. But she loved the way Mary took to her as one of her own…Penny was part of her family…the Cooper family… and Mary would treat her the same way she did her own children. In a weird way, Penny thought, it made her love Sheldon even more now that Mary had declared her part of _them_.

"Mom, thank you for being here…for being so accepting of Penny and me and the babies. I know this is hard for you."

They were sitting in the terrace area of a neighborhood cafe having lunch, the twins dozing beside the table in their matching strollers, or as Mary had labeled them, rolling limos for babies (because they didn't have fancy smancy stuff like that when her kids were babies). Penny had chosen to stay at the apartment and work on her script for the play as she would be returning to rehearsals soon.

"Oh Shelly, you are my baby. I am your mother, I love you unconditionally. Look at Aspen and Olivia," she waved her hand towards the sleeping kids, "Is there anything either of them could do that would cause you to stop loving them?"

He paused the fork full of food that he was about to shove into his mouth and grinned at her, then looked over at his children, "No, not at thing. No conditions, I just love them."

"So there you go. That's how I raised you," she laughed, hoping to make up for some of the less than loving things she may have said to him on the phone when he first told her about Penny and the kids.

"I love you Mom. Thank you for…for being a great mom. I couldn't have asked for a better one." It had struck him that since she had been in town and they had spent a lot of time together with his children he could relate to his mother more than ever before. He could see that some of the things about her that drove him crazy for years were just her way of loving him. And he laughed to himself thinking of how someday Olivia and Aspen would get annoyed with him too and wonder why their father was so crazy. Such was the circle of life.

"Oh stop that Shelly," she smiled at her son, "you're going to make me cry."

He seemed different to her, and through her conversations with him since being in New York, she had discovered for herself that her little boy had in fact transitioned into a mature, responsible man. Maybe, she reasoned with herself, God had brought Penny and Olivia and Aspen into his life to bring about these changes in him. The difference in Sheldon was good and she'd never been more proud to call him her son. God does indeed work in mysterious ways and who was she to question His ways?

"So how is Missy doing? I haven't spoken to her in a long while."

"She's doing fine. She's finally got a good job. She really wanted to come to see her new niece and nephew but she couldn't take time away from work. She was as stunned as I was when I first told her. But then she said she just had a feeling about you and Penny. She sensed it when she last visited you in California."

"How come you and Missy aren't surprised about Penny and me and I'm just now finding this out? Why didn't either of you say anything to me?"

"Oh I don't know Shelly. Sometimes you just have to figure things out for yourself. I think I heard it in Penny's voice first. The time she called me when you hung her laundry out on the telephone wires. She tried to sound angry, but I could just tell she was enjoying that you were messing with her. I may be older, but a girl just knows these things."

"No Mom, she was really mad at me then," he tried not to let her see the amusement in his eyes as he flashed back to Penny's panty piñata.

"Don't fool yourself Shelly. Of course you were too blinded by your own feelings towards her to be able to see that she liked you. When I think back to all the nights I sat and listened to you going on and on about Penny. Penny singing Soft Kitty, Penny taking care of you when you were sick, Penny taking you shopping for your suit, and all the rest. Really, do you think she would have done all that if she wasn't interested in you?"

He dropped his eyes, wondering how he could be so smart and yet have missed all of this that was so apparent to his own mother.

"Well, part of that time she was with Leonard, Mom." It killed him to even think of those days.

"Oh Sheldon, she was just passing time. Maybe it was just her way of staying close to _you_."

It occurred to Sheldon that all this time he had felt Leonard used Penny, but maybe, just maybe, it was in fact Penny who had used Leonard…to be near him. Fascinating.

He shifted in his seat and took a long swig of tea before he spoke.

"Mom, I want to go back to Switzerland. I need to finish the work I started when I was there."

Her eyes widened, "And what about your family, Shelly?"

"Mom," he smiled, his voice innocent, "of course Penny and the kids will go with me."

"Oh Shelly…I thought now that Sam was gone… you would get out of all that mess."

He sighed, "It's not just that…that is on the backburner for now…this is for science."

His face lit up at just the mention of the word. She had seen this same look on his face since the day he'd discovered it. Science…her son's other love…had always been her nemesis. It had been her strongest competitor for his love and attention through the years and now she couldn't help but wonder if Penny would end up hating science as much as she did…if Sheldon's love and curiosity for the workings of this universe would bring Penny as much pain as it had her.

"I thought yall were happy here in New York. And what about Penny's acting job? She is thrilled about it. She just told me last night that they are holding a spot for her and she will be returning soon. She is talking about previews and being on Broadway. Is she willing to give all that up?" She arched her eyebrows at Sheldon and watched him from across the table.

"She doesn't know yet," he whispered, looking down at the food on his plate.

"Shelly…what have you done?"

"Mom, I don't know how to tell her. But I've got to go back and I'm going to take her and the twins with me. It's really a beautiful place; I know she will love it. You will too. You can come visit us. And bring Missy."

"Shelll-don," she drug his name out, putting a strong emphasis on the last syllable, the same way she had done since he was a kid and was in trouble. "You are in a relationship. You can't just make decisions like that without discussing them with the other person."

"But I'm going to be her husband. She'll have to come with me."

Mary sighed and put her fork down gently, "Honey, this is the twenty-first century. Please tell me that you know that a woman doesn't just have to blindly do what her husband tells her to do. Women have a voice now, Shelly."

"Mom, I'm not some knuckle dragger, I know that."

"Well it doesn't sound like you know it. So when are you planning on sharing this news with Penny?"

"Well, we were hoping to get married while you are in town…I want you to be there with us…and I thought I'd tell her afterwards. Kind of like a surprise. She'll love it."

"Oh Sheldon," she spoke, her lips tight, "you have so much to learn. No, just no. You are not going to do that."

He scooted his chair back and then leaned towards her, placing his elbows on the table, "What are you talking about Mom? I think it's a great idea. I have so much work to do. I was so close to learning something…I don't know what…but something, about string theory. And Sam left me this information in his journals that I never knew, I have to go back and solve this problem…put the pieces together. He left solutions to the puzzle in his journal writings for me. Now I just need to go back and plug it all in."

He looked down, ashamed to admit his true feelings to her, but he said it anyway, "Mom, I feel like nothing…like nothing but a…a…babysitter. I need more."

"Oh Shelly." She would never admit it to him or to anyone really, but she could relate to his feelings. She had felt them the entire time she was raising her own children while her gallivanting husband worked and did as he pleased while she stayed home with the kids. It was sad but true none the less. But this would be for Sheldon to figure out.

"I'm not going to win my Noble Prize while sitting in that tiny apartment changing diapers all day. Mom, you more than anyone else, even Penny, know how important it is to me. I've wanted this and worked towards this since I was five years old and held my first magnifying glass in my hands. It's…it's my life…my life's work."

Mary sat back and crossed her hands in her lap before she spoke, "Sheldon," she shot a look towards the twins, "they are your life now."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Mary cut her visit short. After learning of Sheldon's uncertainty concerning his career, she felt it was best to leave and let her son and his fiancé figure things out. The last thing she wanted was to be in the way. The only advice she had given Sheldon, and thank God he had heeded it, was to not marry Penny until he discussed his concerns with her. She emphasized to him that they must come to terms with where they would live before they were married and that springing a move to Switzerland on Penny after they married was a horrible, horrible idea. Observing the pleading look in his mother's eyes, he got the message loud and clear. And so when Mary Cooper boarded the plane for home, she kissed her new grandchildren and her unmarried son and the mother of his children goodbye. Then she got on the plane and prayed all the way back to Texas.

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Penny was scheduled to return to work and she was beyond ready to get back to it. She had missed the thrill and excitement of the rehearsal hall. The babies were almost two months old now and she was ready. She needed an outlet and the theater was it for her. Sheldon was not very happy about it, but she knew he would take care of Olivia and Aspen while she was away for a few hours.

She hadn't prepared herself for the changes when she arrived. She was hurt, okay crushed, when she discovered that Mark Hansen had given her part to another actress. He had not informed her of this when she spoke with him on the phone over the weekend. She was angry, but reminded herself as she approached him that she needed to be professional. He had cast her and he had allowed her to take maternity leave and assured her of a spot when she returned.

"Mark?" she called his name and he turned to her.

"Hello Penny, welcome back."

"Thanks," her heart thumped in her chest, "um, I understand you put Jan in my place?"

He smiled a sympathetic smile at her, "Yeah, sorry about that Penny. I had to have somebody and she's done such a great job, I'm going to keep her there. I want you to work with the stage manager, be her assistant, and learn everything you can there. We've changed so many things since you've been away…hence the reason for work shopping plays…let Gretchen bring you up to speed. The writers are rewriting some characters, getting rid of some, adding some, be patient. I assure you I'll find a spot for you."

"Yeah, great. Thanks," she mumbled as he turned to yell at one of his actors on the stage.

And for the next three weeks, Penny followed Gretchen the stage manager around, learning things she didn't know and somehow memorizing the entire play while she did so. At home, Sheldon listened patiently to her stories from work, of her fears and her complaints. He let her whine as much as she needed about how she was supposed to be onstage and not getting coffee and running scripts with other actors.

And at the beginning of the forth week of this, Mark Hansen pulled her into his office.

"Are you ready to act?"

"What?"

"Well, ironic as it may be, Nikki is pregnant and going to have to pull out. We are getting closer to previews and she knows she won't be able to do it. She's leaving the show. You would fit the part perfectly. I heard you running lines the other day…you know the part. It's yours if you are interested."

"Mark, are you sure…that's a much bigger role than the one I originally had."

He smiled at her, "You know, putting you as assistant stage manager was just a test Penny. I honestly thought you'd walk out. I need people that have a strong work ethic…people that are hungry for their part in this show…this isn't for the faint of heart. But you impressed me not only by staying, but by working your ass off even on menial tasks. I have confidence in you. My ass is on the line, so I'm very sure about this. It's yours for the taking. But I need an answer now."

"Yes. Yes, I want it," she said with no hesitation at all.

When she got home that night, and thank God Sheldon already had the children tucked in for the night, she didn't even say a word to him. She simply dropped her clothes at the foot of the bed. He was reclined against the headboard reading one of Sam's journals. He silently watched her, eyebrows raised. She sauntered over to him and gently removed the book from his hands and crawled on top of him; within minutes she had his pajamas off and was straddling his lap, riding him hard. She had always liked to celebrate with sex. He wrapped her in his arms and waited quietly for the her news.

"I got a part," she finally spoke. "It's a pretty big part," she whispered to him as they lay there in the afterglow of their love making.

"I see. I'm happy for you Penny. I knew you could do it."

And while he didn't vocalize it to Penny, he wondered how he had gotten here. How it was that Penny had her career going strong, on the path to her goals, and his days consisted of taking care of the twins and reading Sam's journals. He missed his work. He was discovering that life was not one dimensional, that no matter how happy a partner and children made him, he felt…incomplete.

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It occurred to Sheldon that Howard Wolowitz was the only person in his life that came close to understanding the internal struggles that raged inside him. The void Sam's death left in his life was immeasurable and he felt it more and more with each passing day. He shook his head in disgust at his own self for the days he'd let pass through the years when he didn't phone Sam, when he took his presence in his life for granted. He'd give almost anything just to have one more conversation with his old friend and mentor.

"Sheldon," Howard was sitting on the edge of the bed in Penny and Sheldon's bedroom watching Sheldon dress the babies for bed, "God knows I'm no expert. But I've known you for years. You have to work."

Sheldon looked up at him, "Are you speaking to me as a friend or as a superior who wants me to go back to work because it will make your life easier? I know you guys are in some kind of limbo waiting for me to decide the course of my life right now." He shook his head, "And I do apologize for that, by the way."

Howard cleared his throat and looked down, "Maybe a little of both. But I can tell you what I do know. We've been friends for many, many years Sheldon. We've worked together, we've hung out together, we've argued, we've done it all, and the one constant, the one thing about you that never wavered, was your intellect and your drive. No matter what was going on, you held fast to the fact that you have a gift…and while it drove most of us crazy…you never faltered. You set out to prove something; you had a goal to be recognized to your contribution to the world of science."

"And?" Sheldon studied Howard's face.

"Now," he hesitated, but decided as bad as it might hurt Sheldon he had to be honest with him, "you're wavering, my friend."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The loud ringing of his phone jolted him awake. He glanced at the clock, it was four a.m. His heartbeat sped up, as no call at this time of morning could be anything good. He glanced over at Penny as he reached for the phone.

"Hello?" his voice was raspy from his interrupted deep sleep.

"Doctor Cooper? Hi it's Juergen," his young assistant sounded breathless and rushed.

Sheldon swung around, dropping his feet on the floor and shot a quick look over his shoulder at Penny as he stood. She stirred a bit, but stayed asleep.

"Hold on Juergen."

He walked silently out of the room and pulled the bedroom door closed behind him, peeked into the Olivia and Aspen's room, pulled their door closed, then made his way into the darkened living room and settled onto the sofa.

"Juergen, are you okay? Why are you calling me at this ungodly hour?"

"I'm sorry Doctor Cooper. I forgot about the time zones. It's ten a.m. here."

He sighed, almost happy to be talking to the young man who represented a connection to his beloved work that he had left behind in Zurich.

"It's fine Juergen. I apologize for not returning your email; I haven't had time to adequately respond."

"It's okay, Doctor Cooper. It is mostly just some notes I wanted you to look over."

"I see."

"But now…well, the reason I'm calling," he lowered his voice, "we have an…_issue_. I'm not sure what is going on, but I'm a little worried. I just thought I should inform you."

Sheldon sighed, "What is it?"

"There's a new professor here. He's been here for a few weeks now. He's sniffing around, asking me a lot of questions about our…_your_…research with string theory."

Sheldon's heart skipped a beat. No one, but no one, was to ever touch his work.

"Tell me more," he tried to sound calm as not to alert his young assistant to his alarm.

"Well, he is kind of…smarmy…do you know that word?"

"Yes Juergen, I know the word."

"I just get a weird vibe from him. And he asked about our findings from when we went to Geneva that time. He wanted to see your notes."

"Did you box them up as I asked you to?"

"Yes sir. I boxed everything up and put it in your apartment. Campus security let me in and stood there while I did so."

"Very good Juergen."

"Well, it was until I heard a rumor that he may be moving into your apartment in a few days. They say you may not be returning. Is that true Doctor Cooper?"

"No, it is not true…I just have things here in America I am dealing with. But I certainly do not, under any circumstances, want anyone in my apartment there."

"Well, they already showed it to him. I was watching."

"Oh God," Sheldon dropped his head.

"But I got in and removed the box…all of your work…before they showed it to him. I sort of…broke in. I hope that is acceptable to you sir."

Sheldon exhaled deeply before replying, "Yes, Juergen, it is acceptable. Thank you very much for protecting my work."

"You're welcome sir. We've worked too hard on this for somebody else to come in and snatch it out from under us."

"Yes. So where is it now Juergen?"

He laughed the laugh of youth, "It's in my dorm room, under my bed. It was the only place I had."

Sheldon rolled his eyes, "Tell me about this new professor. Who is he?"

"Uh, well, he's American. Kind of short, wears glasses…" his voice tapered off.

Sheldon's blood began to boil, "His name, Juergen…what's his name?"

"Um, Hofstadter, Doctor Leonard Hofstadter. You know him?"

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	15. Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15

"Penny?" his hand was on her shoulder gently shaking her awake.

She slowly began to come out of her state of restfulness and reconnect with reality. She raised her head and glanced over at him, realizing it was still night as the room was lit only by the pink glow of her Hello Kitty nightlight that she had insisted on keeping even when he had pointed out they were 'grown ups' now. Her sleepy eyes floated to the clock and noted the time was four eighteen a.m.

"Are the twins up already?" she stretched her arms high and released a slight groan. "Ugg, it's too early. God."

The weight of his body as he lowered himself to sit beside her jiggled the bed and caused her to roll towards him. She reached out instinctively and wrapped her arm around his waist and pulled herself closer to him. She inhaled the addictive scent of Sheldon, the scent that had come to represent love and home and happiness to her.

"No they're still sleeping," he stroked her hair, "but I need you to wake up. I've got to talk to you. I can't put this off any longer."

"What?" she said, her voice rising, her mind quickly becoming clearer, "Is something wrong?"

Penny pulled away from him and brought her body up to a sitting position. She studied his face and knew instantly that this would not be a conversation she was going to enjoy.

"Penny, I see no reason for me to dance around this. You know I'm no good at the social niceties and conventions so I'm just going to say it." He looked down at his hands, wishing not to make eye contact with her. He didn't want to see disappointment in her eyes.

"Sheldon you're scaring me."

"We," he ran his hand through his hair, "you and I and the kids, are going to move to Switzerland. And we need to do this soon. I've got to get back. It's urgent."

"What?" She shook her head and subconsciously pinched at the soft skin of her inner thigh. She reached for him, grabbing his chin and forcing him to look up at her.

"Penny, it's my work. _My life's work_. I have abandoned it and it is," his head fell again, and he ended his sentence with a barely audible whisper, "killing me."

"Sheldon," she could hardly catch her breath.

"Please understand," his voice still a whisper.

"Sheldon," she closed her eyes and focused on keeping her voice level, "how long have you felt this way?"

"I…it's just inherent Penny…I've felt this way since I was old enough to feel any feelings at all. It's just…here," he reached up and planted a hand on each side of his head.

She stretched her body up and placed a hand on top of each of his and moved her face to within inches of his. It hurt her, _physically hurt her_, to see the torment on his face.

"Sheldon, there are a lot of universities here in the city, some of the best in the world. Couldn't you just work at one of them?" She knew as the words came out of her mouth that she had no real idea of what exactly he did other than the scientific mumbo jumbo that he rattled off about particles and acceleration and string theory and if it were even possible to conduct the same research at any of the schools in the city.

He shook his head and dropped his hands, causing hers to fall with his. He captured them in his large ones and brought them to his chest.

"It's all over there Penny. I was working under a grant at ZTH Zurich, while it was I who did the actual work, it falls under their grant money that they earned for the university. I can't take it anywhere. Everything I did there belongs to them; the legalities of it are complicated. If it were in the States, it might be possible to work out an exchange or shared credit, but we are talking about two different countries…two different continents. It has to remain at ZTH."

"Well," her mind buzzed, trying desperately to find a solution, "can't you work from here and just fly there occasionally when you need to?"

He shook his head, "Penny, the world of science, the scientific community, is unfortunately wrought with jealous, backstabbing individuals all looking to make their claim to unraveling the secrets of the universe. You know," he rocked his eyes up to hers, "I'm not the only physicist out there that hopes to acquire the Noble Prize."

She was losing patience, "What does that have to do with you working here? Commuting to Zurich when you need to?"

"I spoke with my assistant. There is another scientist trying to obtain the results of the experiments I conducted while I was there. I fear he will succeed if I…_we_…don't hurry up and get there. It's imperative that we leave immediately. We could leave tomorrow." He had no desire to tell her that the other scientist he spoke of was Leonard. He would only tell her that if absolutely necessary.

"Sheldon," she twisted her legs around and stood, "have you lost your mind? We have two babies who are not even three months old yet. You can't just uproot children that age and move them to…to…freaking Europe. There are medial things that would be necessary, and me, I don't even have a passport, that takes weeks or even months…I don't know. And…and," she felt her temper beginning to flare, "I don't want to go. I don't want to leave New York. I love it here and I love my job, I love our apartment, I love that Amy and Raj and Howard are here. No, this is just nuts. No…just no."

He sighed, "When we go, they will go too."

Her body froze and her eyes shot up at him, "What? We can't expect our friends to just move to Switzerland."

"Penny…" he squeezed his eyes shut.

"Wait…is this part of your government thingy? Is it some job that all of you have to go to?"

"No. It is my research…that's it."

"Well then what makes you so sure our friends would go? That doesn't even make sense."

"They," he shook his head and slowly opened his eyes to peer up at her, "their main objective is to protect us. You and me and the kids. That's their job now."

"Sheldon," she sat back down on the edge of the bed, "protect us from what?"

"I…it's complicated. I don't even know all of the details. I'm not sure I want to."

"What?"

"Penny, there is something, I don't know. Howard may know, but if he does he can't say. But it was a directive from Sam, from Sam's superiors actually, from the very top in DC. I'm not even sure Sam knew."

"Sheldon, this is crazy. We can't live like this. I want you out," she reached for his hand and locked her eyes with his, "Sam wanted you out of this government stuff. We talked. I promised him I'd do what I could to get you away from it."

"It's not that easy Penny. And Sam, he knew that."

"Yeah, well Sam wasn't the mother of your children," she scooted closer to him and leaned in, kissing him deeply, pushing him back on the bed, covering his body with hers before finally pulling her lips away and finishing, "and he wasn't going to be your wife. I think I have a little more say in the matter than Sam had."

"Penny," he sighed, "we can't resolve this with sex."

The anger that she had been forcing down into her gut slowly rose up at his words, finally making its ugly appearance. She rolled off of him and climbed out of the bed, jerking her robe up and yanking it onto her barely covered body.

"What the hell?" She stormed out, glad to see the door to the nursery was closed already.

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Leonard leaned in and squinted at the computer monitor. He had studied the picture over and over again. He wondered why he wanted so desperately to erase it from his mind and yet something had made him save it in a file on his hard drive so that he could look at it numerous times during the day…and the night…especially the night.

He could no longer call the people he knew in Pasadena his friends, and he had absolutely no connection to any of them anymore. But for some reason, possibly just carelessness, Raj had not unfriended him from his Facebook page. And that fact alone was his only avenue to knowing what was going on with the people he used to be closest to.

For awhile, there had been no mention of Sheldon or Penny. Just pictures from some island he had never heard of…pictures of Raj and Howard on what looked to him like a permanent vacation. But not long ago, Raj had posted a picture of himself and Penny. His hand was splayed across her huge protruding belly with the caption, 'Beautiful Pregnant Penny.' He had been stunned to see her, so stunned in fact that just seeing her face took his breath away. He had rolled his chair back and stood up, taking a moment to collect himself, glad he had been in his apartment alone. But then again, he was always alone.

Leonard had wondered, even tried to convince himself, that Raj was the father of Penny's baby. They had slept together that one time, and while he never was completely sure of what had gone on, there had always been a part of him that believed there was something between Raj and Penny. And, he deducted, there had been no picture, not even a mention of Sheldon. For all he had known at the time, Sheldon was off in Switzerland chasing his precious Noble Prize and had forgotten all about Penny.

But then, unexpectedly there was a picture of Sheldon and Penny…and not one, but two babies…twins. It had Sheldon's fingerprints all over it. And Leonard's envy and hatred for his former roommate and best friend increased tenfold. So now that bastard had it all…Penny, her babies, a life with her, soon a Noble Prize, he was sure of it.

And so he had spent eight weeks staring at the photo. He really didn't have to even look at it anymore as it was permanently etched into his mind. Sheldon wearing one of his stupid superhero shirts, Penny in a pink nightgown, two babies, one in pink and one in blue. The smile on Sheldon's face was not one he'd ever seen in all their years as friends. And Penny…what he saw on her face stung the most…love…her love for Sheldon on full display. He would never understand what Sheldon had that she wanted…why she had chosen Sheldon over him.

And then he had stumbled across the job opening. He almost missed it because his rage and contempt and desire to settle the score dominated his every waking moment, sometimes blinding him to everything else around him. But there it was, on the Physics Today website. Full professorship at ZTH Zurich, the deadline was rapidly approaching and he had worked through the night on updating and slightly embellishing his resume. He'd held his breath as he hit the send button at two a.m., wondering if they would take him seriously. He'd been stunned the following day to receive a call from the chancellor inviting him for an interview and tour of the department. Two days later he was on a plane to Switzerland.

And in less than two weeks, he'd relinquished his position at CalTech (his resignation was accepted with no questions, no attempts to ask him to reconsider, seemingly very pleased to be rid of him…and he had pretended not to notice) and was now living in a cramped studio apartment on campus. They had assured him it was temporary, that they were waiting on Doctor Cooper's decision as to if he would return to ZTH, if he chose not to return, Leonard would take Sheldon's old apartment on campus. The irony was that Leonard was quite sure he'd gotten the position because he had worked with Sheldon at CalTech, and in his interview with the Physics board he had cunningly let it slip that he wasn't just the esteemed Doctor Cooper's colleague, but his very good friend also. He'd even gone so far as to point out that he hadn't listed Sheldon as a personal reference because he didn't think it would be fair to the other applicants. He'd laughed when he said this to the board members, making it more of an offhanded comment and he was surprised that they had actually seemed to believe him.

It had been so easy to ingratiate himself with the other professors and grad students. It amazed…and sickened…him to discover that the mere mention of Sheldon's name opened doors for him that ordinarily would have remained closed and locked otherwise. He rode Sheldon's reputation like Kirk and Spock rode the Enterprise. And with no shame. If he couldn't have Penny, he reasoned, he'd take Sheldon's _other love_…science.

He had discovered quickly that Sheldon had left abruptly to tend to personal matters in the States. As he began to put the pieces together, he was able to conclude that Sheldon had left because Penny was close to giving birth to their children. He trembled at the thought of their intimacy.

It had taken a short time for Leonard to discover Juergen, Sheldon's overly eager curly-haired assistant. He had seemed warm at first, but as the days past, Leonard felt Juergen's walls go up. He shook his head, wondering how Sheldon, Sheldon who had no social skills, no concern for anyone except himself and the advancement of his career, could create such loyalty in his very young grad student assistant. And so while he didn't understand it, he figured he could have those invisible walls knocked down in no time. He could fool anyone into liking him, he thought to himself as he gazed out the window, across the quad, his eyes landing on the window of Sheldon's campus apartment.

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Raj rubbed her back softly and Amy, sitting on Penny's other side, held the box of Kleenex at the ready. Her two best friends, besides Sheldon, were there to offer comfort. They had no answers, none they could give her anyway, and so they listened and nodded.

"I just don't get," Penny sniffed, "how could he do this to me?"

"Penny," Amy spoke quietly, "please help me understand. He said he wants you and the babies with him, right?"

"Yes."

"Well, what exactly is he doing to you? He needs to complete his work and he wants to marry you, to have your family together and to live in Switzerland. It's not like he's dumping you."

She raised her head to look at Amy, confusion on her face, "Amy, I know your mind works a lot like his, but try to understand. I…we…have a life here in New York. And you remember how it was in California, I couldn't get a job to save my life. Now I am work- shopping a play that is on its way to previews and then to Broadway. I don't want to go to Switzerland. And I don't want to raise our kids in another country."

"I guess I understand," Amy said, though for the life of her she would never really understand how Penny could think acting was equal to or more important than science. Sheldon's work could change the world; Penny's work would only entertain a few people for a couple of hours. There was no comparison. _She chose not to share this opinion with Penny._

"Raj," Penny turned towards him and raised her eyes to meet his, "what do you and Howard think? Can't you guys talk to him and convince him how crazy this is? He is a father now and soon to be a husband. He needs to let it go."

Raj moved his arm from her back and ran his hand through his hair, "Penny, I guess I can see both views. I don't want to choose sides. You both are my friends and I just wish happiness for your family. But, as your friend, I must tell you that I see no way that he can just _let it go_ as you say. Could you just let your acting go?"

"I see," Penny swallowed hard, feeling worse that her friends weren't immediately jumping to her way of thinking. She knew that the four of them, Sheldon, Raj, Howard and Amy, all reasoned on a different level than she ever would. They all had fancy degrees from big colleges and universities she had never heard of and they had actually been _trained _how to think in some kind of odd, rational, logical way with no room for feelings and emotions to interfere.

Well, _she_ had feelings and emotions and while not everything she did was always logical, she was…happy. She was happy until Sheldon had told her he needed to get back to his work, his stupid science that she was really beginning to hate. She wondered if Sheldon would someday hate acting as much as she hated science.

The three of them were still sitting on the blue sofa, Raj and Amy each holding a baby and attempting to comfort Penny at the same time, when the door opened and Sheldon and Howard came in. Sheldon froze, hating the thought of knowing that he and his actions were likely the subject of their conversation based on Penny's red face and puffy eyes. Not to mention the wadded up tissues scattered about the coffee table.

Howard sensed Sheldon's dread and spoke up in an effort to break the silence, "Hey guys, let me have one of those Cooper kids." He grinned and scooped Olivia out of Raj's arms.

"Hello," Sheldon said in the same shy tone he used when he felt uncomfortable with a situation.

"Hey," Penny sniffed softly then stood to excuse herself to the bathroom.

Sheldon shrugged, glanced back towards his three friends and then followed Penny down the hallway.

"Penny," he whispered as he reached to grab her wrist just as she was about to enter the bathroom.

"Don't Sheldon. I don't want to argue in front of them. Besides, it's not good for the babies. I don't want to argue period."

"Nor do I. But it feels pretty bad to come home and see you crying and complaining about me to our friends."

"Tough," she said, jerking her arm out of his hand and entering the bathroom, closing the door behind her. He heard the deliberate click of the door being locked from the inside.

Sheldon returned to the living room and took Aspen from Amy. He needed to feel warmth. He leaned back into the sofa, propped his legs on the table in front of him and cuddled Aspen against his chest. Amy and Raj had gone to the kitchen and Howard stood with Olivia looking out the window at the city streets below them. When Penny came back into the room, she couldn't help but be reminded of how much she loved Sheldon. The sight of him with their son in his arms, head back and eyes closed melted her anger away. She eased herself down beside him and snuggled close.

"I'm sorry," she whispered in his ear.

"Me too," he whispered back, leaning his forehead into hers.

"Okay," Howard broke the moment, "you two kiss and make up. While we all are here, we need to talk. All of us."

He deposited a sleeping Olivia in the pink bassinette beside the couch as Amy and Raj came in and took the chairs across from the sofa.

He looked from each of them before he spoke, "Penny, I know that you are aware of our…_positions_," he shifted on his feet, "so I feel that I can speak freely. But you must understand that this is extremely confidential. You can never share any of this information with anyone. Family, friends, coworkers…I believe Sam went over all of this with you."

She rolled her eyes at him, "Yes."

"I'm not going to tip-toe around here. We all know the situation with you two. And it is not up to any of us to solve it for you guys. It's your problem to work out. But what you both need to know," he looked from Penny to Sheldon, "is that the decisions you make will affect everyone in this room. Wherever you are, that is where we will be. For _many, many years_," he cleared his throat, "am I making myself clear?"

Penny sat up and leaned towards him, "No, not to me. I know these three _brainiacs_ probably know what you mean," she shot her eyes to Sheldon, then dropped them down to Aspen and said, "But I don't."

Howard sighed, "Penny, Sam warned you about choosing a life with Sheldon. I'm not being mean or condescending; I'm just stating a fact. You didn't go into this life blindly. You knew about his work with the CIA and you knew about his…_genius_. Sheldon is not just _some guy_, as I'm sure you are well aware."

She dropped back next to Sheldon and looked up at him, "I'm aware. God knows, I'm aware." She lifted her hand and reached to pat his cheek. He blushed and smiled at her.

"And because of that, he, you _all_," he nodded towards the sleeping Olivia, "must be protected at all times for any number of reasons. There is no current threat at this exact moment, but there are a lot of enemies out there, both foreign and domestic."

Penny shifted and tucked her feet under her body, causing her to lean closer to Sheldon. While she was still frustrated with him…ok, mad at him…the thought of him being in harms way scared the hell out of her. She was angry at him, but she still loved him with every fiber of her being.

"What do you mean for _years_? When will this end?"

She felt Sheldon shift beside her and noticed he was fidgeting with the blanket that was wrapped around Aspen.

"Sheldon?"

"Penny," Howard spoke up, "When I said your choices will affect everyone in this room. He looked towards Olivia and then Aspen. I meant _everyone_."

"What? Howard what the hell do you mean? Sheldon?" she looked up at him to find him squeezing the bridge of his nose with his free hand, his eyes shut tight.

"Dear God," Sheldon said, finally opening his eyes and gently passing Aspen to Penny as he stood and moved towards Howard. "They're watching Olivia and Aspen aren't they?"

"Sheldon," Howard began.

"No, just stop Howard. When were you going to tell me this? I knew there was more. You are our friend." He turned to face Raj and Amy, "And you two…did you guys know?"

Amy shrugged her shoulders and blushed and Raj just dropped his gaze to the floor.

"Sheldon," Penny's eyes were wide and she pulled her son protectively to her body, "what do you mean they're watching Olivia and Aspen? Watching them for what? They are just babies."

"Penny," Sheldon turned to her, "go pack. I'm putting my foot down right now. We are going to Switzerland and never coming back. They, the damn government, they think one or both of the kids could be…"

"_Another you_?" she whispered, finishing his sentence before he could get it out. She flashed back to what Sam had told her about the government grooming Sheldon from the time he was a very young boy. There was no way in hell she would ever let that happen to Olivia or Aspen.

"Now wait a minute Sheldon," Howard stepped towards him. "I am your friend, we all are friends here and as far as I am concerned my friendship with you guys surpasses my allegiance to the government. But you know I took an oath…we all did…and I have a job to do. Now who had you rather have, us," he motioned towards Raj and Amy, "or some strangers that don't even know you and Penny? Think about it."

Sheldon clinched his fist and dropped his head. He knew Howard was right. He had been in this game long enough to know that the United States Government got what they wanted. It could be done the easy way or the hard way. But the result would be the same. He had lived it.

"Wait a minute," Penny stood and walked to the blue bassinet and softly put Aspen in it and tucked him in before turning to look at Howard and Sheldon, "They are just babies. What in the world could they want with them now?"

"That's just it Penny," Howard said, "all that we are doing is keeping them safe. In some ways, you should be glad. They will never be alone, always protected. And for now, that is all. Don't think for a minute that some crazy person out there wouldn't love to get their hands on the progeny of Doctor Sheldon Cooper. That's why we have to be here, that's why those guys sitting outside the apartment right now will always be near by. Just think of it as something every mother on the planet wishes she could provide her children with…round the clock protection."

It occurred to Penny that she had never seen Howard this serious, this…professional. Even when he was contemplating his trip to space he was still making jokes. This time he was dead serious. It scared her a little bit.

"I think," Sheldon said, his jaw tightening, "that you all need to leave. Penny and I need to be alone."

"Sheldon," Howard started.

"Goodbye Howard. I will speak with you tomorrow."

Sheldon turned and left the room, leaving Penny to see their friends out. She hugged each of them and was surprised to find herself thanking Howard for being upfront with them. At least she knew what was going on. She didn't like it, but at least she knew.

After closing and locking the door, she checked on the babies and sent up a little thank you that they were asleep. She moved down the hallway to the bedroom and found Sheldon sprawled across the center of the bed.

"Hey," she said from the doorway.

"Hey," he mumbled, his face pressed into the thick comforter.

"We need to talk," she moved towards him and sat on the edge of the bed, "about everything."

"Yes we do." He didn't move.

"And don't worry; I know sex won't resolve this."

He lifted his head up and smiled at her. She always made everything seem better…even if it wasn't.

They talked deep into the night…really talked. In some ways, Penny thought, it made her feel closer to him than sex ever could. He tried to explain to her what going back to his work meant to him. That he didn't feel he could turn his back on his work and that if he did, in a way it would be turning his back on her and their children. How could he be a good father or a good husband if he was a quitter? And what about the contributions his findings could mean to humanity as a whole? He had been given a gift, was it fair to tuck it away, unused? Mostly, she finally got it when he told her that without science, he was less than a man, less than what he was supposed to be. He was incomplete without it. It was these words that made her come to terms with the fact that she couldn't, she wouldn't, try to hold him back. He needed to do this and she would not try to stop him.

He laid it on the line for her. He was going to return to Zurich with or without her, but he preferred it to be with her. They cried together when she was equally as honest with him. She and the children would stay in New York. He could go, she didn't like it but she understood.

And then she said the words that hurt him the most.

"This time Sheldon, I won't wait for you. I did last time, but I can't keep doing this."

"But," his voice quivered and she reached to brush her finger over his lips.

"Sometimes Sheldon, love isn't enough to keep people together. And that sucks, but it's the truth."

"Penny, I need for you to understand that I just can't compromise on this. If I did you would never have all of me. You would be left with half a man. And that's not what I want to be to you or to Aspen and Olivia."

"I'll always love you. You are the father of my children and we can work out whatever you want to about you seeing them. But I'm not going to live my life just sitting around waiting and I don't think it's fair for you to expect that of me. You love science, I get it. But you also have to love me enough to not expect me to just wait around for you. This is the second time you've left me. You have to love me enough to let me go. It's not easy, but you have just convinced me that I have to love you enough to let _you_ go."

"Penny, please. That's not…" he was at a loss. Not fair? Not right? Was it fair or right for him to leave her to pursue his dream?

"Don't make this harder than it is Sheldon. Just tell me when you plan to go."

"Soon."

"Okay Moon Pie."

They slept on top of the covers that night in their clothes, waking only to care for the children when they woke up hungry in the early morning hours.

He assured her she would have plenty of money and as Howard had told her earlier, they would always have protection and would never be alone.

She wanted to tell him none of that mattered more than him being there, but she never said it. She just whispered her love to him and drifted back to sleep.

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"I'm going back to Switzerland."

"And Penny?"

Penny was at play rehearsal and Howard, Raj and Amy were having lunch with Sheldon in his apartment.

He looked down, picking at the sandwich on the plate in front of him, "She and the babies are staying in New York."

Amy reached for his hand and patted it gently, "I'm so sorry Sheldon."

He sucked in a deep breath, "Thank you Amy."

Raj, ever the optimist spoke up, "Well, how long will it be? You guys can still get married later."

"No. She said she won't wait for me," his voice broke as the words spilled from his mouth.

"Dude…"

"I don't need to analyze it with you guys. I just wanted you to know so that you can make the necessary arrangements. Howard, that's your call, just let me know. I just need to know that Penny and the kids are going to be under constant watch. I am counting on you to make sure they are safe at all times. All three of them. Don't you dare screw this up."

"I'll go to Switzerland with him," Amy spoke up, directing her words at Howard, "I had a feeling this would be the case. Sorry Sheldon. I've already spoken to Melody. I want to take her with me if that's acceptable Howard."

"I'll talk with headquarters later today and get back with you all later. Sheldon, I'm really sorry this is turning out this way. But there is no way you and Penny can be over. You share two children for God's sake."

"I said," Sheldon gathered his food, stood and walked to the trashcan and slammed it in, "I don't want to discuss my relationship with Penny with any of you. Any other conversation will be about work and only work."

"Okay."

"Now, I need to let you know about a call I received from my assistant. He has informed me that Hofstadter has taken a job at ZTH. I don't want Penny to know. That, along with the fact that I just need to get back to my research, is why it's so urgent that I go as soon as possible. He's sniffing around, trying to get his hands on my results. It makes me crazy that all that is standing between my life's work and Leonard getting his hands on it is a box that is shoved under a bed in a damn dorm room."

"Dude, I can't believe he has the nerve to show his face after what he tried to do to Penny," Raj shook his head.

Sheldon's eyes shot up, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"You know, back in Pasadena when Penny was packing your things up. Good thing Howard and I got there when we did. He was about to…well, I hate to think of what he was about to do to her."

Sheldon looked from Howard to Raj and he felt his blood rising to his face, "Howard, what happened?" He forced himself to keep an even tone.

"Damit Raj," Howard sighed.

"Sorry, I thought you told him. Penny didn't tell you?" He peered at Sheldon over the top of his cup.

"No." He glared at Howard.

"It's just, he started coming on to Penny when she was in your room at the apartment packing your things. When we got there, she was pushing him away and telling him to leave her alone. I think it really scared her."

"She was pregnant then," Sheldon said slowly, wondering why Penny had never told him. "So did you guys beat the hell out of him?"

"Raj got in a couple of good shots."

"Yeah, I got him good with that last one, and I told him it was for you since you weren't there to do it. And then Howard threw him out."

"I'll kill him," Sheldon spit out as he stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Amy had stayed with Olivia and Aspen until Sheldon returned to the apartment an hour later.

"Sheldon, I know it's hard to hear what Leonard tried to do to Penny but you can't go to Switzerland half cocked. You need to calm down. What good will it do if you do something drastic? You'll end up in jail and then you won't be able to do your research or be a dad to your children. You need to calm down."

"Thank you Amy. You may go now. I'll take care of the twins. Penny will be home soon."

"Fine. Just think about what I said. Don't do anything stupid."

When she had gone, Sheldon fumbled around for his phone and called Howard.

"I want to leave ASAP. I need to leave tomorrow. Take care of it."

"Sheldon, I can't let you go off to Switzerland with murder on your brain. As much as I'd like to choke Leonard myself, we are a civilized people."

"Get the damn plane Howard." Sheldon slammed the phone down and went to check on Aspen and Olivia.

When Penny returned home, he was waiting for her on the sofa, their children resting on his chest.

"Hey." She smiled at the sight.

"Help me put them in their cribs. I need to talk to you."

After getting the children settled, he followed her into the bedroom.

"I'm just going to change clothes and then we can talk."

"Penny," he kept his voice low, "I need to know what Leonard did to you back in Pasadena…and why you never told me."

She stopped and turned to him, "Who told you?"

"Raj let it slip out. Seems it's yet another thing you kept me in the dark about. Why do you do that?"

The hurt in his voice shook her to her core.

"Sheldon, I didn't tell you about Leonard because I knew you would go ballistic. And the pregnancy…you were leaving, and then when I did decide to tell you, I couldn't get in touch with you. You were half way around the world…I'll regret that for the rest of my life."

"What did Hofstadter do?"

"Do we really have to talk about it Sheldon? It's over, Raj and Howard got there and took care of him. Just forget it."

"And if they hadn't arrived when they did?"

She shook her head and ran her fingers through her hair, "I don't know."

"Do you think he would have…"

"Sweetie," she was aware of the rage in him, though he was trying desperately to conceal it, "I don't know. I like to believe he wouldn't have done anything, that he was just trying to scare me…but I don't know."

"I'll take care of it."

"No Sheldon. I don't want you to do anything. Raj hit him pretty hard a couple of times. It's over. Besides, you'll probably never see him again anyway."

Sheldon was finished talking about Leonard. And he certainly didn't want her to know that he was in Switzerland. He, like Penny, had his own secrets.

"Come here," he said, his voice even, his eyes clear.

She stepped towards him and he reached to pull her into him.

"I don't want you to go," she said into his chest.

"I know."

"Stay."

"Come with me."

"You know I can't."

"Please."

"Don't go."

"Penny, I have to do this."

"I know."

"It seems we are at an impasse."

"When are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow."

She swallowed hard and pushed herself closer to him, finding temporary comfort in his long arms that wrapped around her.

"Can I make love to you before I go? I want you…" he whispered, his breath warm in her ear.

"Yes," she pushed herself up on her toes to reach his mouth with hers.

They found their way to the bed, scattering their clothes on the floor as they went. They loved each other slowly, no part of either of them left untouched. He moved gently inside her, their eyes locked together. He resisted the urge to issue orders to her not to allow another man near her and she resisted the urge to beg him to stay.

"I'll always love you Penny. I have since the first time I saw you." He was deep inside of her but their moving had halted, neither wanting it to end. He supported his weight with his arms and gazed down at her.

"I can't believe I have to say goodbye to you again Sheldon. I don't want us to end this way." A tear slipped from her eye and rolled back, landing in her hair. He traced its path with his fingertip.

"I'll come back. I know I can't ask you to wait, you've made that clear. But the next time I see you here in the city, it will be for good. This will be resolved, I'll have my answers and my Noble and you can be proud of me," he lifted his torso slightly, pulling out and then glided back into her and stilled himself again, careful not to move too quickly, not to allow their arousal to take over the intimacy of the moment.

"What you don't get Doctor Cooper, is that I'm already proud of you," she tightened her muscles around his shaft and then relaxed them, following his lead not to bring them too close to their climax just yet.

"Then maybe I need it so that I can feel proud of myself."

"I understand."

"Why can't we ever be easy Penny?"

She drug her nails down his back, sending chills over his body, "I don't know. If it were easy, we wouldn't be us."

"Don't do that," he groaned and shrugged his shoulders trying to get her to stop what felt so damn good to him.

"I like to see you sweat, see how long you can hold it. You feel good inside me."

"Yes I do," he bent to kiss her and was unable to stop his hips from bucking hard against hers.

"Who's moving now?" she whispered, bringing her hips up to meet his.

"I'm going to miss this," he sighed, dropping his head to her chest.

"As will I," she replied, her breathing increasing to match her heart beat.

"You fulfill my every fantasy Penny."

And it was those words that pushed them into a total and complete state of bliss.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He watched her sleep for hours before climbing out of bed and going into the nursery to be with his children. He bent to kiss each of them and said a silent prayer, then whispered a promise that he would be a good father. While it broke his heart to know he would be leaving them soon, he knew without a doubt that he couldn't be the father he wanted to be until he settled the unresolved demons that raged within him.

"Hey," she came to him, wrapping her arms around his waist from behind. He was shirtless and she found comfort in pressing her cheek into the coolness of his skin. She smiled at the blotchy red streaks on his back, the result of her earlier desire. She traced one of them with her tongue.

"Hey," he whispered. "What are you doing back there?"

She laughed quietly, "It looks like a wild cat clawed your back."

"You mean a wild Penny."

She tightened her grip around him and sighed at the sight of her sleeping children.

He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, "Take care of them."

"You know I will."

"You know I'll have to see them Penny."

"I do know. You can work out the details, make the arrangements with Howard. But I can't see you. It will hurt too much. You figure out a way to make it work Sheldon. Please don't try to see me until you are ready to commit to me one hundred percent."

"You said you won't wait for me." His heart pounded and vibrated through her hands that had worked up to his chest. Maybe, he thought, she'd changed her mind.

"I won't. You need to know that. I need to move on. You could be gone for years. I'm not getting any younger."

"I don't want another man around Olivia and Aspen. Nor their mother."

"Then don't go."

"Come with me," he countered.

He turned to face her, bent to kiss her, sighed to touch her.

"Don't," he said, pulling away from her. He knew that if he didn't detach himself from her, he'd never be able to leave.

"Don't?"

"Yes, just don't Penny."

"I'm not waiting for you," she repeated, but he noted that her voice lacked a ring of finality.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Amy's furious with you." Howard's words broke the silence of the apartment as Sheldon pulled the door open to allow them in.

He and Penny had fallen asleep sitting together on the blue sofa…one more time for old times sake, he thought as she lay in the crook of his arm, his packed bags just feet from the door.

"Why?"

"Well damn Sheldon," Howard pressed, "we thought we had a few, I don't know…days…weeks? She wanted Melody to come to Switzerland with her."

Raj was with him but had brushed past Sheldon on his usual quest to be with Penny and to hang out with Aspen and Olivia. He was happy it was Amy that was going to Zurich with Sheldon. He felt he might die if he had to be separated from the twins. He had no idea how Sheldon, _their father_, was leaving them.

Sheldon rolled his eyes, "What time is the plane leaving? I'm ready."

"It's almost ready. The pilot is fueling and filing the flight plans. I've got a car downstairs to take us to the airport. Amy will meet us there." He raised his eyebrows, "It's time for you to say your goodbyes."

"Wait in the car, give me ten minutes. And take Raj with you for God's sake."

"Raj!" Howard yelled.

The two men exited the apartment, leaving Penny and Sheldon standing in the quietness- _the damn deafening quietness_. Penny stood looking at him with a child on each hip.

She laughed bitterly, "So you are really doing this. Nice…"

"Penny," he breathed out and went to her, taking Olivia from her.

"Sorry. I didn't mean it. It's just…this just hurts so much. I don't want to say goodbye to you again."

He kissed Olivia and told her he loved her.

"Trade with me," he said, tucking his daughter back into Penny's arm and taking Aspen from her.

"Take care of your mom and sister," he whispered to his son, his voice cracking. He kissed Aspen on the top of his head and returned him to Penny's empty arm.

"I love you. Don't ever forget," he said and then kissed her roughly before pulling away.

She looked down and then followed him to the door. He waited for her to speak but she didn't…she couldn't…she wouldn't.

"I said I love you," his voice filled with the tension of the moment.

She just stared at him, a part of her still not believing he was leaving them.

She could be so damn stubborn, he thought to himself.

"Goodbye Penny," he sighed, bending to collect his luggage before walking out the door, leaving her…_and his heart_…behind him.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sheldon and Amy were on their way to Switzerland two hours later. Apparently Amy was as angry with him as Penny was. It seemed neither of them was speaking to him. That was fine, he thought to himself as he rambled through his bag, finally locating his notepad. He flipped to an empty page and scribbled a title, then began to write out his list furiously:

_Top Ten Reasons I Should Kill Leonard Hofstadter_

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


	16. Chapter 16

CHAPTER 16

They winged their way across the Atlantic on the private government owned plane. Europe getting closer as North America, _and Penny_, were drawing further away. Amy dozed on the sofa at the rear of the plane while Sheldon paced around, stopping only when he had yet another item to add to his growing list. Ever the analytical, logical thinker, he made notes beside each numbered item.

_Top Ten Reasons I Should Kill Leonard Hofstadter_

1-He tried to attack Penny (This is really the only reason I need.)

2-He is trying to steal my work. (Juergen better be guarding it with his life.)

3-He almost ruined my reputation in the academic/scientific community. (The Artic, need I say more?)

4-Almost destroyed my reputation in the intelligence community. (Further evidence of his lack of integrity.)

5-He laid claim to Penny the first day we met her. Wasted time that I could have been with her. (How could I have been such an idiot?)

6-Had relations with that damn Leslie Winkle and was okay with how badly she treated me. (They deserved one another.)

7-Was willing to sell out who he was and what he loved because he thought Penny didn't like his appreciation of "nerdy" toys and memorabilia. (What Penny really didn't like was _him_.)

8-Tried to go after a sexual relationship with Missy. (Like my sister would ever fall for a sniveling, whiney punk like him.)

9-Stabbed Wolowitz in the back by pursuing sexual relationship with Doctor Stephanie. (Yet he's "hurt" when he discovers Penny and I are involved….talk about double standards.)

10-Was willing to forget all about Penny when the 'Dead Hooker' actress moved into the building. (So disrespectful to Penny and he wonders why she could never love or respect him.)

11-Didn't try to stop Kripke from embarrassing me on National Public Radio. (He thought it was funny…great friend.)

12-Puts Penny down for her lack of formal education. (She's smarter than he will ever be. Okay, so I did this too, but it was only out of frustration that I wasn't with her. I think I was dying inside.)

13-Laughed at Penny because she claims to visit psychics on occasion. (I agree that it is complete hokum, but I can keep that to myself as to not hurt her feelings.)

14-Was actually going to take Penny to Switzerland to see the Large Hadron Collider when he knew it was my dream but as usual he chose satisfying he sexual proclivity over common sense and decency and friendship and professional courtesy. (Thank God Penny and I both got sick and neither of us went to Switzerland with that rat bastard.)

15-He lied about returning the Lord of the Rings ring. (Thank God Penny had the foresight to retrieve it before leaving Pasadena.)

16-Yet again unable to control his sexual urges, he had coitus with Doctor Plimpton the first night she was in town visiting me. (Sure it turned out she was in fact a slut, but that makes it worse. He will fuck anything.)

17-Almost revealed national secrets to Joyce Kim upon having only known her a few hours. (Again fucking anything that moves.)

18-Almost blew up the apartment with said rocket fuel had I not been there to save his pathetic ass. (Thus causing us to have to walk up the stairs for the remaining years I lived in the building.)

19-Was always calling my mom to 'tell on me.' (And I was the immature one?)

20-Gave Penny Mom's number so that Penny could 'tell on me.' (Okay, so that one turned out to be a good thing.)

21-Fired me when we were working on his ridiculous app. (Well, that one turned out okay too because it allowed me to spend more time with Penny.)

22-Had sex with the CalTech donor who had to be at least ninety years old because yet again, he just can't control his penis. (Disgusting.)

23-Was willing to get rid of Penny just to satisfy Priya's insecurities. (He even suggested that Penny move. Good Lord.)

24-Had sex with Priya (Raj's sister for God's sake) in Raj's bed. (Troll.)

25-He could have hurt Penny and my unborn babies. (This justifies anything I do to that bastard when I finally get my hands on him.)

He sighed and sat back to read the list. He scratched out the title when he realized he had far more than ten items. He renamed it _The Many, Many_ _Reasons that I Should Fucking Kill Leonard Hofstadter. _He was reading the list for the third time and about to add reason number 26 when he heard a gentle sigh behind him and felt a hand come down on his shoulder. He shifted in his seat and quickly flipped the notebook over.

"Too late Sheldon. I read it all."

"I see you're speaking to me now Amy. Good thing since we are half way to Zurich and I'm the only person you will know there."

"You need to get a grip on yourself Doctor Cooper."

"You need to do your job and not tell me what to do Doctor Fowler."

She moved around to the chair across from him and slid down into it.

"Well, part of my job is making sure that you are being productive and doing what you do best. If you step off this plane and go kill a man, justified as you may be," she nodded towards the notebook in his lap, "you will spend the rest of your life in prison. Then you will be no good to anyone, including Penny and your twins. Not to mention humanity."

He sighed, "I am quiet aware of those facts Amy."

"I know you are. So why are you wasting time with that undignified and ludicrous list? You are above such a barbarian way of thinking."

He leaned forward, his face red and twitching, "Do you realize what could have happened if Raj and Howard hadn't walked in on him? He could have raped her; he could have caused her to lose Olivia and Aspen." His hands were balled into tight fists and he banged them into the armrest of his seat. "Maybe the barbarians were on to something after all."

"But that didn't happen. While I understand your anger, I expect better of you than this. Leonard's punishment will be the life he has made for himself. It is not for you to seek vengeance or to carry out justice. It is out of your hands. He is but a tiny blip on your radar, Sheldon. Let it go."

"Can I stop listening to you now?" he said, leaning back and throwing his notebook against the wall of the plane.

"As long as you can assure me you won't kill Hofstadter, yes," she said bluntly. "If you want to play loosey goosey with your life and career I guess that is your choice, but I don't want to lose my job and that will happen if I can't make you see how incredibly illogical you are being."

"I'm not going to kill him, okay? I'm just going to beat him to within an inch of his pathetic life."

"Fine. Just do it when I'm not around to witness it."

"Deal."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Penny was staring at herself in the mirror that hung over her bathroom sink. She was expected at rehearsal in less than an hour. She had been digging through her immense collection of cosmetics trying to find some product that would conceal her swollen eyes. She had rotated between caring for Olivia and Aspen and lying on the sofa crying over Sheldon since he had left her earlier that same morning.

She kicked herself for not even saying goodbye to him. And for not telling him she loved him before he left. 'No,' she thought, 'as usual I had to prove a point, be a badass. I stood there like a stubborn asshole and didn't say a word to him.' She knew it was because she wanted to hurt him as much as his leaving was hurting her. It was the only way she could think of.

"Hey Penny, we're here," Raj popped his head around the doorframe.

"Hey sweetie, I'll be out in a second. Thank you for coming over to watch the twins. I'm going to line up some interviews for nannies next week. I know it isn't your and Howard's job to baby sit."

"Oh please, I love those two. It's not a job, I do it for no charge," he laughed and stepped aside as she brushed past him. She paused long enough to kiss his cheek.

"I don't know what I would do without you. You have been my rock, Raj."

He smiled at her and reached to squeeze her arm, "So how are you really doing since he left? I'm not blind you know. Your face says it all."

She sat on the edge of her bed…of her and Sheldon's bed…and patted the space beside her for Raj to join her.

"I know. And this is going to be the last time you see me cry over him. I can't keep doing this. It's over. He made his choice."

"You still love him."

"That doesn't matter."

"He still loves you."

"I know."

"So?"

"So he has his life to live and I have mine. I'm moving on. I am going to get through the rest of this shitty day and then when I wake up in the morning, my new life begins."

"Penny…"

"No, Raj. There is nothing you can say. I just want to ask that you and Howard not talk about him in front of me, okay? I know you guys will be in touch with him and I know you are still his friends. But I don't want to know anything, okay? And I would appreciate it if you don't discuss me and my life with him. Can you do that for me?"

"But Penny, you guys have children together. You have to communicate about them."

"No, I told him to figure it out and not involve me in it. He can talk to you guys, his mother, eventually the nanny. But not to me. I can't do that."

"That's harsh Penny."

"No, Raj, what it is self-preservation. I have to take care of _me_."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It was early evening when Amy and Sheldon landed in Switzerland. They had arranged to stay in a hotel in Zurich and would proceed to the university the following morning. Sheldon had wanted to go to campus immediately, find Juergen and secure his work, then locate Leonard and settle the score. But Amy was able to convince him that they both needed rest and food and time to recover from the long flight. Besides, she needed the time to clear her mind and to check in with Howard and seek his advice on how to handle Sheldon and his rage that was the equivalent of a nuclear warhead aimed straight at Leonard Hofstadter. She was trying desperately to figure out the abort code before Sheldon launched.

"Sheldon," Amy said as they were having dinner in the hotel restaurant, "I hope that after you have a good night's sleep you will be thinking clearer tomorrow morning before we go to ZTH."

He sighed, "Amy, can we please stop talking about this? You act like I'm some deranged lunatic that is going to campus with explosives attached to my back and a machine gun in each hand. I am not crazy…my mother had me tested you know."

She laughed, "Yes, you have informed us all of that for years now. So then stop acting crazy."

He smiled at her, the first smile she had seen since before they left New York, "Duly noted."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Leonard blew into the microphone, "Testing, testing, can everyone hear me?"

He was answered by mumbles and nods from the students who occupied the seats in the large lecture hall. It was still nerve-wracking for him to lecture in front of such a large group. He checked his class list to see that there were in excess of two hundred students there to hear him speak. His trembling hands managed to knock over a soda can on the desk as he quickly grabbed his notes and moved to the podium.

"Good Morning," he smiled, "welcome everyone. I'm Doctor Leonard Hofstadter. Thank you all for being here and for being so prompt at such an early hour of the morning."

He laughed as he leaned in a bit too close to the microphone causing it to emit a sharp, ear splitting pitch. He stepped back and awkwardly adjusted his glasses and shoved his hands deep into his pockets. He looked around the room and took in the grins and giggles and eye rolls given off by his audience. He reached for the index cards in front of him and clutched them as if they were his life raft on a sinking ship.

"Today I will be discussing the Higgs boson or 'God Particle' as it is often referred. As you all are aware, we are just miles away from the Large Hadron Collider at CERN in Geneva and therefore all of you are at an advantage over the majority of physics students in the rest of the world. The LHC is the most powerful particle accelerator ever built."

"Way to state to obvious," Sheldon muttered under his breath.

He stood at the back of the classroom, his body concealed behind a large column so as not to be detected by his ex-roommate. He shook his head at Leonard's ineptitude and was almost embarrassed for him at his apparent elementary grasp of the subject. His dumbing-down of the Higgs boson and the LHC was an insult to the grad students in the room. Sheldon glanced around and observed that over half the class was playing on their laptops and tablets and the rest of them were texting on their phones.

Leonard rattled on, trying as usual to charm his way through the lecture. He'd laugh and smile and crack ridiculous jokes and, Sheldon thought, he was even checking out some of the female students between his blunders. _Good Lord_.

He snapped his head up when Leonard referenced a paper the two of them had written together back when they were friends and colleagues. He was stunned that Leonard would dare to use his name and reputation after all that had transpired between them. It occurred to him that his former friend had no boundaries that he was unwilling to cross.

When he'd finally had all that he could stand, he stepped past the column and began to descend the stairs of the elevated room. He took each step slowly, moving with a purpose. Leonard was so befuddled by his lack of expertise and preparation on the subject, that he hadn't noticed the tall, slim man in the black Batman shirt moving towards him. He only focused on the figure when the stair below Sheldon's foot creaked. He lifted his line of vision and came eye to eye with a face he was sure he'd never see again. His heart began to pound and his words began to sputter. He cleared his throat and tried his best to ignore Sheldon's presence.

Sheldon held his head high, his eyes drilling straight into Leonard. He spoke no words, just continued his slow pace towards the now quivering lecturer. A hush fell over the hall, most of the students now aware of Doctor Sheldon Cooper's commanding presence. Leonard was struck by the notion that Sheldon could merely stroll into a room and be recognized and respected, in contrast to himself that felt as if he was on a perpetual mission to seek approval from others.

Sheldon came to a stop when he stood within striking distance of Leonard. He spoke low and hissed through gritted teeth, "Dismiss the class Leonard."

Leonard felt beads of sweat forming on his forehead and reached his shaking hand up in an effort to wipe them away. He took a step back and addressed the class, "Well, we have a visitor guys. The afore mentioned physicist extraordinaire, the one and only, Doctor Sheldon Cooper. Welcome, Doctor Cooper, thank you for joining us."

Leonard took yet another step back and gestured to the microphone, nonverbally relinquishing it to Sheldon. Sheldon pushed his rage down and leaned into the microphone that Leonard had all but abandoned in his attempt to create distance between the two of them.

"Class dismissed," Sheldon spoke into the microphone, his voice clear and steady, his words echoing, the sound waves bouncing from wall to wall.

The sound of chairs sliding back, bags being packed and voices lifting to be heard, careened through the room as the two men stood glaring at one another. Leonard made a move to gather his notes and books but Sheldon slammed a splayed hand down across the contents of the podium. "Don't move," Sheldon grunted at him, his body language daring Leonard to try to escape the showdown that awaited him.

"Let's go people, get out," Juergen's voice rose above the rest as he herded the remaining students towards the exit. The room stilled, the only sound heard was from the slight humming of the audio system attached to the podium. Sheldon stretched over and snapped it off. A loud and decisive bang sounded from the back of the room as the door was slammed shut. Juergen stood on the outside of the door, faithfully following Sheldon's instructions to guard the door from anyone attempting to enter.

"And so we meet again," Leonard spat, lifting his head, stretching his body taller, hoping to appear more sure of himself than he felt.

"What the hell," Sheldon moved closer to him, so close that Leonard could feel the heat from his breath rush over his face, "did you try to do to Penny?" He snatched a handful of Leonard's shirt and shoved him against the large whiteboard that was attached to the wall behind them. He lifted his forearm and positioned it at Leonard's throat.

Leonard struggled, trying to break free of Sheldon's grasp.

Sheldon pushed out an angry laughed, tinged with contempt, "It's simple physics Leonard, I'm taller and stronger…you aren't going anywhere." He shoved his forearm tighter into Leonard's throat, "Now speak."

"I…I don't know. Sheldon, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I was just upset that you…_that she chose you_…over me. I just lost it. She looked so beautiful…I couldn't stop myself from wanting her."

"God almighty, I should kill you," Texas twang coated Sheldon's words. He stepped back, dragging Leonard with him, and flung him into the heavy wooden desk behind them. Leonard fell backwards, tripping over his backpack. His body crashed into the hard wood of the desk, his back slamming into the edge of the desktop. "Do you lack so deeply in self control that you would take a woman who blatantly states she is not interested in you? Are you that pathetic and desperate?"

Leonard pulled his body up and stood, pain and shame washing over him. "I'm sorry Sheldon, I know it was wrong. I'll talk to Penny…I'll apologize."

Sheldon balled his fist and rocketed it into Leonard's gut, causing his glasses to fall to the floor as his body doubled over in pain. Sheldon grabbed Leonard's shoulders and pulled him closer, then shot his knee up, making contact with Leonard's nose.

"You will not speak to her. Ever. Do you understand?"

Leonard lifted his head, his face now twisted, blood dripping from his nostrils, "Got it."

Sheldon took in a deep breath and studied the man in front of him. It only took a moment for him to feel ashamed for what he had just done, but he reminded himself he was defending Penny, the mother of his children. And their family. He wanted to remove any possibility that Leonard Hofstadter would ever try to insert himself in their lives again. Some things, he reminded himself, are just necessary, however unpleasant they may be. This was one of them.

"Excellent. Now, what is this I hear about you attempting to gain access to my research? Why is that, Leonard? What are you hoping to accomplish?"

"I…I don't know." Leonard dropped his eyes and brought his sleeve to his face, attempting to wipe away the blood.

"Well, Doctor Hofstadter, surely you must have some explanation. Through the years I've observed you justify your actions to make them appear more pleasing and acceptable to yourself and those around you. It's gotten so easy for you, hasn't it Leonard? Just do what the hell you want, then charm your way out of it, using whatever means necessary to rationalize it."

"Sheldon, let's just end this, okay? I don't know what you are talking about. I'm sorry for the Penny thing, and I'll stay away from your research, but come on…you are making me out to be some really bad guy. I'm not that bad…come on."

"Oh really?" He reached into his pocket and produced a folded sheet of paper. "Remember the list you made when that bully from your past wanted to see you? Jimmy Speckerman? You wrote down everything he'd done to harm you. Remember that Leonard? Well, here's my list for you. And, might I add, it's incomplete. I didn't have time to finish it."

Sheldon thrust the paper at Leonard and he took it in his shaky hand. He felt around on the floor until he located his glasses and slipped them on. He unfolded the paper and began reading. Sheldon stepped back and leaned against the wall, realizing that while he had gotten the best of Leonard, it had taken a toll on his body as well. He wasn't a violent man and the thought of what he had just done to another human being was beginning to weigh on him. He shuddered at the thought that he had just reduced himself to the mentality of the uneducated masses. He ran his fingers through his hair and took in deep breaths, trying to calm himself.

When he looked up, he saw that Leonard had lowered himself into the chair that stood beside the desk. His shoulders were slumped and he slowly shook his head as he read every item that Sheldon had written on the list. As the adrenaline began to dissipate in Sheldon's body, he slowly slid down the wall and sat with his back pressed against the cold cement blocks.

It felt as if the world had come to a screeching halt…this moment of truth between the two men the only occurrence happening in the universe.

Leonard looked up, searched for and met Sheldon's eyes before he spoke, "I…I never got over the Artic. I never forgave myself for that Sheldon."

Sheldon shook his head; he started to speak but realized there were no words. Leonard dropped his head and continued reading.

"Sheldon, I…I don't know what to say. Seeing it in print like this…I'm so…ashamed. Is there anything we can do to get past this and still be friends?"

Sheldon pushed himself up and off the floor and came to a standing position. He moved towards Leonard and sighed when he noted that Leonard flinched at his close proximity.

"No. We can never be friends again Leonard, not now, not ever. I only want two things from you. One, you resign from this university effective immediately and two, you stay the hell away from Penny and me…stay away from my family. Next time, I may not be able to control myself."

Leonard slowly stood up and gathered his things. He tossed his backpack over his shoulder and stopped a moment to stare at Sheldon.

"You know, Sheldon, you've got it all. Penny, your children, your career. Just don't do something stupid and blow it."

"Get the hell out Leonard."

And with that, Leonard Hofstadter walked out of Sheldon's life forever.

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"Mom?"

"Hey Shelly! What a wonderful surprise. How are my beautiful grandchildren doing?"

He sighed, "Mom, I'm calling to let you know I'm back in Zurich."

Sheldon had been back at the university for almost two weeks. He had handled the issue with Leonard, forced him out of Switzerland, and was now fully immersed in his research. He had tried to call Penny but she was refusing to take his calls. He had sent her numerous emails and they had all gone unanswered. His only connection to his children was through Raj and Howard. And that was completely unacceptable.

"Oh. So, how are Penny and the babies adjusting to yall's new life in Switzerland? Does she like it there?"

"Mom," he dreaded telling her, "They aren't with me. They are still in New York."

"Shelll-don, you have got to be kidding me. My son would not leave his wife and children. You know better than that."

"I know Mom…I know…I just had to come here to do this. I just need it."

"You need that…that _science_," she said the word as if it were a poison in her mouth that may kill her at the utterance of it. "So in essence you are saying that is more important to you than Penny and Olivia and Aspen?"

He closed his eyes and pinched at the bridge of his nose, "No Mom, not _more_ important, just…important…to me…to mankind."

"Oh hell, Shelly, mankind had been around for thousands of years. You best let the Lord worry about mankind. You need to worry about your little family."

He wondered how his mother could be such a simpleton most of the time and yet so insightful and quick witted at his lowest moments. She always knew just where to stick the knife into his gut and leave him second guessing himself. Damn.

"Mom," he sighed into the phone, "I didn't call to debate this with you. I'm calling because I need your help with my children."

She shook her head, silently acknowledging that there wasn't a thing on this earth that she wouldn't do for her beloved son no matter how much he worried the bejesus out of her.

"What do you need Shelly Bean?"

"I'm…I'm not sure. It's just, Penny won't take my calls, and I don't know how long I'm going to have to be in Switzerland but there is no way I'm going to not see Aspen and Olivia on occasion. She told me before I left that she wouldn't stop me from seeing them, just that she would have no part of the arrangements. And I know Raj and Howard would help me, but I don't want to involve them in this. I think…I think I just need you to be my go between, to pick up the kids, meet me somewhere with them…I don't know."

"Shelly, do you realize how crazy this sounds? You are a smart boy. You profess to know the answer to every question in the universe yet you can't even solve your problems with the mother of your children…the girl you claim to love."

"I do love her Mom. Don't ever doubt that."

"Well then why don't you act like it? Go back to New York Shelly. Please."

"Mom," he fought back the tears that were stinging his eyes, "will you help me or not?"

Mary Cooper ran her fingers across the cool leather that encased the Holy Bible that sat on the table in front of her. 'Dear Lord', she silently prayed, 'rest your loving hands on my son and his family.'

"Yes, Shelly, I'll help you. What do I need to do?"

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Penny didn't like it. Not one little bit. But she had promised him. And, she reminded herself, she was nothing if not a woman of her word. Besides, the two weeks that Mary Cooper had requested to have the children fell at the same time she was scheduled to be in Boston for the big preview. The prior previews had gone well and if Boston was a hit, the show would be bound for Broadway. All her career dreams were coming true while her personal life had fallen apart around her.

She had finally, after many interviews and background checks, found a nanny for Aspen and Olivia but had really dreaded leaving the children for a week with Miranda. While Miranda had proven to be efficient, smart and very helpful, she still wasn't family. It helped that Raj (and sometimes Howard) would come and hang out at the apartment with the children while she was working; she just didn't feel comfortable being gone from them for a whole week. So while she was kind of pissed off that Sheldon wanted them for two damn weeks, she figured it would solve her Boston problem.

Her heart, and her body (if she was honest with herself), still ached for him. She loved him and she hated him all at the same time. How was that even possible? It had been almost six months since he had left her and the kids…that's how she saw it…he just left them. And no matter how much Raj or Howard or Amy tried to justify it, no matter how much on those really lonely nights when she cried into her pillow and tried to justify it herself…the bottom line was…he left her and the kids. _Bastard._

She had seen all his attempts at communicating with her. Hell, she had them saved on her phone just to look at them when she felt especially bad. But she had refused, on principle, to answer any of them. She wanted him to believe that she was living the life of her dreams, and she hoped like hell that he was wondering if she was seeing some other man. She had forbid Raj and Howard to speak to him about her personal life. In fact, she had even gone so far as to tell them that if he asked if she was dating anyone, to say they didn't know. They both knew she'd go junior rodeo on their asses if they did otherwise. And so, she drug their friends, including Amy, right along in the muck that was her and Sheldon's relationship...their nonexistent relationship as it was.

In reality, she had several guys that had ask her out. She had turned them all down. Well, all but one. There was Brian, a really sweet, good looking guy that she had met when she was at the gym. They had talked and she found out he worked on Wall Street and had a great sense of humor. He was just the kind of guy, she reasoned with herself, which could make her forget about Sheldon…just get over him. She had agreed to meet him for dinner one evening. She was in her bedroom getting dressed and had opened a drawer looking for the perfect shade of lipstick when the chain that held the Lord of the Rings ring…her…_their_…precious…got tangled in her fingers. She had tried to shake if off but it had clung to her hand, twisted around her fingers as if begging her not to go. Sheldon's face, his goofy laugh, his infuriating arrogance, his silly Spocky eyebrow raises, his long elegant fingers, his beautiful forearms, his lanky legs and boney knees, his sweet freckles that dotted his body, his icy blue eyes, it all came flooding back and played across her mind like a blockbuster movie in her brain. Her love for him smashed against her senses and she had dialed Brian's number and cancelled the date. And she never accepted another one again from any other man.

_Damn him_, she thought, _just damn him_. He owned her and there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it. She had told him she wouldn't wait for him. She realized that was the biggest lie she had ever told. She had no choice. She would wait for him till the end of time.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Mary knocked nervously on Penny's door. She hadn't seen her since the first time she had come to New York to visit after the babies had been born.

"Hi Mary," Penny forced a smile as she stepped back to allow Sheldon's mother into the apartment.

"Hey Penny," she reached to pull her into a hug. She was immediately struck by Penny's stiffness. "Look Penny," Mary said as she released the mother of her grandchildren, "I don't like what is going on between you and Sheldon. I don't like that he isn't here with you and the kids and I've told him as much. But I do love those kids," she reached to rest her hand on Penny's arm, "And Penny, I love you too. We have to stick together if we are going to get though this."

Penny sighed and motioned for her to sit as she pushed the door closed.

"So, Sheldon," she said hesitantly, "is he here yet?"

"No," Mary sighed warily as she dropped her purse at her feet, "he will be flying in in a couple of days. He's rented this beautiful beach house out on Oyster Bay, Long Island for us to stay in while we have the babies. It's right on the water, really beautiful. I've been there the last two days getting situated…getting the groceries, making sure the cribs are set up, all the details. Then Mister High and Mighty will fly in and spend two measly weeks with me and Olivia and Aspen then take his butt back to his high falootin' school in Switzerland."

Penny laughed, no matter how much Mary and her conservative values could get on her nerves, she had to admit she really did love Sheldon's mom.

"Uh, you mean _Doctor_ High and Mighty, don't ya?"

Mary smiled at her, "You still love him don't you Penny? You still love my boy?"

Penny dropped her gaze to her lap, "Yes."

"Then come with me. Come out to Long Island and be there when he gets there. I'll even leave. I'll come stay here with the babies and give you two some time alone."

"Mary, you know how complicated the situation is. And even if I did that, when those two weeks of his vacation time are over, he will be on the first plane back to Europe. And I'll be left alone with the kids again. I can't do that to myself anymore. I can't tell him goodbye again. Besides, I am leaving for Boston next week. The show has a big preview we're putting on up there. If it goes well, we will for sure be opening on Broadway in a few months."

Mary shook her head, "You two and your careers. Sounds to me like you care as much about your acting as he does about his science. If you ask me, you both are stubborn as mules in a pasture."

Penny helped Mary gather the many bags and necessities for the twins and then called for the doorman to send someone to load them into the waiting car that had brought Mary into the city.

"Here's a list with all of my contact information and itinerary. You can see there the dates I'll be out of town. Just call if you need me," Penny said as she kissed Olivia on the head and then passed her to Mary who buckled her into the waiting car seat. They repeated with Aspen, Penny's heart breaking just a little at the thought of being away from her children for so long.

"Thank you Penny, and don't hesitate to call me if you just want to check on them when you can."

"I will, I'll call every couple of days Mary."

"You know, you can call Sheldon too. His number hasn't changed."

Penny rolled her eyes and gave Mary a quick hug.

"Goodbye Mary, take good care of my babies."

"You know we will Penny."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sheldon pulled the SUV into the driveway and parked, studying the house in front of him, looking past it to see the waves lapping at the shoreline, nervously running his hands through his hair. It felt like an eternity since he had last seen his children and he couldn't wait to hold them in his arms again. He stepped out of the car and leaned into the backseat to retrieve his bags. He paused for a moment, relaxing into the salty sea air that brushed across his face.

"Hey Shelly," his mom called, stepping out onto the porch, a baby in each arm.

He dropped his bags and quickly made his way to them.

"My God," he exhaled, "they've gotten so big."

He took Olivia in his arms and pulled her into his chest, laughing at how the breeze blew her soft, fuzzy hair across her head. He bent to kiss Mary on the cheek and then followed her into the house.

"Thanks for doing this Mom. I don't know if I'd even get to see them if it weren't for you."

"You're welcome Sheldon. Here, trade with me; I think Olivia needs a diaper change."

Sheldon passed Olivia to his mother and took Aspen from her arms. He walked slowly around the house, checking it out, making sure it measured up to his standards, and then stepped out onto the expansive deck on the backside of the house that overlooked the water. He stared out into the sea, his lips ghosting across his son's forehead and thought about what he always thought about…_Penny_.

"I wish your mother was here with us," he whispered to Aspen, his son squirming in his arms.

He settled into a rocking chair, propping his feet on the railing of the deck. He leaned his head back and sighed, wishing…wishing…that things were different.

"Hey Son," Mary said softly as she took the chair beside him. "Olivia is inside, she fell asleep. Looks like her brother is about to do the same."

Sheldon laughed, "Yes, I think he's about out. God Mom, it feels so good to hold them again. And it's beautiful here, it's the perfect place to spend time with them. I'm really glad we did this."

"Oh Shelly. Why don't you just go to her? Stop being so hard-headed."

"What?"

"Do you think I can't see it on your face? You're miserable. You know, I saw the same look on her face when I went into the city to get the children."

"Mom…I don't want to spend the next two weeks talking about Penny. Just leave it alone. Please."

"Fine." Mary studied her boy, his face, the hurt in his eyes, the tightness of his body; she could tell he was thinner too. "But just so you know, her contact information and schedule is in there. I taped it to the refrigerator door. She's doing some shows in Boston next week."

"Good for her," he said, as he stood, "I'm going to take Aspen in and put him in his crib since he's sleeping.

He stared at the paper every day. He'd wake early and go into the kitchen and see it hanging there, teasing him with her handwriting. She had drawn little pink hearts around Aspen and Olivia's names. And she'd even sketched that ridiculous theater symbol, what was it…comedy and tragedy masks…he remembered it from some Shakespeare class he's taken many years ago…next to the dates she would be performing in Boston. It made him angry every morning and he'd slam out the door and go for long walks on the beach and try not to think about her. And then he'd come back inside hours later and stare at it some more and get angry all over again.

"What are you doing?" Mary asked, watching him stuff clothes into a small duffle bag.

He gritted his teeth, "Boston." It was the only word he could get out.

She grinned, "Oh Shelly."

"Don't Mom. Don't say a word. Just…will you be okay with the kids for one night? I'll be back tomorrow."

"You take all the time you need Son."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


	17. Chapter 17

CHAPTER 17

Sheldon's mind drifted back to that day…and it was beginning to bother him…the day that he could have…maybe _should_ have…been honest with her and _maybe_ they could have been together much sooner. But as was his usual modus operandi, he had been wrapped up in some fierce computer game and just didn't want to take the time to be distracted with her mundane life and pedestrian problems. He shook his head, wondering how he could have been such a pompous ass.

He had found her crying in the hallway outside her apartment door. Her key was broken off in the doorknob, groceries scattered about her feet and she was mumbling something about an insect flying into her mouth. He half-smiled to himself, remembering how he had fought the urge to lift her off the floor, push her against the wall and take her…all of her…right then and there. But he wasn't the man then that he was today.

Instead, he had invited her in to his apartment, or maybe she had invited herself in, and he had done the best he could to soothe her. At that time, in what now seemed like an eternity ago, the best he could offer was to let her in his life the only way he knew how. He had introduced her to online gaming. She hadn't realized it, _and he guessed she never would_, but that had been his way, his only way, of opening up to her, of sharing a small piece of himself. He had needed…_and taken_…years to work up to confronting her with his feelings and it had taken Leonard asking her to marry him to finally force his hand. Leonard's proposal to Penny had in some strange way, it occurred to Sheldon, been an awakening, a rebirth of sorts. Or, to use his mother's words, it had been the swift kick in the pants he needed.

Now sitting in this theater in Boston, he reflected back on that time, those words exchanged between the two of them. He had half listened to her explanation of why she was so upset. As she lamented on and on about looking too Midwestern, the director said this, thought that….blah, blah, blah…what a fool he had been. He felt ashamed at the realization of how he had dismissed her, in Pasadena and in New York. He could see clearly now that he had been so entrenched in his own life's work, he had neglected to see the value of hers. Regret…and lucidity…flooded his mind. He shifted in his seat, trying to push back the urgency that raced through his body. He wanted to make this right with her, to try to explain (though really there was no acceptable explanation for being a complete and utter oaf) and apologize. Just apologize.

He sat at the back of the theater watching her. He admonished himself for never even bothering to ask her character's name, the name of the play or even about the plot line. Now she stood before him on stage and launched words out of her mouth that were so familiar. They were essentially _his_ words…not really his words…but words of science, words she had undoubtedly heard from him numerous times through the years. And they flowed out of her mouth as if she'd been speaking them her entire life.

When his driver dropped him off in front of the theater, he had barely glanced at the marquee. It was only after he was seated and looked down at his Playbill that he read the title. He smiled and traced it with his finger _Matter and Energy_. He read the summary:

_Matter describes the things around us and Energy is the ability to cause change in said matter. Everything in the universe is made up of matter and everything needs energy to move or change it. This is the story of two people and the families they come from and the energy they expel to change the things that matter._

Sheldon laughed at the play on words as he scanned the cast list looking for Penny's name. His breath hitched when his eyes landed on the small black and white photo of her. He read her character's name and description: _Doctor Suzanne Evans, high school science teacher and close friend of Dana (female lead)._

There was a brief bio of Penny followed by a list of people she wished to thank. Her list included her parents and siblings, his mother, Amy, Bernadette, Raj and Howard, Aspen and Olivia. Her last sentence shook him to the core: _To the love of my life, the only man I've ever loved or will love, the man who makes me laugh like no other, the man who infuriates me and inspires me, my one, my only, my love, Doctor Sheldon Lee Cooper._

As the play came to a close, he watched in awe as she took her bow and the audience rose to their feet to cheer for her. His heart nearly burst with pride as he took in the applause and whistles. It occurred to him that of all the accolades and prizes he had achieved, and the pride he had felt in himself for doing so, none of that felt nearly as good as this did.

He noticed her eyes scan the crowd but he knew he was too far back to be within her sight, particularly with the glaring spotlight in her face. He sighed and shook his head, sending up a silent prayer…_what?_...that she would want to see him.

The theater began to empty and he made his way to the stage. He discovered that a few well placed hundred dollar bills in the right palms allowed him not only backstage access but an escort directly to her dressing room as well.

"Man, you better be on the up and up or I'm toast," the crew hand had muttered as he let Sheldon into her empty dressing room.

He took a seat on a small couch that was scrunched in between racks of clothes and a well lit vanity mirror. He crossed his legs, then uncrossed them, fidgeted with his hands in his lap and licked his lips several times, the uncertainty of her reaction to his presence an unknown variable. He had been there less than five minutes when he heard her voice in the hallway. He saw the doorknob turn and the door begin to push open. She was backing into the room, still conversing with another cast member in the hallway.

He smiled at her laughter, at the fact that she sounded happy, really happy, and excited to be there. He watched as she backed further into the room, said her goodbyes to whomever she was speaking with, and then pushed the door shut.

She paused momentarily, and then spun her body around, her eyes locking with his.

"I knew it," she said softly, "I knew you were here. I felt you."

"Penny," he stood and moved towards her.

"The twins? Are they okay?" The first question any mother would ask.

"They are fine. They are as beautiful as their mother."

They were inches apart and he reached for her, not sure he was still welcome to her body.

She responded by placing her hand on his arm, touching him, but preventing him from coming closer.

"I've missed you."

"It's been six months Sheldon."

"You never answered my calls. Or my emails."

"I'm sorry…I just..."

He shifted his feet and leaned slightly in an attempt to bypass the arm that was keeping him at bay. He dipped down, causing her hand to fall from his arm and he swooped in closer to her and bent to kiss her, to take her mouth in his, to reclaim it, to own it.

She kept her lips pressed firmly together at first, but the softness, the warmth, the desperation of his tongue pushing into her left her no option but to gently open her mouth and allow him full access. _His damn, arrogant lips._

She melted into the familiar comfort of his arms making their way around her waist and she lifted hers to slide around his neck, her hands resting in the softness of his hair. They broke apart for a nanosecond to intake more oxygen and she took the opportunity to say "Don't." But he crushed his lips back down to hers so quickly that it left him wondering 'Don't what?' If the truth were known, she wondered the same thing as her brain whirled with emotion.

He cupped her ass with his hands and tugged upwards. She allowed him to lift her into him, as she wrapped her legs around his waist. He carried her, still kissing her madly, until he reached the sofa and then bent to lay her on it then lowered himself down, covering her body with his.

"I hate you," she whispered as he stared intently into her green eyes.

"I hate you too," he lied.

He dropped his mouth onto the soft skin of her neck and he heard her gasp as he made his way down further, pushing her shirt to the side.

"Stop," she breathed out, and he did, bringing he head up, studying her face.

"Do you want me to stop?"

"Fuck you," she whispered, trying to sound mad but only sounding sexy as hell to him.

"Do you want me to stop Penny?"

She answered him by resuming their kiss and bringing her legs up and wrapping them around his waist. She pulled him down on top of her so hard he could have sworn she had broken his back. _But in a good way. _

His desire pressed hard into her and she reached up and cupped his face with her palms. She felt his fingers sliding along the inside of her thighs, the skirt she wore bunched around her waist. She moaned when she felt him gently lift the hem of her panties and glide his thumb across her clit.

"I want you."

"God Sheldon…"

"Penny, do you still want…"

He was interrupted by a knocking at her door and his eyes begged her to ignore it.

"Hey Penny, you in there?"

"Sheldon," she whispered, "it's my career and that's my director. I have to get it."

He sighed and lifted his body off of hers, reaching to adjust himself, and then sitting upright, grabbing for a pillow to cover his very obvious desire.

She reluctantly got up, adjusted her clothing and went to open the door.

"Hey Mark, what's up?"

"Just wanted to say you did a great job tonight. I've got a few line changes and I'm passing them around to everyone. Here's your copy."

He peered past her and saw the tall, lanky man on the couch. He winced as he noted the universal sign that all males were familiar with…a strategically placed pillow on his lap.

"Oh, sorry, didn't mean to interrupt."

She smiled at him, "It's okay. Come in for a minute, it's about time you two met."

She turned to Sheldon, "This is Mark Hansen, Mark this is Sheldon Cooper my…" She realized she wasn't sure what he was anymore.

Sheldon nodded towards him, "Her fiancé." He shot a look at Penny and raised his eyebrows.

"Oh, I see. So you are the famous Doctor Cooper, the one who taught her all that complicated language she has to rattle off in her scenes. I have to tell you, we auditioned a lot of actresses for that part and I honestly was beginning to think we would never find anyone capable of getting through all those lines. I almost had them rewrite it, though it would have screwed up the entire play. Then one day I overheard her running lines with another actress and she breezed right through them like it was second nature to her."

Sheldon couldn't help but grin with pride. So maybe she had been paying attention all this time.

"I can't take any credit for that…she's a great actress."

"Yeah, she's the best. Well, I should go, I have a few more stops to make before I can get out of here. Nice to meet you Doctor Cooper."

"You as well."

"See you tomorrow Penny."

"Bye Mark."

"So," she turned to face him as she closed the door behind Mark, "the answer to your question before we were so unfortunately interrupted is…yes…yes I still want you. In every way. Now would my _fiancé _like to join me in my hotel room for the evening?"

He dropped his eyes to her left hand and spoke slowly, "Where's the ring?"

She smiled at him as she reached into her makeup bag and produced the blue Tiffany box, "It's always with me."

"But you're not wearing it."

"Sheldon, we haven't seen each other in months, we were arguing when you left, I told you I wasn't going to wait on you..."

"But…"

"But what?"

"But you are mine."

She sighed and pushed up on her tiptoes and kissed him on his cheek, "Yes, you are going to be the death of me, but yeah, I'm yours and you are mine and I guess we are just stuck with each other."

He smirked at her, "You're complaining?"

"Not even a little bit."

They hardly made it through the door before he had his hands on her, crazy thoughts in his mind like he wished he had more hands to touch her with and more eyes to stare at her with…more, more, more Penny. He kissed her hard, desperately hard as he backed her to the bed.

"My God Penny…" he breathed out, wondering how his body was even still functioning at his total lack of control.

"Damn Sheldon," she whispered, sensing his urgency, his intense desire for her.

"I…I…need," he couldn't find words, his mind ceased to cooperate.

"I know baby," she breathed, noting his trembling hands.

"Penny," it was the only word occupying his brain.

"Shhh…slow down, okay? Here, let me," she reached and slowing began to unbutton his shirt as he stood almost helpless before her. She planted kisses down his chest with each button she came to, enjoying the soft cool sensation from the cotton of his undershirt under her lips. When both shirts had fallen to the floor, she began to unbuckle his belt as she grazed her hand across his erection. He gasped and closed his eyes, thinking about sports he didn't know and science he was trying to understand. Anything to gain some sort of command over his mind and body. He stepped out of his shoes and she pushed his pants and underwear down. He shoved his socks off and then reached for her. Within seconds she too was disrobed and he was beginning to regain some semblance of self-control.

"Sorry," he whispered as he pushed her back onto the bed.

"Don't be," she laughed softly, "I love that you want me so desperately. And I want you just as much."

"Yes," he said as he dropped kisses down her neck, moving towards her chest, "but you are much better at governing yourself that I'll ever be."

"So there is something in this world that I am better at than the great Doctor Sheldon Cooper?"

He took her nipple in his mouth and sucked it gently, teasing the other one with his thumb and fingers, before pulling back and whispering, "There are so many things, Penny, that you are better at than I."

Her eyes widened, and she wanted to question him, but as his lips began to whisper down her abdomen and his face found her mound, she lost all ability to think or care.

"Oh God Sheldon…"

His tongue lapped at her clit and his fingers played at the edge of her entrance. He marveled at the slickness of her hole and the sweetness of her taste. He dropped his mouth lower and pushed his tongue into her, wet on wet, slick on slick…she brought her hips upwards, her hands on the back of his head pushing him down, her need for contact, for pressure, consuming her.

"Fuck me Sheldon," she begged him.

He reached up, gripping her waist with his now steady hands and, pulling his face back from her, flipped her onto her stomach. She instinctively lowered her head onto the pillow and pushed her ass towards him, offering herself for his taking. He heard her moan as he teased her opening with the head of his cock and the sound of her desperate pleas to him sent a primal urge though him so intense that his only reaction was to plunge himself deeply and harshly into her throbbing need.

"Oh God Penny," he growled, "Fuck…"

"Harder, Sheldon…please…oh my God…"

He tightened his hands on her, to control her as well as his own thrusts and began a harder and faster rhythm that elicited a satisfying response by the moans she was emitting. His testicles slapped against her ass and his own sex sounds pushed them closer to their climax. She reached for her clit and stroked it as he beat into her harder, both about to explode with release.

"Come," he said through clenched teeth, "come for me Penny."

His command pushed her over the edge and she met his demand with a mash-up of his name intertwined with a deity he was certain had to exist because really, how else could something this good not have been created by someone far superior than humans…as she reached her climax.

He felt the spasms of her orgasm tighten around his member and with a few more pumps he ejaculated his seed deep into her core, as he groaned and growled his own appreciation for the sweet release.

He brought his arm to her midsection and gently lowered them to the mattress. He was careful to keep his member inside her, secretly wishing that he never had to remove it. He was often bewildered by the primitive, yet very real thoughts and feelings being with Penny like this evoked in him. He had trained himself not to dwell on or question them, for the only answer was biological and really, who wanted to expel so much time solving a problem that wasn't really a problem at all? He liked it and that was enough.

"You are an incredible lover, Penny," he whispered into her back, his mouth ghosting across her skin.

"Mrphmsh…" words of appreciation and reciprocation spoken into the pillow that he understood even with their lack of coherency.

As the early morning hours ticked by, they lay on their backs staring at the hotel ceiling, exhausted by another round of love making. It had been far too long for them both, and it had only taken minutes for them to rejuvenate and go again. The second time was much slower, more seductive and sensual with both being more in control of their desires.

"Do you really hate me?"

She laughed, "What do you think?"

He leaned towards her, propping on his elbow, "Well, given what we've just done, no?"

"No."

"Good, I don't hate you either."

"I know."

"I wish you could come back to Long Island with me. I've only got a few days left with the twins before I have to fly back."

"I can't Sheldon. I have to be here."

"I understand."

"It's just…I've wanted this since I was a little girl, you know? I always dreamed I'd be a famous actress and I've chased that dream forever. And now I have a real shot at it, but I have to _be here_. I can't be anywhere else but where the show is."

He smiled at her and bent to kiss her forehead.

"I know," he whispered softly.

She continued, "And you know what my ultimate dream is? A Tony. I want to win a Tony Award someday for my stage work. Is that crazy?"

"It's not crazy at all."

"But for that to happen, I have to be in New York. I have to be where the work is. Does that make any sense at all to you Sheldon?"

He sighed, "Penny, it makes perfect sense."

Sheldon pulled himself up to a sitting position, leaning his back against the headboard of the bed, a smug grin forming on his face.

"Come up here," he motioned for her, "beside me."

She sat up and scooted towards him and then pulled her legs to her chest and sat facing him.

"What's that look about?" she asked pensively.

"Are you listening to yourself? Do you realize who you sound like?"

She replayed her comments in her mind, his point slowing dawning on her.

"Crap. I sound just like…_you_."

"Yep," he said, popping his 'p', his attempt at sounding like _her_.

He reached for her hand and brought it to his mouth to brush his lips over it, then cocked his eyes up at her before speaking.

"I'm afraid," he blew out a long deep breath and she could practically see the wheels turning in his head, "that I owe you an apology."

"What are you talking about? Apology for what?"

"It seems," he responded wistfully, "that your dream has been hidden in the shadow of my dream for years. While I have boldly proclaimed my genius and all but taken out billboards to proclaim my contributions to mankind, you have pursued your dream with a quiet dignity. So quietly in fact, that I missed it. My inconsiderate conduct dates all the way back to our years in Pasadena, even before I confessed my feelings for you…when we were just friends. I am profoundly sorry."

"Sheldon…"

"No, just listen. Tonight I realized quite a few things. I never even asked you about your work when we were together in New York. I was so focused on my own work; I didn't even ask you about your play. Do you realize I didn't even know the title of it until I received my Playbill tonight?"

"I know."

"You know? You mean you did realize this and yet you said nothing?"

"Yes. I guess I just thought your work was so much more important than mine. I didn't want to bother you."

"So while I preened around like a damn peacock showing off my feathers, you were in the background giving birth to our children and chipping away at your career. And I was putting undue pressure on you to go to Switzerland with me. I feel like an inconsiderate ass."

"Oh, Moon Pie," she giggled, "No one has ever said anything that romantic to me."

He smirked at her, "Seriously Penny, I want to make sure you see the parallel here. I need to make sure we understand each other. And…I need to know that while my conduct towards your career is inexcusable, that you accept my apology. I want you to know that I support you and I realize, though it took me awhile to get here, that your career is just as important as mine."

She could only stare at the man in front of her as he spoke words she never thought he'd say. He, and she by extension, had always assumed his work, work that could change the world, trumped anything she could ever do. She had fallen into his self-aggrandizement without question. Now he was asking for her forgiveness for minimizing what had long been so important to her. What she did mattered…and not just to her…but it mattered to him. He valued her contribution.

"Sheldon," her voice trembled, "I…I don't know what to say. I never expected…"

He pushed his body forward to get closer to her and dropped his arms across her shoulders, cupping her head with his hands.

"I'm sorry Penny. Just say you forgive me for being so…so…arrogant."

She lifted her eyes to his, "I forgive you. Thank you for this. It's the best gift you could have ever given me. Acknowledgment."

He brought an index finger to her lips and traced them gently, "Thank you, I'll try to never let you down again."

She reached for his hand and grazed her lips across it, her love for him pounding in her chest.

"I think, Penny, that it's time we both understand the other's position."

"Yeah, I agree. It's clearer now. You see there is only one place I can be to actively pursue and achieve my dream and there is only one place that you can be right now to reach _your_ dreams."

"You nailed it."

"So what does this mean…for us?"

"Well, I think it's good for our relationship and our future. At least now we know where we each are coming from. I certainly have a better understanding of why you couldn't just pick up and go to Zurich with me. You deserved better from me."

"We both made mistakes Sheldon."

"Yes, well unfortunately we both tend to be a bit tenacious."

"You think?" she laughed, "I hadn't noticed."

"I never want you to get lost in my shadow again Penny."

And she thought _that _was, indeed, the most romantic thing anyone had ever said to her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The light and warmth of the sun drifting through the window slowly began to wake them. Sheldon loved waking up with Penny by his side. It had been so long…too damn long…but they were here now. He reminded himself they had just a few more hours before she would have to be at the theater and he had to leave to catch his plane back to New York. He wanted to stay with her forever and he knew that _someday_ he would. But that day wasn't today.

"Hey," she said sleepily.

"Good Morning," he smiled at her and reached to brush the hair from her face.

"If you would like to evacuate your bladder first, I'd be happy to call down and order room service."

She shook her head and laughed as she crawled out of bed, "Some things never change do they?"

"What are you talking about?" he looked confused.

"Nothing sweetie, I'll go _evacuate_, you call room service. You know what I like."

"Yes I do," he said smugly and she rolled her eyes at his obvious reference to their sexual activities.

"Men…" she mumbled as she stumbled to the bathroom.

"I need to take a shower before I leave," he said, cramming the last bite of toast into his mouth.

"Me too," she said seductively as she ran her eyes over his body.

"Really Penny? Already? We just…"

"So you're telling me you are satisfied?"

"Well…no…when it comes to you…no I'm never satisfied."

"I read one time that satisfaction is the death of desire."

"Nice," he laughed as he leaned over and grabbed at her, pulling her into him as plates and forks and food bounced on the bed and fell to the floor.

"Great, the maid is going to love me," Penny sighed into his shoulder.

"Fuck the maid…let's get in the shower."

"Sheldon Cooper," she said sternly, "language like that…your mother would be so disappointed in you."

"What can I say Penny? You bring out the bad boy in me."

"Mmmmm…I like bad boys."

"And there it is. Look what you've done to me."

"You're complaining?"

"Not one little bit."

He fucked her slow and easy in the shower, the hot water falling around them. She sighed with pleasure as she slid her soapy body around his, teasing him mercilessly, reminding him of what he would be missing while they were apart. He held her tightly and whispered promises to her, that they would be together someday, they would raise their children together, they would sleep together and shower together and argue and make up and watch movies and go shopping and hang out with their friends. _Some day_.

He held her hand tightly, his duffle bag slung low over his shoulder as they walked to the theater. They stopped at the entrance and he dropped his bag at his feet.

She lowered her gaze to the cold pavement of the sidewalk, "Why are we always saying goodbye Sheldon?"

He sighed, "Don't make this harder than it is Penny."

He lifted her hand to his mouth and planted a kiss on the diamond that sparkled as the sunlight touched it with its rays.

"Thank you," he mumbled against her hand.

"What? This old thing?" she laughed, trying hard not to lose the gentleness of their final moments.

"I swear I'll marry you some day Penny."

"Don't make promises you may not be able to keep Sheldon," she whispered, reality setting in.

"And you don't doubt my commitment to you," he matched her tone.

"I'm going to make a promise to you Sheldon."

"Penny…"

"Just listen, okay?"

He nodded, fear creeping into his heart at the sight of her green eyes darkening, as he braced himself for her next words.

"I don't want anyone but you, so when I told you a few months ago that I wouldn't wait for you…well…I've regretted that since I said it. The fact is I love you, plain and simple…there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. And I know there is no other man out there that could ever make me feel the way you do. You are the father of my children and the love of my life. So I promise I'll wait for you…but I make that promise knowing that the other love of your life, science, could very easily keep you from me, so I will just go on with my life. I'll be a good mother to Aspen and Olivia and you can see them when you want. The only thing I ask of you is that you don't jerk me around, okay? Don't get my hopes up that you are back in my life permanently if you aren't. Don't come back to me until you are back for good, okay?"

"I meant everything I said to you Penny. I meant every promise I made to you. Someday…"

She sighed and leaned into his chest, "I know you did. And _if _that day ever comes, I'll be there for you, I promise. It's just so hard to have to keep saying goodbye to you Sheldon. I can't keep putting myself through this. It's just not healthy."

She rolled her eyes when the black car pulled to a stop at the curb next to them.

"They never leave you alone, do they?"

He smiled and nodded towards the corner where a replica of his car sat with its engine idling, "You have one too, you know. Just because you don't acknowledge them doesn't mean they aren't there Penny."

"So what happens next?"

"Well, I go back to Zurich and chase string theory and the Nobel Prize and you go back to New York and open your show on Broadway and chase your Tony Award."

"So we're good though, right?"

He hugged her close, "Yes, we're good."

"Well," she whispered, pressing her mouth under his ear, "as good as two people on two different continents can be."

"You chase your dream, I'll chase mine."

"God Sheldon, don't be so blunt about it."

"I apologize; I'm just trying to look at it logically. I'm sure you, as always, are looking at it emotionally."

"Do you always have to be so analytical?"

"Yes."

"I hate saying goodbye to you…just…just please come back to me. We need you."

"I know." He rested his chin on the top of her head, and shuffled his feet closer to her, pressing his body into hers as tightly as possible.

"Don't let some cute little grad student turn your head over there."

He laughed, "Never. And don't you let some handsome up and coming actor grab your attention."

"There's only one man in the world for me…there's only one Sheldon Lee Cooper…no one holds a candle to you Moon Pie."

"Good," he said confidently.

"God we sound like some bad Lifetime Movie of the Week Sheldon…I need to get inside…stop being so mushy and just say goodbye."

"Last time I said goodbye you didn't tell me you love me."

"I was mad, remember? I was trying to hate you," she laughed.

"As if," he pulled back and grinned at her, bending to kiss her, getting lost in the comfort of her mouth.

"I love you," she whispered as she broke the kiss, "I love you…I love you…I love you."

He smiled at her, "That's better. I love you too."

"Bye Moon Pie, have a safe trip back."

"I will…and Penny?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you please answer my calls from now on?"

"I'll think about it."

He rolled his eyes and kissed her one last time before turning towards the curb and entering the waiting black town car. He looked back as he reached to pull the door closed and watched until she disappeared into the theater.

His and Penny's _some day,_ he thought to himself, couldn't get here soon enough.


	18. Chapter 18

CHAPTER 18

The months after returning from his trip to see the twins (and the one night he had with Penny) passed slowly. After telling her goodbye in Boston, Sheldon had returned to Long Island and spent his remaining days in the States with Olivia and Aspen. His mother had remained quietly in the background, there for him when he needed her, distancing herself when he didn't. While she had not pried when he returned from his overnight trip to Boston, he had sensed her concern and assured her that things were fine between Penny and him. Mary, not one to mince words, issued him a stern reminder that time stood still for no one, not even the most brilliant of men.

It had nearly broken his heart to kiss his children goodbye and turn them over to Mary so that she could take them back into Manhattan and return them to Penny. Mid-flight, he had desperately wanted to demand the pilot turn the damn plane around and take him back to New York, back to his family. But he had to follow up on the commitment he had made to science…to mankind…_to himself_. He channeled his self-discipline, constantly working late into the night, Juergen working faithfully at his side. Amy remained in Zurich. She was his rock, his confident, his connection to his personal life. Their friendship grew as she steadily worked on her own research at the university. She had been devastated when Melody had chosen not to join her in Zurich and had eventually ended their relationship, telling Amy she could no longer deal with the long distance and secrecy of her career demands. When not working, Sheldon and Amy commiserated with long talks and strolls along the winding paths of the Zurich campus.

Penny had returned to New York after the play's successful preview in Boston. The play had received enough financial backing and had opened on Broadway a couple of months after the cast and crew returned to Manhattan. She had been re-energized by Sheldon's visit and finally felt at peace with their relationship. The night they had spent together in Boston discussing their careers and the fulfillment it brought to each of them had been the clarity she had so needed to grow stronger and more confident in their love, their future and in her own self-worth. Sheldon would never fully know how his words of apology and appreciation had lifted her to heights loftier than she ever thought she would reach. No one…_not one person in her life_…had ever placed value on her the way he did. While it hurt to be away from him, she drew strength from their love, what they had built and what their future would be.

Penny had been pleased with Miranda, the nanny she had employed for the twins. Sheldon had been less than happy when he found out she had allowed a stranger into their lives, but Howard had assured him the woman had been thoroughly checked out and had not even the slightest blemish on her record. He had only conceded because he knew Penny needed someone there to care for Aspen and Olivia while she worked. _Work, now that was indeed something that he could understand._

Raj continued his daily visits to the twins, and Penny was constantly amazed at how this man who she barely spoke to all those years ago in Pasadena was now her most treasured friend. Even Howard had, in his own strange way, developed a fondness for the children. Partly because they were Sheldon's and well, partly because it was kind of nice having America's future leaders around and taking a small part in their development.

"Hey Moon Pie, I was just thinking about you," she giggled into the phone. She was rushing down the busy sidewalk on her way to the theater for an early afternoon matinee performance.

"Can you talk now?" he asked, never sure of the best time to call her. It was seven p.m. in Zurich and he'd just had dinner and a shower and was getting ready to go back to the lab and meet with Juergen for yet another late night of research, reading and analyzing. It was one p.m. in New York and she was a couple of hours from her three o'clock curtain call. He could hear the noise of the city in the background.

"I can always talk to you. You know that."

"I do," he smiled into the phone.

"So what's up? You calling to tell me you found string theory or whatever and you're coming home to me?" she laughed, rolling her eyes as she dodge a tourist who had come to a dead stop in front of her to gawk upwards at the city's skyline.

He laughed, "I wish it were that simple."

She yanked on the heavy wooden door, stepping inside the musty scented backstage, her eyes adjusting to the dim lighting. She turned right, making her daily walk down the narrow hallway that led to her dressing room. _Matter and Energy_ had been playing to near capacity crowds for almost two months now yet it still felt so fresh, so new, to Penny.

"So what's up?" She fought the urge to beg him to come back to New York. She missed everything about him. She missed his sweetness, she missed his humor, she missed his arms, she missed his hands, she missed his legs, she missed the way he fucked her, she missed every damn thing and wanted him back with her where he belonged.

"I want to come…_home_…for Aspen and Olivia's birthday next month. If that is okay with you. I know you said you didn't want me coming and leaving again. But, it is their birthday Penny. I want to see them," his voice dropped, adding "and I want to see you."

She sighed into the phone, nonverbally letting him know she hated visits. She didn't want a fucking _visit_ from him, she wanted _permanence_ from him. It was what they agreed on. But she had promised him he could see the children when he wanted and she was happy he wanted to see them on their first birthday. She knew all along he would, he wasn't the kind of father to not acknowledge his children's birthdays. And really, if she were honest with herself, it was as good of an excuse as any for her to see him. She desperately wanted him in more ways than one.

"Sheldon, you don't have to ask permission to see Aspen and Olivia. I love that you love them. I love that you want to be here for them," she eased down into her dressing room chair, glancing up at the clock, making sure she had plenty of time. She did.

"Where are you?" she breathed out, her heartbeat increasing.

"In my apartment. You?" he asked. He knew her too well, knew from the sound of her voice the direction she was leading the conversation towards.

"In my dressing room. Alone. Wishing you were here."

He sighed and moved towards his bed, sitting down slowly on the side.

"Penny…God…," he shifted his weight, his body still damp from his shower, the towel around his waist loosening with his movement.

"What?" she purred innocently into the phone.

"And if I were there?" he could play innocent too.

"If you were here…mmm…I'd kiss you all over. I'd start on your lips and move to your neck…and I'd lick and suck and leave marks there that you would complain about later but would love while I was doing it to you."

She turned sideways, throwing her legs across the arm of the chair. She put him on speaker, adjusted the volume so that no one would hear and then rested the phone on her abdomen as she slowly eased her hands under her shirt.

"I would close my eyes and let you do whatever you wanted to me Penny. And I would slide my hands under your shirt and pray you weren't wearing a bra," he said, giving in to her seduction…giving in to his own primal needs.

He scooted back on the bed, removed the towel from his waist and placed it beside him, knowing he'd need it soon. He too switched to speaker phone, freeing up his hands.

"I'm not." She kneaded her bare breasts, one in each hand, squeezing her nipples, feeling the energy building in her body, working its way lower and lower.

"Mmmm, good," he moaned into the phone as he laid his body back onto the bed. He ghosted his fingers across his hipbones as his hands made their way to his growing arousal.

"So what are you going to do about it?"

"I'm going to get rid of your damn shirt and suck your tits," he said, his breathing ragged.

She slid her hand inside the floral sweatpants she wore and traced her finger across the dampening crotch of her silk panties.

"Mmmm…yes…that's so good. I'll undo your pants and push them and your boxers down to your ankles. I'll have to get on my knees to make sure I push them down far enough."

He tugged at himself, growing harder at her words, precum glistening on the head of his erection.

"Damn…Penny…I want you…"

Her voice quivered, "While I'm on my knees in front of you I'll lick and suck on your balls and then I'll trace your beautiful cock with my tongue before taking it in my mouth and sucking…I love the way you taste Sheldon."

She lifted her panties and pushed her hand inside, flicking her clit before easing her trembling finger inside herself, moving it in and out, wishing like hell it was Sheldon's cock.

He fisted himself and began to increase the speed of his strokes.

"You won't let me come because I know you want to feel me inside your hot, wet pussy. I'll push you back and go down on you just how you like. I'll suck your clit and slide my tongue inside you…and you'll thrust your hips into my face and I'll feel your legs around my neck…I'll give you what you want…" his voice trembled with desire and need for release.

"Fuck, Sheldon…damn…fuck me," she gasped, her hips bucking forward as she fingered herself, desperately seeking just the right touch, just the right angle.

He, so fucking hot from the images she painted for him, combined with the words she spoke and the sounds she produced from thousands of miles away, could barely control his throbbing cock that he grasped and jerked. But it felt so good…she sounded so good…he didn't want it to end just yet.

"God Penny…are your fingers inside…"

"Yes," she panted, "but I wish it was your rock hard cock instead…fuck…"

"Damn," he said, losing all modesty that he usually tried so hard to maintain, "I'd give anything to be there watching you fuck yourself…"

She'd never heard him like this before and it was those words that sent her over the edge, "Oh God Sheldon…fuck…I'm…God…I'm coming all over my fingers…shit."

Her body jerked and she felt her muscles tighten, clenching her fingers, blood rushing, nerves tingling, satisfying release. She sighed, eased her hand out of her panties and turned her focus solely on him.

"Now it's your turn baby. If you were here, I would want you to take me from behind because you can go in so incredibly deep that way. I'd get on my knees and push my ass into your cock, bumping it until you pushed it deep inside of me and I'd beg you to fuck me deep and hard…come on Sheldon…fuck me…you are the only man that knows how to fuck me just how I need it. You are the only man that can satisfy me."

He gripped his cock tight and hard with his right hand while his left hand pulled and squeezed his testicles. He was right on the edge and hearing Penny come had almost sent him over, but he felt so fucking good he continued to deny himself, wanting more painful pleasure before sweet release.

"Lick your fingers for me Penny, taste yourself…damn…" he slowed his strokes just enough to hold off for a moment longer.

She did as he ask, "Mmmm…so good and juicy…just how you like it when you have your mouth on me…when you are eating my pussy…and I know how much you like it. You like to taste me don't you baby?"

"God yes," he groaned, reaching beside him for the towel.

"Now I wish you were here so that you were fucking me. My hole is so wet and ready for you baby…come on Sheldon, fuck me good…so good…" she breathed out seductively.

She heard his tortured deep gasps and the familiar moan she knew and loved so well. She closed her eyes and imagined him jerking himself off, the beautiful out of control look on his face, mouth open, eyes squeezed tight as his semen shot out onto his stomach.

"My God Penny, look what you've reduced me to," he sighed into the phone as he cleaned himself with the towel he'd used for his shower.

"Are you complaining?" she giggled, happy for this unexpected but very welcome pre-show release of tension.

"Not even a little bit," he laughed, "how did I ever get so lucky?"

She smiled, "I thought you told me luck was hokum?"

"Well, Penny, because of you I have been forced to re-evaluate a lot of my prior beliefs."

"I'm honored…I think. So when are you coming? No pun intended," she laughed.

He rolled his eyes but couldn't help but smile, "More corny Nebraska humor, I see."

She smirked, "And you know you love it."

"Yes I do."

"Details please? I have to go soon; we have a meeting before curtain call."

"I'll email you the exact dates. I hope to stay at least a week, maybe two. Amy plans to come too…and please no puns about that…that would just be…wrong."

"I agree. Okay, well just let me know. I may have to work the whole time you guys are in town. Except for the day of their birthday, I've already put in for that day off. My understudy will cover for me."

"Perfect. And Penny? May I plan on staying there…in our home? Or will I be relegated to a hotel room since you don't want me visiting and leaving again?" he cleared his throat, unsure of her answer. He wondered how their life had gotten so crazy that they had just had incredible phone sex yet he wasn't sure if he was welcome in her bed.

"I'll think about it," she laughed, though she knew there was no where else she'd rather him be than in her bed.

"Really Penny? You're seriously going to make me wait this out?"

"Yep!" she giggled, hastily ending the call, "Gotta go now, they are paging us. Thanks for the incredible orgasm. Love you! Bye!"

He rolled his eyes as he turned his phone off and got up to take yet another shower. God how that woman infuriated him. How she drove him mad. How she made him feel. How he loved her…

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A month later, Amy and Sheldon arrived in New York. Penny had teased Sheldon relentlessly about where he was to stay, going so far as to pronounce that Amy would stay with her and he could stay with Raj and Howard. Sheldon pointed out that he found no humor in that at all. When they arrived at her apartment, he planted a kiss on her cheek and rushed to take both of his children into his arms, amazed at how they had grown in just the past few months since he had last seen them.

They had all gone out for dinner and Sheldon had found it near impossible to keep his hands off Penny. They had both contained themselves at the restaurant but their friends were not blind to their under the table touching and lustful looks towards each other.

"Jeez, you guys need to just get a room already," Raj said as they were finishing off their meal.

Sheldon blushed and Penny giggled.

"Done," Howard said, dangling a set of keys in Sheldon's face. "Key's to the place over at Trump Tower. Penthouse. You have use of it for one night only. Courtesy of the United States Government. Just be sure to clear out by oh nine hundred. Or I'll lose my job. Got it?"

"Got it," Sheldon sighed, "Thanks Howard, I owe you one."

"You do indeed. Amy will stay with the twins tonight. Have fun."

Sheldon tugged at Penny's arm, "Let's go."

They both kissed their children goodnight, whispering that they would see them the next morning. She stood and leaned across the table to hug Raj and Amy, then bent to kiss Howard on the cheek, "Thanks Wolowitz, you're a good guy no matter what anyone else says," she laughed and winked at him.

They hopped into the black car that seemed to Penny to follow Sheldon everywhere he went. They made out in the backseat on the way to the hotel, him pleading with her not to do too much to him so that he could better satisfy her once they were in the penthouse. She teased him just to the edge and then stopped, leaving him wondering how he could ever get out of the car and walk through the lobby without looking like a pervert. She giggled and told him she liked tents. He rolled his eyes and thought about particles and theories and elements and anything else his mind could conjure, just to resist her heavy petting.

When they were finally secure in the privacy of their room, he grabbed her, lifting her off the ground and carried her to the waiting king sized bed. He dropped her into the center of it and they made love like there was no tomorrow. The floor to ceiling glass windows provided a glorious view of the city that twinkled below them. They lay spent as the night wore on, neither giving in to sleep, afraid of waking and realizing them together was just a dream.

He squeezed her hand in his, "I'm staying with you. In your bed, while I am in town," he growled, leaving no room for her to deny him.

She smiled and brought his hand to her mouth, kissing him softly, "I know."

He leaned towards her, propping himself on his elbow, "I see," he bent his head and smoothed his lips across her chest, stopping long enough to circle a nipple with his tongue, pulling back to send a puff of air across it.

"So you were toying with me?" he whispered, biting down gently on her now hardened nipple.

"Yes," she attempted to sound calm as she reached for his soft cock and squeezed it gently.

"You belong in my bed Sheldon," she breathed out, feeling him begin to harden in her hand.

"Yes I do," he sighed, rolling his body over and onto hers.

She held his face between her hands, studying his eyes, drinking him in, wanting him, needing him, praying he could feel her deep and never ending love.

"I love you Penny. It's good to be home."

"Home?"

"You Penny. You are my home. No matter where I go, you are my home."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Mary and Missy and Penny's parents had all flown into town to celebrate Aspen and Olivia's first birthday. Penny didn't know it, because Sheldon had sworn her parents to secrecy, but he had arranged for them to be flown from their Nebraska home to New York for the celebration. Her father had resisted at first, firmly telling Sheldon he didn't need any help from anyone, but Penny's mother, overcome with despair of having never met her grandchildren gave him no choice but to accept Sheldon's offer.

Bernadette and her husband and new baby, just a few months younger than Aspen and Olivia flew in as well. Raj and Howard and Amy were on hand too. They all crowded into Penny and Sheldon's tiny apartment and had dinner and cake, followed by mountains of gifts that the children were too young to need or want or appreciate. It turned out to be more of a party for the adults, as the children, all three of them, fell soundly asleep as dusk crept across the city.

"So what exactly are your plans, son?" Penny's dad had managed to corner Sheldon away from the rest of the group.

"Sir?" Sheldon had no idea what this man wanted to hear.

"Listen, I know you are some big, hot shot scientist. But that is my little girl over there. And you are a father now yourself. Tell me the truth, boy, would you want some punk to knock your daughter up and then leave the damn country?"

"Um, Mr. Jasko, if you notice, Penny is wearing my ring. We are engaged and I have every intention of marrying her. I love her. I love Aspen and Olivia."

"I see," the older man pressed his hand against the wall for support and leaned towards Sheldon, "So you express this love by living in another country far away from her?"

Sheldon shifted his feet and glanced around the room for support. He found none as everyone was laughing and talking with the music Penny had insisted on playing for 'atmosphere' whatever the hell that meant.

"I just…I have some projects I am working on and then I will be returning to New York permanently."

"And when, pray tell, will that be?"

"Well…I don't have a timetable. Just, when I finish."

"From what her mother tells me, you don't know yourself. You're just lollygagging around waiting for some prize or award or some such nonsense that may or may not ever happen. Is that about right?"

"Well, sir, it's a bit more complicated than that," he trailed off, recognizing the actual truth of his future father-in-laws words. Except for the lollygagging part. He wasn't lollygagging.

"Well, son, it sounds to me like you need to make a damn 'timetable'," he said, using his fingers to make invisible quotation marks in the air, clearly mocking Sheldon's words.

Sheldon raised his eyebrows, "Sir?"

Penny's dad lowered his arm and placed his hand on Sheldon's shoulder. He met Sheldon's height and had no problem looking him square in the eye.

"Sheldon, I understand you lost your father years ago?"

"Yes," Sheldon felt a chill go across the back of his neck and blood rush to his face.

"I'm real sorry to hear that. I'm going to tell you what any father should tell his son. I'm going to give you some advice, man to man. You can't keep a woman waiting. You can't love a woman long distance for any decent amount of time. Granted, my Penelope is an exceptional woman, and God knows she loves you. I hear all about if from my wife. But son," he drilled his eyes deep into Sheldon's, "you have to love a woman up close."

"I…I support her. She has plenty of everything she needs for herself and the children."

"I'm not talking about the damn money. I'm talking about what a woman needs. They have emotional needs, and, uh, other needs that I certainly don't want to discuss or for that matter even think about. But the bottom line is I am a man. I may not be some super genius like you, but I've been around long enough to know the score. No woman is going to wait forever. There is an expiration date on everything. Ring or no, you better lay claim on that or you may lose her."

"But…but sir," the thought of losing Penny shook him to his core. His eyes landed on her across the room, she was laughing and talking with Missy and Bernadette, waving her arms around, lost in telling them some crazy, goofy story of hers.

"You know what I see?"

"No sir," Sheldon dropped his gaze to the floor, suddenly feeling embarrassed and ashamed.

"I see a fellow afraid to commit. Afraid to lock himself in. A fellow using any excuse, in this case science and some award that doesn't mean a damn thing, to not man up to his responsibilities."

"Sir…"

He pulled his hand away from Sheldon and held it in the air, his palm turned towards Sheldon's body, "She shouldn't be raising those children alone. You should be here."

"Mr. Jasko," Sheldon protested.

"Doctor Cooper," he said sternly, "What happened to you? What is holding you back? What are you afraid of?"

"Nothing," Sheldon stammered, "I don't know what you are implying. I just need to…"

"Yeah, that's what I thought…nothing. Man up, boy." And with that, he walked away, back to his daughter, and put a protective arm around her shoulder, shooting a knowing look at Sheldon.

Sheldon was angry and hurt and confused. Penny's dad had confronted him about his intentions…probably as any concerned father would do, given the circumstances…and he had folded. He had stood there stammering, unable to provide a legitimate answer. His manhood was in question, his lack of a strong father figure had been highlighted and he had just stood there taking it. Where was his big vocabulary and brilliance when he needed it most? How had this uneducated, unsophisticated farmer so effortlessly brought him down to a helpless heap of a boy with no backbone? What had started as a lovely night of celebration of his children's births had quickly turned into an indictment of his work and his dedication to Penny and his family.

He looked across the room, hoping to catch Penny's eye but she was caught up in a tight embrace with her mother and his own mother stood by her side, ready to move in for the next hug. Missy, Amy and Bernadette were huddled together on the sofa laughing about God knows what inane topic, and Raj, Howard and Bernadette's husband Steve were crowded around the window looking out over the city debating the merits of urban living. Sheldon, feeling more alone than he'd felt since he was a little boy, silently padded down the short hallway. He stepped into the twin's room to watch his children sleeping. Penny had put both of them in Aspen's crib so that Bernadette's daughter Madison could sleep in Olivia's crib.

Sheldon fought the almost overwhelming desire to nudge his children awake, to hold them, to tell them he loved them, that he would take care of them and protect them. And then the truth, the fucking stabbing truth of the matter, hit him in his gut. He wasn't here loving them, protecting them, taking care of them. Just like his father wasn't for him. Sure, he'd had a father around until he finally died, but the distance between them, the lack of their ability to connect on any level was always present. In the end, during his father's final years, they had barely spoken. When Sheldon had left for college at age eleven, while his mother had cried and held onto him tightly not wanting to send him off, his father had merely extended his hand, offered his young son a fucking handshake, bid him farewell, slapped him on the shoulder and went back in the house to his television and alcohol. His father had died during Sheldon's second year in Germany. When his mother called him with the news, he had felt nothing. Absolutely nothing.

He dropped light kisses on Aspen and Olivia's cheeks and then crept slowly out of the room, pulling the door shut behind him. He moved further down the hall to his and Penny's room where he stepped inside and closed the door. He felt like he'd had the wind knocked out of him as he replayed the conversation with Penny's father. He dropped down onto the bed face first, spread eagle on the mattress. He felt tears sting his eyes and he pushed them back. He'd be damned if he'd let that man…those two men…Penny's father and his own father…get to him.

"Hey you," her soft voice startled him and he jumped when he felt her hand come down on his back.

"Hey," he mumbled, his face buried in a pillow.

"Something wrong?" concern coated her words.

"No," he lied, "I just needed some air. It's pretty crowded in there."

She drug her hand up his back to his head and ran her fingers through his hair, gently massaging his scalp.

"Are you forgetting who you are talking to Sheldon? I know you better than that. Talk to me baby."

He rolled over onto his back and looked up at her, giving her full view of the pain that clouded his eyes.

"Penny, please. Can you just let this one go? I don't…I can't talk about it, okay? Not now anyway. Just go out there and entertain. Tell them I have a headache and went to bed early. Please."

"I'll get rid of them, okay?"

He reached for her hand, "No. You never get to spend any time with your parents. It's still early. My mom and Missy won't want to leave. And Bernadette and Steve came a long way to be here. Don't end it. I'll try to come out soon. I just need some time here."

"Sheldon," she sighed, "it's obvious you are upset about something. I can't just leave you like this. Do you want to talk to your mom? Or Missy?"

"God no. Whatever you do don't mention anything to them. Just please, go back out there or they will start looking for both of us."

She sighed and reached to smooth his hair down before bending to kiss the top of his head.

"Okay Sweetie. I'll go. But I'm not leaving you alone for too long. It's not good for you."

He forced a smile, grabbed her hand and kissed the top of it and watched her leave. He closed his eyes and felt his mind tumble backwards to his past. The shame, the embarrassment, the fear from his childhood all flooded into his brain.

"Hey, Penny sent me to check on you. You okay man?"

Howard's voice jolted Sheldon back to present time, memories of his father lingering, mixing with the present moment. Sometimes his memory capacity was a curse.

"Hey Howard," Sheldon pushed himself up to a sitting position, swinging his legs around to the floor.

"You look like hell. What's up?" Howard flopped down beside him, his weight on the mattress bouncing Sheldon's body.

"Nothing. You wouldn't understand."

"Well…I saw Penny's dad when he had you pinned in the corner. And I saw the deer-in-the-headlight look in your eyes and the discomfort on your face. I can probably guess. And maybe, if you'd ever take your head out of your own ass, you might realize that I understand too."

"Howard, I appreciate you trying to help but I can handle this. I'm fine. He just got to me, hit a sore spot, that's all."

"He made you feel like shit because you don't have a dad, never had a dad, to stand up for you."

Sheldon raised his head, amazed at the simple yet powerful…and accurate…words of his friend.

"How did you know?" he whispered.

"Like I said, if you'd give other people a chance, quit being so high and mighty, you might would see that really…we are all alike. Just because you are a fucking genius doesn't make you any less human than the rest of us."

"What?" Sheldon turned to face him.

"My dad. He left my mom and me when I was eleven. Never looked back. Didn't give a shit about me. Just left. I grew up without one too. It sucks. And it hurts. And that hurt never goes away, does it?"

"No," Sheldon confessed, digging his elbows into his knees, propping his head into the palms of his hands. "I had Sam, but that wasn't the same."

The room was silent, minutes passed before either of them spoke.

Finally Sheldon's voice broke the silence, "I've never talked to anyone about this. Not even Penny. It's driven me…sometimes for good, sometimes for bad. But it has affected every aspect of my life, every element of my personality, every decision I've ever made. It has been and probably always will be a constant in my life."

"Yep, welcome to the club. I used to lay awake at night, clinging to this stupid Alf doll my mom got for me and hating all my friends because they had dads and I didn't. I felt like an outsider," he released a bitter laugh, "Hell I _was_ an outsider."

Sheldon laughed, "I was as well."

"Really? I wouldn't have noticed," Howard fired back.

Sheldon continued, "I would sit in my dorm room…I was such a ridiculous little kid… and hide my pain in books. As I got older, I'd listen to painstaking, heart wrenching music. Almost like I was punishing myself. As if the pain from the songs stabbed into my chest and made me feel better and worse at the same time. There was this one song when I was older, I guess about fifteen years ago, I'd play over and over again when I was alone…before mp3s…I had the CD and I'd put my headphones on and listen to it so much that my throat would close up and I'd fight back the pain, as if I was confronting the pain over and over again and then fighting it back but on my own choosing, not forced…just making myself feel the pain."

Howard grinned and nodded, "Let me guess…Everclear…Father of Mine?"

Sheldon's eyes grew wide as he nodded, feeling instant relief at confessing to Howard, "Yes, that's it. I still listen to it sometimes when I'm alone."

"It was my anthem," Howard shrugged, "Still is. Always will be."

"I will never be safe, I will never be sane, I will always be weird inside, I will always be lame…" Sheldon quoted his favorite line from the song.

"Yep, that's me," Howard ran his hand through his hair, "Man, we are so fucked up."

"Now I'm a grown man, with a child of my own…" Sheldon continued speaking the next line of the song, the reality of it hitting his square in his heart.

"And I swear I'm never gonna let her know all the pain I have known…" Howard finished the lyric for him, speaking it soft and low.

"God," Sheldon shook his head, "I thought I was alone."

"Nope, there are a lot of us out there. It's an epidemic."

"So, how do you put it behind you?"

"You don't," Howard sighed, "I guess you just try to be a better man. And a better father if you are lucky enough to be a father at all."

Sheldon clenched his fist, "It's just, this damn research…sometimes I really hate it…it's keeping me in Switzerland, away from Penny. Away from Aspen and Olivia."

"Sheldon," Howard turned to him, "you know your fight is not with science. It's not with Penny's dad. It's not with the world. _Your fight is with yourself_."

"Since when did you become so insightful Wolowitz?" Sheldon forced a smile at his friend.

"Uh, since I realized I was a member of the human race?"

"Right…" Sheldon's voice trailed off.

"It's that damn non-optional social convention that gets you ever time Cooper."

"What?"

Howard laughed, "You, me, everyone…we all have to make adjustments. We work with the cards we were dealt. So you and I both were dealt shitty fathers. Life is all about the choices we make Sheldon. We can either wallow in our pain or chose to rise above it. I chose to rise above it and look at the life I have now. I have a job I love, I'm respected, I have Raj and he loves me in spite of myself…I'm…happy."

Sheldon rolled his eyes, "Stop with the psycho-babble Howard. Bottom line it for me."

"Bottom line? Okay…stop hiding behind science. Stop hiding behind your pursuit of the Nobel Prize. Penny and your kids need you. It's about time to come back home Sheldon. I encouraged you to go there, but you've had enough time. Wrap it up in Zurich and get your ass back here ASAP. Aspen and Olivia deserve better than what you and I had."

"Got it," Sheldon sighed.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

She couldn't believe he would be leaving the next morning. It felt like he had just gotten there and now it was time to say goodbye again. Two weeks had flown by. It wasn't like she didn't know it was coming. He had come back to New York specifically for Aspen and Olivia's birthday. He had arranged his schedule so that he could stay for two weeks. And those two weeks had been perfect…no…those two weeks, she thought, had been…Heaven.

But now cold harsh reality was setting in and once again she would be telling him goodbye. As hard as she had tired to avoid it, here it was again. It seemed to her that there was no escaping telling him goodbye.

"You're so fucking beautiful Penny," he whispered as he moved slowly, rocking in and out of her. Her body was covered with his, her arms around his neck, across his shoulders, hands caressing his back, nails cutting into his skin.

"I love how you love me Sheldon. You're the only man that could ever make me feel this way. The only one…"

He plunged deeper into her, eliciting a soft gasp followed by a throaty moan. He lowered his forehead to hers and closed his eyes, slowing his movements…halting his movements, enjoying the sensation of her warmth and wetness engulfing his arousal.

"Why'd you stop?" she whispered, reaching up to smooth her hand across his face. He opened his eyes and moved his lips across her face, working his way to her ear.

"I don't know. I just like feeling you around me like this. I like the closeness, the connection. I like…you," he smiled that shy smile of his that she'd first seen on the day that she met him. It was her favorite Sheldon smile of all.

"I like you too," she exhaled, affected by his shyness.

"I don't want to leave tomorrow," he confessed.

"Then don't," she sighed, knowing he would leave no matter what she said.

She felt him twitch inside her and she knew he wouldn't be able to maintain his stillness for much longer. She squeezed her vaginal muscles around him, causing him to gasp and buck his hips forward.

"Tease," he grinned at her.

"Oh, I'm not teasing Doctor Cooper. I want you. Give it to me," she laughed.

He thrust forward with more intensity and she matched him stroke for stroke until they came together, the intimacy of the moment causing tears to well in her eyes. He remained on top of her until he softened and had no choice but to lift himself off her.

"Don't cry," he whispered, reaching for her hand in the dark of the night.

"I'm not," she sniffed.

He squeezed her hand and spoke slowly, "One year."

"What?"

"Your dad. He said I needed a time table. He said you had an expiration date…"

"Sheldon," she sighed, "my daddy says a lot of crazy things. He just thinks he's protecting me. You don't have to do anything he says. I said I'd be here for you. I won't…_expire_."

He rolled towards her, propping on his elbow and lowered his mouth to her abdomen, grazing his lips across her taut skin, losing himself in his love for her.

"I know. It's more a deadline for myself. We've been together two years, the kids are a year old now, I want to be here. I need to be a father, not some aloof scientist desperately chasing a dream that may or may not come true. The scientific community is full of those. I don't want to be an old man still seeking that elusive prize."

She pushed herself up and leaned towards him, "So what are you saying exactly?"

"When I get back to Zurich, I'm going to work with the data I've collected, try to piece it all together with the notes Sam left me. And no matter where I am in my research, when the year is up, it's over. That's when I'll come home. Permanently."

"Will I see you before then?" she held her breath, dreading his answer but needing to hear it.

"No. You were right in Boston when you said this is not healthy. I can't keep doing this to you and I can't do it to myself anymore either. It kills me every time I have to say goodbye to you. I can't do it anymore Penny."

"So…this is it?"

"For now. We can talk, exchange email, you know I want to know everything about the kids…God I hate this…but no, until my time is up, I won't tell you goodbye again. I refuse to put you through this anymore."

"Thank you," she whispered.

He drilled his eyes into hers, "That's not the response I anticipated from you."

"It's the response you are getting. I hate it and I'll miss you, but it is best for all of us. It's about time we acted mature about this. There's been too much drama. Aspen and Olivia deserve better and we, you and I…_our love_…deserve better."

"So you aren't angry with me?"

She sighed, "Yes, I'm angry Sheldon. I don't like it. But it's what you have to do. It's your choice. I never want to hold you back and tell you not to go. You would end up resenting me for it. I told you before and I'll tell you again, you do what you need to do. We will be here waiting for you."

"Don't expire on me Penny."

She laughed, "That's my dad talking Sheldon. I'm not going anywhere. I've found what I want, I can wait for it."

"I swear I won't make you wait too long. And when I get back…"

"Shhh," she put he finger across his lips, "I've told you before, don't make promises you may not be able to keep. If you come back, we will cross that bridge together."

"I love you Penny."

"I love you too Sheldon. And thank you for flying my parents here."

"What? They told you?"

"No, they didn't tell me. I know they couldn't afford to be here or they would have already come. And I know the kind of man you are. You are sweet and generous."

"I just want you to be happy Penny. I wanted you to see your parents. I did it for purely selfish reasons."

"I know Moon Pie…I know."

Sheldon and Amy flew back to Switzerland the next morning. Penny cried on the sofa as usual after he left, angry as hell that he had yet again chosen science over her. She had acted as if she was fine with his decision, put on a brave face for him, but really, a year? A whole fucking year? What the hell?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Three months later he was back in Manhattan. He was there to see his children but not their mother. He had insisted Howard and Raj not inform Penny that he was in town. He was staying in their spare bedroom and Raj had arranged to bring Aspen and Olivia to their apartment for the weekend.

Penny wasn't clueless. She knew something was up, but she trusted Raj and Howard enough to know that they would take care of her children. Besides, she was positive it had something to do with Sheldon.

They had stuck to their plan, talking on the phone, emailing, she kept him up to date on the kids by sending pictures and video. She hated it, this ridiculous arrangement they had, but it was her life and she had agreed to it so she didn't try fighting it anymore. She wrapped herself in her work and in her new friends. She was determined to move on with her life, all the while praying that Sheldon would come back to her at the end of his crazy year long plan.

He was only in town for three days and it bothered him to no end that she was just blocks…short city blocks…away from him. But there was no way in hell he was going to go to her. No way would he ever say goodbye to her again and get on a fucking plane to leave her. No fucking way…but damit, he had to see her even if she didn't see him.

"Here," Howard tossed the envelope at Sheldon.

"What's this?" Sheldon asked, sliding his finger under the sealed flap.

"A ticket to _Matter and Energy_. We knew you would want to at least see her so we got it for you after you told us you were coming to see the kids."

"But I can't…" he stammered.

"Sure you can. You were thinking about it anyway. You forget how long we've known you dude," Raj laughed.

"Yeah, you two have this stupid arrangement and have somehow managed to drag us along for the ride so we figured what the hell? We may as well play along," Howard said, shrugging his shoulders.

"But…she can't know…you didn't tell her did you?"

"Of course not," Raj grinned, "and I got you a seat far enough from the stage that she won't possibly see you."

"Yeah, so if she does, it will be your screw up, Sheldon. Not ours. We're just trying to help. Personally we think you both are idiots."

Sheldon looked from Howard to Raj, shaking his head. He completely agreed with them but he'd never admit it aloud.

"Yep, we think you guys are idiots, but especially you Sheldon. You are the bigger idiot."

"Thanks Raj," Sheldon said as he rolled his eyes, "I appreciate the sentiment."

"You're welcome."

Sheldon studied the ticket, the show, he realized, would start in two hours.

"So you guys will stay here with the twins?"

"Of course."

"And you swear Penny doesn't know I'll be there?"

"We swear," Howard laughed.

"Idiot," Raj muttered under his breath.

Sheldon sat nervously in the audience of the theater wondering if he should just text her and tell her he was there. But he knew where that would lead, he knew it would break her heart yet again, and he absolutely refused to do that. And so he remained in his seat and waited for the curtain to rise.

She was beautiful. His heart skipped a beat when she appeared on stage. He closed his eyes and got lost in the sound of her voice.

Intermission came quickly. He hunched over in his seat, sent a quick text to Howard to check on Aspen and Olivia, and then buried his attention in the Playbill on his lap. Soon the lights flashed, patrons took their seats and the show resumed. He could barely contain himself. He wanted nothing more than to go to her, but instead, he would go back to Howard's apartment. He had one more day to spend with Aspen and Olivia before returning to Zurich. The show ended and, just as in Boston, he was thrilled and amazed at the response Penny received from the audience. He shook his head and then got in line with the crowd making their way to the exits.

He felt his phone vibrate in his coat pocket, indicating an incoming text message. Her name flashed on his screen and his eyes darted around the theater. He nervously read her text.

Her: Um, are you here? In NY? At the theater? I can feel you here Sheldon.

Him: Yes

Her: Can I see you?

Him: No, I can't stay. You looked beautiful tonight.

Her: Sheldon, please.

Him: I'm sorry. Goodnight Penny.

Tears stung her eyes as she sat backstage in her dressing room. He was here. She knew it. She felt him. And he was true to his word…his stupid fucking word…he refused to see her…refused to leave her again. At least now she knew why Raj had asked to keep the twins for the weekend. And now she knew where Sheldon was staying. It occurred to her that she could leave the theater and just go there. She could see him, be with him, love him, and wake up in his arms the next morning.

Instead, she gathered her things and made her way back to her tiny, empty apartment. She missed her children and she missed their father. And there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it but be angry at him all over again for choosing science over her. Over them. Maybe, she thought, I do have an expiration date after all. No, she reminded herself that was just her father's voice bouncing around in her head. She would wait. Wait. Continue to wait for him even if it killed her.

Sheldon repeated this scene multiple times as the months wore on. Fly to New York, spend time with his kids, visit Raj and Howard, sit in the audience and watch Penny. Sometimes she would text him just to let him know she knew. He always refused to see her. And when he was back in Zurich and they would talk or exchange emails, neither of them ever mentioned his New York trips. It was just too much for either of them.

While Penny attempted to carry on with her life, raise their children and make a life with her friends and Broadway family that had adopted her into their tight knit group, Sheldon kept his nose to the grindstone, working furiously with Juergen at his side. He kept a knowing eye on the calendar. One year. One fucking year. Make it or not, he would be out of there. Penny's father, as bad as it had hurt Sheldon, had actually done him a favor. It was because of his words, his doubt that Sheldon would do right by Penny, that he had set a limit on the time he would give to his research.

As the end of that year approached, he and his faithful intern put the final touches on his paper. He did a final edit, studied every word, every sentence and before sending it through the proper channels, he typed in one last thing. He did something he never would have done years ago. But he was a different man now. He was strong and sure and steady. He loved and was loved. He could feel compassion and empathy. He was fully aware of the world around him. Penny and his children had changed him for the good. Love had changed him. His friendships with Amy and Raj and especially Howard had impacted him in ways he still wasn't fully aware. And so before hitting SEND on his computer he made one change: Submitted by Sheldon L. Cooper, B.S., M.S., M.A., Ph.D., Sc.D. **and **Juergen P. Zinsli, DR. sc. candidate.

The week before he and Amy were scheduled to leave Zurich and return to the States, he placed a call to Columbia University in New York and accepted the senior appointment in theoretical high energy physics that had been offered to him. It was Ivy League, it was in New York, and it was where Penny and his children were. It couldn't get much better.

He boarded the plane that day with the knowledge that he'd never have to tell Penny goodbye again. Their 'some day' was finally here and he couldn't get there soon enough.

Penny studied her calendar. She traced the bright red circle with her finger. One year. One year was almost up. Where the hell was he?


	19. Chapter 19 and Epilogue

**FINAL A/N: Well here we are guys, the conclusion of The Truth of Us. I feel a bit sad as I will miss _this _Sheldon and _this _Penny. I readily admit they were, for the most part OOC, but I still cared for them. I want to thank you all for your support of this story and for the reviews and pms. Thank you for taking the time to read my story. It means more than I can say. This was my first fan fiction and I learned so much during the process. I took every comment you guys offered to heart. I will apply what I have learned from you all to future stories. I do value your comments. In the end I know I can't possibly make everyone happy…but I hope I have contributed well to this wonderful TBBT community. **

**I was going to make two posts, but since chapter 19 and the epilogue were complete and there was nothing else I wanted to add to either of them, I decided to make them one post due to the shorter length of them both. I hope you are as satisfied with this ending as I am.**

**Thanks again for going on this journey with me. Watch for more stories from me, and please drop me a review, a pm, whatever you feel like, just to say hi!**

**I'm off to read and review so many stories (some of yours!) that I have marked and didn't have time for while writing this. **

**Here's to the Shenny…may they forever stand in the canon of our imaginations! **

CHAPTER 19

_He watched her from across the room, looking away only when her own eyes hinted towards his. The years past flooded his mind, his heart, his very soul. The time they had wasted, he had wasted, washed over him as if to remind him that yet again he stood at a crossroad of his life. His wealth, his knowledge, his position, none of that mattered. None of those things that he so valued could make up for lost time. None of those things could turn back the hands of time, purchase him, or her, their lost youth. He felt the familiar ache in his chest that never left him. It was a part of him, just as she had always been, always would be, a part of him. _

_He wondered if it would be best to just leave. He could slip through the doors, out into the cold Manhattan night air and be back to his newly rented apartment before she could cross the room and get to him. If, he reminded himself, she would even care to get to him. She had seen him, make no mistake. She had been laughing with a fellow cast member when her head had jerked up, almost like an involuntary gravitational pull, leading her eyes straight to his. He observed her take her bottom lip between her teeth and inhale deeply. She had turned slowly back to the person she was speaking with, trying to reabsorb herself into the conversation, back into the life she had made for herself, away from him. He had forced his eyes down, to look at the plate of food on the table in front of him, to study his now perspiring hands, to exam the glossy shine of the shoes he wore. _

_She had felt his presence during the show before she even stepped on stage. She wondered if he would sit out in the dark of the audience and then quickly, and quietly, leave before the curtain dropped for the final time. He had done it before, several times over the past two years that she had been working in New York. The first time she had sent him a text, just to confirm that he was indeed there. _

_His simple reply: "Yes." _

_Her response: "Can I see you?"_

_Him: "No, I can't stay. You looked beautiful tonight."_

_Her: "Sheldon, please."_

_Him: "I'm sorry. Goodnight, Penny."_

_She was unable to focus now. At least not on the things she needed to focus on; her friends, her cast mates, her employers, not even the waiter that stood ready to take her dinner order. She had never been able to process the fact that she could actually feel him…feel him…when he was near her. She, no they, needed no words, no touch, no sight. The energy that passed through the air when they were in close proximity to one another was something neither of them could deny. And all of his fancy smancy science and physics, and laws and theories, and hypotheses could never, would never, be able to solve it. It was real, it was fact, and like it or not, there wasn't a damn thing Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper had ever been able to do about it. Except try to escape it._

_But now, here at Sardi's surrounded by so many people that made up her new life, her life away from California and all the craziness she had left behind, he wasn't sneaking away from her. He was instead sitting at a small table in a dimly lit corner of the restaurant. She knew he would never approach her, not with all of these strangers surrounding her. And a part of her wondered if she made the walk across the room to him if he would welcome her or bolt from his chair before she could reach him, leaving her looking and feeling like a fool. She almost laughed at the thought that just moments before, she had been bombarded by fans at the stage door wanting pictures and autographs on their Playbills. Yet here she was (again, she reminded herself), heart pounding in her chest, trying to decide if she could approach this solitary man, sitting stoically in the corner, his face softly lit by the dripping candle that rested lazily in the center of the table. _

_Sheldon knew she would come to him…she always did…Penny knew she would go to him…she always would. He placed his drink on the table and stood as she approached. She leaned in to hug him, letting her lips softly brush his cheek. His arms gently enclosed her midsection, his hands splayed across her back awkwardly as he pulled her into his body._

"_Hey," he whispered in her ear._

_She smiled at him, "Hey stranger," her words as soft as her kiss had been. She secretly wished she could be mad at him, but hell, she had tired and could never muster an ounce of anger towards him. He released her, reluctantly, and pulled the other chair out and motioned for her to sit. _

"_You were great tonight, Penny."_

"_I knew you were here. I felt you."_

_He rolled his eyes but smiled. He knew she would feel him there. It was their thing…something he shared with no one else in the world, nor she. _

_She feigned anger towards him and tried to sound sarcastic, or at least snarky._

"_So how is it I have the honor of the company of Dr. Sheldon Cooper? Did the Head Honcho or the President of the United States or God Himself give you time off to lower yourself to the masses, to little old me?"_

"_Penny…"_

_Her voice grew serious, "Sheldon, I can't do this. I'm happy. I'm trying to move on. It's what you wanted. It's what we agreed on."_

"_I never agreed that I would not see you…want you…need you…love you."_

_She laughed bitterly, the truth of them, of their relationship, rushing over her like ice water. Her body shivered, her heart thumped._

"_Don't, just don't. We could have had it all. We could have had it all Sheldon, and you, you chose your precious science over me. Over us."_

_Her eyes were stinging with tears and she glanced over her shoulder to make sure no one from her group was watching them._

"_I won't argue with you."_

"_So what are you doing in New York?" she asked, trying to calm herself, trying desperately not to punch him or kiss him or tackle him to the floor and knee him in the groin or mount him or, or, or…she just tried to control herself._

"_I live here now," he said as if he had just informed her that the sky was blue._

"Sheldon," she whispered, her head spinning, her heart pounding.

He reached across the table and took her hand in his before he spoke.

"It's over Penny. Zurich is over. I've come back to you. I'm ready."

"Oh my God," she pushed out, overcome with emotion, "Are you sure? I mean, I had started to lose faith."

He smiled at her, "In us?"

She returned his smile, tears streaming down her face, no longer caring who was watching them, "Never."

He glanced down at her hand and ran his finger across the ring, "You're still wearing it."

"Both of them," she laughed, reaching into the neck of her blouse and producing the gold chain with the Lord of the Rings Precious dangling at the end of it.

He laughed, "Great choice."

"I figured if I wore them both they would bring me good luck."

"So you believe in luck, do you?"

"Well, I had a boyfriend once who insisted it was hokum. But yeah, I believe in luck."

"If I remember correctly, he told you he had re-evaluated many of his beliefs because of you. He believes in luck too," he brought her hand to his lips, "He now believes in a lot of things because of you Penny."

"So Doctor Cooper, you say you live here now?"

He grinned at her, "Yes, I've got a job, an apartment, everything, but there is a problem."

She held her breath, "What problem?"

"Well, I've rented this big penthouse apartment with all this space but it feels so lonely. The closets are empty…they need…shoes…lots of shoes."

She smiled, "I have shoes…lots of shoes..."

He continued, "There are a couple of small empty bedrooms that need…kids…"

"I have kids...two of them…"

"The cupboards are bare…"

"I have food..."

He stood and held his hand out to her. She took it and he pulled her to her feet. He shamelessly drew her body into his own, relaxing in her embrace, nuzzling her neck with his face.

"My bed is empty…it needs…a wife…"

"I have a…wait…I could be your," she was barely aware of her surroundings, her heart pounding so strong and loudly now, she breathed out her last word, "wife."

He sighed into her hair, "I love you Penny," her hands still in his; he dropped to his knees and pushed his blue eyes upwards towards her, "Marry me."

She sighed, acutely aware that everyone in the room was watching them now, "So this is real? You are sure?"

"I'm sure…if you still want me."

"No more goodbyes?"

"No more goodbyes."

"If I still want you?"

He nodded, "If you still want me."

"I will want you, Doctor Cooper, till the end of time," she laughed, tears freely flowing now. "But you can get up, you've already ask me to marry you…we're engaged." She tugged him towards her but he stayed firmly on his knees in front of her.

"Now Penny. Marry me _now_."

"Sheldon, we have to…"

Before she could finish her sentence, the lights were turned up, casting a brilliant glow across the room. It took a moment for her to adjust to the lighting. She turned and noted all eyes in the room were on them. Not only were her New York friends smiling at her, but she began to recognize other familiar faces in the room. She turned back to Sheldon and behind him, just over his shoulders, Raj and Howard stood grinning at her, each holding the hand of her children. She shot her eyes back down at him and she watched as their children toddled towards him. Sheldon released her hand and reached towards Aspen and Olivia. They placed their tiny hands in their father's larger ones and moved to his side. She giggled at the sight of Aspen dressed in a tiny tuxedo and Olivia wearing a pretty tea length dress adorned in pearls. She had no doubt that was Raj's handiwork.

Olivia's large blue eyes cocked up at Penny, "Marry Daddy Mommy."

Penny gasped as the crowd of people around her laughed.

"Oh Sheldon…"

"We are still waiting for your answer Penny," he batted back the tears that were welling in his eyes, secure in the warmth of his children's hands in his. He raised Aspen's hand up in his and said, "I have my best man here on standby," then turning his attention to Olivia he smiled, "and right here is the most beautiful maid of honor you will ever find."

She dropped to her knees and threw her arms around Aspen and Olivia, pulling them closer to Sheldon, hugging all three of them together. He extended his long arms and encircled the three of them…_his family_…and pulled them into his trembling body.

"Yes," she whispered, burying her head in his neck, "yes, I'll marry you. I'll marry you right now."

He sighed and stretched to kiss her cheek, then helped her to her feet.

"You have three giggling friends over there," he nodded his head towards Amy, Bernadette and Missy, "standing by to assist you with your attire. How they managed to keep quiet about this is beyond me."

"Wait," Penny began to survey the room. Everyone in her life, every person she cared for and loved stood in that room. Her parents, her siblings, Mary Cooper, Missy, her closest friends…Raj, Howard, Amy and Bernadette…her New York friends, even a few of her friends from Pasadena were there.

"How did you…" her voice quivered as she turned back to Sheldon.

He rolled his eyes and grinned at her, "Really Penny…haven't I explained this to you before? I know everything, see everything, can do anything…"

"And you're so modest about it too," she laughed.

He sighed and pulled her towards him, kissing her passionately, never wanting to let her go.

"Okay you two," Raj butted in, "you'll have your honeymoon for that. Come on Penny, we need to get you dressed."

Sheldon leaned towards her, brushing his lips against her neck and whispered in her ear, "I'm a better man because of you. I'll be a good husband to you and a good father to Aspen and Olivia."

"And you, Sheldon…you and your love…have made me a better woman. We will have a wonderful life."

"I'm sorry you had to wait. It just took me awhile to prepare myself to be everything you deserve."

"We both had to wait, but that's behind us now. Our _some day_ begins right now."

He raised his eyebrows at her and stepped back, "I'll see you at the alter."

She smiled, "It's a date Doctor Cooper."

They were married that night in the candlelit room at Sardi's surrounded by their loved ones. It occurred to Sheldon that he had finally solved the greatest mystery of the universe. Love. It had been right under his nose the whole time. It was what held the world together; it was what spurred men do great things. It was the one variable that if removed, rendered everything else worthless. He realized that his truth, their truth, rested not in science, but rather in each other. It had been right there all along and all the long hours, the earned degrees, the mind numbing research had in the end led him straight to her.

Love…the great equalizer. Love…the answer to all his questions. Love…it had been there quietly waiting for him to detect it. It was the greatest discovery of his life because without it nothing else mattered. He had managed to solve the most complex equation of them all.

**EPILOGUE**

Doctor Sheldon Cooper was awarded the Nobel Prize in Physics a year after he married the love of his life. His wife and children traveled to Stockholm, Sweden with him to show their pride and support as he accepted his prize. His mother Mary and sister Missy were also in attendance, along with Howard Wolowitz, Rajesh Koothrappali and Amy Farrah Fowler. He gladly shared the award with Juergen P. Zinsli, citing him in his acceptance speech as the man who guarded his work against evil external forces. Doctor Cooper currently conducts research and lectures at Columbia University in New York City. He is retired from all government related work.

Penelope Jasko Cooper went on to star in numerous Broadway productions. She has won two Tony Awards as she continues her career as an established Broadway actress. She was offered a role on a television sitcom four years after her marriage to Doctor Cooper. She would have been required to relocate to Hollywood, California. She turned the role down as she had no desire to ever be parted from her husband again.

Doctor and Mrs. Cooper made New York City their home. They raised their children, Aspen Lee and Olivia Penelope as New Yorkers. No agent from the government was allowed near either child until they were eighteen years old. Aspen wasn't interested in what the government agents had to say, but his sister was. As the children grew and their personalities and talents emerged, it was apparent that Aspen had inherited his mother's artistic qualities and pursued a career in theatre. He currently stars in the top grossing musical play on Broadway. His dream is to someday share a stage with his mother. Olivia inherited her father's intellectual and analytical skills. She followed in her father's footsteps with a career in the United States Central Intelligence Agency. She is actively involved in the political community in the state of New York. She has aspirations to someday make a run for the presidency of the United States of America. She hopes to change the world.

Doctor Howard Wolowitz and Doctor Rajesh Koothrappali were married in Boston Massachusetts two years after the Coopers wed. Doctor Wolowitz received an appointment as AIC of the Central Intelligence Agency. Doctor Koothrappali lectures and researches at the University of Maryland, College Park. They reside in Washington DC and are the proud parents of two grown adopted children.

Doctor Amy Farrah Fowler accepted a research professorship at ETH Zurich Switzerland. She remains single and devoted to her work. She travels to the United States often to vacation with her close friends.

Doctor Bernadette Rostenkowski and her husband Steve reside in London, United Kingdom where she is currently employed by one of the largest pharmaceutical companies in the world. The Rostenkowski's have three grown children. She is retired from all government work.

Doctor Leonard Hofstadter teaches high school science classes in a small town somewhere in Middle America. He remains single. He has no contact with his prior friends from Pasadena but often stalks them on the internet. He sees his therapist on a weekly basis.


End file.
